After the appointment, Clair walks ahead of me out of the hospital. Few paparazzi are around and take pictures, asking how I'm feeling and if I'm going to manage to recover before the tour, but I ignore them. Clair holds the car door open for me and I quickly get in and buckle up. She closes the door and gets in on the driver's side. As she drives off, I look over to the entrance of the hospital and see her. Olivia. But it is really her? I can only see her from behind, walking into the hospital, yet I'm sure that it's her. She has her hair, her height, her shoes. But many girls have brown, curled hair and many girls are her height and have the same pair of shoes. I'm just hallucinating... again. It can't be her... but if it was, why did she walk into the hospital?

I start to worry as Clair drives us away from the hospital. She talks but I don't listen. Olivia is stuck in my head again, after I managed to not think about her during the appointment. Why did she walk into the hospital? Is she visiting someone or is she going to get herself checked? What if she has something serious?

"Niall?!" Clair tears me out of my thoughts and I snap back into reality.

"Sorry." I say, shaking my head. Clair gives me a questioning and concerned look. "I'm fine." I just mumble and take a deep breath.

"Are you sure?" She asks and I nod. "Okay... um, can we drive to Waitrose? My husband texted me. We need more diapers and milk." She says and I nod again.

"Yes, yes of course." I try to smile at her but it's weak and I quickly look away before she can ask why I'm upset all of the sudden.

Minutes later, we arrive at Waitrose and get out of the car. Clair offered me to stay in the car and wait, saying that she'll only be inside for a max of 5 minutes, but I insisted to go with her and help carrying something, even if it's only a small thing, since I still have to able to walk with my crutches. We get inside and Clair knows exactly where to go. She walks ahead, left, ahead, right until we arrive at the baby section. I look at the prices, surprised by how high they actually are. I never thought that baby would to be so expensive. "Damn." I mumble and look at Clair who takes two packs of diapers. "I should pay you more considering these prices." I say, making her laugh.

"You don't have to, Niall." She says and walks ahead of me. "But I wouldn't mind if you do." She adds, making me chuckle a bit. Good thing that I'm not expecting a baby any time soon, I think as I follow her to the milk. Clair gets what she needs and then I beg her for beer.

"Alcohol isn't good for your knee, Niall." She says shakes her head no.

"Why?" I want to know.

"Because you just had a knee surgery and it really isn't the best." She explains and I run my fingers through my hair.

"It won't kill me, Clair." I say, rolling my eyes at her.

"It won't make you recover faster either, Niall." She say and walks away.

"But I'm Irish." I say after her, making her turn around.

"So?" She asks.

"I'll survive a pint." I tell her and take a six-pack.

"Don't call me when your knee hurts more than it already does." Clair just says and walks to the cash register. I put the six-pack to the other things and pull my wallet out, ready to pay as soon as the cashier says the amount. When she does, Clair reaches into her bag, but I'm prepared and quicker to pay for everything.

"Niall." She says stern. I shrug and smile at her, taking my six-pack of beer. "You didn't have to pay." Clair says as she takes the diapers and the milk.

"I wanted to, alright?" I say and hobble ahead of her, out of the store. Paparazzi are outside and I notice that they are the same as earlier before. They start taking pictures and asking the same questions as before. But when they see the diapers and milk, they start to ask other questions. "Are the diapers for your child?" "Do you have a child, Niall?" "Is it a girl or a boy?" "Who's the mother?" "Niall! Are you a father?"

I ignore every single one of them as I hobble to the car. Clair puts everything into the boot and helps me into the car, before getting in herself. As soon as we're both buckled up, she drives me home. When we arrive there, Clair parks my car and we get out. She gives me my six-pack and puts her things into her car.

"Call me if you need something and I'll be on my way." Clair says as she gets into her car.

"Will do." I say and smile as she closes the door. She waves at me and I watch her drive away, before I stop to smile and go into my house. It's not even five but I sit down on my couch and open up a beer. I start to drink and take my phone to turn some music on. After connecting it with my stereo system, music blasts through my living room. I skip the sad songs, replay the fast songs.

My head hurts and is kinda spinning around but I don't care. I don't even know why and if I should care. After finishing the third beer, I lay down and drift away.

I find myself in the back of my garden. But I'm not myself. It's like I'm part of the air. I look around and see my younger self, sitting on the swing set right next to Olivia. We're ignoring each other, starring at the grass in front of our feet. We don't talk and I know that something is wrong. I try to remember what happened that day, but I can't.

"Can you promise me one thing?" My younger self asks Olivia's younger self.

