it had been four days. four agonizingly long, terrible days filled with nothing but cold sweats and constant nausea as jungkook's body got used to going without a drink.

for a moment, he swore he saw the gates of heaven open- and then he remembered he wouldn't be going up when it was his time to die. he had cursed his life on earth too much.

he liked it that way.

"how are you feeling today mr. jeon?" a stalky, male nurse entered the room, another fluid drip finding its way to his system in a bid to rehydrate everything he had lost.

jungkook just shrugged. he had spent a majority of his adult life lying but here, he felt more compelled to be honest, "like shit."

the nurse couldn't help but laugh at that, adjusting the pillow at the edge of his bed and gathering a fresh blanket from the laundry cart for him. it was the same routine day in and day out- at least for the first week and despite the suffering, this was the most stable jungkook's world had ever been.

it felt odd to have a routine, a place to go every evening, a spot at a lunch table that was entirely his. he hated to say that he actually was enjoying that bit of it.

"your counselor will come find you in about fifteen minutes or so. they have a surprise for you today!" the man did his best to sound upbeat and excited about whatever it was.

jungkook hoped it was taehyung but, he assumed it was something silly like ice cream.

either way, he would look forward to it because optimism was important! it was part of the healing process, to find good in every day moments, to find a purpose. it seemed odd that being a husband and a father hadn't been enough of one for him- what else was left out there aside from the mundane?

he hadn't even realized the nurse had left him alone, pricked him for vitals and moved right on to another sorry sap down the hall.

on the end table he had left his afternoon goodies- medications and vitamins and a small bottle of water to wash it all down. exciting- in a sarcastic way.

his eyes rolled at the sight of the anti-nausea concoction that resembled muddled chalk pieces in rain water- it was a far cry from tequila which he usually drank when he was feeling like shit and damn how he missed it. the tang of it was no match to the fruit punch served at dinner. the sweet burning of his esophagus couldn't even come close to the scorching hot coffee that was served with breakfast.

"day dreaming again, jungkook?" a middle aged woman with kind eyes appeared in the doorway- his counselor, "i think you'll like what i have for you today, come on." she helped him from bed, noticing that with another day came more loss of muscle mass- he was weak and sick and coming down from something that had geared him up for so long.

she made sure to make note that he would need to go to the facility gym immediately upon clearance, it would be good for him to get back in shape, to be in a place that was natural to him, "should we go out to the garden? i believe your visitor is out there."

"visitor? is that my surprise?" he was shocked, wondering who it might be-

and then he saw her head through the window. a high ponytail, the color of a crow, looped behind her back with a sea of greenery surrounding her. it felt odd that of everyone who could have been here, everyone he wanted to see- they brought the one person he knew was just waiting for the chance to slice his throat.

the woman to his right noticed his sudden hesitation and the way his hands balled into fists, "she just wants to talk, okay?"

"about what?" he spoke through gritted teeth, "shouldn't we have lawyers present if we'll be speaking."

"do you want me to send her away?" it was a challenge.

"no, it's fine." he felt like a prisoner, a sweat suit on in comparison to her designer cocktail dress- she looked ready for a funeral, dressed in all black with heels that clicked annoyingly against the brick.

"jennie, thank you joining us today." the woman ushered for jungkook to sit on the opposite side, "as you know, family is so important and you two share a bond like no other. a child."

both stared at the woman with confusion on their faces, wondering where she would go with this, where it was meant to lead. it was nerve wracking and new- neither willing to open up on a regular basis much less around a stranger.

"so, let's talk about the divorce."

"do we have too?" jungkook had his arms cross like a pouting child, annoyed by this conversation already.

jennie cleared her throat, intercepting his disdain, "i'll go first." all eyes turned to her, nervous looping of her hands as she came up with the right words, "i don't believe it was one thing or one person that caused this rift. we should both be held accountable for our wrong-doings."

jungkook interjected, "and i do take full responsibly! jen i never, and i mean never, meant to hurt you how i did."

"then why did you?"

his fingers ran through this hair, itching to put it in a ponytail away from his face to get a better view at the world around him as he spoke, "i was confused about what i wanted. when we were young, i wanted you but, we didn't grow together- we grew apart. jimin and i, we did grow together and we connected in ways you and i never could."

"and jimin is your personal assistant that you had an affair with?" the woman across from them stepped in, scribbling notes down furiously as both continued to converse.

"he was also my best friend for many years. spanning over a decade to be completely honest!" jungkook sighed, "this is all confidential, right?"

"one hundred percent!"

he continued, "to be totally honest, i didn't realize i was attracted to men because i had suppressed it for so long. after a drunken night with jimin, it made me realize that i was. i used- use- alcohol to offset the guilt i harbored regarding my affair."

"but you kept doing it! you kept hooking up with him and taking him on trips and dating him and-," it took all of jennie's power not to breakdown in a fit of sobs.

"trust me when i say those were all things we did as friends before the affair ever started and a majority of the time it was business related. did i cheat on you? yes. as often as you might think? probably not." his fingers intertwined with her, gentle smile gracing his lips as he tried to help wipe the tears that were staining her cheeks, "you were always so good to me; you deserved so much more."

her lips fell between her teeth, calculating her next move, "but i still want you. i want us jungkook."

he seemed taken aback by the revelation.

"i think our divorce hearing being postponed, the car crash- it was all steps to lead us back to one another. steps for a second chance."

"is that why you came today? is that all you wanted?" he huffed in annoyance, "because, no. i don't see that for us or our future at all- do you really think that we could ever make this work?"

both were frustrated, tongues poking cheeks, biting lips, general annoyance as they could only muster up something to say to fill the void of silence created by a major disagreement.

jennie caved first, "what about your daughter? don't you want her to have a chance at a real family the older she gets? a mom and dad under the same roof, maybe even siblings?"

it was a low blow, to bring jiwoo up like that. to place a mountain of guilt on his shoulders that he would be the reason she would never know a complete family. his eye seemed to twitch, brain wandering to if every one who walked into rehab was this dysfunctional, "i don't know if the whole situation is as black and white as your posing it."

"to me i see two options, either i build a home for my daughter that doesn't involve you or we build a home as a family."

"you have to be kidding!" jungkook desperately wanted the mediator to interject but it seemed hopeless, the fight was his own, "she can get just as much love in two homes, maybe even more so because then she'll have step parents and step grandparents and siblings from oth-,"

"from what jungkook? other people? are you insinuating that i will have a child with somebody else or are you speaking of yourself? how are you going to get another man pregnant? please, share the science with me." nothing but venom coating her speech, eyes lit with flames as she burnt his entire dream to the ground.

it didn't matter how much of a fit she threw, how desperate she was to make this work-

none of it mattered because in this moment, jungkook had realized that he was in love with someone else.