rising up...to break every chain, Tasha Cobbs sung from my surround sound. I stood in my bed, Willow clutched to my chest, singing along. This morning I woke up with enough energy to get out of my bed and get active. The Dior campaign finished the day after Christmas and I had been chained to my bed everyday since. But the energy of today was different.

The curtains of my bedroom were open to welcome the sunlight, the windows were up for fresh air, and my favorite candles were lit. I began my morning with an aromatherapy bath and a face mask and it made me feel good. It made me feel like today was going to be a great day.

"...we come against the spirit of rejection and depression. Somebody release it into the atmosphere, and we declare that the chains be broken. That the chains be broken! The power of life and death lies in your tongue. Somebody raise up your voices...."

"The chains are broken! The chains are broken!" I shouted. "Yes! I hear the chains falling."

A few tears streamed down my face but I was everything but sad. I was exhilarated. The words were speaking directly to me and I was believing every word. I had to be in control of how I let my depression take power of me. It was nothing without me. It was nothing without my negative thoughts. I had the power.

Khloe pushed my door open with a large grin upon her face. I reached my hand out for her, she walked over to me. "You're in a good spirit this morning. I love this for you."

"I am." I sighed. "I invited everyone out to brunch. Would you like to join us?"

"Who is everyone exactly?" she sat on the edge of my bed and reached for Willow.

"The girls, Gio and his friends."

"Eliana and Pete in the same room as Noelle? From what I've heard in passing that's not a good idea. Well at least for Noelle."

"Well, she's not coming. Her and I are going to dinner instead. I would never intentionally put her in an uncomfortable position."

"Oh okay. And just so you know little miss Willow left you a lovely puddle in front of my door."

I huffed and climbed down from my bed, "I knew puppies were more than a handful but I didn't expect her to be so pissy. She's been peeing everywhere like every hour."

"You have to take her out frequently. Did you take her out after you got up?"

"Yes, before I took my shower. I'ma have to come up with a schedule to keep her on."

"Sounds smart. But I need to get in shower and start getting ready because I'm doing a full beat today."

"Same. I told them to meet me there at 1 so you have a little time to play with."

Just to be cautious, I took Willow for another walk before I came back up to my place to start getting ready. Since I'd been MIA on all social media platforms, I decided to get ready on live. While on there talking to supporters and a few industry friends, I applied my make-up. Of course, there were many questions about how I was doing, how did I overdose, did I go to rehab during my hiatus, etc.

For the most part, I gave them responses but I never went into detail about anything other than how I was doing. I knew that a good percentage of them genuinely cared. But once I was dressed and ready to go, I brought the live to a close.

I stepped in front of my mirror to check myself out. For makeup, I did a neutral full face with a nude lip. I'd been wearing my natural hair for a while so I swapped it out for a 28" jet black wig. I wore it bone straight in a side part to compliment the olive green long sleeve and light denim jeans I wore. I also paired the outfit with a brown trench coat for the cold weather.

"I'm ready." Khloe stepped in the door frame. "You look good."

"Thank you. So do you."

"You know...I tried." she flipped her hair. "I'm ready when you are though."

"We can go now. C'mon Willow."

Once we were downstairs, I gave Willow the opportunity to use the bathroom again before letting her in my car. The restaurant I told everyone to meet at was only fifteen minutes away from my place so we made it first. I knew everyone would start to pile in soon so I ordered a pitcher of mimosa.

"Heyyy." Brit grinned as she stepped out on the patio with Chazmon right behind her. I stood up to give her a hug. "I'm so happy to see you. You look good."

"I feel good right now. Hey Chad." I gave him a hug as well.

"Wassup Kori, my boy coming? I haven't seen him in a minute."

"You haven't?" I furrowed my 'brows. "But he's supposed to be. I invited him."

Like clockwork, Giovanni appeared in all black matched with touches of brown. He immediately greeted Chazmon, "Wassup young bull?"

"I've been chillin'. Where have you been, bro? I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."

"In the gym. Home. There's no telling. Brit brit!"

"Why do you insist on yelling my name, Gio?" she opened her arms for a hug. "How've you been? I heard through the grapevine that you may be releasing a recovery mini-series."

"That's the plan. We're still debating on whether to make it a full documentary with HBO sports or to release it in episodes."

"However you do it, it was a smart business move. Especially since your contract will be up after this season."

Gio raised his eyebrows which caused Chad to speak up, "She's big on sports. Imagine what I have to hear when we're watching tapes together."

"Let me find out I need to invite you to a few training sessions."

Brit snapped her finger, "You should. It'll be great content for my new Youtube channel."

"I got you just let me know." he nodded then turned to me. "You look gorgeous."

"Thank you. Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked.

"Yeah, what is it?" we walked over to the railing to be away from our party.

"Are we okay? I know we've been talking but it's kinda been short. And you can give it to me straight. I'm not gonna snap out or anything. I just want an honest answer so we can move forward from everything that's been happening."

