Barra da Tijuca, Rio de Janeiro

Friday, 2:00 PM. Barra da Tijuca. Enzo was waiting for his latte to be ready at Vini's house. Despite their years of friendship, they always treated each other as their guests, without the feeling that "one's home was the other's home too". This would give reasons for ridiculous discussions, such as...

- Hey, Enzo, did you eat my cereal?

- The box was full, Vini. I just had some.

- But you used a bowl! It consumes almost 1/3 of the box! That's why I don't eat from the box, I put it in a glass jar to measure the right amount for each day until Wednesday when we go shopping.

- Vini, nobody who has sex regularly eats cereal from a glass jar.

- Ha, ha. You are pathetic.

A while later, Enzo was surprised by some information on his cell phone. He made an expression of astonishment, but didn't say anything. He was expecting Vini to ask something, but nothing came out.

- Wow, this is unbelievable. - Enzo moaned.

- What?

- Our team. It lost its fifth in a row in the championship. The odds for a win are at five, even playing at home! They are screwing with us! The bookies and the fucking players.

- Are we that bad?

- Bad? Bad I am when you don't have cereal in the house! This team is awful. We will probably be demoted at the end of the year.

- The only way is to blow up the club and create another one the same way.

Enzo looked at Vini.

- That's a very interesting idea.

- Or send all the players to Hell.

- It's not that good anymore. We'd probably lose there too.

After school was over, Enzo and Vini waited for the bus, or rather, Julio, one of the Lake Buena Vista bus drivers, the condominium they had lived in since they were kids. While Julio didn't show up, Enzo spotted a vehicle pulling into the school parking lot. The windows were dark, but Enzo knew who was driving that SUV. A father of an elementary school student and, by bad luck, a player on Enzo and Vini's football team.

- Check it out. - Enzo pointed to the white Range Rover turning right. - These football players crawl around on the pitch and just walk quietly down the street.

- Yeah, Enzo. The right thing to do is to create a Chechen war zone in the guy's life. - Vini agreed, without agreeing.

- Oh, I think so. - Enzo didn't understand the irony. - These guys live very well, stay in the best hotels, travel to the best resorts at the end of the season, live in the best neighborhood in town, fuck the women they want. All this by doing what? Kicking a fucking ball for a living! And these sons of bitches from our team don't even do this right! They can't even fucking play! But the millionaire monthly salary remains of a winning team!

- What is your answer?

- To begin with, they should go to the stadium on foot! Where have you ever seen a team doing this after five defeats? If any idiot does this at work, gets fired, why do these dudes get VIP treatment?

Secretly, Vini shared the same angry feeling as Enzo, although he didn't want to admit it out loud. In Brazil, football players, especially in the big clubs, salaries are exorbitant, way above the standard of the common citizen. And in Brazil, and in many parts of South America, football is a national passion, as is the irrational passion for your team.

A couple of days later, Enzo leaves Lake alone at 9:30 at night. There were no more buses from the condo at that time, so he had to be creative. He took an UBER to the mines a few kilometers away from the city. But before leaving, he called his person, because he wanted information about the terms of the visit. A friend who worked hunting for gold and other stones would be very useful for his plan. When he arrived, he immediately looked around. There was not much to see, only dark trees and the annoying noise of trucks and excavators. Enzo walked up the gravel and dirt road for a few meters until he found his contact.

- Good evening. How are things, Enzo?

- Fine, good night. - Enzo answered, hiding his hands in his jacket pockets from the cold and wind.

- I got what you asked for. - The man threw the backpack on the ground.

- How many?

- What do you mean "how many"? I brought ANFO.

- What the fuck is ANFO? Student pot?

- It's ammonium nitrate. But it explodes like diarrhea.

- A mental image that will hardly leave my head tonight.

- So, deal?

Enzo looked at his backpack.

- Yes, you got one.

Following class the next day, Enzo stopped by Vini's house, hours after school. He went inside and immediately shut the door. He wanted to check if there was no one else in the apartment, while Vini didn't pay much attention to what he was doing. Some nonsense, he figured. He was reading a magazine on the couch with the TV on.

- Vini, I have something to tell you.

Uh-oh. Nothing good came out after Enzo said those words in a sequence. But Vini didn't seem very interested in listening.

- What is it, Enzo? What crap have you pulled?

- Not a thing.

That's what he said.

- What is it? I'm too busy... Not caring for what you say.

- I've found the way to make the team play better.

- I can see it coming.

- I'm going to blow up everything!

Vini got shocked. Finally, Enzo got his attention.

- Say again?

- I'm going to blow up the club so they can start a new one.

- It's a trick question, right?

- No, it's not.

- Are you completely mad?

