Austin was sitting on my couch with his hand deep in side a bag of chips like he had no home training. He was stuffing five chips into his mouth at a time like nobody ever fed this nigga. I didn't even know this was my brother for a second.

Like really? My mama would have a fit if she was here. I could her her voice in the back of my head.

"Austin Johnson, if you don't get your behind off that couch and sit at the table with a plate, I will smack you to ten buck two and back before you can call for help. Get up! Now." I chuckled at the thought and looked over at him.

"Yo, I'm tryna find da bitches." He muttered, his eyes glued to my flat screen TV, mounted against the wall of my living room.

I scrunched my face up. "You finna chill with some hoes smelling like barbecue lays?" I asked with a disgusted expression.

He kissed his teeth. "Fuck up."

"No, I'm serious. You can't be fucking no bitch smelling like you just came from a cook out."

He started laughing. "Okay man, damn. Imma brush my teeth before I go."

"With what toothbrush?" I asked raising an eyebrow. He looked at me like I just said something stupid and kissed his teeth. "I know yo OCD faced ass got a fresh toothbrush in this bitch somewhere."

I nodded. "True. But I don't fuck with you like that nigga. It's some forks in the kitchen though."

He gave me a stale face and I stared back at him for as long as I could before I busted out laughing. "I'm just playing nigga. They in the bathroom second drawer."

He kissed his teeth and got up from the couch throwing the bag on the table. I scoffed. "Nigga I should fuck you up!" I yelled after him.

I raised up from my seat and picked the bad up heading to the kitchen. I wet a wash cloth and swiped down my leather couch and table before throwing away the rag and the half full bag of chips he was eating.

I plopped back on the couch just as he walked out of the bathroom. "You ain't eating shit else over here." I mumbled.

"You threw my shit away nigga?"

"You eat like a lil kid."

He shrugged. "Whatever. This nigga Cody throwing a party tomorrow, you should slide through. Bad bitches gone be wall to wall." He said singing the end of the sentence.

"I might. Who throws parties on Sunday though?"

He chuckled. "That nigga could throw a party Monday morning and that bitch would be ass shaking."

I gave him a stale face for saying that corny line. I swear Austin was so stupid sometimes but I had no choice but to claim him. He looked just like me.

"Where is Cody at anyway?"

He shrugged. "I'm finna head out though. I want some new jays."

I nodded. "Hold up. Im coming with you."

"You sure you want to do this?" Kaylen asked poking her head in my room just as I was buttoning up my shorts. She sat on the bed and crossed her legs.

"I flew out here right?" She nodded. "Just checking."

I nodded. "I'm ready. I'm a little nervous but then again, Rosie may not know that much about my mother. I can only wait and see."

"Well lets get out of here then." I nodded and followed her out of my room, shutting the door. We traveled down the stairs and I lead her into the hallway where the key rack was.

I saw the keys to my all white BMW and smiled. He kept my baby. I was sure he would sell my car since I bought my own but he surprisingly didn't.

"Yes! Lola is still here."

Kaylen rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you named that damn car." I mugged her.

"Lola was my first car bitch, we have history. You can walk to Grandma Rose's if you got a issue." I spat hopping in the driver seat.

She kissed her seat and clicked her seat belt on. "Kyra, that boyfriend of yours is rubbing that asshole persona off on you and it's not cute."

"Kaylen you don't even know him stop being judgmental, damn."

"Whatever. I'm just saying. You had a little attitude already but you would never get mad because I rolled my eyes at your precious Lola."

"Well, you should watch what do you and stop criticizing a relationship you know nothing about. Capiece?"

She sighed and nodded. "Capiece girl.."

We pulled up to my Grandmother's house and me and Kaylen both smiled. The house hasn't changed in the slightest and that was just like Rosie to be stuck in time.

The house was three story's because of all of the kids she had. Kaylen and I have so many first cousins its almost ridiculous.

