Anticipation.

Even the word sounds frustrating to me.

And with Ryder, I've felt it non stop because we have already gone through so much, that it's just unreal.

With him finding out about streetfighting, about Ethan, and my sudden involvement with gangs, we have had our fair share of confrontations.

And the anticipation was real.

Me being me, I've always tried my best to add humor to try and escape the situation but all that did was worsen it.

As we walked up the stairs towards my room with his arm hooked with mine as he helped me with my injured thigh, I could almost feel the anticipation oozing off of the both of us.

I couldn't help but remember all the terrible things I said to him at the carnival because I was afraid of him being seen with me.

"Let's stop pretending like everything's normal and that we are best friends again. You really think I can forgive you that easily?"

Although it broke my heart to say the words, I had to at least try and make it seem like he doesn't matter to me.

"I'm sorry to say this, Ryder, but you're still the same pompous ass, that you were back then."

I grimaced at the thought of my harsh words and how hurt Ryder must have been.

We reached my room and I walked in and sure enough, he followed.

I just had to go ahead and get kidnapped, didn't I?

I walked further into the room and heard him closing the door. I took this moment to mentally prepare myself for another confrontation.

I heard movement behind me and turned to face him when I was met with a chest.

My eyes automatically widened as I realised that I was in Ryder's arms as he pulled me to his chest with his arms tight around my waist.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled into my neck making me frown. "This is all my fault, I'm so sorry."

I was so surprised at his reaction that my body couldn't process the situation. I had expected for him to yell at me or maybe give me the silent treatment.

"Hey," My arms finally went up around his neck, as I held onto him like always.

The feeling of having his body close to mine is one that I just can't explain. It's almost like finding a home.

"What do you mean? How is any of this your fault?" I said, running my hand up and down his neck. I felt him shiver at my touch, making me smile slightly.

"I wanted to protect you. I just wanted to protect you." He mumbled and my heart broke at this boy who owns my heart and has no idea about it.

I pulled away from him and cupped his face to make him look at me. "Ryder... It's not your fault."

"No, Miles. I don't get how I always end up hurting you." He shook his head, shutting his eyes.

He pulled away from me, taking a seat on my bed, with his head hung low.

I let out a breath before, taking a seat beside him. "Ryder, I was scared that I hurt you." I said, peeling the dry skin off of my fingers.

I felt him turn to look at me. "What?"

I glanced at him for a second before, looking down at my hands awkwardly. "I mean, everything I said at the carnival. To be honest, I was expecting that you'd ignore my entire existence after that."

"Wh-" He started but cut himself off.

I squealed as I suddenly felt arms going around my waist before he picked me up and made me sit on his lap such that I was straddling him.

My wide eyes met his, as he looked down at me. Even when I was on his lap, he was almost a head taller than me.

"Me ignoring you?" He started, making me realise that we were having a conversation, that he made me forget about in merely 5 seconds. "I wouldn't have anything to hold onto then, Miles."

I blinked up at him, as he had yet again, robbed me of my speech.

"You're all I know."

My body was on fire and I couldn't figure out whether it was because of his words or his hands rubbing the exposed skin of my waist.

"Ryder..." I said, which came out a lot breathier than I expected so I cleared my throat.

I noticed the hint of a smile on his face making me smack him on the back of his head. "Shut up."

"Ouch, you're a lot kinkier than I imagined, not gonna lie." He said, rubbing the back of his head with a teasing smirk.

I scoffed, moving to get off of him but his hold on me was firm as he pulled me tight towards his chest. "Alright alright, I'm sorry." He sighed. "I'm sorry, for everything. I didn't mean for you to get hurt or being taken away."

I sighed, before grabbing the back of his neck to make him look at me. "Ryder, listen to me, what happened today was inevitable. I knew it would happen, I just didn't expect it to happen while I was with you guys."

He frowned at me. "You knew it would happen? You knew them?"

I nodded. "They have been following me for a while now, and when I saw them following us, all I wanted was to somehow get you guys out of there, safely. And I had to go with them for that."

He pulled away a little bit. "Who were they?"

I remained silent for a bit, while I scanned his face. "They were from the recruitment team..."

He frowned, while I looked away sighing. "Of a gang."

"What?!" Ryder exclaimed, his hold tightening on me. "They were all gang members?"

I slowly nodded. "Now that that's out of the way, I'm kinda hungry." I said, on instinct, trying to escape the situation.

"Miles." Ryder said, in a warning tone, making me roll my eyes.

