‘Fear not those who argue but those who dodge,’

- Dale Carnegie

Chapter Fifteen

‘The merry-go-round goes 'round and 'round,’

Azelie stood still in the darkness. The sensation of feeling as if she was floating filled her, even though her feet were firmly planted to the ground. Twirling around, she could see nothing in the infinite darkness. Nothing was there. She was alone.

Suddenly, in the darkness in front of her, a light appeared, burning brightly before disappearing with a flash. A figured appeared. It was her mother, wearing a warm smile on her face with her golden brown eyes lit up with happiness. Even though it was pitch dark, Azelie could make out her mother perfectly - it was as if she shone like a single flame in the midnight sky.

‘The children laughed and laughed and laughed,’

“Mom,” Azelie smiled, happiness filling her, giving her a warm feeling of comfort and relief. Her mother slowly nodded, looking straight at Azelie. She tried to walk towards her mother, but her feet refused to move, like they were stuck in dried concrete. And then out of nowhere a truck sped right past Azelie, heading towards her mother. She screamed as the truck collided with her mom, blood splattering everywhere. Azelie cried out as everything disappeared again, only her mother’s splattered blood left.

‘So many were going 'round and 'round,’

Noise erupted from all around Azelie. Screams, blood curling screams. Pleas for help. Just noise. Everywhere. All around Azelie. So loud she was terrified that she might go deaf. Figures appeared from nowhere, memories beginning to play around and around, not stopping for one merciful second. She looked from person to person. Mum. Dad. She tried to shut her eyes, block it all out but she couldn’t. Something wouldn’t let her. Grandma. Grandpa. Azelie let out a scream, her memories re-playing over and over. Tears flooded down her face, it wasn’t over yet. Rick.Tina. Still one more. One more she didn’t want. Haley.

‘That the merry-go-round collapsed,’

Everything stopped when she spotted Haley. Azelie’s world stopped spinning and the deafening noise faded into a silence. Haley stood in one spot, her black eyes staring at Azelie.

‘Your fault,’ she whispered. ‘All your fault!’ And with that, Azelie was pushed out of the labyrinth of her nightmare, and woke up. Lungs crying out for air. Sweat running down her back. Azelie’s eyes bolted open, now fully awake as tears rolled down her cheeks.

She was surprised that she hadn’t woke Ted up, she must not have been screaming. Azelie lay in her bed, unable to move as she tried to grasp back onto reality. Telling her that her nightmare wasn’t real, that it was all just in her mind. She told herself over and over that the people were gone, dead. But that’s just want the problem was. They were dead, and well, Azelie... Azelie couldn’t get over it. She couldn’t bear to face that facts that one of her aunts had once beat her into believing.

“Okay - do you sleep? Like at all?” Kelly questioned, as she placed her tray of food down on the table. Azelie was sat at the table, her head resting on her hands and her eyes slowly drooping closed as she tried to catch up on the sleep she hadn’t been able to get the night before.

“No - I’m a full time stripper. Gotta keep the cash rolling in,” She grumbled, turning her head slightly so she could see Kelly, her bright blue eyes looking down at Azelie as she began to eat her lunch. Kelly just rolled her eyes at Azelie, shaking her head slightly at her friend.

“I thought you were a hooker? I’m sure Cole said you had told him you were a part-time hooker...” Kelly trailed off. Azelie let out a sigh at the mention of Cole. It was five days after she had left him in chemistry after practically blowing up in his face, and she still hadn’t talked to him. He had tried when they were partnered together in class but she just blocked him out until he just gave up. They didn’t even fight about their project. It was just silence.

“Nah, just a stripper,” Azelie quickly replied, turning her head around, hoping that Kelly wouldn’t ask the question Azelie could just tell she was dying to ask. Five, four, three, two, one and...

“Why aren’t you and Cole speaking?” Kelly questioned. A smirk crept onto Azelie’s lips as she slowly began to lift her head off the table, wondering why she didn’t just ask Ted for the day off school. She felt like shit, today was not a day for questions.

