I have a daughter... A little girl... How could Ella have kept this from me for so long? I want to understand why she did what she did, and I'm trying my best to.

She says it's because of my mom, that part I actually do understand, more than she knows.

But why not tell me? because I would have kept our daughter a secret from my own mother, if that's what Ella would have wanted back then if that was the cost of knowing my daughter then fine. it's what I would have done, to be able to be a part of her life when she was born and every day since then.

I never really thought about kids, at least not after things ended with Ella. Five years ago. I always saw kids in my future with only ever her, never nobody else, so when I gave her up, I also gave up the idea of having a family too.

I felt like I didn't deserve anything after the way I behaved towards her.

Now to found out all of this, that not only do we have a child together. But that she knew that day, the day I walked out on her, she knew she was carrying my child; I don't know if knowing back then would have changed anything.

I would like to think maybe it would have changed everything for us, that I would have stayed, and that the last five years could have been so different. Who knows maybe we could have been a family, in our own way of some sort.

That we'll never know, now will we? because Ella never told me. And it hurts deep inside my soul, that she could keep this from me.

The Ella I knew would never have kept something this big, from someone she loved. I get that I broke her heart, that I didn't fight for her, that I walked out on her. But to keep my daughter from me, that's worse on so many more levels.

I know I don't want to be angry at her because I've hurt her too, but I am angry... at her....at myself even, the truth is I don't know how to feel about any of this.

What I do know is that I want to be a dad. I want to know Remi, I don't want to miss any more of her life than I already have, I just don't know how to move forward with Ella, because she should have told me about Remi sooner.

Walking into Oliver's house without knocking, after leaving Ella's I just began driving and I ended up here in San Diego, to my brother. Because Oliver always knows what to say, when things are tough, and I really could use my brother right now.

Stopping dead in my tracks as soon as I reach his living room and Oliver sees me.

"You look weird, what's going on?" He asks me, with a raised eyebrow. Shaking my head and sighed, because I really don't know where to start with any of it.

"I've just come from Ella's house-;" I begin getting ready to tell him everything from his newly found niece....to how Ella kept it from me for so long.

But I find myself stopping in my tracks once again, as my eyes shoot to his, there's something in his eyes. Like relief, like he knows what I'm about to say and it hits me. He's been in contact with Ella for months, I remember him saying that he and Amanda once met the event planner at her home, he knows... doesn't he? He knows about my daughter....shit he knew before I did.

"Ollie please tell me you didn't you know?" I said through my teeth because I swear if he knew any of this and didn't tell me, about my own child no less... I'm going to lose it, with my fist in his face.

My brother looks at me guiltily, nodding my head, and banged on the nearest wall next to me. I'm so angry right now, I'm sort of understanding Ella's choice to keep Remi a secret from me, but what the hell was Oliver's? he's supposed to be my brother.

"Let me explain-;" He starts to make excuses, cutting him off before he could.

"For fuck's sake Ollie, how the hell could you keep this from me?" I yelled at him,

"You had no right to keep this for me. you should have told me that I had a kid" I argued with him, if the roles were reversed I don't think I could have ever kept something like this from him, but yet he finds it so easy to lie to me for months about my own child.

"I know... I'm sorry Scotty believe me I am-;" Ollie started to say to me, keeping his gaze burned on me,

"When I found out that Ella had your child, I wanted to tell you. But Ella she made me promise not to,...and she had good reasons too because of her history with mom, so I respected her wishes" Shaking my head and throw him a dirty look, getting more pissed every second as he speaks.

"Bullshit! You're my brother, you can justify it any damn way you want....but you still should have told me from the start" I exclaimed towards him.

"I'm not justifying anything, she's her mother, Ella had to be the one to tell you I didn't have a choice, I was stuck between a rock and hard place. Probably how she has been feeling for the last five years-;" He broke off and the room went silent.

I'm still angry but I know he's always trying to do the right thing, always trying to make things better and make things right, for anyone who he knows.

Letting out a loud sigh and sat down on the sofa, Oliver takes a seat too. Fighting with my brother isn't going to change anything, is it?

"She knew that day... she let me walk out on my child Ollie-;" I stumbled off.

"Would it have changed anything if she told you that day?" He asks me,

"I don't know, but I guess we'll never know...will we?" I whispered; I can feel Oliver's eyes on me.

"What happens now? Do you want to be a dad to Remi?"

looking at him and nodded my head without any hesitation, because I do want to be a father to her, or at least try to be one to her.

"Of course, I want to be a dad to my daughter, but I'm not sure how to be a dad" I answered honestly.

"The first step is showing up.... getting to know her. after that everything should fall into place, being parent is something that you have to learn" He says,

"I'm scared shitless Ollie, I won't lie. Apart of me feels happy because I always saw having kids with Ella, then I thought I'd lost that chance, but I didn't...that said I'm terrified I'm going to mess this up again" I admitted to him,

"All you can do Scott is learn from past mistakes, just try and do the best you can. be there for your family, because you have one now" Oliver replies to me with the truth, and he's right.

I do have a family now, and I'm going to try like hell to not mess it up because this is a second chance with Ella and my daughter.

