I lost my virginity that night.

Not only did I lose it, but I lost it to the guy I love.

The one who on me.

The one who got my ex best friend

Now I have to do something that I really don't want to do. And I need to do it now.

I pick up my phone and my heart sinks.

"Matt<3: Hey Babe:* Where did you go last night? I was worried."

"Me: Come over, I have to talk to you.. You're going to hate me."

"Matt<3: I won't hate you. On my way."

I don't bother to get changed or do anything. I can't believe I got myself into this.

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

Here goes nothing.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hey." He said smiling cheekily.

I waved but looked down.

"Can I come in?" He asked still smiling.

"Matt I-" My voice cracked.

He looked at me waiting for me to continue.

"I lost my virginity last night." I stared into his eyes while tears poured out of mine.

His smile faded immediately and was replaced with a heartbreaking frown.

"To who?" He asked hurt more than clear in his voice.

"Tay-" I started but was cut off.

"Oh."

"Matt, I'm so sorry."

"Ok."

"Well do you forgive-" I was cut off again.

"McKenna, I DID love you. I most certainly do not forgive you, nor do I know if I still love you. All I wanted was for you not to forget about me, but looks like you already forgot." He said then turned on his heals and walked away.

I dropped to my knees. I stared at the scabs on my knuckles. I was most certainly going to have scars.

I am a mistake. I should just die.

I walked right into my bathroom. I used to cut when McKenna and I first broke up, but I stopped.

I open up the drawer. I pick up a blade and place it on my wrist.

McKenna cuts on her thighs, but I cut on my wrist.

McKenna.

McKenna.

McKenna.

She's all I think about. I can only imagine what she's doing to herself right now, but she got herself into this.

I cut 3 times on my left wrist.

I wrap up my wrist and walk out.

All of a sudden it's like my heart snaps in two. All the pain I've kept inside is flooding out.

I drop to the ground.

I think about all the bad things that have happened.

The things between McKenna and I.

I am done with everything.

***

Sadly, my mom made me go to school today.

I get off of my bus and walk into the school. I have almost all my classes with Matt, so it's going to be a bad day.

I am walking in the hallway when I bump into someone, causing both of us to fall to the ground.

"Sorry." I mumble picking up the person's books.

I look at the person.

"Matt. Please don't let go this easily." I tell him.

He looked horrible. Bloodshot, and puffy eyes. They were like that obviously because of crying.

He stood up, grabbed his books from my hand, and walked right past me.

When I got to first period, he was sitting in the very back corner. All by himself.

I got up and walked over to him, throwing my books on the desk next to him. I sit down and he stands up, and walks to the other side of the room.

I sigh and sit back in my chair.

Every class was like that. At lunch, I couldn't even find him. He wasn't with his old clique. He was literally no where to be seen.

After lunch, he appeared in all my classes, but sat in the back still.

Where the hell did he go?

The day finished and I walked home. My thighs hurt like crazy because there was a fight on them.

The fighters?

My Blade & I.

I do this to myself over and over. I want to just die. Matt doesn't even try to talk to me. I really don't blame him though.

I just miss him like crazy.

I don't want Matt to forget me just yet. He thinks I forgot him which I could never do.

Three words keep playing in my head.

Don't forget me.

What if he starts dating Jenn?

Don't forget me.

I love you, Matt.