my dark room was almost fully black. there was not one sound around other than the clock ticking.

here i was sitting in the middle of my bed trying to meditate. i was trying my best to focus, but my mind was in a fezco bind.

it had been two entire days and he still hasn't called or even text me after i broke up with him.

"mmmm.." i hummed trying to block out my thoughts.

i just think it's funny how he told me all these lies and expect me to be okay with him. "okay, this shit isn't working. fuck it." i jumped underneath my blanket and took my ass to sleep.

•

"wake your ass up." i felt someone nudge me. i thought to myself that it was just the meditation finally working, now i was in some parallel universe.

i peaked one eye to see that it was still dark outside.

"ryder wake the fuck up now."

i turned over to see fezco standing above me. "this meditation shit is getting to me." i said under my breath.

cuddling next to my blanket i tried falling asleep before he picked me up.

this shit was real.

my head flew back after i pushed him away, he dropped me on the bed, "what the fuck are you doing here?" i asked.

he reeked of liquor strong and it instantly made me nauseous.

"i came to see my b-babies." he reached towards my stomach and i kicked him away. "do not fucking touch me." i screamed.

ashtray soon burst through my door still half asleep, "what's going o- fez?" the hurt in ashtray eyes made me want to cry. "baby bro." fezco laughed making his way towards him.

"you're drunk. why are you even here?" ashtray sounded so confused and upset. "can't i come see my bro and my baby?" he glanced at me.

i was livid. for months now i've begged him to come, but when i break up with him then it's his priority.

"ashtray go back to bed." i had my hand on my forehead. i felt so stressed out all of a sudden.

as much as i missed fez and wanted him right next to me i couldn't even look at him, "there's a blanket on that chair and the couch is all yours. goodnight."

"look, ryder i know you're upset." he begin so i stopped him dead in his tracks before this went any further.

"we'll talk when you wake up, night." i pushed him out and locked my door.

no matter how many times i tossed and turned i couldn't sleep. the sun started to peak through when i heard a small knock at the door.

"i need to pee, ry. please open up!" he sounded more sober so i let him in without making eye contact. i laid in bed with my back turned to the restroom.

when the door opener the weight of the bed went down and i immediately begin to tear up as he wrapped his arms around me.

i broke down completely.

"i missed you." his voice was low. "you're full of bullshit." i whispered back.

"baby girl, stop. i traveled here for you, mamas. chill." his laidback vibe was throwing me off. i removed myself from his touch.

"first you cheat on me, then you disappear for days at a time. you don't miss me and being honest, you don't love me. this isn't love, fezco." my heart ran at a rapid speed because i had yet to feel a hurt this type of way.

he started to cry.

i've never seen him like this.

he grabbed his head and just sobbed in his hands.

my anxiety didn't sit well with the baby because i ran to the restroom to puke, but i didn't make it in time.

fez walked over to clean it still not commenting on the situation.

this made my attitude grow sour even more.

"what the fuck, fez! what has gotten into you?" i shouted pushing him out of my way.

walking into the living room i noticed that there was a blood stain on the couch. i ran up to him lifting his shirt.

blood was seeping through his bandage.

"i killed him ry, i finally got to kill him."

he sounded more excited then he should of been.