" ." I spoke into a microphone for the fifth time while wrapped in a blanket.

The director finally thought it sounded perfect before the stylist whisked me away for wardrobe and makeup change. As drained as I felt, I was forcing myself to be in the moment for the sake of my career. I refused to be at home drowning myself out in emotions when there was money to be made. With a career as a model, there's not time to sit around. Someone was always entering the scene, therefore, I needed to ride my wave while it was still flowing.

I sat back in the chair, allowing the makeup artist to remove all of the previous makeup. I reached for my phone to see whether I missed anything important. None of it mattered to me aside from the message I'd received from Giovanni. It had been a few days since I stopped by his place and there hadn't been much communication between us. I was solely at fault because I still wasn't sure what I wanted to say to him. I was feeling one too many things but fear overshadowed all of them.

He was being calm about it all, but I knew he was reaching his wits end and wanted me to speak up. I couldn't blame him. Time had come and gone and continues to transpire yet we hadn't reached an understanding pertaining to us romantically. As much as he wanted to tend to me as a friend, I knew that he wanted to acknowledge Korin, his girlfriend as well.

"Close your eyes for me." the makeup artist instructed.

I locked my phone, placed it back in my purse and closed my eyes as told. While I sat in the chair, I anxiously wondered what the message read but each opportunity I had to open it, I didn't. I chose to continue getting my makeup done then eventually went back to work.

Dior liked for their commercials to be 30-second short films that used zero dialogue. Therefore, we shot various scenes in various looks. Unlike the last two fragrances they'd dropped, the woman that I'm playing is promiscuous. In a lot of my scenes I'm filmed in lingerie or freakum dresses. It's been a challenge to be sexy on camera – or at all – when I hadn't felt sexy in weeks, but I'd been pushing through and trying to get out of my head. It hasn't been easy.

"You okay? You're starting to wear agitation on your face. You're brooding." Jeff asked while the director looked over the film.

"In all honesty, no. I'm ready to go." I whispered to him.

"I don't think you have much longer. The director wants today to be the last day so she's pushing hard, but you're doing great."

"It doesn't feel like it. I feel like I'm being super awkward."

"But you're not though. You're giving them exactly what they're asking for. You're not new to this, you're true to this. C'mon now. Act like this is what businesses offer you thousands of dollars to do."

"You're right." I shook my arms. "I got this. I'm doing good."

"Yes, you are."

After another two hours on set, the director finally called it quits. She wanted to drag it out much longer to avoid having to show up the day after Christmas, but the crew was worn. I went into the bathroom, cleaned my face of any makeup and let my hair down.

"You wanna drive us home?" I held the keys out toward Khloe.

She'd come into town last week and had been a great breath of fresh air for me. While at home, I had someone to make me smile and keep me from my thoughts. Our time together had also made me realize how alike we were. She was a people pleaser, she had no issue hustling and she was multifaceted. This was supposed to be her break away from school and she'd been working. She'd secured a summer internship with Showtime, and made sure to connect with the people on set of my jobs. I was impressed.

"Yeah, I bet you're exhausted."

I yawned, "I am."

We climbed inside of my car and I immediately made myself comfortable in the passenger seat. As Khloe adjusted everything to her liking, I took my phone from my purse to finally read Gio's message. I'd put it off long enough. Whenever you're free, I have gifts with your name on them. I replied back to him then made Khloe take a detour.

I wasn't sure how long I'd be up there so I invited her up with me. It was also my way of making sure I didn't try to stay over. The last time wasn't much of a challenge but with each day that passes by, I miss him more and more. I needed something/someone to hold me back.

"It's me." I called from outside the door. The door opened to him in a beanie, a wife beater, and sweat shorts. "Are you going somewhere? Or expecting anyone?"

"Nah, why you ask that?" he invited us inside.

"You're wearing hoe attire that's all. Your parents here?"

"They took Braxton to see Christmas lights. You cool?" he slightly furrowed his 'brows.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Wassup Khloe?"

"Hey. I didn't expect to come back to you with a full beard. It suits you though."

He pulled at it with a smile, "Thank you. Your sister hasn't said anything about it so I don't think she's feeling it."

"I was more so worried about your hair. Did you cut it?"

"I'm still looking rough under here." he pulled the beanie off.

"You don't look rough. With a lil line up you'll have every woman in New York after you."

"Too bad they can't get me. Khloe you mind if we disappear to talk for a few minutes?"

She shook her head, "I'll be fine down here. Just don't start having sex 'cause then you'll get left Kori."

I gave her a look before following behind Giovanni toward the kitchen. I observed him from behind; he'd bulked up a couple pounds and it made his height a bit more intimidating. He glanced back, checking to see if I was behind him. Once we were in the kitchen he sat down on a stool then pulled another out for me.

"Have a seat." he patted it. The second I sat down he said what was on his mind, "Before your incident—"

"Overdose. You can say it."

