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Dedication: Im_harrys_wife for the awesome cover! Thank you so much. :)

Recap:

"There's so much about the night of your sixteenth birthday that you don't know!" he cried out desperately. He limped, as if in physical pain, to the bottom of the stairs, his eyes pleading for me to understand. It wasn't just the whole 'sleeping with my best friend and getting her pregnant thing' that had me so annoyed. It contributed greatly of course, but it was the fact that every time I got close to him, he would do something to push me away. I paused and stared into those eyes I love so much.

Is it true?

Is there really something I don't know about that night, that ruined us?

Did I even want to know?

"I didn't want to leave you that night. I could have stayed like that for the rest of my life! I promise you. But I needed to leave."

The anger inside me fizzled out. I felt exhausted. I sagged down and collapsed onto the top step, unable to support my own weight anymore. He sat on the bottom step and looked up at me. I felt empty. I stared coolly down towards him, giving up on being sad. Being angry. I was just tired of all my emotions and feelings. With a sigh, I rubbed my face roughly.

"Tell me everything."

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I was finally doing it.

After so long of holding back being afraid to, I finally was.

Running my tongue across my lips, I let myself pause for a moment. I knew this wasn't a good idea, but I felt so messed up inside. I didn't have anywhere else to go or anyone else to be with. I literally had no one.

My fingers trailed down his chest, my lips making a track across his stomach. His finger slid underneath my chin, so that I was looking into his beautiful eyes. I took a moment to just appreciate him. He was not only gorgeous but had the biggest heart I had ever known.

He had been good to me when I didn't deserve it.

"Are you sure?" he asked me softly, giving me an escape clause if I needed it.

I didn't reply, but slammed my lips to his instead. This answer must have been sufficient enough, because my top was ripped from my body with seconds. This was going very fast paced since only an hour ago I was almost suicidal.

I suppose we've waited long enough, that now it feels like we're running out of time.

My heart was beating rapidly inside my chest. My fingers began trembling. Noticing this, he entwined his fingers with mine, giving me a look of certainty. He slowly raised my hand to his lips and softly kissed it, making my stomach do a flip.

Was I ready to do this again?

"I love you so much, Lacey." he whispered onto my lips, running his hands through my hair. "You don't not know how long I have wanted to do this."

"I know, Aiden. I know."

I silently stared into Carter's electric eyes.

Okay, so his story made sense and did change things. But how much did it really change? It took him over a year to tell me that? Could have saved us a lot of time and anger management courses. This is why I am not sure if he is telling the truth.

"Do you understand now?" he asked me quietly, rubbing his foot absently. Oh yeah, he kicked his foot through his shower door. Guess he will be sharing mine now! Yay...

"Yeah, totally, we can get back together now." I said sweetly. "It changes the fact that you slept with my best friend and got her pregnant. I can forgive you now and move on."

"Lace-" he started, rubbing the back of his neck as a flush crept over his skin.

"Look Carter, yeah, you may not have been the jerk I thought you were that night, but it still doesn't change the fact that you've been a jerk recently. I'm going to need time to come to terms with the whole pregnancy thing. It's not really like we can be together anyway, when you will be at Mercedes beck and call for everything."

He literally shuddered at the thought. A grimace formed on his face as if he was deeply disturbed by the idea. I was also slightly disgusted at the thought. She was no best friend of mine anymore. I could finally accept the fact that I never really liked her all along.

"I really screwed up."

"Literally."

I couldn't help add that last bit.

He pursed his lips at me and frowned. "I know it will take time, a long time, to move past this but I wanted you to know about that night, I was literally drugged. I have no idea what was going on. It was so messed up."

I couldn't help feel a little sorry for him after the way I acted. He tried to do the right thing by stopping Andrew and got drugged in the process. So what do I do? Jump to the worst conclusions without hearing his side of the story. Good girlfriend I was.

"Why did you sleep with her?" I asked softly. "You knew it would destroy me if I found out."

