《Fire & Ice - A Draco Malfoy fanfiction》Chapter 17 - No wings to fly off and catch them
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What you have to understand about her is that she didn't just want somebody. She wanted somebody like her, whose roots had never really settled because they had been waiting to twist with another.
- JmStorm
I closed the clasps of my earrings and looked at my reflection.
"Hold your hair up", my mum said, opening the clasp of the necklace Adrian had gotten me. She had been very pleased when I told her about the gift. Adrian's family wasn't part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, but in my mum's eyes he was the best suitor for me after Draco Malfoy.
She draped the necklace around my neck and closed it. I let my hair fall down again and smiled brightly. I liked dressing up a lot. It made me feel beautiful, powerful, like I could conquer the entire world in a pair of heels.
"Come on, we don't want to be late. Your father is waiting downstairs." I nodded and followed my mum down. My father was checking his watch, dressed in a black tuxedo with freshly polished shoes.
"You look very handsome, dad", I smiled. He looked up and forgot all about the time. He did this every year. He'd look at me like he saw me for the first time and then he'd rant about how I'd grown into such a beautiful lady and that he was so proud to call me his daughter.
"Eleanor, you look absolutely stunning", he sighed, taking my hands in his. "I'm so proud of you", he said.
"Let's get a move on. We're running a bit late", my mother said, calling the elf to get the Floo powder.
These parties were so incredibly dull. Shaking hands of people I didn't know, back straight at all times, mentioning my perfect grades to anyone who was the least bit important. It was horrendous.
And that was without Pansy bloody Parkinson. She was the absolute worst of them all. I only had two options. I could either stay with my parents and be forced to talk to a bunch more irrelevant people, or I could find some more pleasant people to hang out with.
I would pick option two if it weren't for Parkinson. If I'd leave my parents, she'd cling onto me like a parasite and I couldn't be too mean to her because our parents know each other very well. She didn't approach me when my mum was around. My mum didn't like Pansy at all and wasn't afraid to show it. In fact, my mum never liked any of the girls I hung out with, because they'd never be as good as Eleanor Selwyn.
So I stayed where I was, sipping on a glass of champagne that I didn't even like. This was going to be a long night.
And then I saw the girl.
And I realised a little bit too late who she was. I had already thought about it. The thought had already crossed my mind and I could not take it back.
I thought the girl looked absolutely breathtaking.
And then I realised that the girl I was staring at was Eleanor Selwyn. I thought that Eleanor Selwyn looked beautiful tonight.
This had to be a sick joke.
I looked away and clenched my jaw, trying to get the thoughts out of my head, but they had settled there. What kind of sorcery was this? Eleanor wasn't beautiful. She was bloody annoying and a know-it-all. I glanced in her direction again, regretting it immediately.
The dress she wore fit her perfectly, grabbing just enough attention without screaming look at me. Her hair was pulled up, showing the classy jewellery she was wearing. And she wore that signature smile of trying to seem highbrow, but wanting to admire the scenery.
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I could not think Eleanor Selwyn was beautiful. I absolutely could not.
"Oh, look how stunning Eleanor looks", mum said, spotting the Selwyn family. "Doesn't she look lovely, Draco? I picked out that dress for her." I just grunted, not wanting to look at her again. I knew they were coming over, though. They always did.
And I'd have to tell her. I'd have to tell her that she looked nice, because that was my mother's most important lesson. If a woman has dressed up, tell her she looks beautiful, because you have no idea how much effort women put in looking that nice. I'd have to tell her or my mother would scold me for the rest of the night. I usually didn't like saying it because I despised her, but this time I didn't like saying it because I didn't want her to know I actually meant it.
"Narcissa, Lucius", Eleanor's father said, giving my mother a kiss on the cheek and my father a handshake. He then turned to me and gave me a firm handshake as well. Eleanor's mother followed, a woman that I didn't like very much. I simply nodded at Eleanor and avoided looking into her eyes. I felt my mother's elbow in my side, signaling to compliment her appearance.
"You-", I sighed. "You look nice", I said, still avoiding eye contact.
