so inherently peaceful about watching him breathe.

He was curled on his side, his body facing mine in the bed. His left arm was draped over the curve of my waist and his other hand was tucked under his head. He breathed in through his nose and small puffs of air left his lips as he breathed in and then out.

The skin of his shoulder, his neck, and torso glinted with the dewy light of the moon shining in through the window. And with each rise and fall of his chest, this feeling seemed to burst in my chest:

Watching him sleep, I felt myself completely overwhelmed with his existence. Never have I ever found myself soaking up a person's every mannerism and physique so thoroughly. I saw it in the way his lashes fluttered as he stirred from his sleep for a moment before being pulled back in. I saw it in the way his face's hard edges and weariness faded away to something soft and glistening as he slept. I even saw it in the way his hands tightened over my body, pulling me to him like he was afraid of losing me, even in his sleep.

He was beautiful in even the most minute ways.

And as he laid here, breathing in my arms, holding me as if I were his last breath, I knew it as well as I knew my own name. I loved him.

I lifted my fingers to his face, tracing the outline of his jaw and his bottom lip. Weariness washed over me and I wiped away the tears of exhaustion that escaped the corners of my eyes. I couldn't sleep and that's how it always was when I slept next to Atlas. With his body next to mine, like this, my nerves were buzzing and my thoughts seemed like they'd never slow.

But to me, the lack of sleep was worth it. All his life, he struggled with his insomnia and the little sleep he got when he slept with me was worth it. He deserved a break. He deserved the peaceful smile that graced his lips when he was asleep.

Someone deserved to see it at least once in his lifetime.

Atlas shifted in his sleep, his arm that was draped over my waist, falling slightly and over the plane of my stomach. I sucked in a breath as his hand brushed over the exposed skin of my thin shirt. I tilted my head up and watched his eyebrows furrow as he sucked in a breath. As his face softened as he drifted back to sleep, my body seemed to flare under his touch.

This touch, much different than the others, felt like the magnitude of all his heated kisses; the kisses that are fervent and burning and everywhere all at once. My brain wandered and in that moment, I wondered what it would be like to be with him. What would it be like for his eyes to soak me in and for his fingers to memorize every inch of my body?

I had promised myself ages ago that connecting with someone so intimately wasn't for me. Sure, in the moment it felt good, but what was so euphoric about it if the trust built together was broken? I pushed myself far away from it because I couldn't open myself up enough to trust someone again. Staring up at Atlas and the rush of security that I felt with his arm around me, I didn't know if that was true anymore.

I trusted him. Him more than anyone in the world right now.

Atlas shifted once more, burying his face into the crook of my neck and pulling me closer. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth as he planted a kiss on my skin. "You didn't sleep," he murmured, his voice, a soft whisper and thick with sleep.

I winced, hoping that I wasn't the reason he woke up.

I trailed my fingers up the side of his face and tangled them in his hair, "I was about to." He hummed softly in response, the vibrations from his voice traveling through every inch of my body.

We laid like that for a few minutes, doing nothing but breathing in each other's skin and smiling into the warm crooks we held each other so well in. His fingers drew small shapes against the exposed skin of my waist: Circles and circles, and triangles, and stars, and hearts. All these shapes seemed to explode in and out of my vision like popping rocks.

This boy had a death grip on me and for everything beautiful in the world, I didn't want him to let go.

Sleep started to wash over him again. I felt it in the way his fingers slowed against my skin and his breathing evened out. I continued to brush his hair back in a soothing manner which seemed to lull him to sleep even more. With one last look at him, my heart seemed to squeeze in the opposite way. My heart seemed like it was close to bursting. Watching him like this...

There was nothing more beautiful.

After a few minutes, I slipped from his hold and padded against the wooden floors. We had arrived in Greece a few hours prior and I loved every detail that was added to our surroundings. The way the air still smelled like seasalt and cool breezes, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore outside, the soft hum of music from miles away in the city that never seemed to sleep.

Oh, and the buildings here were just gorgeous. I felt like I was caught in a dream or a movie or something. I couldn't wait for tomorrow morning. We were planning on taking a boat out for a picnic and a swim.

Outside the bedroom door, the halls were dark and the house was quiet. Next door, Julia slept alone per her request and in the room down the hall by the stairs, Dawson, Jude, and Leah had been hanging out together. They were up much later than the rest of us so they all crashed in one room. The door was still open as I passed it. Inside, Leah was draped across the couch, her hair tumbling off the armrest and her legs hanging off the side. Dawson and Jude were spread out on the bed, a mess of strewn arms and legs.