"Before your overdose you wanted to take a break. You felt like we needed time apart to work on ourselves, correct?"

"Yes." I nodded.

"My question is does that still stand? I want to know my boundaries with you. Am I your friend or am I your man?"

"As much as I miss you, I don't think I'm in the best space to be sharing myself with you. I can admit that I'm at my lowest and to put that on you would be selfish. I'm content with being alive but I'm not happy with myself. I have to learn how to be happy on my own again."

He shifted in the seat, "Friends it is then."

"Am I hurting you by saying this? Don't think I'm making excuses to avoid being together. I just really don't want to cause anymore damage to our relationship."

"It hurts me to see you hurt, Korin. And as bad as I want to love you out of this, I don't think I can. I'll just play the sideline until you're ready."

"I'm sorry that I keep breaking your heart like this. I don't mean to be hard to love, but right now I need space. I know you're like damn it's been a month but the emotions of therapy are just as intense. I have a lot to process and heal through. I want to be able to love you unconditionally and whole heartedly. I can't do that if I can't do it for myself."

"I get it, babygirl." he rubbed my hand. "I'll keep my distance and let you do what you need to do for you. Can I call you like once a week to see how you're doing?"

"I won't force you too far in the dark. Would you like for me to spend the night with you before we go our separate ways again?"

I should have known that I would give in to spending the night the minute I laid eyes on him. I wanted to be held and caressed by him again before we distanced ourselves. It could have been a bad decision, but I was making it anyway. He deserved some time from me and I wanted a little of his time.

"I would like that." he gave me a small smile.

I nodded and walked back to the living room. "Khloe, I'm gonna spend the night. You're okay driving back to the house and being alone."

"Korin, I'm damn near twenty. I can be home alone. Spend time with your boyfriend." she stood up. "Goodnight Gio."

"Goodnight." he responded.

I went over to the bags that I had her carry up and pulled the gift boxes out. I'd kept Gio's gifts in the trunk of my car because I had plans of dropping them off tomorrow morning. Majority were for him but I'd made sure to include his parents and little brother. It was the least I could do after the support they'd shown me.

"These are for you." I placed his on the table then walked the other bags over to the Christmas tree.

"That blue bag in the back of the tree is yours." he told me. I picked it up with a groan not expecting it to be heavy. "Yeah, it's a lil hefty."

"I see now." I carried it over to the couch. "I want you to go first."

He decided to randomly select each box with his eyes closed, and conveniently he opened all of the necessities first. As a kid, toiletries and undergarments weren't appreciated but as an adult it was a dream come true.

"Yo, this is fire." he observed the Goyard toiletry bag.

"Now you can stop using that backpack to hold your essentials."

"This'll come in handy on the road. Thank you."

He went through the few luxury items I got him before he opened the gift that I spent a couple weeks on. He lifted it from its folded position in the box. It was a blue and orange letterman jacket made of leather with images of him during his best games. His last name was plastered across the back with his number, 23, just below it. I was inspired by a Kobe Bryant retirement hoodie that I saw on the internet.

"You shittin' me!" he stood up, knocking the box out of his lap. He flipped it around once more then put it on. "And it's comfortable. Where's my phone?"

He rummaged his pockets then the couch until he found it. He unlocked it, went to his camera, and handed it to me. I held the phone and allowed him to do what he wanted.

"Tell me this ain't hard. You can't tell me this ain't hard." he turned around to show the back. "You see it! 23 Hoffman. One of the best center fielders in the league right now. If y'all boys see me with this on for a week straight, mind ya business."

I ended the video as he took the jacket off. He leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'm glad you like it."

Next, I opened all of the gifts that he'd gotten for me. The items ranged from purses and shoes to blankets and jewelry. A couple of the gifts he'd gotten surprised me because they were items that we spoke about in passing.

"These were great. Thank you."

"They're two more. Open this one first." he handed me another jewelry box.

"I'm pretty sure all of this jewelry would make a collection of it's own." I peered over at him.

"There's only four."

"Yeah, expensive ass pieces too."

He waved me off, "Just open the box."

I raised the top of the box to find a silver dog tag shaped locket.

The words, forever near, and the letters DCV were engraved on it. I glanced up at Gio in hopes that it wasn't what I thought it was. He waited for me to pop the locket open and when I did, I instantly covered my face. Inside was a photo of my parents and Courtland. It had been taken at our family's celebration for his Kindergarten graduation.

"Where'd you get this picture?" I sniffed.

"Justice posted it on his story a couple weeks ago and I asked him for it. I know you miss them alot and I assumed having them close to you would make you feel better."

"I wanna give you a hug." I stood up, wiping my tears. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now for this next one, I need you to follow me to the back. I'm a lil worried about giving you this one but I think you'll love it."

"So why would you be worried?" I asked.