"One thing." She mumbles and only then I notice the patch on the back of her head. I instantly know what day that was. It was shortly after the accident. She can't remember who I am, nor who my parents are. She can't remember that we were friends, nor that we even knew each other. I'm guessing that she probably thinks that I'm just her neighbour and that her parents are just saying goodbye to my parents.

"Promise me to like me when we're older." My younger self says and looks up from the grass. He looks at her but she keeps starring at the ground, making him look back down.

"I don't even know your name." Olivia says before it's quiet again.

"Just promise me to like me when we're older." My younger self says after a few minutes.

She nods.

"Promise." She says and looks up. My younger self also looks up and their eyes meet.

"It was nice to meet you." Olivia says and stands up. I look around and see that her parents are walking out of my house. Olivia rushes over to them and takes the hand of her father. Her mother and my mother quickly hug and then they walk away. I watch her leave with the patch on her head.

A sharp pain rushes through my head and I wake up again. I rub my eyes open and open the fourth bottle of beer. To be honest, I don't know what I'm doing right now. Drink and then? It won't improve anything and it won't help me in any way.

Yet I open the fifth bottle after finishing the fourth and call Harry. I don't know why him, but my finger kinda just chose him. It's not late, so he must be--

I can't finish my thought when Harry picks up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Hazza." I say and hold my laugh in.

"Niall, are you okay?" Harry asks. Within seconds, I know that he's concerned. His voice has changed drastically from normal to worried.

"I'm fine." I mumble and lay down on the couch. "I'm fine, I swear." It's quiet on the other side of the phone and I know that Harry is texting the other boys.

"Are you drunk?" Harry asks after few seconds of silent passed by. I shrug, even though he can't see me.

"Louis told you to ask me that question, didn't he, Harry? Louis knows me good. Always knows when I'm drunk, knows how-how I am when I'm drunk... and how couldn't he? He's usually the one making me drink. But I'm not mad at him, I'm really not." I tell Harry and it's quiet for another moment. "You're texting him and the other boys, aren't you Hazza? You tell them that-that I'm drunk and that-that I'm not well or however you and the others call it." I sit up again and take a sip of my beer.

"You should stop drinking, Niall." Harry says with a clam voice. I don't know if he tries to calm me or himself though.

"You should stop texting every time I say something, Harry. But I'm not mad, I'm really not." I run my fingers through my hair and take another sip of my beer. For a moment, I think about slowing down, but that thought quickly fades away when I finish the beer and open the six and last one.

"You are mad, Niall." He says. "Angry at someone. I get it. You're not mad at me and you're not not mad at Louis, but Niall... who are you mad at?" Harry asks and I get the strong feeling that Liam told him to say that.

"At no one." I shake my head no, even though he can't see me. I drink few sips of my beer and hold the bottle tightly in my hands, afraid that I could lose it as soon as I hold it to loosely... just like I lost Olivia.

"Bullshit." Harry says and I know that that can only come from Louis.

"I'm not mad at anyone." I say and start to think that a conference call would have been better, since Harry is texting the other boys every word I say anyway.

"Don't lie, Niall." Harry's voice goes down to a whisper. "Who are you mad at?" He asks and rage builds up at me.

"AT ME! I'm mad at me alright!" I slam the bottle onto the coffee table and stand up. "I'm mad at myself! Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you and other boys wanted me to say? I'm mad at myself, alright?! At my fucking self!"

"Niall, calm down." Harry says and I take a deep breath. It doesn't make me calm down a bit.

"I'm mad at me. All the shit that happened could have been avoided. Seriously everything. But I didn't do shit. I thought things would fix themselves. I-I thought that... that we would find our happiness together now... I thought so wrong." I break down. Tears start to stream down my face and my heart is racing in my chest. "I screwed up... everything. She-she could be mine but I ruined everything."

"No, no you didn't." Harry says and I remember how little he actually knows. He and the others don't know every details, only a short summary.

"I fucked up." I say and run my fingers through my hair. I sit back down on the couch and take the beer into my hand. "I fucked everything up." I say before finishing my last beer.

"You didn't." Harry says, making me laugh short.

"You don't know, mate. You don't know." I tell him and look at the empty bottle. "Everything is gone now."

"Not everything." Harry tries to lift up my mood.

"She's... she is my everything and..." I can't finish my sentence before tears roll down my cheeks again.

"And she's gone now." Harry finishes for me and I nod.

"Maybe I should be gone too." The words come out of my mouth before I can even think about them.

I drop my phone down and leave it in the living room, before heading to out of the house and to my car.