" about Giovanni." Giselle crossed her right leg over her left. "Tell me more about you two growing up together."

Per usual, I sat with the yellow pillow in my lap for comfort. But since this was our third session I'd grown more comfortable and had my legs folded on the sofa.

"Like I told you before, I was the quiet kid and he bothered me until I opened up to him and it took no time for us to be joined at the hip. I had a crush on him the whole time but I never had the courage to tell him so I watched him go from girl to girl. It used to bother the hell out of me but he was my bestfriend so I never said anything to him about it. I should've because he used to write the most heartwarming poems for me but I thought that he was being the average boy and sweet-talking just because he knew how.

"As you know, I've always been depressed and he knew about it. Especially after I had my first attempt in ninth grade with a bottle of Benadryl. No one knew or knows about it aside from him and now you. From then on he became super protective but I knew that I'd messed him up because he started to have nightmares about me ending my life. A month or two later, his father was arrested for manslaughter and his home life went downhill. His mom wound up running away and leaving him in the care of his aunt who had a lot of anger.

"It wasn't a good environment for him so I would let him come over to my house and talk until he was tired. And one night, I prompted him to spend the night because he was fed up. He told me that he was thinking about moving with his uncle on his dad's side in Houston. That same night we had sex and I never saw him again. What he forgot to tell me was that it was definite that he was moving. He got on the plane and didn't look back."

"And when was this?"

"The summer going into our sophomore year. 2009."

"The year before your brother was murdered."

I nodded, "Yes. Um, after Giovanni moved away I was in the dumps. I felt like I was given a chance at love with someone I was already in love with and it was snatched from me. I was so sad but my sadness slowly turned to anger. I hated him for a long time and I let it be known that I was angry — I mean months after trying to tell my brothers that I was super sad and I wasn't happy. But no one liked seeing me angry so instead of sitting down and talking to me, they'd fan me off, call me dramatic or ignored me altogether. It only fueled me....and that's what got Courtland murdered."

"No, what got Courtland murdered was young men being reckless and impulsive. Your anger didn't."

"Sure did feel like it. Out of all people I was the one to set him off. He was everything to me. He'd done so much for me and supported me during the first stage of Gio's absence. He was there for me during and after my abortion but I pushed him to his death."

"If my count is correct, this is the fifth time you've blamed yourself for your brother's death. You weren't the one stabbing him—"

"Might as well have been!" I raised my voice. "You didn't hear the things I said to him. He died thinking I meant every word."

"If you and him were as close as you say y'all were then I'm sure he knew you didn't mean anything you said. He just needed some air and it went bad. That is not on you, sweetheart."

I didn't give her a response. Instead, I stared off at objects across the room. No matter how many times she told me that it wasn't my fault I just couldn't accept it. There was no way that he would have still went out and have been murdered had I not said what I said to him. I was the reason he left the house in the first place.

"You're choosing to ignore me again."

"I'm not ignoring you. I heard you."

She gave me a quick nod, "Now you mentioned an abortion. I'm going to assume the baby was from your night with Gio."

"It was."

"That makes three losses in a matter of months. Gio, Courtland then a child."

"And I felt every single one." I picked at a loose stitch on the pillow. "I didn't think the abortion would hurt me so much but boy was I wrong. Everyday I felt like I betrayed the baby but I knew that I didn't have the capacity to be anyone's mom. They were better off not entering this world then being here and feeling unwanted."

"Have you told Giovanni?"

I nodded. "Justice told him. I'm confused on how he knew but at this point whatever. He asked me about it and I told him the truth."

"And how did that go?"

"Way better than I expected." I softly chuckled. "He understood why I did it and actually told me that he was proud of what all I'd overcome."

"So where do you two stand right now? The other week you told me things were complicated." she asked while making notes in her journal.

"They're still complicated. We're having trouble dealing with my depression as a couple."

"What do you think y'all are having trouble with?"

"It's mostly me if I'm being honest. If you would have asked me this a few weeks ago, I probably wouldn't have said this but after seeing how much I was hurting him I realized what it was."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Whenever I have an episode I tend to isolate. I was doing that and had gone nearly two months without speaking to him." her eyes stretched. "Yeah, and when I did come back around I asked for space again. Yet I ended up spending the night at his place and overheard him talking to his mom about his concerns. I blew up and had a moment of embarrassment where I cried while we had sex. I felt so stupid Mrs. Giselle. I'd made such a big scene because I wanted him to stop me from self destructing but he had no clue what I was doing. Then I told him to make love to me because I wanted to feel loved and in the middle of it I just knew that I looked crazy to him. I was all over the place and I cried."

That night was still a bit difficult for me to digest. There were times where I'd have a flashback of the look on his face as I cried. He was confused and worried, and I just knew that he thought I was every bit of insane. I had no grip on my emotions that night and it was more than embarrassing. I never wanted anything like that to happen again.

"This was recent?"

