《The book of forever》Chapter 2.0: A new chapter
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Everything seems unappetizing, my heart feels heavy and barren yet free. No bonds to keep me grounded, no one close; A void fills my heart, what I'm yearning most. In one way I'm thankful, thankful for truth. In another way I'm regretful too. My schedule is shattered, does it matter. Does it matter much what I do alone? No one to wake to, no one I must greet. No one at my side, yet unbound my feet. It's the beginning of a new story, it's still hard to believe the last one ends. It just ended like that, in a sole call. It must have ended like that, my soul soon falls.
It's an empty feeling, a shaky feel. It's a uncertainty rising, this, real? Like waking up from a slumber to lights, confusion, emptiness, and a small fright. Where am I to go to feel again whole, to have someone to love, to pay the toll. It's an empty feeling, with some meaning, it's an empty feeling, knowing you care. It's an empty feeling, without you there.
But again I rise to my shaky feet, like many times I have once done before, in pondering breaths, I look to the floor. These footprints I've left behind, they will fade. There are more experiences to be made. Where will these feet take me this time, to go. Where will my future take me, here I hold, the compass which will set my fate untold.
It's a new beginning, it's not all grand. I look down again at my shaky hands. These motions I've made time and time again, finding love only to lose it then. Motions I've made, starting over from not. Motions I've made, progressing not a drop. It sometimes feels hopeless, when will it end? This cycle of loving, and mourning then?
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But again I rise, slower than the last, this weariness in my bones, shackled past. They don't wanna move, from this place so warm. But time is relentless, so it is warned.
Time will wait for no one, but I'll wait some. Time will wait for no one, but I'll wait one.
Give myself some time to heal, time to breath. Time to reconsider, what I do need.
But I have risen, the world is not kind. But I have risen, again and again. To seek love, to light fire, to smile, I rise again, I rise again, I rise.
The pain of finality hurts far more, the pain of finality reminds so, "you cannot step back, the past is far lost, you cannot step back, it's far too late now..." Can I do it again, do it like so? Can I love, be vulnerable, and go?
So I walk again, so I rise again, a small limp and pain to my addled steps. So I walk again, so I rise again. So that I can heal, so that I can breath, and so that I can find, someplace for me...
But when will that be... but when will that be... when will I find someone else to love me...? A caged bird, set free, but vulnerable. The pain of love hurts far less... but I walk... but I walk... but I walk... aimless, heartless.
Do I shield off my heart? Or give my all? Can I trust again? I think that I can. This pain is worth it, this pain always was. To pain is to love, without it I'm cold, to love is to pain, time and time again.
So I rise, I walk, I fall... rise again. Heavy steps, determined steps, shaky steps. So I rise, so I rise, so I've fallen. This cycle never ending, a lost heart. This heart of mine unrelenting again. Because I know I'll find it, given time. Because I know I'll find it, love of mine.
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