"Alright fine, there's a gangleader who's after me because he desperately wants me in his gang, but I took care of it." I explained, adding the last part in a rush as I noticed the look of panic on his face.

"Miles this is- it's just too- why?" He stuttered making me cup his face.

"He wants me to fight for him." I said.

I proceeded to tell him all that has happened up until now, and the fact that King has tabs on me.

I left a few details out, including the deal that I made with him as that would just worsen the situation.

"So he has eyes on you all the time?" He asked once I was done telling him my part.

"I wouldn't say, all the time. But whenever I'm out or when he feels like I might be doing something suspicious." I shrugged.

"You're saying it, like it's no big deal." Ryder groaned, placing his head on my shoulder.

On instinct, my hand went into his hair but I froze realising what I'm doing. He noticed my hesitation and grabbed my hand and doing a stroking motion on his head. "Like this."

I simply blinked, almost getting lost in the feeling of his soft hair.

Has he always had such soft hair?

"What do you use?" I asked, absentmindedly, making him chuckle. He moved to adjust his head on my shoulder, but little did I know that he had other plans.

He pulled me closer to him and placed his head in the crook of my neck, making my breath hitch.

I could feel the curl of his lips on my neck as I froze, suddenly very conscious of the position we were in.

"Wait," He mumbled into my neck making a shiver run down my spine. He pulled away slightly to look at me. "So that's why you were being weird?"

I frowned at him in confusion.

"At the carnival? That's why you said all of that stuff, to get away from me..." He said, putting the pieces together while my eyes couldn't stay fixed and wavered.

I felt his large hands cup my cheeks, making me look at him. Heat crept up my neck when I realised how close we were.

"Yeah." I sighed, biting my lip. "I got a call from King and the fact that he had eyes on you, it terrified me. I didn't mean, any of that, if you don't know that already."

He scanned my face as a small smile grew on his. "I somewhat knew that there was something else going on, but I gotta admit, it didn't hurt any less."

I grimaced as the memories flashed before my eyes. "I'm sorry."

Ryder simply looked at me with a smile before tucking my hair behind my ear. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

I couldn't help but smile up at him.

I shifted my gaze from his eyes to my hand that was playing with his hair and I felt a sound of pleasure from his throat as I pulled at it slightly.

"So," I started, as I was very much aware of his hands roaming around my waist and my back. "The Ferris wheel. Had fun up there?"

His eyes flew open and met mine.

He let out a nervous chuckle. "It was okay, just a ride."

"It didn't seem just okay." My hands continued to slowly stroke his hair. "Why would Ashley leave in such a hurry? Not that I care, at all." I added the last part quickly.

Ryder looked intently into my eyes before looking down as he opened his mouth.

"Okay, so maybe it was not nothing." He started. "She uh she kind of tried to kiss me..."

My hand froze in his hair. "Oh?" Was my pathetic reply as I nodded and tried to look completely unaffected.

But in reality, I felt like someone just threw a dart at my heart.

His hand suddenly went upto mine, that was in his hair and repeated the stroking motion. "No no no. Not 'oh'."

He rushed out making me raise my eyebrows at his panicked eyes. "Nothing happened. Okay? Nothing. I pushed her away."

My eyebrows went even higher at his outburst. "Okay..." I breathed out, placing my other hand on his chest to as a sign for him to calm down.

What I felt was his heartbeat just as loud and fast as mine. It honestly felt nice to know that I had the same effect on him, that he has on me.

I looked down at my hand on his chest as I threw caution to the wind before I spoke again. "Why?" I asked, still playing with his hair.

"What?" He asked, absentmindedly.

"Why would you push her away?" I asked, in a small voice, finally looking into his confused eyes.

"What do you keep implying Miles? Are you trying to set me up with her or something? Because that's really problematic." He said, his eyes slightly wide.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I just don't get why you would push a girl like her away. She's kinda pretty, she cares about you and she's obviously interested. Then, why?" I asked, hating the words coming out of my mouth.

"That's such a stupid question." He said, making me narrow my eyes at him. "I don't care how pretty or obsessed she is with me and I would push her away a hundred more times, if needed."

I rolled my eyes at him again making him cup my face, and bring my face closer to his, making my breath hitch.

"I would push any girl away, because I like the way you taste so much better." He whispered, making my eyes widen and before I could comprehend his movement, his lips crashed into mine.

I was so shocked that I froze. I felt his lips moving against mine, in a slow, unsure way as if he was afraid of me pushing him away.