“We just aren’t. Ask Cole,” She answered, hoping that Kelly would be satisfied and drop it.

“Funny - that’s what he said,” Kelly shrugged, taking another bite out of her sandwich. “What really happened?” Azelie looked back down at the table, not wanting to talk at all about it, but not seeing any other option.

“Look, we just fell out. You know how we are, always arguing about something little. Well... he brought up something big that I didn’t want to answer and wouldn’t drop it. That’s all,” Azelie answer, still avoiding telling Kelly all the details.

“You’ve stopped talking over that?” Kelly cried, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! Jesus Christ - you know something, you and Cole are too alike! You both have these little things that will set you off!” Kelly babbled throwing her arms in the air in exasperation. Azelie just kept her head down, trying to keep her eyes open. Kelly let out a sigh, realising that Azelie and Cole would go back to being friends when they both forgave each other; there was nothing she could do. “Anyway, that Duke guy is holding another party tonight - you in?” Kelly questioned.

Azelie let out a sigh. She really couldn’t be bothered going to another party, she would really just rather sit at home. But then again, she did have fun for the most part at last week’s party, maybe tonight’s would be the same.

“Sure, I’ll have to ask my uncle is I’m allowed but he should be fine with it,” Azelie smiled, looking over at Kelly.

“Great! I’ll pick you up at 9!” Kelly answered, jumping up and down in her seat slightly. Azelie just shook her head slightly at her friend.

Lunch soon came to an end and Azelie let out a sigh as she realised that she still had three classes left. The first two, English and Maths, passed quickly. However, her last class of the day was Chemistry. A subject that had become hell for Azelie. Cole had promised her a pass if they worked in a pair; but with their constant fighting, she was sure that she was going to fail. Luckily for Azelie, Cole wasn’t even in class. She sat at their desk for the entire lesson alone, just taking notes out of the book, hoping that they would come in handy later on. It was boring, but better than fighting with Cole - that was for sure.

As soon as Azelie was home, she rushed through to the kitchen where Ted was to ask if it was alright if she went to the party with Kelly. Ted almost kicked her out there and then for asking again, telling her that she didn’t need to ask to go somewhere, she only needed to tell him where she was going and at what time she should be home around.

Time passed quickly, and before she knew it, Kelly was pulling up outside her house waiting for Azelie. She quickly ran down out of her house, shouting goodbye to Ted before shutting the front doo behind her and running down the drive to Kelly’s car.

“Hey,” she smiled as she opened the passenger door to the car and climbed in.

“Hi! Somebody's in a good mood!” Kelly commented, looking at Azelie’s giant smile that was spread across her lips. Azelie couldn’t deny how excited she was. She didn’t really want to be, but she couldn’t help it. Last week she had felt normal by going to the party, and Azelie was praying over and over in her head that this week would be no different.

The music was pounding, the drink was flowing, and Azelie had never felt more out of place. For the first couple of hours she had stayed with Kelly, just mucking about and dancing around, drinking until the were tipsy. However, when Alex appeared and Azelie quickly got bored of listening to Kelly flirt drunkenly with him. She quickly left the pair to drunkenly admit their feeling for each other (or at least that’s what Azelie hoped they would do - the chances of it actually happening were slim).

She talked to a few of the people she knew from her classes, but after twenty minutes on her own, the buzz of happiness that had built up inside of her had disappeared almost completely, and it was then, that she spotted Cole from across the room.

She was surprised to see him at the party - hadn’t he been off school? He certainly hadn’t been in Chemistry with her, but she had just assumed that he had skipped. Azelie watched Cole from where she stood, unable to take her eyes off of him. He was drunk, so drunk that he could hardly walk. He was leaning off of the other guys in the football team, bar Alex who was still flirting with Kelly.

