"you have some serious talent, girl." my older neighbor watched me paint on the balcony. i had no clue she had even been watching.

"oh, thank you mrs. owens!" i smiled and continued dipping my brush into the paint.

"boy or girl?" she spoke.

i hadn't realized that it was now noticeable until i actually looked down at my stomach. "boy." i replied showing blank emotion.

it's not that i wasn't excited, but i was more so upset. this is exactly what i didn't want to happen, but did.

"why don't you come on over and eat, let's talk." she offered. just as she asked my tummy growled.

i mentally rolled my eyes, "yeah sure. i'll come over." i placed my brush and paint down and went over next door.

her accent wasn't as thick as all the others, but it was still fresh considering she moved here ten years ago. "welcome, sweetheart." she smiled.

i looked around at all of her expensive decorations it reminded me of myself except hers was less modern. "it smells delicious." i started the conversation.

"thank you, darling. how many months are you?" she placed a bowl in front of me. "just four months." i faked smiled.

"you don't seem to excited. accident?" she sat down in front of me and began eating her food. "actually, yes. the only family i have here is myself and the baby's uncle." i said out loud.

it was weird because i never came to the conclusion that ashtray was now an uncle to my unborn child.

"and the baby's father?" she questioned.

any other time i would have been annoyed from all these questions but it was nice to remember that it happened and i have to discuss it if not with fez then with a stranger.

"he's back in america um, working. his job wouldn't let him leave just yet so me and his little brother are here." my voice cracked towards the end from the nervousness.

she smiled, "you're on your own, aren't you?" "not for long." i immediately responded.

"please, don't take offense. i was a single mother, but my boyfriend ended up finding someone new, someone better leaving me and our one month old child."

i saw tear form in her eyes but quickly left as she took a sip of her wine.

"i have faith in my boyfriend." i lied.

i was unsure of how things were going between us. he could be doing more? or maybe i could be doing less.

"what's his name?"

"who? my boyfriend?" i sipped my water.

"no, you said you were having a boy. what's his name going to be?" she asked. "not sure, i just found out a couple hours ago i haven't thought about it."

before she could ask me another question my phone begin to ring. rue? what the hell.

i stepped outside to take the call.

it felt like my world around me shattered. i wonder what kind of drugs she was on this time to admit to having sex with fezco and calling me about it.

he was missing this morning when she woke.

i hung up mid sentence and made my way inside to be leave. "i'm going to name him noah. also, i need to be excused. i'm sorry." i sniffled.

"that's no problem, sweetie. i'm here if you need me." she brought me in for a small hug. it was something new. i hadn't hugged another older woman since my mother.

before i walked out she stopped me, "noah is a nice name by the way." i smiled and went to my house. i called him once and he didn't answer.

i don't know what to do.

•

"you broke up with him over text?" ashtray was appalled, but me? i was pissed. "you expect me to stay with a cheater?" i said.

"what if rue is lying?" he brought up as if i hadn't thought about that. "she mentioned his birthmark." he had a birthmark in places you could only see if you're fucking him.

my gut also was telling me something was wrong though, other than just cheating on me. "i'll be fine. i'll raise this damn baby on my fucking own. hell, i'll adopt and raise you too."

i was so livid.

i grabbed my keys and stormed out.

walking down the cluttered streets, listening to the cars honking and people speaking their foreign language made me realize this is exactly how i feel.

i felt left out. this wasn't me and i was never going to be happy until i lived how i wanted to live.

making my way back home i burst through the door scaring the shit out of ashtray.

i raised my arms up and out, "come here, ashy. i'm sorry." he ran up hugging me even though he probably wasn't even upset.

"do you like living here?" i asked.

"fuck no. there's not even any cute girls." he laughed. i detached myself from him, "um, where do you think?" i wanted his input since fez never gave us an option.

"london? barbados? ooh, what about the dominican?" he mentioned. "those are all thinking worthy. i'll go do some information on it, check the prices and get back to you."

i went to my room closing and locking my door. i cried like crazy, but not just because of the hormones i was dealing with, but i'm in this alone.

alone even though i was promised i wouldn't be.