Rather than give me an answer, he continued to walk. I followed behind him until he reached a room I didn't know he had. He opened the door and gestured for me to enter first. The room was empty. I mean it had furniture but I saw nothing that would be a gift. Before I could question him, a puppy emerged from beside stacked boxes. It was a red and white malamute.

"Ohhh my goodness." I scooped the dog up. "Oh my gosh, she is so precious. What is her name?"

"I was thinking Cocoa."

"She kinda looks more like a Willow to me."

"She's your baby so you can name her what you want. I thought she'd be a support animal for you. And Malamutes get pretty big and are protective so she could definitely be of good help."

"That was very considerate of you." I looked up at him. "I'm not sure how I'll adapt to having a dog but I'll figure it out because there's no way I'm not taking her."

"I can train her—"

"No, no you have a lot going on."

"And you don't either?"

"Yeah, but I have more leniency than you. You focus on training and the upcoming season. Wait, does this mean we're parents now? Or am I a single mother?"

"Well technically, you're still a single mother but I didn't plan on just throwing all the responsibility on you. Especially as a first time dog owner."

"So we're co-parenting. Okay. So much for keeping my distance huh, Willow? He always find a way to reel me back in."

on my nightstand read 1am and I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep. Korin fell asleep almost immediately after her shower and that was three hours ago. Now, I was just up with the tv on mute, sitting in my thoughts.

Korin admitting to not fully loving herself wasn't sitting right with me. A woman of so many amazing qualities wasn't in love with herself as much as I was in love with her. It hurt me to hear her say that especially because it made her unhappiness realer. I knew she wasn't happy. It was apart of depression, but for her to say that it played a role in her ability to love me hurt.

I kissed her forehead then eased from beneath her. She moved around a bit before asking me where I was going. I lied and said the bathroom. Once I quietly made it out of the room, I rubbed through my hair as I descended the stairs. I could hear Anita Baker playing at a low volume on the tv and my mother's hum. I rounded the corner to see her on the floor wrapping presents.

"Wow. This takes me back to middle school when you finally stopped acting like Santa Claus was real." I smiled at the scene before me.

"You knew all along. It was just entertainment for me."

"Yeah, Pops ruined it back in second grade when I didn't give him credit for getting me the Nintendo 64."

"That damn Jonas was hot. A damn fool if you let me tell it." she chuckled. "I seen that Korin came by. Tell her thank you for thinking of Braxton and I when you get the chance."

"You can tell her yourself. You'll see her in the morning."

"She decided to celebrate Christmas with us? I'm happy to hear that." she smiled up at me.

I sat down on the couch. "I don't know if she's celebrating with us but she's upstairs."

"Really? How's she doing? Is she feeling better than the other day? The look in her eyes was heartbreaking."

"Um, I don't know. In my opinion, no. She's having a real hard time with this."

"I'm guessing that's why you're down here instead of up there with her huh? I can tell she's strong, she'll get through it."

"And what if she doesn't. Us, as outsiders, can only do so much. Lord knows I want to fight the fight for her but I can't and I'm scared that it'll get the best of her."

My mom stopped what she was doing, "It's okay for you to be scared. And the best thing you can do is continue to love her–"

"It's hard when she keeps wanting space away from me. I was losing it when she overdosed but if she was to actually die Mama...I don't know how I'd keep going. The first time was an accident but this could all be too much for her."

"She's in therapy—"

"That could make it worse. She has to sit and relive her darkest moments with the therapist, have the therapist offer words of advice then she goes home and do what? Her wounds have been reopened while her mind is already fragile. It could send her over the edge, Mama!"

She opened her mouth to give me a response but I was so frustrated I slapped the vase off the coffee table. It hit the floor with a loud crash. I fell back in the chair and covered my face. Too many frightening outcomes were running through my mind. I wanted to cut them out or have some hope that they wouldn't come to fruition.

"Hey, hey." Mama sat down beside me and forced my hands down from my face. "I don't know Korin as well as you do, but I know a little something about what she's going through. I know it's hard not to think of everything you're thinking right now but you have to be the voice of hope and encouragement for her. She's already thinking these things. She needs you to be an ear no matter how bad her thoughts scare you and when she's ready to give up she needs you to give her that push.

"You also need to keep the faith for yourself or you're going to drive yourself up a wall, sweetheart. All you can do is be there and trust that she can pull herself up."

I deeply sighed. "I wish this wasn't an everyday battle for her. I mean I've had my moments like the average person but this is different. This is brutal. I swear I'd lay my life down right now this second if that meant this would be taken from her."

"You're an amazing man, you know that?" she wiped my tears. "I couldn't be more proud of who you've become. You keep loving her unapologetically, unconditionally and whole-heartedly, okay?"

"I don't think I could stop if I wanted to."

"Go up there and be with her."

"Thank you for listening, Mama."

"No, thank you for confiding in me. Goodnight babyboy."

"Goodnight." I kissed her head as I got up.