"Yes like five days ago. After that night he started to pull away from me a bit. He was quick and short whenever I tried to talk to him."

"Has that night been discussed? A lot needs to be unpacked from that on both ends."

"We talked about it. He told me that he didn't know what to do to help me. Its had him on edge and irritable because he wants to help me and has no clue what to do. This episode has definitely put a strain on us."

"From what I hear, he's willing to work with you. Am I right?" I nodded. "That's always a great thing so what I need for you to do is open up. No isolation unless necessary and speak your mind. I find that keeping those ever-changing emotions inside only does damage. He can't read your mind and I'm sure you blowing up after being ghost for months scared him."

"It did." I admitted. "I just want for us to be together in peace."

"It's what we all want but it takes work. You have work to reach that goal. I'm going to give you an assignment this week. I want you to be transparent with everyone in your life. Be more open. If you want to take it slow I say try it with Justice, Khloe and Gio. It can be through a letter or verbally I just want you to do it. You can do that for me?"

"I can." I nodded. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Good, and make sure to make that herbal bath a weekly thing. I'm happy that you found something that is isolation but in a good way. It's relaxation. I'll be seeing you next week."

"Today was a good one, Mrs. Giselle."

"I agree." she smiled. "You have a beautiful week."

"You as well."

I glanced around at my surroundings as the facetime call connected on Brit's end. I was parked on the curbside of the restaurant I was meeting Noelle at for dinner. She hadn't made it yet so I decided to call Brit upon her request. After a few more seconds, her face appeared on my screen.

"Hey Brit." I gave her a warm smile.

"Hey Kori. I know you're on your way to meet Noey but I just wanted to apologize for ruining your brunch. It was rude of me and not the time for me to be snapping on your best friend. I really hope I didn't rain on your happiness yesterday."

"You didn't rain on my happiness but I was disappointed that I couldn't sit down with everyone and just thank y'all for being such amazing friends."

"I'm truly sorry. Her triple date comment really hit a nerve but I should have kept it to myself and just let it be. Are you still in good spirits though?"

"For the most part. I don't feel too worthless today so that's a positive."

"Small progress is progress nonetheless. To keep your spirits high even longer let's have a girl's night at my place for New Year's. Bring in the year together with self-care."

"Sounds great! Oh, there's Noelle. We'll talk more about this New Year's thing tonight."

"Okay. Bye bye love." she ended the call.

I reached over in the passenger's seat and picked up my blue 30 Montaigne Dior bag. I climbed out just as Noelle reached the entrance of the restaurant. I called her name, stopping her from going inside. A smile spread across her face and she opened her arms for me as I got closer to her.

"Hey babe, how are you?" she embraced me.

"I'm doing better. How've you been?"

"Better." she grinned. "So I guess we're both celebrating progress tonight huh?"

"A bottle of wine it is!" I cheered as we entered the restaurant.

Once were seated at our reserved table, we ordered our appetizers and choice of drink for the night. This was a restaurant that we'd accompanied more than a few times so we were quite familiar with the menu and knew what we would be eating. Therefore, we talked rather than looked over the menu.

"Have you found any prospects in LA yet? Ugh, I refuse to believe that you're gonna be across the country."

"As much as you travel to LA you won't miss me too much." she whipped out her phone. "But I have found three places that hold a place in my heart. My favorite is the loft that I managed to find for a good price because we all know LA be trying it with their prices."

"Which is why I'll never move there." I took a sip from my glass of Chardonnay.

Though I've never been much of a drinker, I've been offered glasses at events and white wine has always been good to me. So whenever I was in a good mood I could call on Chardonnay or Moscato to give me tingles and brighten my smile.

"Look at this beauty." she handed me her phone. "The rent is only five thousand."

"Oh, this is nice and it's one of those three floor lofts. I really like this place." I continued to swipe through the photos.

"Brit and my mom do too. Both of them have already started adding things to my cart to decorate."

"So this is pretty much the one."

She shrugged, "Pretty much. The other prospects were nice but the rent is outrageous for their location and size. I mean New York is no better but they were trying it."

The waitress came and sat our appetizers on the table then took our entree orders. When she walked away, I began to dig into the food. I hadn't eaten since this morning was dying to have food in my stomach.

"So what have you been up to? Other than Brit showing her ass at your brunch."

I playfully rolled my eyes, "Brit wanted to swing behind you, chile. But I've just been going to therapy and adjusting to being a dog mom now."

"I seen! What'd you name her? Willow?"

"Yes, and she's so sweet. She's only nine weeks but she's big."

"What kind of dog is she?"

"A Malamute and from what I've read they can grow to be huge. I can't wait to see how big she gets."

"Did you go out to get her or was it another gift from Gio?"

"Giovanni gave her to me. He thought she'd be a good support animal. Give me some comfort and affection when I need it."

She smiled. "That was sweet of him. I'm happy that y'all are back on good terms. Y'all are different when y'all speaking to each other."

