《Balance》Chapter 15 ~ Butterflies
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"Stop dad please," I scream from across the room, curled up in a heap on the floor.
"Shut up!" He snarls taking a step closer to me, dragging my sister behind him by her hair.
"Let her go, don't hurt her." I rasp, my voice barely a whisper. I look at my younger sister howling in pain and the red marks on her face, "Please just leave her alone." I cry.
He lets out a wicked laugh letting her drop to the floor where she sits and cries. Nearing me he reaches out and grabs my neck, holding me against the wall.
"Oh dear Atlas, you need to shut your pretty little mouth before something worse happens to her. Look at her crying on the floor, you've done that. You and your precious momma both dancing about like you're fucking swans. You've taken her away from me." He spits inches away from my face. Hands tightening around my neck denying me of oxygen. I flounder about, trying to wriggle away, gargled noises strain from the back of my throat at the deprivation of air.
His eyes bulge with anger as mine frazzle out with stars, my lids becoming heavy. The distant cries of my sister ring in my head before the hands are removed opening up my throat and a slap sounds across my cheek.
I gasp, panting on the floor for air as I'm kicked hard in the ribs, sliding back into the wall before a series of hits pain my face.
I wake with a start, still, in the library, my breathing laboured and heavy. A small line of perspiration sits on my forehead, I quickly grab my rucksack with shaking hands in search of my water bottle, in need of washing down the queasiness.
I pull out my phone to check the time- .
Blaze is an hour late, no texts, no calls. He's just bloody late! I must have fallen asleep after half an hour of waiting. The library's practically empty, with the exemption of the middle-aged librarian who's sat reading her book at her desk, occasionally looking over the top of her glasses to see if I'm still here.
I send her a soft smile and she nods wearily over at me, I think she wants to go home.
So do I! The least he could have done was text that he wasn't coming-
"Blondie!" I turn from my bag to see Blaze jogging into the library, the librarian gives him a look before returning to her book. His hair is wet and the waistband of his Calvins is visible, sitting under the top of his jeans, as he lifts his arms- obviously having thrown his clothes on in a rush, "Practice run over and my phone died."
"Oh okay," At last he didn't bale on me, I route around in my bag to avoid looking at him, still a little freaked from my dream. I'm just glad I didn't have a full-on panic attack- they're worse at night, I wake up screaming and crying. I find what I'm searching for at the bottom of my bag and turn to Blaze, handing him my portable charger.
"Thanks." He plugs in his phone, "Sorry I made you wait, I didn't think you'd still be here."
I don't have anywhere else to go, I don't want to go 'home'.
"Still here," I mumble playing with a pen on the desk.
"Hey, Blondie... are you okay? You're shaking." He squints at my wobbly hands.
"Yeah, I'm fine! Just tired. Shall we get started?" I pull out my pad and fluffy ended pen, he rests his head on his knuckles and I try not to get distracted by how gorgeous he looks right now, "So happy... happiness... being happy... happier-"
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"I don't think the project's about how many different ways to use the word happy Atlas." He grins slightly.
"Right..."
"Why don't we start brainstorming some things that make us happy, like you said last time." He cringes at the words but takes the pen from my fingers, his hand brushing against mine, transferring charged energy into my veins.
"Yeah... sure... great..." I mutter, he looks up at me, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly.
"So happiness, what is it?"
Goof question.
"Uh well to be happy is... to.. uh..it's too..." I flounder, rolling my hands about, happiness is... well... I don't know.
"I'll just google the definition," He taps away on his charging phone, "Happiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can't help but smile. It's the opposite of sadness. Happiness is a sense of well-being, joy, or contentment. When people are successful, or safe, or lucky, they feel happiness." He scoffs reading from the phone screen, even I frown at the definition "What a load of bullshit-"
"Excuse me kids but the library is closing, so you both need to leave... maybe come a little earlier next time." The librarian interrupts before Blaze can curse anymore, directing the last part of her sentence at him. I nod at her to try and make up for the death glare Blaze is sending her and she saunters off, swishing her old, ankle-length floral skirt.
"Well shit, we've barely got anything." Blaze moans and then bites on his lip, letting out a frustrated sigh, then a weird discomforting groan, "Look since we really need to make a start on this shit and I have no idea where the fuck you actually live...why don't we go back to mine and at least make a start...?"