He sighed wearily, his hands covering his eyes. "You're the only girl who doesn't willingly drop everything for me. You put up a fight to my constant flirt, my compliments and my actions. No girl has ever done that to me. And the fact that you paraded Aiden in front of me drove me insane. Mercedes came to my front door, wearing her tight little skirt and I wanted to hurt you like the way you hurt me. Every single day. So, without thinking of the consequences..."

I never realised how much he was affected by me being with Aiden.

"I thought you hated me as much as I hated you. I had no idea you would be jealous over Aiden. The idea seems incredulous to me."

"I wanted to rip his throat out with my bare teeth and shove it-" he began but again, I cut him off.

"Please don't go there. He's a good guy. He doesn't deserve the hate you're throwing towards him. He was there for me when you weren't."

Carter's jaw clenched angrily. "He should never have been anywhere near you."

"Look, I'm tired, hungry and I just want to go home." I sighed, exhausted. "To your home, I mean."

"Let's go then." he said, helping me up. He stared distastefully down at my hand and I couldn't stop the guilt from bubbling in the pit of my stomach. "I can't believe you punched Meredith."

I rolled my eyes at the name of his car. "You deserved it to be in your face, but I thought I'd take a different path of violence."

Carter had named his car Meredith when he first got it. We had both been obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. Carter used to say he wanted to be a surgeon but I always just laughed at him. He was the football kind of guy, not the type to study years of medicine.

He gritted his teeth, clearly annoyed, but didn't want to push his luck. I entered the cabin and collected all my stuff, ignoring Carter's looming presence. He still hung close to me, as if nothing had happened. But it had. And it was going to take me a while to get back to the way we were. If we would ever get back there.

Following him out of the cabin, I peered wearily over my shoulder. I was going to miss hanging here, just with Aiden, trying to forget Carter. I sighed and increased my pace, the desire to go sleep in my bed (temporary bed anyway) was becoming overwhelming.

I never thought I'd be so glad to go to Carter's house again.

***

My guilt doubled by the time I stepped into Carter's mansion. I hadn't spoken to Miranda for several days. I couldn't imagine the trauma and trouble I had put her through. Selfish. That was the one word that could sum up my personality in a nutshell. I can't believe I didn't bother to call her and let her know I was alright.

I stepped into the kitchen and faced her, my heart rate beginning to increase. She was sitting at the dining room table, her legs neatly folded across her lap, her hands interlaced on top of the table. Her face was calm and steady, however, her eyes were icy cold.

"Nice to see you Lacey." her voice was low and riled with sarcasm. "It's really nice that you called and told me you were okay. I'm especially glad that you ran away when I am supposed to be taking care of you."

I could feel Carter's eyes burning into my skull. My eyes stung but I refused to show any emotion. I straightened my spine, looking at her levelly.

"I'm sorry."

A bitter laugh escaped her mouth. She threw her hands up in exasperation. "That's good. I'm sure that will make everything okay."

I physically bit my tongue, to stop myself saying anything I would regret. Miranda was like a second mum to me. I could not put her through that and then be rude to her. Not when she had provided me a place to stay and food for me to eat.

"I could not be near Carter or I would have done something worse than run away." My voice was cold.

Her face twitched slightly. She was probably thinking back to one of the times I've self-harmed.

"What's going on?" her eyes darted between Carter and myself.

"Would you like to tell her Carter, or should I?" I asked sweetly. "I'm sure you tell the story better than I do anyway."

He remained silent, however his eyes bored into mine. I knew I was crossing the line, but I did it anyway. A vicious smile tugged onto my face as words seemed to have escaped him. I could feel myself getting angry and worked up about the whole situation all over again.

"Nothing?" I questioned.

Folding my arms across my chest, I swivelled to face Miranda again. The anger I have been trying to squash down began bubbling to the surface.

"He slept with my best friend and got her pregnant. Congratulations, you're a grandmother."

And with that verbal slap in the face, I stalked into my room and slammed the door shut as hard as I could.

Okay, Miranda didn't deserve the bomb to be dropped on her like that but I was mad and wanted to get back at Carter. She was going to find out either way, I just beat him to it. He probably wouldn't have told her for another month if it was up to him.

May as well get it out in the open.

