I think I could get used to waking up with Gavin holding onto me every morning. His head was buried into my stomach again and his arms were wrapped around me. I try to wake him but he sleeps like a rock and doesn't budge.

I snake my way out from his hold and make it off of the bed in a hurry because I should get home. I kiss Gavin's head before I climb out of his window, it's actually a lot harder than it looks but I eventually make it to the other side and pull my window up until it opens.

I grab some clothes from my closet and run into the bathroom to shower. I only hope my mom believes that I slept here tonight and not at Gavin's.

When I'm done I greet my mom in the kitchen downstairs, to my surprise she seems convinced I came home last night.

With Halloween now out of the way it's now November which goes by rather quickly for my liking because once December comes I'll be preparing for my surgery and I was a little scared. A lot can go wrong during a surgery.

Gavin and I seem to be doing fairly well, occasionally we fight but that's inevitable when you decide to be with someone who's polar opposite from you. Gavin and I were both very different people and we liked many different things but in the end, we were kinda like one.

I draw a lot more now knowing I won't be able to for a while once everything starts. I draw Gavin without having to stalk him like before and he's even gotten two more tattoos, one on his forearm that are clearly my eyes with a rose between it, he says otherwise, the other one is of the words "dead end" just above his left hipbone. I'm not sure how I feel about the tattoos that represent me in someway or the "dead end". Gavin was always one for being idiomatic, possibly even so deeply romantic he'd never admit it.

My mother and I spent Thanksgiving with Sarah and Gavin because she offered to make a large dinner for all of us.

Then came all of the tests for my surgery.

Gavin was also brought in a couple times just to make sure his blood was ready to be donated to me. They've already taken the blood needed for the surgery which takes forty two days before it's expires. I hope it's enough and I hope my body doesn't decide to reject it in the process.

As time grew I felt my body becoming weaker and a lot more fragile than before. My doctors showed me all of the X-rays of the tumor growing inside me. Every time I saw a new picture it seemed to double in size. My weight also fluctuated again, Gavin didn't seem to notice all the things I did.

He couldn't hold my hand or even sleep in the same bed as me anymore because his touch hurt me. My mother couldn't hug me either and I slowly felt myself dying out.

My doctor told me it would only get worse, but once I have the surgery my body will start to regenerate again and if that tumor is the one weakening my immune system and producing the cancer it's possible I'll be cancer free afterward when my immune system gets strong again.

I try not to not get my hopes up.

I don't leave the house at all anymore because it's physically impossible unless it's for a doctors appointment. I remember being the girl who would look at the other patients that seemed a lot sicker than I was and now I'm just as sick as them. I even recently found out Clarity passed, I cried a lot that night.

"Can you get me my pickles?" I ask Gavin. I'm sitting on the couch watching TVD like I do most days now. "Thanks."

I grab the opened jar of pickles and grab a slice before I bite into it. I suddenly feel a knot in my stomach like I'm about to puke which Gavin seems to notice so he grabs the small trash bin beside the couch and pulls my hair back as I start gagging.

It's not a pretty sight.

I drink some water and then I just start crying.

It's even sadder that Gavin can't even comfort me because everything hurts. The surgery was next week I don't think I could last any longer than this.

"Do you want me to call your mom?" He asks.

"No." I wipe the tears from my eyes and I lean into Gavin's chest, I wince a little bit then I feel calm and relaxed once I feel his warmth.

Nights weren't any better.

"I'm still freezing cold." I told my mother as she turns the heat on high. "Now it's too hot."

I threw the blanket off of my body.

"I don't know what you want me to do?"

"Nothing." I tell her. "Just go."

I cried a lot that night too.

"What do you want for Christmas?" Gavin asks me.

"I don't want anything." I tell him honestly.

"I'm not going to not get you anything." Gavin rolls his eyes.

"You've already done enough for me Gavin, really I don't need a present."

"Fine."

I reach for his hands and smile when I feel him.

"Hey guys." Peyton enters the living room and jumps on the small couch beside us. "What are we watching?"

"I brought food." Beckham enters behind her along with Carver who's holding a tub of ice cream. "Let's eat."

Some days were always better than others.

I thought this was the calm before the storm. It seems the storm came sooner than I anticipated. Everyone had began their winter break and today Gavin was hanging out with Beckham and Carver because he's literally spent every moment with me.

There's a knock on the door and my mother rushes over to answer it.

"Ash come in."

I sink into the couch when I hear her.

I look up and see the color drain from Ash's face when he sees me. I slowly sit up and I see the tears now forming in his eyes. It makes me all emotional and I start crying.

"I think we need to talk." He takes a seat beside me and wipes away his tears. "Shit, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I wait for him to continue.

"Peyton finally talked to me today and told me things weren't going that great, she told me about the surgery and I just came here to get this off my chest because we both don't know how much longer this is going to last-" He chokes up on his words. "Zach told me about Mia and Gavin."

"You came her to tell me about Gavin?"

Great he's still keeping this grudge against him and I. He didn't come here for me he came here to start this whole feud all over again.

"Maybe you should just go." I added. "I know about Mia."

"Gavin told you?"

I nod my head. "Yes."

"And your okay with what happened? What he did to her?"

"It's the past Ash, move on already." I sigh.

"Move on? Gavin's just waiting to do the same thing to you, Zach told me it's what he does."

"I already gave myself to Gavin." I admit and Ash looks angry at my words. "So whatever Zach told you was a lie."

"You what? Are you serious it was at Shadow

Lake wasn't it."

"Shadow Lake why would you think that?"

"Zach told me that's where Gavin goes to take girls, how could you give yourself to someone who drove a girl to kill herself because she was so consumed by the love she wanted from him?"

I stand up and look at him. "What?" I feel my hands shake as I hear him repeat it. "Gavin didn't drive her to kill herself, she was drunk-"

"She was only drunk because he told her she would never be good enough for him, did he even tell you the right story?"

"Enlighten me then and tell me Zach's side of the story."

"Zach met Mia the summer before junior year and they had a thing going on for a while and then he found out she'd also been seeing Gavin and she told him about some deal she made with Gavin to keep their relationship a secret, Mia liked Zach because he was nice and she liked Gavin because he was bad. She knew she had to choose one of them eventually and so she chose Zach which Gavin didn't take very well, I guess he took her virginity and then he left her."

The story sounds about right except when Gavin told me about it, he made Zach seem like the bad one and when I hear this side, Gavin's the actually bad one.

Even the night of my date with Zach Gavin told me Zach was the one who took girls to Shadow Lake.

Was it really Gavin all this time?

I didn't want to believe he lied to me because that night we-

"You can go now." I say. I sit back on the couch and feel my throat closing as the story loops inside my head like and endless cycle.

Gavin told me Zach made a bet with Mia to make him jealous?

Now I hear Gavin and Mia made a bet to keep their relationship a secret from Zach?

Gavin also told me Zach took Mia's virginity and now it's changed?

The whole story was backwards.

There was only one person who could tell me the truth now and he's the one I gave my whole heart and everything to, the one who was giving me his blood so I could have a second chance at life.

He held my world in his hands and I can feel him slowly crushing it.