"You really want to talk about this right now?" he glanced back at the table.

"Yes. I feel like there's some unclear air between us. Are you not comfortable talking about this right now?"

"No. Maybe after this but right now? no."

I held my hands up, "Okay."

I walked away from him just as Eliana was walking up to the table with Pete by her side. I squealed, going over to hug her. Eliana and I were best friends and we understood that we didn't need to see/talk to one another frequently. Her and I could go weeks without talking and fall back in line once we finally did. With so much happening in our lives, we hadn't had the time to link up or have a lengthy phone conversation. Everything had been quick and short. I was really happy to see her.

"I've missed you, bitch." she squeezed me. "We have a lot to talk about and I mean a lot."

"Tell me about it. I have more than an earful for you. Hi Pete."

"Hey Korin. Good to see you up and well."

"Thanks. It feels good. Come have a seat." I gestured for them to sit while I grabbed a seat too.

"What's the purpose of this brunch?" Gio questioned with a mimosa in his hand already.

"To thank everyone for standing in my corner after everything and offering a shoulder. I truly appreciate it. Especially Chazmon and Pete because you guys are Gio's friends but have made it your mission to check on me. I'm thankful. But I also just wanted to have a moment with everybody together. We haven't done this prior to now."

"It's looking real triple date-ish." said Eliana.

"Hmph." Brit picked up her menu.

"It does doesn't it? I'm feeling real lonely just looking at everyone paired." Khloe commented.

"It's not meant to be that way. We're all just friends trying to catch up with one another."

"Well isn't someone missing? Someone that's more apart of this circle than—" Brit started.

"Not today, B." Chad put his arm on the back of Brit's chair but kept his eyes on the menu.

"You're right. Korin's in a good mood and I don't want to ruin it so I'll keep my mouth closed. For now."

Eliana frowned, "Was that supposed to be directed at me?"

"If the shoe shall fit, lace it up Cinderella."

"Ooohkay—" I tried to intervene to diffuse what may turn into an argument.

"What is this animosity about? I barely even know you yet this is the vibe you're always giving me. Wassup?"

Brit sat up some, "There has never been animosity but as of right now, I have no respect for you. You're selfish and careless. Noelle deserved better than what you gave her—"

"You don't even—"

"Don't interrupt me. You asked me a question and I'm answering it. She deserved better than you treating her like a doormat for your uncertainty and confusion. You knew you wanted to be with Pete so you should have left her alone and told her what was up. I have no respect for anyone who can lead, drag and manipulate the people that love them. None."

"You only know one side of the fucking story so don't speak on anything that I may have had going on with Noelle—"

"You don't have to explain yourself to her." Pete added.

Chazmon instantly sat up, "Stay out of it, bro."

"You need to tell your girl to chill."

"I don't need to do anything. If she feels the need to speak up for her friend she can do that."

"Y'all two not about to start this." Gio glared at both Pete and Chad with obvious irritation on his face.

"Pete better chill out. Brother or not, I'm behind mine without hesitation."

"So am I, nigga. Don't test me Chad."

"Pete you better stop playing with me." Chad pointed.

"I'm not dealing with none of this shit." Giovanni stood up and walked out.

"How about we leave too." Brit said to Chazmon before turning to me, "I'm sorry, Kori but I can't do this with her. We can catch up another time."

I sat confused. I didn't expect for any of this to happen. I thought everyone would be in good spirits and we could enjoy each other's company over food and mimosas. The last thing I expected was for Giovanni to be irritated, for Brit to step down on Eli and for Pete and Chad to puff their chest out at each other.

I looked over at Khloe who was nibbling on a piece of bread with Willow in her lap. "Um, I'll be back."

"We're gonna leave too." Eliana pushed her chair back.

"What? Why?"

"I'm not in the mood anymore. I'll call you later." she kissed my cheek then grabbed Pete's hand to walk out.

I let out a deep sigh before following behind them to the parking lot to try and find Giovanni. I stepped outside and could hear Brit and Chazmon talking. Brit was obviously still annoyed and he was trying to get her to relax. I approached them but my eyes were still searching for Giovanni's car.

"He left huh?" I looked at Chad.

"Yeah, he was pissed."

"He and I both. I know you and her were friends before you and Noelle but I don't know how you're cool with her doing Noey the way she did." Brit watched Eliana cross the parking lot.

"Who said I'm cool with it? I'm just as upset as you about the way she went about everything but like you said, her and I have been friends forever. She's a great friend to me and we all make terrible decisions from time to time."

"And that's where we're different because I can't fuck with her. The way she just acts like it's all okay and that Noelle isn't torn makes me want to wring her neck."

"So none of you can be in the same room. Great. This was a big bust. I'll see you guys later I guess."

"Alright. Sorry your brunch went sideways." Chad apologized.

"It's fine. Another time I guess."

