I feel like my head was being repeatedly smashed against a wall as I sat in the waiting room of the Westland Cancer Center. Clarity wasn't at the vending machines today and I keep telling myself to believe she's okay and healthy again.

My mother hasn't said a single word. I told her the truth about last night, that I was drunk and Gavin took me home and I stayed the night in his room. It felt weird saying it out loud. I didn't mention the fact that I may have accidentally told him I had cancer.

I was taken to the back and had my blood drawn, they told me they haven't found a donor yet and that I was severely dehydrated from all of the alcohol last night. I saw the disappointment in my mothers eyes, I'm not trying to kill my self I swear, I was just sad.

We finally leave and get back home.

The house is very quiet inside and it stays that way as I walk back up to my room. I didn't have time to shower before so I take this time to take one and remove all of the dirt I feel on my body from the party last night. I step out and dry off before I put on a large t shirt and some shorts. I step out of my bathroom and then I hear a knock on my window.

Gavin's kneeling on the roof in front of it.

I walk over and open it. He jumps through and looks at me, he doesn't look very happy.

"I've been waiting for you to get home." He says. "It was true."

"What was true?" My heart feels like it could explode any second now.

"You have cancer?" His voice is soft and I can't help but feel my eyes swell up in tears. I don't say anything instead I just nod my head and Gavin wraps his arms around me.

My small arms wrap around his torso and I start crying into his shirt. "I wanted to tell you."

His hand brushes over my hair and I feel him hold me a little tighter. "You were drunk yes, but you did tell me." His hand lifts my chin up to look at him. "I don't care that you have cancer."

"You don't?"

He shakes his head smiling at me. "Can you forgive me?"

I wrap my arms around his neck and stand on my tiptoes, I pull his head down to kiss him. The embrace is passionate and I feel his tongue slide against my bottom lip so we eagerly open are mouths and breath in each others air. Gavin's hands run along the sides of my body I feel the chills building up. He picks me off the ground without trouble and my legs wrap around him. My fingers tangle inside his hair as he lays me on the bed.

Gavin has his arms on either side of me to hold himself up. I let out a soft whimper as he breaks the kiss.

"I'll take that as a yes?" He lets out a loose chuckle, licking his lips at me I don't think I want to stop kissing him. I'm relieved when his head dips down to my neck and he starts leaving a trail of kisses from my ear to my collar bones.

His hand reaches under my shirt and I feel his thumb caress the skin underneath. My body is feeling all sorts of things I've never experienced before. It's telling me to keep letting him do what he wants to me but it also has self respect.

I couldn't let him take advantage of me.

His head lowers and I watch him lift my shirt up exposing my stomach his green eyes look up at me and I instantly turn to mush. A smirk forms on his lips and he gently kisses me his tongue trailing across my skin. I cover my mouth with my hands so I don't let out a sound when I feel him bite the skin.

So all this time? This is what I've been missing?

I can see why people enjoy this so much now.

I'm breathing a lot more and I haven't done much. Gavin inches closer to my face again and I gulp. "Your mine now."

I'm mush again and I honestly don't mind.

Gavin lays beside me and I fix my shirt before I sit up. "You really want to try this?" I say hoping he does otherwise I'd be a complete idiot right now.

Gavin leans up on his elbow and nods his head. "Yeah, I mean you want to right?"

I nod my head at him and we both smile. I lean into him and he puts his hand to my cheek brushing the hair away from my face I put my hand against his and feel the rough edges to his scabbed knuckles. Who was this guy?

A beautiful storm waiting for me to be his disaster?

"What are thinking about?" He asks me.

"Nothing." I say shyly putting my head to his chest. We both lay like this for a while until I decide I should tell Gavin the whole story. I start off by telling him what I have exactly and how I learned I got cancer. I don't mention the surgery I have in a couple of weeks because this is all happening too fast I should wait until I'm sure I have a donor.

"Does it hurt?" He says.

I shrug. "Sometimes, on my bad days I can't be touched because it'll hurt and other times I'm just really exhausted."

"Have I ever hurt you?"

"Only once, you grabbed my wrist really tightly but after that your touch didn't seem to affect me anymore." I see relief wash over Gavin.

"Good, because I don't think I could ever not touch you." He kisses my cheek. "Do you want me to?"

"Do I want you to touch me?" I asked.

"Yeah otherwise I won't, I know I can be a little intense I guess." His words would normally make me nervous but I feel like I've opened up to Gavin now that I shouldn't be afraid.

"No it's okay you can touch me." I decide I can't help but smile at him and how he asked me if it was okay? I have a feeling he doesn't ask many girls what he can and can't do too often. I shake away the thoughts that are now entering my head.

"This means you won't be seeing Georgia anymore right?" I ask remembering her text from this morning.

Gavin nods his head at me. "I already ended things with her."

Well that was fast. I hear someone's knock on my door and before I even get the chance to react it swings up and Gavin and I instantly sit up.

"Gavin?" My mom says.

"Hey Mrs Wood." Gavin waves at her but she frowns at the both of us.

"Keep this door open please." My mom replies crossing her arms over her chest. She was still mad at me? And really the door has to be closed has she forgotten she leaves me alone with him all the time? She turns her heel and walks out.

"She's just angry about last night." I get up and realize I've spent most of my day with Gavin today like I have been for the past month and a half now. It seems like it's been much longer than that with everything that's happened.

Next Friday was already Halloween and the last big game. "Your football game is next week and if I can't make it you won't be mad at me right?" I tie my hair back.

Gavin looks at me and laughs. "Of course I'll be sad." He puts his hand to his heart and now he's just mocking me. He stands up and walks over to me. "No I won't be mad."

"Okay, are you excited y'know for the chance to get the football scholarship?" I've never really asked him about it before and maybe I shouldn't because Zach can also get it.

"Sure it'd be great but I don't know if college is for me."

"Well what if you did get it? Would you go to college then?" I say.

"I still have until the end of the year to decide what I want to do."

I understand where he's coming from I have a feeling college wasn't for me either. I didn't want to be stuck inside a house all my life and if I still have cancer then I won't be able to go to college I'd have to stay doing online college.

I was getting desperate now I needed to find a donor.