The same pink rosé bud tree stood lone in the flower bed against the front of the house next to the white and orange tulips. She was always in that flower bed when we were younger and it was beautiful.

The house was white with a big red door and a huge knocker placed in the center of it. The door had a big canopy over it with a big red 'H' painted on it.

Kaylen and I made our way up the longer curving driveway and rang the door bell. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" Kaylen asked. I nodded. "I need to know."

The door opened and my grandfather stood there. He was tall with eyes the same as my dads. "Hey!" He shouted pulling us both into a hug. I thought you both lived down in Miami?"

Kaylen nodded. "We do Grandpa Will. We're back for a visit."

"Till when?" He asked letting us walk in the house. "Tomorrow. Ky dragged me out here." He gave me a look. "Why?"

"I didn't drag her anywhere. She invited herself. I need to talk to grandma."

"William, if you don't stop shouting in my house I will stick my foot so far-" She ranted off walking into the living room, a ceramic coffee mug in her hands with a scowl on her face.

She smiled when she saw us and pulled us into a hug. "Hi, girls!" We smiled and smothered her with kisses making her laugh.

If it was one woman I loved to death, it was my grandmother. She was real; she told you how it was and if you didn't like it, she didn't care. What you saw was what you got. Then, she's the sweetest person I know. Me and Kaylen have always hovered around she since we were little.

"Rosie you look beautiful." She smiled. "Thanks baby girl. So - to what do I owe this visit?" She asked as we sat on the couch.

"I'm going to head to the market. Where is that list Rose?" My grandma reached in her pocket and handed him a small yellow slip of paper. "Don't forget that milk William." She narrowed her eyes at him and he kissed his teeth.

"I won't, I won't. Hush up." He mumbled before leaving.

Rosie laughed. "Angry old soul." We laughed.

"Okay so why are you here?" She questioned with a skeptically look. "I wanted to talk to you about something." I said lowly.

She looked up and me and a look washed over her beautiful face. Ive always thought my grandmother was the prettiest woman I've ever met. She had very tan, light skin, but you could tell she was clearly African American. My grandmother is half white with the prettiest long sandy brown hair that she kept styled in classy buns.

She always told us that she was a minority in her time because of segregation. She was something that was never supposed to happen and that a lot of people would try and hurt her but my great grandfather and grandmother kept her in solitary basically till all of that was over and by that time she was an adult. She said she hated it, but if it had been any other way, she wouldn't be alive so she's thankful.

"You want to know about your mama don't you?" She questioned raising an eyebrow.

"How did you know?"

"Because of how serious you look. I knew you'd come to me one day because your father will never talk to you about this." She sat her cup on the coffee table and looked at me. "I personally don't think you should know either, but you're grown. Of drinking age and you've been pestering since you were about 14."

"Why don't you want me to know?"

"You've never known your mother and you don't know anything about the person she is. You've always placed her on this pedestal as if she was some queen and I've never wanted to dent that." I instantly became confused.

What does that mean? I've never thought my mother was perfect, no one is. I just want to meet her. I want to build a relationship with her.

"Why does everybody feel the need to tell me what I need and how I feel?"

My grandmother snapped her neck. "Watch that tone Kyra. I'm not trying to tell you anything. I'm just explaining to you why I've never said anything. This is me talking for myself and only myself. Your fathers reasons are much deeper than mine."

I bit my lip. "Why can't I find her? I want to know my mom. Can't y'all understand that? I want that love. I want to know that she's here and that there hope. Maybe she's been looking for me too." I mumbled. Tears were welling in my eyes but I was fighting them as hard as I could. "I want her to love me."

A look of sympathy washed over her face and she crossed the table to sit next to me on the couch.

"Baby I know you're trying to find a love that you've given out yourself. Your mother is a rose that is bound in a miserable sin. Petals plucked one by one and died off into an inept brown. No doubt a rose can be healed with a tap if water.. But only from a glorified pitcher of it."

She grabbed my hands in hers and rubbed them. "Maybe that's you.. Maybe." She paused.

