we lost the baby.

i couldn't lose ryder either.

i did everything i could to cooperate with the police and nurses, but all i wanted was revenge. i didn't even know who the intruders were and surely we weren't going to find out.

astray was begging me not to act out or even go drink.

i couldn't stand to look at ryder when i know she needed me the most. if i would have just left her alone none of this would have happened.

"we think she should get some rest, you too." the nurse's eyes were glued to the clipboard.

she walked away and i faced ashtray.

"look man, i gotta go. i gotta go." my heart was overwhelmed with feelings and i just couldn't take it anymore.

ashtray looked at me confused, "what do you mean bro? you just gon dip on us again?" his voice sounded disappointed but not surprised.

"ryder's going to blame me." i said.

"ryder's in love with you. she knows it's not your fault. she needs you too, not just me all the time. if it wasn't for you none of this would have even happened." he reminded me.

his words always hurt, but deep down inside i always knew it was the truth and i needed to hear it.

"it's time to man up." he finished by walking away from me and my bullshit.

i had took a few minutes to make up my mind on what was best for not only her, but me as well.

i went inside her room as she laid there softly crying to herself.

"hey fez." her sniffles were low.

"ryder i think it's best i just stay away." i started, "i'm literally always getting us into some shit." i told her sincerely.

she didn't say anything except for a small head shake.

i couldn't blame her.

i waited to see if she would try to stop me. she placed her hand on top of mine with a small grasp on it. "please stay safe fez. i truly love you." she whispered.

i kissed her forehead leaving a few tears behind.

this was my biggest regret, like always.

she needed me, but i needed myself.