"So, Scott knows?" My mother asks me for the tenth time in the last five minutes. After I got back from popping into the office, I told my mom everything.

Honestly, at first, I was waiting for the 'I told you so' or her say on things but oddly enough she didn't really say anything, she kind of just accept it like it was old news, like she was sort of expecting it to happen.

This is very weird for my mother, she normally has an opinion on everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything which is why I'm shocked.

"Yes, mom. He knows everything..." I trailed off and sighed putting my feet on the coffee table, I'm so tired it's unreal today has taken a lot out of me.

In a way I'm glad that I told Scott the truth, it's like a massive weight lifted off me, and it was one of the toughest things that I had to do, but what's going to be even harder is telling Remi. Because how do you tell your child who isn't even five yet, that her father has magically appeared wanting to know her.

And I'm not going to lie to her, I'm going to tell her the truth that it's my fault, that I kept him away for so long and I hope that she understands.

It scares me opening this door again, I mean just because I've finally told him the truth, doesn't make all my doubts that I had before just disappeared. It actually makes everything a lot scarier because what happens when Valerie finds out about Remi? And what if Scott doesn't take to fatherhood, I mean it was a massive shock to him, and it's not easy to be a parent, which he doesn't know yet.

It's not a part job and you cannot just show up when you feel like it, it's a full-time job and I'm hoping he gets that. I'm also scared because what if we let him again, and something better comes along like it did last time, then he leaves again.

This time it would be worst because before Remi didn't know anything, she wasn't even born yet, so you can't miss what you never had. But if Scott sticks around, gets to know her, only to leave again... how do I explain that to her?

I don't even have any answers because I don't know what the future holds for us, maybe Scott sticks around, maybe he doesn't, I guess only time will tell now, it's out of my control.

"What happens now then? Does he want to be a part of Remi's life?" She asked me, shaking my head at my mother because here are the questions that I was waiting for her to bark at me.

"I think he does, at least that's what he said to me- "I broke off and looked at her,

"he told me that he just needed a little time, to let everything settle in his head" I add. Mom takes a seat across on the chair next to me, her gaze fixated on me.

"You've got a bumpy road ahead of you, a lot of changes are going to happen especially those involving Remi" she replies to me, rolling my eyes at her.

"Yeah, I know thanks for that mom, look it is what it is okay. This is the situation that we're in, and all I can do now is make sure that Remi is protected" I argued tiredly towards her.

all I can do right now is make sure that Remi understands what is going on, and that Scott gets a say in her upbringing, gets to be a part of her life, if that's what he wants, there is not much more I can do.

"Ella honey... I'm just not looking out for Remi but also you. Scott was and has only ever been the one guy who you've let into your heart, and it was hard watching you in pain after he left you" She says with sadness in her voice.

I know she's just being my mom, but this isn't about me. Because what Scott and I had, whatever love we once shared it changed a long time ago for the both of us, so it's not really relevant anymore.

Opening my mouth to respond just as we hear footsteps coming towards us, turning my head around to see Remi coming over to me, she climbs onto my lap, putting my arms around my daughter, and smiled.

"What are you doing out of bed?" I ask her, she looks up at me and shrugs.

"I can't sleep, can I have some milk," Remi says to me, mom gets up from her space.

"I'll get it, honey," mom said and then disappears into the kitchen.

"Well whilst grandma is getting your milk, I have something to tell you," I said to her and moved her off my lap and onto the sofa next to me, and I sit up a little.

"Remi honey, you know like how you ask me all the time where your daddy is?" I asked her, she looks at me nodding her head and I take that as a sign to carry on.

"You see he's here now, and he wants to meet you, get to know you. Is that something that you would like?" My daughter looks at me and stays silent for a moment, how is she supposed to understand all this, she's a child.

"Where has he been for so long?" She whispers to me, feeling my eyes full of tears.

"The thing is Remi, your daddy he never knew about you until today. And that's my fault, he hasn't been here because of me-;" I cut off and cried a little.

Because I don't want to lie to her and make excuses because she deserves to know that her father, didn't leave her, and I don't want her thinking that he doesn't love her, she deserves to know the truth about it all, even if she doesn't really understand yet.

"Why mommy?" Mom walks back in and hands Remi her milk and looks at us.

"Because mommy thought she was doing the right thing because all I've ever wanted was for you to be safe and loved, but I'm sorry for keeping your daddy away from you for so long, he's here now and he's loves you," I say.

I know Scott already loves her, I saw that in his eyes when I gave him the picture of her, I saw the look of love and pain in his eyes.

"It's okay mommy..." Remi said and drinks her milk, wiping my tears away and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"I love you so much, my sweet girl" I mumbled before looking up at my own mother, who was sadly smiling at us.

"When can I meet my daddy," she asks me after she finished her milk. Looking at her and smiled down at my daughter.

"Soon Remi, I promise" I answered her with hope and the truth.

Because in my heart I know deep down, that Scott will be there for her, I'm not sure how I do or why I should even believe it, but I do believe that he will be a dad to her, it's just going to take a little time and it might be a long road, but we're all in it together now.