I threw my stuff onto the floor and collapsed onto the bed. I curled up into foetal position, resting my forehead on my knees. The more I thought about Carter right now, the more I wanted to be with Aiden. He was just so nice and understanding.

He has never done anything to hurt me, as far as I'm aware.

I stayed like this, curled up in a ball for about an hour. My body felt cramped and I had grown uncomfortable a while ago now, but I didn't have the energy to move. First thing in the morning, I was going for a run. I really need the numbing feeling that generates under my skin.

Suddenly, my door busted open. I flinched, causing my muscles to wince. I stretched out, rolling my head around. Carter stood there, looking extremely furious. His skin was slightly off colour, his eyes watery and his cheeks tinged red. I gulped uneasily, suddenly filled with regret.

"Do you feel better now?"

"What?" I asked, my voice coming out hoarse.

"Telling my mother after everything she has been through with you? A + effort on helping my life fall to pieces."

"I'm making your life fall to pieces?" I snapped, leaping to my feet, ignoring the complaints from my muscles. Suddenly, I wasn't feeling so guilty. He deserved everything he got. "You have got to be joking."

"I should have been the one to tell her this." he growled, his jaw ticking.

"Maybe you shouldn't have done it in the first place!" I screeched, fuming. "When you're mad, you don't just have to sleep with people to make yourself feel better! Consider how the other people in the situation feel! It's not just about you."

"You know what?" he asked, his voice dropping down low. He took a step towards me, his eyes in slits. "I don't regret it. In fact, I'd do it again."

I feel as though I have been punched in the stomach. The wind knocked out of me. I took a step back, hurt flooding into my chest. His face twitched and I thought I saw a flash of regret in his eyes, but his mask was back in place within mere seconds. This made me question whether I had seen anything at all. I felt breathless, as though there suddenly wasn't enough oxygen in the room.

I took a step back, my eyes burning. I can't believe he said that.

"Get out." I whispered. The burning desire to run away swelled in my chest, but I ignored it. Clearly that was not a good idea last time. I cleared my throat, my voice coming out stronger. "Get the hell out of my room and the hell out of my life. I hate you."

Without another word, he stalked from my room, slamming the door behind him. I sunk to my knees, the hurt inside me was indescribable. How could I love such a monster? I could not go back to him. I know I shouldn't. Maybe we were just two people who weren't compatible, despite our chemistry. Clearly we can't work out since it always ends in disaster.

Before I let myself have a full-blown break down, my phone began blaring beside me. With sniff hands, I raised the phone to my ear.

"Oh Lacey," my mother's voice whispered. "Are you okay? I have been so worried. I got the phone call last night that you had run away. I was organising a flight back when Miranda rang back saying there was a sighting of you."

"Long story." I croaked out, glad I could even string a sentence together right now. "I'll tell you about it when you get home."

"Are you okay?"

'Okay' was not even in my vocabulary anymore.

"Yep." I forced out, the words causing my physical pain. "What's up?"

"Your grandmother." mum said, her voice filled with sadness. "She died this morning."

I'm honestly not sure I could feel any worse.

How could so many things go wrong in such a short amount of time?

I'm not sure if mum said anything else because the phone slipped from my fingers. I was numb. After sitting in silence for a ridiculous amount of time, I got up. Almost robotically, I walked from my room, and down the stairs towards my car.

I didn't stop to talk to anyone on my way out. I think I, and that family, have caused each other enough damage for one day.

Coldness seeped through my veins and I felt void of emotion. I started my car, hardly registering the fact that I should not be in a car whilst in this state. I wasn't sure of where I was going until the car had stopped.

I looked at the front door and sighed. I felt nothing. Robotically, I removed myself from the car. Dragging my feet with my head hanging, I stepped onto his porch. It wasn't long before he answered, giving me the beautiful smile I loved.

"Lacey?" he asked, his smile instantly dropping. "What's wrong?"

I grabbed his shirt with my hand and tugged him towards me, my lips crushing against his. We stepped apart, breathless. My eyes stared into his confused ones. I stepped closer, so there was no space left between us.

"Aiden, I love you, too."

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