I didn't know what I expected. I stood in front of his hotel room, with messed up hair and makeup. I didn't know why I thought I could knock on it. I didn't know why I thought he would even let me stay the night. I didn't know why I even let myself think he might care for me as much as I do him. I don't know what I'm doing.

But there I was. My stomach plummeting as every second went by that went by.

I stood there at his door walking back and forth. It was ridiculous. I was his friend, why wouldn't I be allowed to stay the night? How am I going to explain why I was there? Oh yeah, I missed you so much Chris, so you know jumped on an early flight. Couldn't wait a day to see you again? No.

There's something so exciting and almost magical about having a crush. Oh god, calling Chris my crush sounded like I was back in middle school. He was a distraction I needed. Sometimes you just need an imaginary figure to take you away because you know you can't do it yourself.

But having feelings, even fake ones, for someone who doesn't really exist, someone who you've made up hurts. What if my beautiful version of Chris wasn't really him? Can he ever amount to my daydreams? Is that how people fall out of love?

And daydreaming about someone that will never daydream about you is endlessly frustrating. But it's so addicting. I can't quit. You keep thinking, dreaming, hoping that maybe this time, this day, now, tomorrow, they'll love you back. But they don't, and it's okay because all you needed was a daydream to sweep you off your feet not a person.

I knocked on the door, and almost ran. I looked around the hallway I had already memorized by pacing up and down it.

"Lucy?" Chris said opening the door and I finally meet his eyes. He looked a little confused but still smiled at me. His blue eyes were the only things I saw and I wanted to melt.

"What? I thought you were coming tomorrow? What are you doing here?!" He sounded happy and surprised, but he's an actor.

"I...umm....missed my set...Worried it wasn't in good hands." I falsely admitted to him and he chuckles a bit. I wondered if he saw through my pathetic act.

"Umm, Chris I need a huge favor. Do you think I could stay the night? Since I came early my hotel room isn't available. I'm sorry to do this, I mean I can go—"

"Yeah Lucy you can stay it isn't a big deal." He interrupted stopping my embarrassing ramble. I followed him inside his hotel room set my suitcase somewhere out of the way. I sat on his couch and sighed rather loudly. I rubbed my eyes making my make up worse, and I felt the couch dip a little.

"How'd it go today?"

"Fine, fine. They never gave me an answer. Told me they'll get back to me. Which is the absolute worse, and now I'm having even more anxiety." I confessed to him.

"I'm sorry Luce. I know how much you worked to get the deal. It still might happen."

"Hopefully. But I don't know Chris. It seems like I wasted my time." I got up from the couch and grabbed some stuff from my suitcase.

"I'm going to change into something a little more comfortable." I told Chris and he nodded. I changed into a sweatshirt and leggings. I washed my face and took a deep breath. I didn't realize how tired I was until now.

I left the bathroom and returned to the couch.

"What time is it?" I asked Chris

"Six"

"What?" It seemed like it was midnight. My internal clock was all messed up. In Boston it was almost 10 at night.

"You want a job?" I challenged Chris.

"Depends, hows the pay?" He joked raising an eyebrow

"Your job is to keep me awake for 4 more hours. I need to get my body switched around."

"Seems doable. Are you hungry? I don't really know anywhere to get your weird tea mix."

"Oh I made that tea mix up."

"Did you just look at the menu one day and decide to mix teas together?"

"Pretty much. It was late, I was bored. I used to work there, so I could mix whatever I wanted."

"I did not know you were a barista. Come on let's go get something to eat I'm hungry."

We end up eating at a Chinese restaurant.

"This is my favorite food" I said as I practically inhaled my beef with broccoli.

"You said that about chips and salsa." Chris reminded me laughing a bit.

"What! You can't expect me to choose one favorite food! That's like asking you to pick one favorite movie! It's un fair!" I whined making Chris laugh even harder.

We finish up dinner and it was close to eight, so in Boston it was around midnight.

"Lucy are you awake?" Chris nudged me in the car. I most definitely fell asleep but he didn't have to know that.

