When she is quiet, there's a reason. She is sorting through all the chaos in her head, and all the madness in her heart.

- L.L.K

I didn't sleep much that night. How could I after Draco Malfoy had kissed me out of nowhere? And then, he left, just like that.

I had no idea what to do or what to think. Why did he do that? Was he drunk? He hated me, we weren't even friends. Why did he kiss me?

And why wasn't I completely repulsed by the idea?

And then there was the other problem: Christmas brunch. In just a few hours, the Malfoys would be on my doorstep again. I could just imagine him hoping I'd pretend like it hadn't happened.

But I sure as hell was not going to do that.

I needed answers. I needed to know why he did what he did. Recalling last night's conversation brought a smile to my face. We really bonded for a little moment. But why oh why did he ruin it with that kiss?

And then there was Adrian as well. I had kissed two different guys in the time span of a week, Merlin Eleanor.

Adrian's kiss was different. It was gentle and warm and with permission. Draco just ... did that. And all I could do was freeze up. Never in a million years had I imagined that to ever happen.

And why didn't I hate it?

Sunlight started to peek through the curtains, causing me to grunt. I barely slept. I pushed the covers away from me and stretched my sore muscles. I needed a shower.

I dragged myself to my bathroom and started the shower. Why was life such a mess?

Time went by way too fast for my liking that morning. I had woken up way too early, but suddenly I was rushed by my mother to get into my dress before the Malfoys arrived. Time flies when you're dreading the future moment.

Today's dress was one of my mum's favourites. It was red and structured, reaching just above my knee. It was paired with some pearl jewellery my mum had gotten me when I turned 12. No brunch without pearls, she always said.

I walked down the stairs, pretty much famished already. I had been up early, but hadn't had breakfast due to the brunch situation.

And then the floo network lit up.

Our eyes met very quickly, but it didn't last long before he turned away, jaw clenched. Well this was going to be fun.

"Narcissa, Lucius, nice to see you again", my mother said, walking up to the couple. "Draco, you look dashing." He did indeed look sharp in his all-black suit.

"You look lovely, Narcissa", I said as I quickly pulled her into a hug. She always looked stunning.

"Thank you, darling, so do you", she smiled. I gave Lucius a quick cheek kiss and then awkwardly stood in front of Draco.

"Draco", I said, simply nodding at him. He didn't even look at me.

"Come on, take a seat", my father said, holding out a chair for Narcissa whilst Lucius did the same for my mother. That was tradition for every brunch, lunch or supper we shared. Draco was supposed to do the same for me, but he simply sat down and ignored his mother's stares. So this was how it was going to be. Great.

I sat down and prepared myself for a couple of awkward hours.

"So, Eleanor, how has school been? Ready for your O.W.L's at the end of the year?" Lucius asked.

"It's been quite alright, really. Just have to prepare well and study a lot", I smiled. Draco rolled his eyes. What was his problem? Last night he'd been actually tolerable, pleasant even, until IT happened, and now he acted like a complete arse again?

"How about you Draco?" My father asked. "How are classes?"

"Good", Draco mumbled. "Except for Astrology."

"Oh, why's that, honey?" Narcissa asked. The elves started bringing in the different dishes and I could eat the entire Honeydukes shop by now.

"My partner is terrible", Draco said.

A lump formed in my throat as I looked down at my plate. That was plain rude. I slowly brushed my hands over my dress and swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Well that's unfortunate. I thought we got along quite nicely", I said, forcing myself to look at him. He stared back, a cold look in his eyes.

"Draco, how dare you say such things", Narcissa said shocked. "I suggest you apologize right now."

Draco huffed, shaking his head.

"DRACO!" Narcissa repeated, sounding seriously angry.

But Draco didn't apologize. He just stood up and walked out.

"I'm so sorry Eleanor", Narcissa sighed.

"No, he'll be sorry. I'll be right back", Lucius said.

"Lucius, allow me", I said, pushing back my chair. He frowned, but sat back down again. I was going to get answers.

I dusted off my dress and made my way over to the exit. I grabbed a coat and walked out into the cold December air.

Draco stood at the other end of the garden, leaning on a marble statue of Athena. I slowly walked up to him, analysing his every move.

"Care to explain yourself?" I asked when I reached him. He looked up and sighed deeply.

"Just leave me alone, Selwyn", he grunted, turning around again.

"Don't turn your back on me, Malfoy. I demand answers", I said, roughly turning him around.

"Don't touch me", he hissed, thunderclouds in his eyes. He was angry. Why was he angry?

"Why are you being such an arse? I don't recall doing anything to get in your way." He clenched his jaw. "Or is this about last night?"

"Nothing happened last night!" he shouted way too fast. This was definitely about last night. I didn't like the growth spurt he was having. He was towering over me and it made me feel vulnerable.

"I don't care about it, Malfoy, but you have no right to treat me like shit because of it", I said, shocked by my careless use of profanities. My mum would curse me if she heard.

"I do whatever I want", Malfoy gritted his teeth. "Just leave me alone", he mumbled, walking away again.

"You can't just kiss a girl and be an arse afterwards without an explanation, Malfoy", I shouted. "It's called basic decency and respect!"

Malfoy turned around pricking his finger under my collarbone aggressively.

"You have no idea what you're talking about", he said, dangerously quiet.

"Yeah, you said that last night too, remember that?" I said. I felt so sad. Why had I hoped he'd always be like he was last night? He was still Draco Malfoy, an absolute twat.

"You know what I thought last night, Malfoy?", I said, taking a breath to get rid of the shaky voice. "I thought wow, he is actually tolerable. I actually quite like the version I'm seeing right now. If he'd just let me in more often I think we could maybe even become friends. But you just can't stand to be nice, can you? You just had to screw it up again!"

For a moment, the anger left his eyes, leaving them empty. His face relaxed and he looked sad.

"Yeah don't I always?" he said before leaving.

I sighed and rubbed my temples in frustration. So this is what I had been up for all night? Just to realise a couple hours later that Malfoy was still the same jerk he had been since birth.

Suddenly I was very happy that Adrian had kissed me before the break. I couldn't imagine Malfoy being my first kiss.

I took a deep breath, straightened my face and walked back to the manor. I wished nothing more but to be able to go back to school again.

And then I realised something.

Daphne.

I had kissed the boy she had been in love with for actual years. Well, technically I hadn't kissed him at all. He was the one that kissed me, but she'd still be furious if she ever found out. So would Adrian. Good thing Malfoy wasn't going to tell anyone about it.

It'd be a little secret.

I handed the elf my cloak and joined the table again, flashing a fake smile.

"I'm sorry to keep you all. Please, don't let it keep you away from the brunch", I said as the room got quiet.

"Right", my mum said. "Dig in, please. It's Christmas day after all."

I could feel Narcissa's stare, switching between Malfoy and I, but she didn't comment on it. We all just moved past it like we did with all the problems in this household. If you don't mention it, it didn't happen.

Right now I agreed with that way of thinking.

If none of us mentioned the kiss, it didn't happen.