Azelie knew this was out of character for Cole, he wouldn’t get this drunk - not unless something was wrong... she shook the thoughts out of her head. Cole could look after himself, she was supposed to be angry at him. She quickly turned away from him, disappearing into the crowds before he spotted her. She made her way into the kitchen, quickly opening herself a bottle of beer, and hastily downing the liquid, trying to wash away any thoughts about Cole. She didn’t want to deal with the mess of everything, not tonight.

Suddenly, somebody tapped on Azelie’s shoulder, pulling her out of her thoughts and sending her spinning around to find Chris, standing beside her with a smile playing on his lips.

“Hey!” Azelie smiled, her thoughts melting away. She had seen Chris in school throughout the week, stopping every so often to talk to him. It was just small talk, but it didn’t mean she was any less happy to see him at the party.

“Hi, you want to dance?” He questioned, deciding just to get to the point. Azelie thought for a second. Usually she would have just smiled and declined the offer, thanking him anyway. But tonight was different, what did she have to loose? Smiling slightly, she nodded before drinking the rest of the liquid in the bottle. Chris’s smile grew slightly before his hand stretched out and took Azelie’s before pulling her gently out of the kitchen and towards the mass of bodies which were dancing and swaying to the loud music. Azelie danced, trying to ignore the thoughts building up inside her head. She didn’t want to care about Cole, she tried not to. But he was there when she was hanging off the bridge. He was there to pull her back when she was going to fall. He pulled her off the tracks. As much as she hated him, and as much as she resented him pulling her out of danger, she couldn’t leave him as he was.

Chris moved forward towards Azelie as she decided that she had to leave, she had to find Cole.

“I have to go!” she said, leaning forward to Chris, standing on her tippy-toes so she could reach his ears. She stepped back from him, sending him a soft sorry smile before turning away, walking into the crowd, trying to find Cole.

She quickly walked over to where his friends had been, but he wasn’t with them, he had apparently left a few minutes ago, claiming that he needed to go outside. Azelie swore slightly, before fighting her way through the crowds. She just needed to make sure that he was alright, that was all. Nothing more, then she could just go home.

She quickly made her way out of the house before running halfway down the driveway, when suddenly, one of the car’s horns started to go off. She turned around to find Cole’s car parked beside the other cars, the lights on and the engine running. She sprinted over to the car, running over to the front of the car, before opening the door to reveal Cole sitting in the driver’s seat, angrily thrashing about.

“Cole! Get out of the car now!” Azelie ordered. She knew he was drunk - far to drunk to drive! Why had he been stupid enough to think that it would be a smart idea to drive home!

“Oh so you’re talking to me now!” He replied, his head turning to face Azelie, sending her an angry look. She could see the pain in his eyes, the sorrow. He was just trying to push her away, trying to keep her at a safe distance from the wreak that was Colton Grey.

“Cole! Stop being stupid! You are too drunk to drive!” She replied, ignoring what he had said. Instead he just continued on what he was doing, desperately trying to figure out why nothing in his car was working. He needed to get out of here, he needed to get to the bridge. Azelie quickly saw what he was trying to do. She stretched her arms into the car, before turning the key, switching the engine off before removing the keys so Cole couldn’t move the car.

“I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!” He screamed angrily, turning to Azelie, his voice filled with pain and frustration. She stopped, everything just stopped. Words clogged up her throat as she tried not to get angry at him. This wasn’t the Cole she knew. He was hurt, angry and most of all, drunk.

“Where then? Where do you want to go?” she questioned, no emotion showing in her voice. It would be better that way, if her walls where up around Cole. She couldn’t allow him to get through, not now, not ever.

“The bridge,” He whispered almost so Azelie couldn’t hear him. At first she was sure she hadn’t heard him correctly. The bridge? As in the one he refused to cross and avoided at all costs? But she saw in his eyes, the hurt. She didn’t know why, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know, but he wanted to go to the bridge, only that was clear.