Back to Blazes? I was only meant to stay until five and go, my dad will flip if I come home late again, even more so if he finds out I was at someone else's house, he thinks I'm staying to do homework- which is technically true- also other than Vixxies when we went as a group... I've never been to someone else's place...
"Jesus Blondie, I'm not going to kidnap you and chop up your body. It's a simple yes or no answer. Most girls would jump at the chance of coming back to mine but you look like I've just fucked your mom." He says, becoming frustrated, I cringe at the words but feel bad, he's actually trying to work amicably on the project, I can't blow him off when he's trying.
"Oh... sorry... uh okay then." I shuffle my books into my bag, I do also really need to make a start on this project especially while Blaze is feeling slightly more open-minded with it, I'll just have to deal with the consequences later.
The car ride to his place is quiet except from the hum of the radio which is now spewing out 'Cardigan' by Taylor Swift. I hum along to the radio watching the sun lower behind the trees as we drive down the highway, I notice we keep getting further away from the centre of Brookhaven.
Absentmindedly Blaze turns up the song a little, noticing my humming and taps his fingers rhythmically on the steering wheel. He drives with one arm stretched to the wheel and the other leaning on the car door, his bicep enlarged by its resting position, he has more tattoos on the inside of his arm and I can't help but stare at them.
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"Which ones hurt the most?" I murmur, his eyes glance over questionably, "Your tattoos."
"Oh, admiring my arms were you?" He smirks creating a deep blush on my cheeks.
"Uh no... I um, just... uh like your tattoos."
"My hands probably- less flesh, more bone- but I have a high pain tolerance so none of them were that bad." He shrugs, my eyes move to his hand on the wheel and the lion that sits proudly on top of the skin.
"When did you get them?"
"I got my first one when I was fourteen and I just keep adding to them." He says, changing gear as we come off the highway.
Fourteens young... I'm sure it's not even legal to get tattoos until you're eighteen. I've always wanted a tattoo, I keep thinking about getting one on my birthday. Only something small but I want a deep meaning behind it, something that reminds me of my mom.
We pull into a dreary neighbourhood where trainers hang from the telephone wires up ahead, much like my depressing street. We're outside of Brookhaven now and the sun has fully set, I sure hope there's a good bus route around because I have no idea how to get back from here.
We pass several new build houses before they deteriorate into old weathered ones, it looks like they started development but didn't have enough money to do the whole thing. We drive for a little longer then Blaze pulls the car into a driveway outside a small house. A pink children's bike sits on the front lawn and a few colourful pots sit by the doorstep and a VW beetle sits next to Blazes parked car.
"It's not the fucking Ritz, okay but it's what we could afford," Blaze says defensively, shutting the door before I can say anything. I get the impression he doesn't bring many people around, not because he's an ass but maybe he's embarrassed.
Presumptuous of me I know but I thought, like the other football players, he'd live in some big mansion. Especially when he drives a car like this. I'm not an expert on cars but I know this is a frigging expensive one, especially with all the modifications he's made to it.
The comparison to the old VW beetle makes me even more confused, why would a eighteen-year-old drive a better can than I presume his parents.
I step out of the car onto the drive, following Blaze up the steps as he turns the key in the lock pushing open the scuffed door. Warm air hits me in the face, even though it's not overly cold yet, once the sun goes down the temperature really dips.
"Blaze?" A woman in scrubs comes into view as we enter the kitchen area, she's floundering around looking for something and only looks up briefly to confirm it is her son that's walked in, "Why are you so late? I've got to dash off to work but can you-"
She pauses, freezing as she grabs a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter. She looks at me cautiously then back to Blaze with a 'what is going on look.'
"Sorry, I'm uh, Helen... Blazes mom who he forgot to tell, he was bringing someone home..." She eyes Blaze sternly and I immediately feel uncomfortably guilty, I don't want him to get in trouble.
"Mom this is Atlas, my partner for a project. We were working at it in the library but it shut so I bought her here so we could carry on. My phone died so I couldn't text you." He says placing a kiss on his mom's cheek. I notice her mid-length hair is a lighter brown than Blazes black but they have the same blue, kind eyes. She looks young but her face looks pale with frailness.
