I stare into the eyes of a five months old baby and wonder why he's starring back. I can't remember what happened last night but I somehow landed in Clair's house. She is talking right now, telling me things that I should know. Things like "You don't get into a car, drunk and drive to your assistant's house." She says things like "You stay at home and sleep in out" or things like "You don't drive when you had six beers, you just don't." She says everything that I should know and I know that I know them, deep down where a sober Niall would have found and recall those things. The sober Niall wouldn't have gotten in a car at God knows what time. It was very late, that's for sure. But apparently the drunk Niall forgot all those things last night. All those things... and that I'm should be old enough. Old enough to understand. She says that I have responsibilities and that I can't be reckless anymore, that I can't not care anymore.

"Are you even listening?" Clair asks and I shake my head no. "At least you're honest." She mumbles and leaves the living room again. I still stare at her baby, sitting in that bouncy thingy. He's young. He doesn't have responsibilities, doesn't have to care and can be reckless. I wish I was him. All he has to do it drink milk, poop, sleep, smile a little for his parents and then drink milk, poop and sleep again.

In the corner of my eye, I see Clair and her husband talking and start to listen. "When did he arrive?" Clair's husband asks.

"He came around one a.m. and I put him to bed in the guest bedroom." Clair explains and I see brackets of last night in front of my eyes. "He was pretty drunk..." She tells her husband as I remember that I got into my car, drunk. Drove around, sang to songs on the radio, drove to the side of the rode and eventually started to cry again, drunk. "He mumbled things that I couldn't understand... I think he mentioned his ex's name, but I'm not sure... at least he seems to be fine now." She says and I feel her eyes and her husband's eyes looking at me, checking if that statement is even correct.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Clair's husband asks. I look at them, seeing her shrug and cup his cheek. I know that she's probably going to kiss him and that I should look away but I can't.

"You were tired enough and Niall was easy to handle anyways." Clair explains and kisses her husband. He kisses her back, puts his hands on her waist and only when their son sneezes, I manage to look away. Their son, made of their love, still stares at me and I wonder what he thinks when he sees me. He's five months old, do five months old even think? He sneezes again and Clair and her husband pull away.

"Niall, what do you want for breakfast?" Clair's voice suddenly tears me out of the starring battle that I had with her baby.

"I'm not hungry." I mumble and look up to her. Her husband goes over to their son and gives him a kiss before leaving the room. Clair has moved, as I watched her husband leave, and stands next to the door that leads to the kitchen.

"Don't lie, Niall." She says, making me chuckle shortly.

"I'll eat whatever you desire to make me, Clair." I say, making her smile.

"Great." She nods approving and disappears in the kitchen, leaving me alone with her son who sneezes again. He has her lips and I wonder what my and Olivia's child would get if he were to get one. Would it have my eyes, her nose, her lips and my hair? Or would it have her eyes, my nose, my lips and her hair?

I look around in the living room until I see a picture of Clair and her husband together. I scan their faces and then of their son's. He has his father's eyes and darker hair than either of them. His cheeks are rosy and the look of his face innocent. He sneezes again and the door to the kitchen opens. Clair comes in and picks up her son. "A sneeze again..." She puts the back of her hand on his forehead to check if he is too hot and gives him a kiss on the cheek. "We'll have to see the doctor later, won't we?" She says and softly pokes his cheek. I notice the tone change in her voice going higher when she talks to him and follow her into the kitchen. Clair puts the little boy into his high chair and goes back to the stove.

"Is he ill?" I ask and she nods as he cracks an egg into a pan. "Is it something serious?" I want to know, feeling a bit worried now.

"Lets hope not." She says and smiles over to the little boy, who's just sitting there, looking at me yet again. I go over to him and take his little hand into mine. His finger instantly wrap around it and he smiles softly.

"What do you see?" I ask him quietly, not expecting an answer. He smiles again.

Time just flies away as Clair and I ate breakfast, eggs and bacon with toast. I help her clean up afterwards and then I followed her and the little one back into the living room. Clair puts him back down again, on the rug that is bordered with long pillows, so that he can't get out, as I sit down on the couch. "I have to make a call... You know how to take care of a baby, right?" She asks and leaves me alone, without letting me answer.

Thinking, that the short times that I spent taking care of Theo prepared me for this, I carefully pick him up and place him on my thigh. He starts to cry. I start to panic. "Shh, everything's alright." I tell him and bounce my not injured leg up and down. "I won't hurt you... it's okay." I say and start to panic even more. If Clair comes in now and sees that I couldn't even handle a minute with her son alone, she's going to think that I'm not able to do anything. She's going to think that she has to do everything for me and won't let me do anything on my own. Arriving here drunk last night was already dumb and just an example of how incapable I am, not even able to handle my own life.

"Please stop crying." I say to him but it doesn't have any effect. His cry slowly becomes louder and I start to sweat. "Please stop... I-I could sing!" I suggest. "Olivia said that she always clams down when-when I sing." I add stuttering and ask myself why I even told him that. He doesn't know her. He has never heard me sing, not that I know off. And he probably doesn't understand me anyways. "It-it's worth trying, right?" I ask and start to sing You & I quietly. It's the first time I sung since the break up and the first time I hear that song since I drove home after the break up. Nearly two months and everything still reminds me of her. I wonder if it'll ever stop.