I went back to the patio where the waitress was taking Khloe's order. I took a seat and order myself something to eat. When the waitress walked away, Khloe looked at me with a million questions written over her face.

I shrugged, "I have no idea. It's just us three."

The bat sent the baseball flying toward the net. I wiped a few droplets of sweat from my face then got back in my position to hit the next ball. I'd been at the facility for a couple of hours to try and clear my head, but it hadn't been working. For some reason everything was playing on loop in my mind like a form of self-torture.

It'd been going for the past few days and I tried to sleep it off, work it out and now I was trying to use the cages. Neither of them had done much of what I needed them to. It was starting to make me uncomfortable which I was not a fan of.

"Aight you need a break." my trainer cut the pitch machine off.

I shook my head, "I'm cool. Cut it back on."

"Gio. You've been doing this for damn near four hours now. All you're going to do is wear yourself out. Let's take it in."

"Another thirty? I just wanna work on my low pitches then we can call it a day."

"You sure that's what this is? Because you've gotten a good seventy five percent of those low balls today. That's better than last week."

"Just turn it back on, man." I got in position.

"I'm not turning it back on. You're gonna burn yourself out. I'm being paid to build you back up not break you down. If you want to keep going then that's on you."

I watched him grab his things and give me the deuce. I smacked my teeth and threw the bat to the ground. I put my hands on my hips while walking over to a nearby bench. The door closed twice but I paid it no mind, resting my head back on the wall.

"Your dad said I would find you here." Korin's voice startled me.

"How did you get in here?"

"Took a lot of convincing and a picture. I've called you a couple times today and got no answer so I wanted to be sure that you were okay."

"Oh, well yeah." I sat upright. "I'm cool. Just getting more batting work in."

"How's it been going?"

"What is this about?" I took my sweaty shirt off and used it to wipe any remaining sweat. "I'm guessing you still want to talk."

"I just want us to reach clear ground that works for us both."

I draped my shirt over my neck and rested my elbows on my knees. I wasn't sure I knew what I wanted to say to her because I wasn't sure of what I wanted. Over the past few days, I couldn't shake the feelings I developed our last night together. Something was telling me that we had no business being romantically involved and another part of me was telling me that I was being crazy. But seeing her today I got that same feeling of pity in my stomach.

I didn't want to look at her as someone that was damaged and scratching to find her way back. She wasn't damaged. She was a free-will fighter. Someone fighting an everyday battle to be free from her own mind. But watching her switch flip repeatedly was making me uncomfortable and it was frightening. Just yesterday, she was still bummed out and tucked in her bed. Today, she was up and at 'em, having brunch gatherings and pushing for conversation.

The thought of the unknown weighed heavy on me. I wouldn't know how she would wake up feeling, how she went to sleep feeling. It could all change in the matter of minutes. How was I supposed to deal with that? How was I to explain that to her without possibly hurting her feelings and ruining her joy? I was now the one wanting space because I didn't know how to express what I needed to say to her without hurting her.

She walked over to the bench and took a seat a little ways from me. I stared down at the floor before I spoke up, "I'm not sure how I feel about everything. I know I told you that I was going to fight this fight with you—"

She lowly chuckled, making me close my eyes.

"I'm not saying that I won't be. I want to be but I'm scared. I have no idea what goes on in your mind and I don't know when your mood is going to flip. It's like walking on thin ice. I...I really want to help you with this. I do. I just can't shake the frustration I feel. Ever since the other night, I've been on edge about everything. The smallest thing irritates me and I want to blow up and I know it's because I don't know what to do about you."

She kept quiet.

"I know healing takes time but you sobbed during sex, Korin. It wasn't a little tear of pleasure or realizing you're truly in love. It was a cry of I don't know what I'm doing and I'm scared. That doesn't sit right with me."

"Okay." her voice trembled but she quickly cleared her throat, "So tell me how we're going to deal with how you feel. I don't want to make you feel like this."

"I...I don't know. I don't know how being together or being friends changes anything. We'd still be together a lot. There just wouldn't be any sexual intimacy."

There was a long pause then she said, "Then this is it for us?"

"This some bullshit bro." I muttered, putting my fist up to my head. "Why can't we ever be together in peace?"

Korin's gasping made me raise my head and look over at her. Her hand was on her chest as she tried to cry in silence, but it was an obvious cry of deep pain. It made my chest tighten and eyes burn. I was doing this to her. I reached out for her only to be rejected. She held her arm out to keep me at a distance.

"Baby please." I scooted closer to her with tears of my own falling down my face.

She shook her head before standing up, shaking her hands. She walked in a couple circles slowly calming herself down. After she blew out a breathe of air, she looked down at me.

"The first time this didn't work out was because you needed a safer environment. It was circumstantial. But this...this time is because of me and my internal issues. I'm sorry for ruining this for us. And I know this isn't one of those 'you left me when I needed you most moments.' You have to think about yourself as well and...and I'm okay with that."

"I don't want to do this." I looked up at her.