“Okay, come on then,” she said stepping back to let him out of the car. “We are both too drunk to drive, and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to die so if that’s where you want to go, we are going to have to walk,” she added, the tone in her voice telling Cole that her decision was final. He didn’t argue with her, in fact he didn’t say anything at all. All of the way, he was silent, brooding on his own thoughts. Something turned in Azelie stomach, telling her something was seriously wrong with Cole - hell, even a blind man would see it - but that wasn’t her point. The look she had seen in Cole’s eyes, dulling the bright blue, she recognized it. It would be impossible for her not to - she saw it staring back at her every time she looked in a mirror for just over the past seven years.

They walked in silence, Azelie unsure of what to say and instead trying to fix all the pieces of this mess together in her head, trying to figure out Cole. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn’t even realised that they had arrived at the bridge. It was only when she noticed that she had walked ahead of Cole, did she comprehend that they had arrived at their destination. Cole was standing behind her, staring straight ahead at the bridge, Azelie could hardly peel her eyes off of him, unsure of how somebody she had once seen as strong could look so... so much like her.

His feet were glued to the floor, yet he swayed from side to side, staring straight ahead at the bridge, emotions welling up inside of him. Azelie stood in silence, wondering what was going through Cole’s mind. He always seemed to know exactly what she was thinking, but it was never the other way around. She opened her mouth to ask him the question that was at the tip of her tongue, but just as the words made their way up her throat, Cole began to move once more and Azelie just swallowed her questions once more. Cole stumbled down, slowly leaning down to the floor and picking up a rock. He looked down at it, before turning his head slightly to see Azelie standing just behind him, a questioning look forming on her features. Smirking slightly, he turned back around before taking a few steps closer to the bridge that lay ahead. Then, all of a sudden, his arm holding the rock flew backwards before pushing forward once again, throwing the rock at the bridge.

Of course, he missed the bridge by a mile, the rock flying past and down into the water. Drunk people never did have the greatest accuracy; but that didn’t stop Cole. He bent down again, picking up another rock before throwing it at the bridge, repeating the process again and again, over and over until there were no more rocks left around him to throw, and then he began to pick the ground, kicking dirt, dust, leaves, anything really towards the bridge, hot tears of anger running down his cheeks.

“WHY?” He screamed “WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO IT?” he shouted, his throat burning with his words, a drunken rage building up inside of him. He kicked and screamed and threw his arms out in rage. For years he had kept his anger down, for years he pretended it didn’t exist as he tried to focus on his father and Lily, getting them through their pain and suffering. But nobody had helped Cole; he was too busy helping everybody else. He collapsed to the floor, landing on his knees as tears continued to roll down his cheeks, his tortured mind finally letting him feel everything he had been fighting.

Azelie stood there. All she could do was watch, watch Cole has he transformed into a fit of anger. She saw his pain, she realised that he was in just as much pain as she was, only he didn’t let himself feel it where as she had no choice. She had nobody to hang on for, while he still had his family - his father and his sister - and his friends. He had what she didn’t. Love. She watched him fall to his knees, only now slowly walking up to him, still deciding what she should do. She didn’t want to set him off into another fit of rage, but she couldn’t watch him break down like that - it broke her heart. Azelie and Cole didn’t get on, and she may have been angry at him still only a few hours ago, but she cared for him. She had known that there was something more, and only now was she seeing just how bad it was.

Azelie couched down beside Cole, watching him as his face turned to face her. Tear’s still rolled down his cheeks; although they were no longer from his anger, but from his pain.

“She jumped, Azelie. Just like you were going to jump,” Cole explained, his voice weak and broken.

The dots connected and everything made sense. In ten words, all of the questions about the boy who questioned her was answered. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer to her. He stank of alcohol, but she didn’t care. She held him close to her, whispering into his ear the words she had always wanted to hear when she was in pain, but nobody had been there to tell her them.

“It’s going to be okay, Cole. The pain, that’s temporary. It will all be okay,”