The little boy on my thigh has stopped crying and I give myself a mental pad on the back. At least I managed to do that, I think and stop to bounce my leg up and down. "You like that song, don't you?" I ask and receive a smile as answer. "It's a good one, I know." I smirk and continue to sing.

Only when I hear a phone ring, closely to me, I stop and turn around, seeing Clair standing right behind me. "Sorry." She says. "Please continue."

"No... he-he's stopped crying now." I say as she comes around and sits down on the couch next to me. Her phone has stopped ringing and she unlocks it, before giving it to me.

"It's for you." She says and I see Harry's number on the display. "I believe it's urgent since... you know..." She points at the little red number that says 4. I take a deep breath and she stands up, taking her son off my thigh. "We'll leave you alone." Clair smiles weakly and disappears in the kitchen. When the door is closed, I call Harry back.

"Niall?" He says with worriedness and anger in his voice.

"Yes." I answer.

"Do you have any idea how many times I called you last night? How many times I called the other boys, telling them to try to contact you as well? Do you have any idea of how many times I head Louis sayin' 'Oh he just fell asleep, calm down'" Harry asks, faking Louis' accent at the end. "Do you know how worried I was?!" He raises his voice and then takes a deep breath. He's clearly angry and pissed at me but I can't turn back time and do things differently. I just can't.

"I'm sorry, mate." I mumble, feeling bad now.

"I'm sorry mate? I'M SORRY MATE?! Niall, I was so close to drive to your house and I would have if Liam hadn't given me your assistant's number." Harry exclaims and I imagine his red face in front of me. "I was worried to death about you Niall! You could have gotten into an accident! You could have died or caught driving drunk. You know exactly that you shouldn't drive while drinking. You know exactly what effect an accident would have on-on everybody! You have responsibilities, Niall! Big responsibilities." He continues and I feel like he's my dad or my wife or whatever.

"I know, Harry." Is all that is able to leave my mouth.

"I was worried, scared! Do you know what that feels like?!" He asks and then I snap.

I lost lose it.

"Yes Harry!" My voice raises. "I know exactly how that feels! I'm sorry that you had to worry about me. I wish I could promise you that you wound't have to ever again but I can't. I'm-I'm sorry that you were worried and scared. I know what it feels like. Trust me, alright. I feel worried and scared everyday. Ever fucking day! Not knowing where she is, what she does, what she feels is worrying me everyday! I know how that feels like. I know it too well." My heart is racing and my eyes burning. My hands form fists and I press my lips together.

"I'm sorry." Harry says lowering his voice again. It has changed from worried and scared, from angry and pissed, to soft and understanding. He has realized that everything that I do is because of her, realized that I'm nothing without her. He understands now that his jokes and uplifting words did nothing to me because I'm not over her yet and I'll probably never will be. "I'm sorry." He repeats after a few moments.

"I'm sorry too, Harry. I really am." I say and look down to my hands. "It's all not your fault. It's no one's fault. It-It's just... life, I guess."

"You don't deserve this." Harry mumbles.

"She doesn't deserve it either." I mumble back and it's quiet for a while. Clair comes back in with her son and they sit down on an armchair across from me. "I'll call or text you later, Harry... and sorry again." I say into the phone.

"Don't be." He says and I hang up.

"Everything alright?" Clair asks as I give her her phone back. I nod. "Sure? I heard you yelling." She says and looks at me with big questioning eyes.

"I just snapped... everything's fine now." I explain as her son sneezes. "We should get him to the doctor." I say and get up.

"You're right, we should." She says and stands up. She has already dressed him, while I was talking to harry and both are ready to leave. "Are you ready?" Clair asks and I quickly check for my phone in my sweatpants but then remember that I left it at home.

"Yes." I nod and follow her out of the house. "I'll quickly drive home, get my phone and then I'll join you." I tell Clair as I get into my car.

"You can just stay at home, Niall." She says but I shake my head no.

"I'll come with you. Sing for him when he cries." I say, making her smile brightly. I wait for her to put her son into his car seat and then drive off. Minutes later, I arrive at my house and grab my phone. Only when I sit in my car again, I dare to look at the many missed calls from Harry, Louis, Liam and Zayn. All of them called at least 5 times but Harry beaten them all with 13. I quickly text each of them, except for Harry because we already talked, that I'm fine and that I just forgot my phone at home.

Back in my car, I buckle up, drive to the hospital and call Clair once I arrive there. She doesn't answer and I just park my car near the entrance before getting out. As I walk towards the entrance of the hospital, I look around and see her.

Olivia.

She stands on the other side of the road, looks to her left then to her right. I want to run over to her. I want to call her name, talk to her, hug her, be with her.

She sees me, looks at me and our eyes connect. But I can even take another step and a black car appears and...

CRASH