- Maybe, but in my defense, you came up with the idea.

Enzo would have to do a little better to convince him that this was in fact his fault.

- Really? When did I ever come close to mentioning this?

- You said "they should blow up the club".

Then Vini recalled his statement.

- It was figurative, you jackass! A hyperbole!

- Oh. - Enzo realized that he had made a giant mess. - Well, we're dead meat.

Vini's astonishment didn't stop there.

- We? What's this got to do with me? You did it!

- Look, it's four in the afternoon. The game is at nine o'clock at night. If we get there earlier, we can pick up everything before the team leaves to the game.

- Enzo, you are atmospheric and a complete idiot. You can't possibly think that your plan will actually work.

- Relax, Vini, it will work.

- Oh, no, no. Enzo, if history has shown us anything in all these years it is that there is no way to connect the phrases "relax, Vini," and "it will work out.

- Yes, you are quite right.

Despite Enzo's stupid and crazy ideas, Vini smiled and stared at Enzo for a few seconds. He was not going to let his friend down, no matter how much he was in the mood for it.

- What are you thinking about doing?

The truth was one single truth. The two - well, technically Enzo only - needed to get to the training facilities early and remove all the ammonium nitrate that Enzo had dropped. Fortunately for both, a protest by the fans at the entrance of the club ended up delaying the departure of the bus to the stadium, about an hour away. There was even the possibility of the match being canceled because of the protests. In other words, the perfect smoke screen for the two idiots to discreetly get in, as several security guards tried to contain at least 50 fans pissed off with the team's performance. Despite the heavy traffic at that time from Barra da Tijuca to the facilities, Enzo and Vini were able to arrive in the midst of the chaos. Several fans were shouting from the other side of the wall that separated the street from the club.

- Mercenaries! Get the hell out of the team! Scumbags! Go fuck yourselves! - were some of the phrases and their combinations.

Vini went to the right, to the swimming pools and the recreation area, while Enzo went to the left, where all four training fields were, if that team actually practiced. To facilitate communication, they would both wear in-ear headphones. But the problems were just starting.

- Enzo, I can't find the explosives. - said Vini.

- It's not explosives, Vini. IT'S UNFO. - Enzo clarified. Well, kind of.

Vini didn't understand.

- It's a what?

- UNFO.

- It's ANFO, you dummy. And how the hell did you get this stuff?

- I got it from a friend who works in the mines.

- Of course you did. And it is a very cheap explosive, very much like you.

Still, it could be worse.

- Hey, Enzo, I was wondering. How did you get access here? Your membership card expired a few months ago and only I have the card...

Vini paused, because the explanation for his questioning was in his own words.

- Oh, Enzo! Fucking hell!

Sadly, the connection between the two apparently dropped. So he couldn't hear Enzo, wherever he was. It was all set to be a total disaster. So he decided to forget all that nonsense and go straight to plan B.

- Ah, screw it. - Vini replied.

He ran to one of the walls and broke the glass of the fire alarm, which went off very loudly. Some employees ran past him. Even for a fake fire, everything seemed too quiet. The only thing constant was Enzo's disappearance.

Ah, if Vini knew, Enzo, in an oddly common luck, found the players packing up to get on the bus. To avoid encountering the angry fans outside, the club made an emergency exit available, on the parallel street, but from the other side of the road. But on their way to the bus staircase, they would unfortunately be forced to walk past Enzo, who started shouting and cursing them non-stop.

- You stupid sons of bitches! Fucking mercenaries! - Enzo screamed, alone, to the athletes, who gave him no attention.

Finally, the players never even got on the bus, as they were told that explosives had been dropped at the club's headquarters. As a result, the players obviously bonded and, whatever was going to happen, they were not going to the match. But how did they get this information in the first place?

- Vini! - Enzo muttered.

After several hours, the police finally removed the angry fans from the entrance of the club. The match would no longer be held that night because of the events of that afternoon. As it turned out, tempers were very high, the night was done. Happily, the ammonium nitrate was removed completely after days of scanning, but the team moved on to another location, further away, to avoid similar issues in the future.

Some days later, Vini turned on the TV, completely unconcerned about the outcome of that day. Some athletes were threatening not to renew their contracts, while some others had left the club. But the real news that was being broadcast on the screen surprised Vini. Immediately, he called Enzo.

- Hey, look, Enzo! We won. 1 a 0! That's the end of our five consecutive losing games!

- Very funny, you stupid man!

Vini didn't understand the aggression.

- What's the matter?

- I bet on the opponent! I lost a thousand bucks! When I put money on the team, they lose, now that I put it on the opponent, they win! Motherfuckers!

- Yeah, I guess the crime doesn't really pay, right, Enzo?