Chapter 10.

Sparks by Coldplay

"I can't, I- I can't Mitch. I can't do it." I mumbled, shaking my head and biting at my lip. I wiped the tears out of my eyes with my palms, I was supposed to go on in something around 5 minutes. But I was shaking. I hated myself for it, every second and I lost control and even that made me think...

Mitch tried to convince me of crap as I paced the room, but I could barely process what he was saying. "She's going to hear it." I said, blatantly.

"Well yeah idiot, you wrote it. About her. And now you are going to sing it." Mitch grabbed me by the shoulder and tried to physically shake it out of me, but my head was so heavy, everything felt like it was spinning, but psychotically still all in one second.

He went grab his water which sent me into another fit of emptiness, knowing that it meant we were going on. My heart kept sinking and sinking until I could hardly feel it beating anymore, I tried scratching the tears out of my eyes but they came back quicker than I could rid them. "This never mattered to you singing about anyone else, H." Mitch said quietly from across the room as he entered the stage, as if it was my fault. He was right.

I changed my mindset within the last second, but it kept creeping up on me. They cheered for me. They loved me. A nice surprise in comparison.

I heard the beginning of the song, the happy symbols and the happy chords and the happy keys,

But this was anything but that.

"... Hey!" I started it off, but my voice cracked. Yet another thing that sent me spiraling back to her.

To Darby Anna Eden,

We drove home in the middle of the night. My heart felt at peace with the present as I watched the lines in the middle of the road running by. I had one earbud in, the other was in his. He laid in my shoulder as we sat in the back seat.

I stroked his gentle curls, I was pretty sure that he was asleep. I tried not to move but the second I shifted he sat up to make sure I was comfortable. "Are you okay?" His voice was so scratchy, it was sweeter than I ever could have imagined.

"You're tired, H, you can sleep." I whispered. He yawned, of course proving my point which led to a little giggle. "I want to stay up with you. If you're— staying up." His eyes squinted to see me and he rubbed them with his palms to stay awake.

I smiled as a reply. "...We can just talk." He whispered. The air and the outside world seemed tired as well. But it had no effect, and the hours passed beautifully. "I need to know every simple thing about you before I can know much more." I laid on my side, resting my head on my arm that hung over the back of the seat.

We knew from the back seat that no one would bother to hear us, but the whispering continued in its blissfully innocent essence.

"What is your favorite memory, Darby." He asked, turning to face me the same way I did him. "That's not as simple as you'd think, Harry."

"I can't get to know you if you don't let me." He tried not to plead, I know he did. He seemed to scream 'If only you'd open up to me. I realize that I hardly know you as I should.' And I sat imagining that nonsense as I watched him bite at his lips.

"Hey," I spoke gently, pulling his hand close to me. He stopped biting his lip at the reminder. "My favorite memory is with my mum. When I realized that she would sacrifice anything for me." I went on as my eyes crinkled up in happy thoughts. "And I remember that realization happening when she woke me up early to see the sunrise one random morning. I was probably only 16."

"It made her think of you." He said. "I hope that was the case. What a compliment." I grinned. I noticed that he started to rub his thumb across my hand.

"My favorite memory is probably of my mother too, I just don't know which one." I watched as he pushed his dangling curls aside, letting go of my hand briefly but finding it again soon after. "But there are so many defining moments I've had. Sometimes just looking out at a crowd feels like nothing could ever go wrong again."

I nodded, with no real knowledge of what it felt like, I had been gifted in the area of imagination. And I felt like I had a pretty good idea of just how triumphant that could feel. Or horrifying.

"I can imagine that's not the case most of the time." I laughed at his little nose scrunch grin when I spoke.

"Not quite. Especially trying to write an album in one summer thing. I've been a little too distracted." He squeezed my hand and leaned closer to me, signifying that I was the distraction. I let the air stay silent just long enough for him to want me just a little bit more.

"I can always leave if you want me to." I said, with partial sarcasm and a little bit of confidence.

"I don't think I'd like that very much." His smile broke out and peaked through his attempt at a straight face. I appreciated the effort, it was cute. But it didn't matter in a matter of seconds. He cupped my face in his hands, something I wondered if he always did.

I distinctly remember last time, and I'm still wondering why. How is a valid question too. How I did that, the world will never understand. I smiled like a child as he laid his forehead up against mine. One part of me would've hated myself for letting my guard down so easily, but I felt much too comforted to be worried right now.

My focus was turned from my thoughts to his features. He hadn't put his rings back on after swimming, and kept running my fingers over where they should've been. And once again, whatever minimal source of light found his eyes so easily, there were tiny glimmers that failed to hide the delicate specks of light, light green.

He kissed my forehead and his hands lingered around my hair. It had dried naturally, which meant that it was unbelievably curly and messy. I left it natural all the time, just not as much recently. "Your hair is pretty."

"Your hair is pretty too." I grinned, complimenting him back. It was simple but his sweet answers were enough to keep complimenting him for the rest of 2 lifetimes.

We got closer to the city and I had fallen asleep, Harry as well, once again in his arms. I don't remember when, or who fell asleep first. I just know that it was him who woke me up when we were parked in front of my house.

He grabbed my bags for me, Sarah and Jeffrey said their goodbyes and I waved to them, though I wasn't very aware of my surroundings because I was so exhausted. Mitch was dead asleep.

Harry followed me up to my doorstep, I turned down his offer to go in with me to make sure I got there alright. He got a little bit nervous and I noticed it quickly, "Are you ok? What's up?"

"Uhm, bye!" He smiled, and ran back to the car.