I continued downstairs and circled around towards the kitchen and dining room. As I moved to the fridge for a bottle of water, I was surprised by the open balcony door. Frowning, I peeked around the island and out the door, spotting a lone figure past the pool and at the beach. Her curly hair unfurled in the wind as her head rested against her knees.

I grabbed another water bottle and closed the refrigerator door, making my way out the balcony doors and towards the shore. She didn't hear me coming and the whole way there, I thought she had fallen asleep. But as I sat down next to her, she stirred, turning her head to face me. Her face was tear stained, but her lips were pulled into a soft smile. Her usually glowy skin looked ashen and empty like the color of a pale gray wall, completely drained of life. The freckles that littered her face were hard to spot now and her eyes were red.

I gently brushed my hand against her cheekbones and that was all it took for the tears to start flowing again. "Jules," I breathed out, my voice scared and shaking as I pulled her to me and let her frame lean against me. She was shaking. Pieces of my heart littered the bottom of my ribcage as her fingers tightened around my shirt.

I threaded my fingers through her hair and pressed my lips to her hairline, "Hey, hey, babe, it's okay." I whispered into her skin as she shook her head profusely.

"It's not," she croaked.

I pulled her away from me, cradling her face in my cupped hands and letting my eyes roam over her features. "Who–" I start to say, but swallow my question. "What happened?"

She pulled my hands from her face and held them in her lap, her hands cold and shaking. She shook her head once before she stopped, "I think— I think I like Jude." Her words were barely louder than a whisper.

I frowned, "Julia, why is that a bad thing?"

She shook her head profusely, "I can't do this again. I can't. They always leave. They always do." Her voice had begun to rise and shake in anger and frustration at her situation. Her hands were now balled into fists. "He likes me... he told me, but I couldn't do it. It'll be just like Alex all over again. You remember."

I frowned at her. Alex and her met when she was in eighth grade. They used to see each other at the library a lot and used to bike around their neighborhood whenever they could. He helped her when she struggled with her Math homework, he helped her study for her Spanish tests, bought her breakfast when she forgot to eat some, and taught her how to drive even if they were both underage. But most importantly, he was there when her dad died.

She loved him more than anything.

During her sophomore year, after they've been dating for a year, his Dad and younger sister died in a car crash. He pushed Julia away and turned bitter, like everything that had happened out on that icy road was her fault.

Julia took it personally and tried everything she could to make it hurt a little less, but it never did. He never looked at her the same. Never smiled at her the same.

And I know she sees so much of Alex in Jude. The curly hair, the wide smile, the kind heart, the soft laugh. I know that it hurts her to look at him sometimes because of that. I know that she still loves Alex. But I also know that Jude is not like Alex at all.

Jude treasures her in a way that every woman can only wish to be looked at by another. Jude, in every possible way, wants everything that's the best for her. I see it in the way his fingers twitch towards her when she's near and in the way he doesn't push her to be with him.

"Jude isn't Alex," I finally say after a long silence has passed between us.

Next to me, Julia sucks in a breath, "I know that, but he's... He's– I don't want to be hurt again, Ede. I can't for the life of me."

I frown at her, looking out to the waves crashing on the shore before letting out a sigh. The plastic of the water bottles crackled in my hand as I pushed them to the side. I looked to Julia before focusing on the sand underneath us.

"It wasn't easy for me to let Atlas in at first. I was scared, just like you are now. I didn't think I could trust him. I thought he would turn out to be just like Keldan or worse. I thought he would hurt me and it would be just like it was all over again, carrying that heaviness in my chest for however long. I didn't want a repeat of that, Jules. I would've ripped myself to shreds before it got to that point.

"But he snuck up on me and now... When I look at him, all I feel is security and love. I feel like all I need is to be in his arms and I don't have to worry about another thing ever. When I look at him, I find myself thinking that I would do anything to see this boy smile, to hear him laugh.

"You know how it was... Being in love. Sure, it's so scary in the beginning, but when you're in it, it's so beautiful. It makes you do crazy shit. And even if you know it'll end sooner rather than later, you don't care. Because it's the small moments, the roaring emotions, the laughing and talking till late at night, and having someone who believes in you, trusts you, that makes it all worth it.