"But don't traumatize your well being on a blind search for something that doesn't want to be found. I'll tell you anything you want to know, but don't go looking for her."

"Why not?"

"Because perception can be unfulfilled. We know what you're heading into. We've walked the path before and we don't want you to drain yourself from the journey."

"What do you mean doesn't want to be found?" I questioned looked back at Kaylen who shrugged.

"Michael is going to kill me." She mumbled shaking her head. "Are you positive you want to know this?" I nodded.

She sighed. "You're father the reason your mother left Kyra. You been mad at him so long that you made up the story you want it to be, but your so far from the truth."

I frowned. "But-"

She cut me off. "You wanted to know, now shut your mouth." I sighed and nodded. "Yes ma'am."

"Your father met your mother when he was fifteen years old. She lived five houses down and she had a older brother named Wayne that was friends with your father. They fit together like glue. They went to school together, hung out and they were back and forth between our house and theirs. That's how they had met." I nodded.

"Your father is way darker than me so I think that should tell you that you got your lightness from her.." She said chuckling. "That girl was so yellow she didn't need the sun to brighten her windows." Me, her and Kaylen all laughed.

"She was sweet, very. She had always been smart and she was polite which was something I appreciated. Cute little girl, she had pretty brown eyes and light brown hair that would curl something terrible, when it got wet. Just like you." I smiled.

I knew she was beautiful.

"They dated till they were seventeen. She wanted to go to college in California and he wanted to stay here and go to Virginia State. When she found out she was pregnant, she was hysterical."

"Why?" Kaylen questioned.

"She had so much going for herself. Scholarships. Internships." Rosie answered. "She wanted to get an abortion."

"It became a huge argument between the two of them. He wanted to keep you and your mother didn't. She said she wasn't ready for that responsibility and it angered Michael because he doesn't believe in things like that. He made it, he took care of it."

"I guess she had went to some clinic to get it done against him and she couldn't because she was too far along. She was just as small as you are and she had yet to show. She had no choice but to have you."

"Michael hated her after that. It was 'hi' and 'bye'. Only time they saw each other was at doctors appointments and your mother deferred so she could have you and when she did she went to college like she planned."

"She left me?" Rosie nodded.

"" A tear slipped from my eye and she pulled me into a hug. "Do want to hear the rest or is this too much?"

I nodded. "Finish."

"Your father fell in love with you. He was sad that you had inherited her eyes, but was happy you looked just like him with a lighter complexion."

"Your mother signed your birth certificate but handed all your rights to your father if he wanted to keep you. They told him he could put you up for adoption but he refused to. I told him that if he was going to have you, he was going to go to college because he wasn't going to struggle to make a life for you."

"That's where he met Lisa." I nodded. I had knew he met her in college already.

"You were about to turn five when he graduated and Lisa got pregnant."

"He was able to support you and Noni and I was honesty proud of him. I think if he would have stayed with Lisa, she would have treated you like hers, but they broke up too. Since then he's been all over the place and you've grown into a resentment. He loves you. I think you need to sit down and talk to him."

"Has he ever tried to contact her?"

She shook her head no. "He doesn't think she deserves to know you. That's why he's shielded you from her. He thinks you'll find her and she's not going to be this picture perfect girl. He thinks she's going to reject you again and now your old enough for you to understand and experience hurt from it. He's protecting your heart Ky." I sighed, and wiped the years from my face.

"What's her name?"

"Lauren, and that's all I'm telling you. Ask your father for any other questions." She said softly. "Kaylen, go help her clean up."

We raised off the couch and made our way to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and washed my face with a wet rag that Kaylen gave me. "You okay?"

I nodded. "I just feel like everything I thought I knew; I don't. Why wasn't I good enough for her to want?"

Kaylen sighed. "She doesn't know what a great life she's missing out on by not knowing you." She pulled me into a hug.

"She doesn't know and she doesn't deserve to Kyra. You deserve better than that and we have all the love here that she can't give."