"Yeah, man. I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed!" I lied to him still drowsy. I looked over at him an added a thumbs up.

"It kind of looked like you fell asleep."

"What! No! You're delusional Chris. Get hit in the head today? Cap's helmet to tight?" I rambled making Chris laugh.

"Oh my god, you're so tired you're talking like a drunk."

"Oh boy, you haven't even seem me drunk yet. I have the same tolerance as a toddler. I swear just smelling beer will get me intoxicated." It was late and my filters were gone. All gone. So if I didn't fall asleep soon, I'd say something real stupid. This is the first stage of sleep deprivation for me: the drunk talk. It's where I talk like I had to much to drink, so I say anything I think of in a sloppy, slurry way.

"Luce!"

"Yeah!"

"You fell asleep again."

"There's those hallucinations again Evans. Look, I'm just trying to see if you can do your job right." His booming laughter made me laugh and pretty soon I was at the next stage of sleep deprivation: the giggly wigglies.

They were named in middle school by Crystal and I. It pretty much just means you're slap happy.

"Knock knock"

"Who's there."

"Nobody"

"Nobody who?"

"Nobody who?" He repeated. He finally got the joke and almost made the car swerve when he laughed. I turned up the radio louder so I could sing along. I was enjoying the ride and I noticed Chris just going around the block a couple times. I sing along to an old 80s rock anthem pointing to Chris and whipping my hair around like I was 2008 Taylor Swift. I held up my hand like I was holding on to a microphone.

"Hey, Chris" I said looking at him a little serious.

"Hmmm" he sobered as he glanced at my way.

"You know what always helps keep me awake?"

I held my hand in front of his mouth still holding my imaginary microphone so he could talk into it. "What?"

"Ice cream." A sly smile graced my lips and he slowly copied.

"Where are we going to get ice cream?"

"You're never to far from the golden arches Chris." I mentioned to him actually giggling. He looked at me rolled his eyes trying to seem annoyed but his smile was to big.

"Ice cream! Ice cream!" I chanted as I gave him directions to the closest McDonalds.

At the drive through I whispered my order Chris and he laughed as he told it to the worker. I ordered a large M&M Mcfurry and a medium fry. How could you not go to McDonalds and not get french fries?

"No, but seriously french fries are my favorite food."

"I'm sorry our ice cream machine is broken." And that was how I reached my final stage of sleep deprivation: the emotional stage. I really try to fall asleep before this part. Crystal calls this part the PMS 2.0. At the emotional stage I'm either angry, or sad, or too happy. The happy one doesn't really happen.

So when he said there was no ice cream, my eyes, no joke, got misty. Tears filled the eyes but never came rolling down. I totally should not have stayed up late last night. It was really bitting me in the ass.

"Luce are you okay?" Chris asked me noticing my severe unhappiness. He seemed a little shocked like a deer caught in headlights shocked.

"Yeah, I just really wanted the ice cream." I replied lamely. Chris couldn't decide whether to laugh or be worried. The worker handed me the bag with fries and I open the bag to find the size small fries! Oh no.

Tears silently fell down my face before I could jerk them back in. The emotional stage is the absolute worse. Usually at this point I'm alone crying about a movie!

"Oh my god Lucy! What's wrong!" Chris asked almost pulling over. His face was stricken with worry. I wiped my eyes and started to laugh only confusing him more.

"I'm sorry Chris! I'm so tired and when I get this tired I go though these stages. I'm at the emotional stage if you can't tell."

"Oh I can tell."

"Stage one was the drunk talk. Stage two was the giggly wigglies. Stage there is the emotional stage."

"There's no stage four?"

"No that's when I'm passed out asleep."

"So that's next?"

"Yeah, and it's coming quick" I told him yawning. We made it back go the hotel and I shuffled behind Chris. He opened his door and I slowly walked into the room.

"Wanna help me?" He asked as he pulled out the couch bed. I put sheets on the bed and a blanket. Chris handed me a pillow and I hug it.

"Thank you." I softly told Chris setting a hand on his forearm. I reached up and kissed him on the cheek before I laid down and closing my eyes in utter exhaustion.