"Thank you, Draco. You look very handsome yourself", she said. She was so much better at these things than I was. She was better at almost everything, which is why she was so annoying. She was smart and polite without even trying. She got good grades and was naturally charming, causing everyone to like her. It wasn't fair that I had to put in so much work, whilst she just did it.
"Go get Eleanor a drink, darling", my mother said. I'd want to complain, but I was happy to have something to do for a bit.
"Oh, don't worry about it. I'll get one myself", she said and walked off.
I looked around, but none of Eleanor's friends were here. Daphne had sent me a letter a couple days ago, telling me about this winter break her parents were taking her on, which is why she wasn't here tonight. I didn't mind very much. I knew it was dangerous to get close to her, as I didn't have actual feelings for her, but it was nice to get attention from a girl like her. Maybe then my mother would stop going on about Eleanor.
I spotted Eleanor talking to Theodore Nott, her Potions partner. I had to get out of here. Eleanor was going to sit with her parents all night if Daphne wasn't around and I did not want to have to deal with that, not tonight.
"I'm going to find Crabbe and Goyle", I mumbled. My mother nodded absentmindedly, wrapped in a conversation with Mrs Selwyn. I shrugged and walked off.
It took her thirty whole seconds to approach me.
"Hello Draco, hadn't noticed you yet", she said. Sure.
"Pansy", I mumbled, trying to locate Crabbe or Goyle, but as I walked off to find them, she just joined me.
"Boring party, isn't it? The same every year. Stupid dresses and all that", she kept on rambling. Her dress was indeed stupid. It was black, like half the women were wearing here, and made of this weird velvet material.
"Crabbe, Goyle", I mumbled, pulling their attention. This was going to be a long night.
My feet were absolutely killing me. Creepy ministry employee number fourteen was rambling on about this deal he had made in Knockturn Alley whilst complimenting my appearance every few minutes. These men disgusted me, but I had to nod and smile like I was supposed to.
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"That's quite the achievement", I lied, not sure what he had talked about. They didn't care what I responded though, they just wanted a bit of an ego stroke.
He left after a while, moving on to my father. I had to get out of here before the next man would come along. Why did Daphne have to go on that stupid holiday? And why was Adrian not here either? I wouldn't have to deal with all of this if I had some friends to hang out with.
"Mother, I'm going to catch a breath for a while, okay?" I smiled. I knew that there was an accessible rooftop terrace, as Daphne and I always went there when our feet started complaining and mine could definitely use a rest right now.
"Of course, don't be gone too long", my mother said. I nodded and made my way out of the grand hall. I went to get my coat at the entrance as it was quite cold out and made my way up the stairs.
Unfortunately, the terrace was already occupied by Draco Malfoy.
He was leaning on the banister, one hand rubbing his face. He looked tired. I hated to admit it, but he looked really good in the black suit he was wearing. As much as I disliked him, I couldn't deny the fact that he was handsome. He was lean, with strong facial features and captivating silver eyes. If he had somewhat of a tolerable personality, he'd be a good suitor, like my mum called him, but unfortunately he lacked a basic necessity called "empathy".
I still wanted to get rid of these heels, though, so I entered the terrace and pulled them off. The feeling of my bare feet on the cold stone was absolute heaven. My muscles could finally relax.
"What are you doing?" Draco asked as he noticed that I had joined his little hiding spot.
"Just giving my feet a break", I shrugged. I pulled my coat a little closer. "What are you doing here?"
I walked to the edge of the terrace, admiring London's skyline.
"Trying to get away from Pansy", he gritted his teeth, causing me to chuckle.
"Is she that bad?"
"That bad? It's terrible, the girl won't give up", he sighed. Pansy was an odd woman. She seemed independent and strong-willed at first, but then she'd cling onto any male that could improve her status.
"Then why don't you just tell her to back off?" I asked. "I didn't take you as the avoidant type."
"Her parents come over way too often. My mother wouldn't be very pleased", he shrugged.
"Oh please, Malfoy. My parents come over practically every week and you have no trouble telling me off."