I finally gained my senses and didn't waste any time in wrapping my arms around his neck.

I felt his lips curl into a small smile against mine as I kissed him back with all those feelings that I had suppressed inside me.

His kisses were like a drug and I wanted more. I wanted so much more that the thought scared me.

If someone would have told me two months ago that I would be on my bed kissing Ryder Green, I would have straight up punched them for even mentioning his name, yet here I am.

I was very aware of his hands roaming around my body.

He bit my bottom lip slightly asking for entrance but I obviously didn't comply and proceeded to pull his hair slightly, earning a groan of pleasure from him.

I suddenly felt his hand squeeze my ass, making me gasp and giving him full access to my mouth.

Sly ass.

I brought my hand down to his chest as we continued to move our lips in sync. My hand roamed around his chest as I felt his chest muscle tense up.

What is he made of?

My hand travelled a little lower and that's when I was met with the bumpy abdomen area of this guy. The material of his t-shirt soft against my fingers.

I couldn't help but feel every single dip with my fingers. I felt his chest vibrate with a sound of pleasure that came from his throat.

I could feel the warm skin of his abdomen, through his t-shirt

I hadn't realised how low my hand had reached because I suddenly felt Ryder's hand latched onto mine before I could go any lower.

"You don't wanna start something you can't finish beautiful." He said, as he placed kisses on my jaw. I shivered at that.

I was out of breath and breathing heavily, and added to that was the heat on my cheek at the thought of my hand literally groping him.

He continued to place open mouthed kisses along my jaw and then down my neck. I couldn't help the sound of pleasure that escaped my lips even though I bit my lip.

An unbearable heat grew in my core and I tilted my head back to give him more access to my neck. His sucked on the skin on the crook of my neck and almost felt like I could see stars, for a moment.

"Ryder..." I let out a moan, as I had lost all control. I heard him groan into my neck before he kissed his way up to my lips again before giving my lips the attention that I want.

"Say it again." He breathed out, as I could feel his hands roaming around my butt and waist, leaving a trail of heat on my skin. "Say my name again."

He bit my lip, while massaging my tongue with his, as another breathy moan erupted from my throat. "Ryder..."

I heard him groan in return and he dove in for a deep kiss once again, before pulling away.

I practically whimpered at the loss of his lips on mine, making him let out a low chuckle.

"Trust me, I'm kicking myself right now but we really should stop before it gets harder for me to control myself and a cold shower isn't enough to solve the problem." He said, tucking my hair behind me ear, as I looked away.

I could feel the heat erupt on my cheeks due to what Ryder had implied. As a girl with almost zero experience in this criteria, I'm guessing, it's pretty normal.

"Woah, am I dreaming? Did Emily Waters just shy away from me?" He said, with a hand on my chin but I swat it away.

"Shut up." Was my smart reply.

"Make me." He said, a playful tint in his eyes.

I narrowed my eyes at him before a small smirk grew on my lips.

Two can play this game.

I moved to fill the gap between us as I wrapped my arms around his neck. My face was close to his, as our nose touched the other's.

His eyes widened at my sudden bold movement and I noticed his Adam's apple bob as he gulped.

I took his dazed condition to my advantage and placed my hands on his chest pushing him so he laid on his back on the bed.

I bent to line my face with his, making his breath hitch, as my lips brushed against his, teasingly.

"I think your childhood crush is overpowering you, Mr badboy." I smirked as my lips brushed against his, again.

His intense gaze suddenly met mine, making my smirk falter.

"You're not my childhood crush, beautiful." He shook his head, making me frown.

"But you said-"

His hands went behind my head, before pulling me down such that my head was on his chest and our legs were tangled together. "You're supposed to get over them when you grow up." He said stroking my hair.

I moved to look up at him with my chin on his chest, my eyes met with his soft ones.

He nodded, as I noticed a tint of pink on his cheeks. "I never got over you."

I almost coo'd at how adorable he looked confessing to me. It was almost like I never missed anything and it was the same 14 year old best friend I had.

He used his hands to make my head turn to the side and laid my cheek on his chest in a haste. "Okay, that's enough. You don't need to say anything, let's just sleep."

I giggled at that before nodding and getting comfortable in his arms, which felt like literal heaven, by the way.

"Just so you know, you're not just my childhood crush either." I mumbled, as I felt my eyelids get heavy.

I felt his chest vibrate and felt a light feather kiss on my forehead before I drifted off to the best sleep I've ever had in my life.