"I promise you, Julia." I say, lifting my head up and meeting her eyes. "It's–" I sigh, unable to finish my sentence, to come up with something to describe love as it is. Her eyes are welled with tears as she turns and looks out to the horizon, a faraway look in her eyes. She, absentmindedly, runs her fingers through the fine grains of sand as she thinks.

Minutes pass in silence, Julia's eyes trained on the line that marks the horizon and my eyes on her side profile. The look on her face is wistful when she finally turns to meet my eyes. I offer her a smile and she reciprocates it, slow and faltering.

"I hadn't danced since Alex and when Jude asked me to dance for the first time back in Spain, I wasn't thinking about Alex. I was so entranced by Jude and that scared me when I thought about it more that night." She took in a shaky breath.

"I felt safe. I felt like myself for the first time since sophomore year." She smiled at the sky, tilting her head up to the wind. Her hair fluttered in the wind and she tucked it behind her ear, just for it to be taken by the breeze again.

She turned and looked at me, reaching her hand out to me and squeezing it once. I smiled at her, nodding softly for her to continue. She breathed in and then out, "Dad used to say that when you meet the person you're meant to be happiest with, you'll know. He used to say that it'd feel like finding something you'd been missing for a long time."

Julia laid her head against my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her to me. "I love you, Julia. If you forget all else, remember that."

She looks up to me and throws her arms around me before pulling me closer. She buries her face into the crook of my neck and softly kisses my shoulder, "I love you too, Eden. So much."

We didn't talk more about Alex or Jude or Keldan or even Atlas. For an hour, we sat on the cool sand and listened to the crashing of the waves as we stared at the sky and talked about home. With our hands clasped to the other's, we smiled at the memory we didn't realize we were making in the moment, the memory we'd hold onto for years to come.

Later, when I slipped back into the house and decided on a quick shower, I let my mind run. I thought about Mom and Dad and what it would be like back home, what it would be like to move away from the home I grew up in, what it would be like to leave everything behind... I realized then, in that moment, that everything would be alright.

Because what would life be without the bad to see the good moments when they do show up?

I slipped back into the room and softly closed the door behind me. I frowned when I realized that Atlas had been awake and had a book nestled in his hands, his eyes roaming over the words. He looked up when I walked in, taking me in with his eyes before smiling and putting his book down.

He opened his arms for me, his messy bedhead and sleepy eyes bringing a wide smile to my face. I rushed over to the bed and crawled over to his side and settled onto his lap. He looked up at me as I trailed my fingers over the side of his face and down the line of his jaw and down his neck. He seemed to shiver under my touch.

I moved my lips to his, planting a small kiss on his lips and pulling away, smiling against his skin. Meeting his eyes, I dropped my arms over his shoulders, tangling my fingers behind his neck.

"You're everything." He says which makes that stupid smile on my face widen. I try to ignore the feeling of his hands trailing up and down my hips and waist.

"Everything?" I whispered, tilting my head slightly in question.

He nodded, pulling me even closer to him so my front was pressed against his. I gently placed my head down on his shoulder and breathed him in. He rubbed his hand up and down my back and I let my eyes fall close.

"I see you in everything." He said first, his voice not much louder than a whisper, made for my ears only. "You're everything important to me." I could hear the faint sound of his heart beats in my ear. "And there's nothing in the world that makes me feel more at home than you do."

He planted a kiss on my forehead and I laid my hand on the curve of his neck, drawing shapes on his skin: Circles and circles, and triangles, and stars, and hearts. I wondered if all these shapes seemed to explode in and out of his vision like they always did in mine.

"I love you, mi paraiso, my Eden." He sighed as he laid his head down against mine. I let out a small laugh because there wouldn't ever be a moment like this again.

I kissed the warm skin of his jawline and his lips quirked into a lazy smile. "I love you, Atlas. My Atlas."

And I did. I loved him more than I knew how to put into action.

-

*new fav song up there along with anything yung pleit*

I'm so sorry. It's been so long. I apologize profusely I PROMISE. the reason this took forever is because I'm graduating on Saturday and I had a lot of shit to do. Write a valedictory speech, make a grad presentation, visit family and stuff. so yeah...

ANYWAYS i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. The first part of the chapter is for real my favorite.

i dont think ive Said this before, but I'm scared to end this book. I love all these characters and I don't want to part with them haha.

And question: Are there any other topics or things that happened in the book that you don't understand? In case, you need clarification.

Don't forget to vote and comment. I love seeing them so muchhhh. Also, to all the new readers, a hello, ntmy <3 hope you like the story ❤️❤️❤️