Draco looked up, finally meeting my eyes, but not for long. He stared into the dark again, fiddling with the rings on his finger.
"That's different, it's always been like that."
"And why has it always been like that?" I asked, turning around and leaning against the banister with my back, trying not to besmirch my dress.
"Just because."
I don't know why I wanted an answer, but hadn't that been the greatest enigma of my past fifteen and a half years? When was I going to find out the answer?
"Remember that day in the hallway? With the Hufflepuff girl? I liked the boy I saw that night. Why do you keep him locked up all the time?"
He looked up again and opened his mouth to give a defensive, snappy remark again, but he stopped himself. He looked at me for a good while and I forced myself to do the same.
He closed his mouth again and stared into the darkness, letting out a deep sigh.
"It's easier that way", he mumbled, barely audible, and for the first time ever, I saw a Draco Malfoy that was vulnerable. A Draco Malfoy who didn't have a huge ice wall around him, just for a little bit.
"What do you mean?" I asked carefully, looking at the stars above. It was cold, but the sky was clear.
"You don't know what it's like", he said, closing up again, forming a thin layer of ice again, just to protect himself. It was quiet for a while and I wasn't sure what to do. I could get fed up by his defensiveness, but that would only make it worse. What Draco needed wasn't another person to tell him he was wrong.
He needed a little fire to melt the layer of ice.
"You mean not letting yourself care about other people because then you have a weak spot that others can use against you? To do everything in your power to fit the mold of your last name, just to make the line of dead ancestors proud? To not be the one disappointment? Or do you mean never really laughing without care, even though you really want to, just because you hear the voice of your mother, telling you: proper ladies don't laugh like that?" I took a deep breath, shaking the uneasy feeling in my chest. "Because then I do know what it's like."
Silence entered the conversation yet again, but not because Draco didn't care this time. I could see that he cared by the way he frowned and the way his nose twitched slightly. By the way he looked down at his pale hands, his jaw clenched.
"My father's voice, actually", he said eventually. He looked at me again and I could see pain in his eyes, pain that he usually hid far, far away.
"Can I tell you something?" I asked, suddenly feeling like I could tell him anything, because maybe he would understand the things that no one else did.
"What?"
"Sometimes I wish that I was born as a Weasley. Sure, they don't have a lot, but those children can become anything they want and their parents would still be proud of them." I smiled, thinking back to the first of September, when I stiffly hugged my parents whilst the Weasleys shared a heartfelt goodbye just yards away.
"Please, Eleanor, you could not handle the judgmental stares. You like being on top too much", Draco said, but he didn't mean it as an insult.
"I suppose you're right", I chuckled.
"So what would you do, if you could choose anything in the world?" Draco asked then, turning around too, looking at the ancient building in which the Christmas ball was still going on. I thought about that for a while, imagining all the possibilities there were.
"I'd be a curse-breaker", I smiled. "Do all kinds of cool things."
"Curse breaker?" Draco cocked his brow. "You? The girl who never has a hair out of place?" he scoffed. I shrugged, knowing that it was a stupid dream. It wasn't meant for girls like me. I looked down, my hands caressing the delicate fabric of the dress I was wearing. Dresses like these were for girls like me, pretty and fragile.
I saw her expression change and I knew instantly that it was a touchy subject. She really was different than I expected. I always called her unworthy of her last name, but she truly didn't fit it. Not because she was unworthy, but because she wanted a lot more than that last name could give her, and it was set in stone.
She was like an angel whose wings had been clipped off. So many dreams, but no wings to fly off and catch them.
"I guess you'd be quite an epic curse-breaker", I said eventually. She looked up surprised and smiled genuinely, a smile she didn't show often. A smile that wasn't held back, because no one was around, just me.
And then I did something absolutely foolish.
I did something so stupid that I regretted it almost immediately. But the "almost" meant that it was too late.
I kissed Eleanor Selwyn.
It was just a couple of seconds, but those seconds were enough to ruin my life. I pulled back to be met by her shocked impression. She was completely frozen, processing what had just happened. What the bloody hell had gotten into me?
I couldn't get any words out, not even an insult.
So I just walked away.
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