"Different how?" I tilted my head in curiosity.

"He's all roarrr I'm a gym shark and leave me alone, and you're all sit with me but shut up forreal. It's weird because you're very talkative and he's friendly so it's like y'all become opposites of yourselves."

"Hmm." I hummed. "But for the record I'm not talkative."

"Yeah alright."

" You gonna let me do you like that?" I shouted from my spot on the sectional.

He stood in the center of the floor, his curls wild on his head and his shirt halfway on his body. He'd jumped up seconds ago to try and gain more concentration because I was beating him in 2k. I'd let him keep up with me the first game but after he decided to shit talk me, I gave him the real deal. Now he was in shambles trying to catch up with my score but at this point it was impossible.

"Oop, oop! Brax where you at!?" I yelled after I snatched the ball from his player and took off down the court. "Slam dunk, boy!"

He smacked his teeth, and cut the game system off. I threw my arms up in the air. "You weren't playing fair."

"Nah, that's not the same tune you were singing during the last game. You wanted the real so I gave it to you. You gotta be careful of what you ask for young blood."

"Mama! Tell Gio to go home!" he shouted toward the kitchen.

She appeared in her robe with a glass of water, "Señor what are you in here doing to my baby?"

"He just being a sore loser." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"No. He wasn't playing fair. I'm only five."

"Yeah but you talk smack like you're grown so I treated you as such. There's always next time. Just keep practicing."

"Can you send him home? Go be with your girlfriend, bro." he jumped on top of me and tried to choke me.

"What am I walking in on?" I heard Pops ask

"Braxton got whooped on the game and now he wants Gio to go home." Mama explained before pulling him off somewhere else.

I snatched Braxton from on top of me and slammed him down on the couch. He wrapped his legs around my arm and tried to claw at my head. I pushed my weight on my him and folded him up which made him holler out. He started to smack any part of my body in attempt to get free.

"You too lil dawg. I got you folded up right now." I boasted.

"Not for long." he punched me in the face.

"Oh shit." it had caught me off guard, making me let him go. He gave me no time to recover before he was on my neck. He threw his body backward and slammed me down on the couch.

"Yeaaahh! Talk smack now. Who's too lil?" he held me in a headlock with both his legs and his hands.

"Alright alright. That's enough boys." Mama reentered the living room. "Braxton it's time for you to take a bath so you can get ready for bed."

"Mama it's still break. Why do I have to go to bed so early?" he released me.

"Uh because I said so. The school time here and in Florida are different I'm not tryna be fighting with you when school starts back. Now go get in the tub."

"Are you staying over or going home?" he looked over at me.

"I'm going home but I'll be back on New Year's to celebrate with y'all and whoop you in 2k again."

"In your dreams. Goodnight." he gave me a hug.

"Goodnight lil bro." I kissed his head.

"Ahh, I love how close y'all are getting." Mama gushed. "My two boys."

"Close? I don't like this lil boy." I frowned.

"Don't let him tell you stories, Mama. He loves me. I mean who couldn't? I'm amazing."

"Energy!" I held my hand out for dap. "Keep that energy!"

"Boy go get in that tub." Mama laughed. He ran past her and up the staircase. "Is Korin coming with you for New Years?"

"She might. Her and her sister."

"Why won't you just invite everyone? Your dad and I are cooking and it'll be like officially breaking the house in."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes. And how could we not bring the year in with that damn Chazmon's vivacious energy?"

"I'll tell everybody and let you know who's all coming." I gave her a hug. "I'll see y'all in a couple of days. I love you."

"I love you too and let me know when you make it home, okay?"

"Yes ma'am. Pops I'm gone!"

"You be safe out there on that road, Gio!" he shouted back. "Let us know when you get home!"

"Aight! Goodnight Mama."

"Goodnight." she stood by the door and watched me walk to my car.

As I traveled down the driveway my phone pinged with a message. I took it from my pocket to see that it was Korin asking me where I was. I replied while climbing in my car and waving to my Mama. I started my car but didn't pull out until Korin responded telling me to come by her place. I let her know that I was on my way then cranked my music up while backing out.

An hour later, I pulled into the guest parking spot of Korin's building. I made my way up to her floor and was let in by Khloe. As I stepped in Willow attacked my legs in her attempt to jump up on me. I bent down and picked her up.

"Hey girl." I snuggled against her fur. "You've been good for your mama and auntie?"

"No." Khloe shut the door. "No, I'm just playing. She's sweet when she wants to be but she's a sassy lil something."

"Yeah? What you be in here doing lil girl?" she lowly barked. "I don't believe you. Where is Korin?"

"In there on live. Warning she's a lil tipsy."

I slightly furrowed my 'brows but pushed in her room anyway. In a sports bra and shorts, she laid on her stomach talking directly into her phone. I smacked her ass making her yelp and look over at me. I raised my eyebrows waiting on her to say something slick but she didn't. She turned back to her phone.