"Your timing is impeccable." I mumbled kissing Chris again.

He chuckled and kissed me again. "I know, I know."

There were about a thousand questions running through my head. Part of me wondered if I was ready to try this.

"I just couldn't stop myself. Lucy I really like you, and I have for a long time."

"Chris–I–you have to know how bad of timing this is." There were things that I felt I needed to tell Chris before we dove in. I just didn't know how to tell him.

"I know and I'm sorry. Maybe after shooting we'll figure something out."

"Of course. And there are always weekends." I mentioned making him smile. He slowly pressed his lips to mine. Kissing him was everything I imagined. His phone rang interrupting us.

"Fuck" he cursed, ignoring it and continued to kiss me.

"Chris" I gave him a look and he finally picked up the phone.

"Mackie I swear to god. Yes, I'm coming. Yeah, I'm late, usually happens. No, I'm not making ou— How?!" Chris hung up the phone laughing

"Apparently this is his trailer." Chris commented hitting the trailer behind us. I laughed, but I wanted to die of embarrassment.

"Oh my gosh." I groaned blushing making Chris laugh again.

"I've got to go. I'll see you later. Don't worry Luce, we'll work it out." He promised giving me a quick kiss.

"God I love doing that." He smiled kissing me again.

"Go" I told him pushing him on his way.

I felt dizzy leaving set. I was a little overwhelmed, too many emotions flooded my consciousness. I felt giddiness, embarrassment, confusion, excitement, sadness, happiness, anxiety. I felt everything. My stomach flipped and turned into a bottomless pit of an anxious feeling. I sat in my car taking a deep breath before putting it into drive.

What were we doing to ourselves? We aren't going to see each other for months, with no promises of any visits. Why did we let our emotions run? Why did we wait so long to let them? Am I really going to let him in? Am I?

I tried to sleep that night, I really did. I tossed and turned for an hour or so. But I was dying, my own thoughts were the murders. Why did I let this happen? Why did I want this so bad? Why did I want him so bad? Why couldn't I sleep? Why couldn't I relax?

Scientists say our fight-or-flight responses are our primitive survival skills, my flight response was itching. It's always itched, I just scratch it way too little. I grabbed my keys, and a sweatshirt and left my hotel room. I drove around town. I drove in circles around the block. I rolled down the windows of the car, and blasted some Florence and The Machine. I sang on the top of my lungs, letting go. Letting go, of my thoughts and worries. I ventured out of town and stopped to get gas, and some calorie filled drink. I kept driving, and every minute I got further.

I don't know where I pulled over. It was a sandy area, not quite in the middle of nowhere, but it definitely wasn't a somewhere. Someone owned the property I parked my car on. A barbed wire fence told me that. I went over the fence and brought my drink with me. I sucked on the straw with the drink and hoped the stars were out. They really weren't, I blamed light pollution and clouds. I sat there and stared at the sky and remembered when I could see the stars.

"Luce, you see that star right there, here look through the telescope." He demanded and I did. We stood on the roof of the apartment building staring at the stars we could see. It was late at night, on a clear chilly night. My nose and ears hurt from being out to long, but he wanted me to stay out here.

"That, I think it is Polaris" he stated in awe and I looked once again. I couldn't really say it was beautiful, because from the telescope it looked like a blob of color. Stars are only pretty from far away.

"Oh, yeah isn't it part of the Ursa minor constellation?" I asked him already knowing the answer. He wanted to be smarter than me, so I had to ask the questions.

"Yeah. Move, I'll show you another one."

"Don't you just want to look at the actual constellations than individual stars?" I asked.

"No, Luce, e not the point. Look here's Alkaid. Luce look." I did and I wondered wasn't it more exciting to see the big picture? The stars all look a like up close. What was the point anyway?

I don't know why I thought of that memory. I wasn't particularly fond of the memory. I wasn't fond on the person in the memory, but I've always found comfort in the idea of stars. That I could see something made billions of years ago, that are billions of miles away. The idea that the light we see, could have gone out, but for years we won't know. The idea that there are billions of them, so many that we can't comprehend the sheer number. I liked the idea that humans picked out individual stars and named them and made shapes out of them. It was almost like we gave them purpose, long before we even figured out what they were. I've found comfort in knowing, that there was always something bigger than myself. I'm only one person in a country of 321 million, a person in a world of 7 billion, on a planet of 8 in a solar system, in a solar system that's only one of 100 billion in a galaxy, where there are at least 100 billion more galaxies out there. And yet, here I am.

Maybe I'm an accident, a bunch of carbon chains that were never meant to be, but I let myself believe there' s a purpose to existing. I don't know if I believe in fate or destiny, God even, but I've got to believe in something. Right? I've got to place my trust in something, someone. Right?

I've got to believe in myself. I've got to trust myself. But I also have to let it all go, I have just go where the wind pulls me. I have to trust the world sometimes. I've got to believe that fate, destiny, maybe even a god, exists and pulls me where I should be. If I have a purpose, that means others do too. Their presence will effect me, if I let it. I can't and I won't be scared to let people touch what is left of my heart.

I stood in front of his door. He did ask me to come over...almost ten hours ago. I wanted to knock on it and just throw myself in his embrace. But I stared at the door. I ended up knocking on Chris' door, at four in the morning. It was a little rude, and impulsive, but I did it any way. I've been up all night, and I wanted to see him.

"Luce?" He questioned opening the door. He looked tired and his hands rubbed his face trying to wake himself up. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine" I answered, he knew me enough to know it was a bit of a white lie, but he accepted the answer.

"I brought breakfast" I mentioned pulling some to go bags out from behind me. "Thought we could eat before you drop me off."

"Do I even want to know?" He raised an eyebrow and leaned down giving me a quick peck on the lips.

"Not really." I replied walking into his hotel room. He didn't ask about the unanswered text messages, or unanswered calls. I didn't really have a good excuse for why I didn't pick up. Maybe he knew that, and that was why he didn't ask.

"I got bacon and eggs and pancakes. You like pancakes right?"

"Sure?" He replied still half asleep. I slid him a coffee that used to be warm. He slipped it slowly and suspicious. "Do you normally wake up early?"

"Oh no. I believe if there's only one digit before the words 'in the morning' then it's to early."

"Then what are you—oh my god! Lucy you haven't gone to sleep yet?!" He exclaimed. He started to worry about me by the second.

"Hey, I'm getting adjusted back to Boston time okay? I'll sleep on the plane, and I'll actually sleep the night back home." I soothed. I gave myself points for coming up with that story on the spot.

"Is this a normal thing?"

"Is what a normal thing?"

"Popping up at random times with food?"

"Excuse me, Mr. you're the one who called me at eleven asking to go to dinner!"

"I know you like food at anytime, and I haven't didn't eat dinner that night!"

"Well, I haven't eaten breakfast this morning yet."

"That's not the same." Chris mumbled watching me eat the eggs and bacon. I gave him a small smile which he returned. We sat eating the breakfast I had impulsively gotten us. We drank our respective drinks, and enjoyed each other. We didn't have to exchange words, to find comfort in each other, and I loved the silence between us. The silence of me and him.