"Right... well it was nice to meet you Atlas but I've got to dash. Feed your sister and remember my rules, honey. You can work on the project here in the kitchen and give Atlas a ride home okay?" She says walking out of the door, pointing a finger at us.
"Yes, mom! Now go!" Blaze moans. She shuts the door blowing him a kiss and he turns to grab two water bottles from the fridge. I accept the bottle and sit in one of the stools under the island.
"My mom works nights at the hospital a lot." Blaze throws his bag onto the counter and pulls out some paper, I do the same finding my pen and the notepad we wrote in earlier. My mom was a nurse too, when she stopped professionally dancing- thanks to my dad- she retrained as a nurse and worked a lot too when she wasn't training me or going to competitions with me.
"So happiness..." I murmur before I start thinking too much about her, "Things that make you happy...?" I look at Blaze, he looks so uninterested which makes me laugh.
"God this is a load of shit." He whines, "How are we meant to do a whole project on being happy. I'm not five."
"I know it is stupid." He looks at me with surprise... I know shocking Atlas Grove saying a school project about being happy is stupid, who'd of thought the girl that's always seen to be smiling and okay would be so negative about happiness. His eyes concentrate on me as I stare down at the page, running my fingers along with the writing. I look up at him, his eyes gleam under the kitchen lights, "What?" I murmur under his intense gaze, they look at me with a hint of sadness but a layer of confusion. I'd love nothing more than to know what he's thinking right now.
We're interrupted by the sound of humming as a small girl comes bouncing in wearing a leotard and tutu. She skips around the kitchen singing some made-up tune.
"Blazey! Blazey!" The girl jumps around by his feet, he picks her up and places a raspberry on her cheek.
"Hey shortcake." He says. I have never seen him so... compassionate and kind with someone else. It's like I'm stood with a completely different person, it's adorable watching him interact with who I presume is his sister.
"Blazey who's that." She points at me, her blue eyes sparkling like his. She reminds me so much of my younger sister, Lucy was just as bouncy, just as beautiful.
"Hi, I'm Atlas." I give her a small wave.
"Is she your girlfriend?" She whispers just loud enough for me to giggle.
"No, she's a partner from school."
"I like your hair, I'm Gemma." She smiles.
"Thank you, I like yours! And I love your leotard!" I say looking at the pink outfit as she giggles in Blaze's arms.
"Really! I want to be a dancer, mommy says I can start having lessons next week!" She jumps up and down making my heartache. She's the sweetest thing I've ever seen, she gushes on about taking some introduction to ballet and tries to wriggle away from her brother's arms until she's placed back on the floor. "I learnt how to do first position and second position." She holds onto the counter and moves her feet. Me and Blaze clap at her newest learnt ballet skills and something washes over me. I'm not sure what it is but I had this pull towards this tiny person, I felt warm with the question I was about to ask her, not sad, it feels right.
"That's amazing, so clean ... Do you want to learn the rest." I ask, reminding myself of what my momma used to tell me when I got frustrated or upset with myself, 'The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn is a skill, the willingness to learn is a choice.' When I look at Gemma I can see her bursting with the willingness to learn, like I was when I was her age.
It's only a few positions, I can handle that.
"What do you mean? Are you a ballet dancer?" Her excited eyes light up.
"I uh... I... I used to be. I'll show you the next positions if you want."
She nods eagerly and watches me intently as I run through the next few positions. She copies me with such poise and elegance.
"That's amazing Gemma! You've got such natural talent!" She beams brighter as I watch her repeat them until they've stuck, "Just turn your foot out a tiny bit more... right there... you've got it! Well done!"
"I thought you didn't dance." Blaze murmurs in my ear, making the hairs on my neck stand up.
"I uh... I... I used to. I don't anymore." I sigh, he doesn't know to what extent I used to dance.
"Why? I saw you in the dance studio, you flew threw the air Atlas and you're a natural teacher." He leans against the counter.
"Just... stuff got in the way... I fell out of love with dance."
"No, you didn't." He states. No, I didn't, he's right. I love to dance, I always have and I always will. We went through a bad break up and I still haven't gotten over it. Every time I think about it, I can't stop the tears. I look at Blaze, his expression soft like he can hear what I'm thinking and it scares me. He sees things that nobody else has in years.
"My mom always used to tell me when I was younger,' Butterflies can't fly if they're cold.' She said 'Don't make yourself cold Blaze.'"
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