《The Bloody Adventures of Vini and Enzo》The Fake Sadness
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Barra da Tijuca, Rio de Janeiro
9:00 pm. Rio de Janeiro. Vini was very patiently waiting for Enzo to return from his short trip overseas. It would in fact be his first, as he never had enough money to afford such a journey, which made Vini suspicious at first. But like the good friend he always was, he didn't say anything. He just waited to meet him at the airport and question everything afterwards, like a good friend would. Instead of helping him with his luggage, he took a stick of gum from his jacket pocket and waited for the gate to open.
- Enzo! - said Vini, hugging him. - How was the trip?
- Mexico is awesome! - Enzo answered, all happy. - Beautiful gals, nice beaches, Luis Miguel. I was all wrong about your land.
- So, will you stop making jokes?
- Oh, hell no, but now I know the whole context for their existence. And another thing, it is not your country! You were only born there. You haven't lived a day! You are more American than Mexican!
- So what, I was born there, it is my birthplace!
- The rule is clear as day, my friend. If you spend less than a month in the country, even if you were born there, you are not a native! I didn't make the rules.
- What idiot made these stupid rules? It doesn't make any sense!
- Forget it! - Enzo decided to ignore the topic. - Help me with the bags.
- I don't think so, comrade.
The two friends walked through the long hallways of Galeão Airport, the capital's only international airport. Despite the time of the flight, the check-in lines were long.
- Ah, now you want my help? By the way, how did you get the money for the trip? As far as I know, your money comes from... Me.
- You forgot one small detail, my suspicious friend. What do I do that you don't?
- Oh, I know this onje! You get a lot of girls at the same time?
- What else do I do that you don't do?
- Flirt with the drug dealer's daughter?
- It was an isolated case, I challenge you. Anyway, sports betting, Vini. Sports betting.
But Vini was not going to take it.
- Do you expect me to believe that you paid for a whole trip to North America with your betting money?
- First, I learned from my mistake. Second, you won't believe me.
He was not buying it at all.
- La Liga 2. Spanish league, second division. My nemesis. The home team is losing by one goal. The h2h is in favor of the local team, which is losing. Five minutes to go. I get a divine call, saying that the local team's goal is going to happen. I place the bet. 15 odd. In the last second of the match, a corner kick. The goalkeeper goes into the box. Desperation. The ball stays more or less two seconds in the air. And it ends up on the head of the only black player in the team. The header looks like a kick. The goalkeeper doesn't even move. Everyone goes wild! And in Lake Buena Vista too, more precisely on the 11th floor.
- What a bunch of bullshit!
- I know. I'm surprised you listened until the end.
The two finally finished their walk to the outside of the airport. The line for getting a cab was also long, which would certainly be a problem. Enzo didn't want to wait any longer, and neither did Vini.
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- Are we gonna wait here? - Enzo complained. - It's going to take ages!
- Do you have any great ideas?
- Actually, I do.
Enzo took his cell phone out of his pocket and had no shame in calling.
- Hello, Italy?
Vini widened his eyes and shook his head.
- No, no, no! Enzo! What a jerk move!
- Shut up, Vini! I'm on the phone! - Enzo covered it with his hand, just like the 1990's telephones. - Yes, I'm in Rio. The trip was wonderful.
Vini couldn't hide his embarrassed face. The worst thing is that his partner had no idea that his request was very inappropriate. When he was done, Vini stared at him for a few seconds.
- What? - Enzo didn't understand the look.
- Are you kidding me? Did you call your ex to pick you up at the airport?
- No, Vini. Are you out of your mind?
Oh, he had common sense.
- I called her father.
I spoke too soon.
- Hey, I'm still friends with the guy. - Enzo justified. - He works nearby. I may not date his daughter anymore...
- His daughters, Enzo. - Vini corrected him.
- Thanks for pointing that out.
Come on, it was his job.
Ten minutes later, Italy's father showed up in a beautiful white Volvo XC60, with two xenon headlights that could light up their very souls.
- Hello, Enzo, how are you? - He opened the door for his ex-son-in-law.
- Hi, Mr. Banks. You remember Vini?
- Of course! Belgium's boyfriend.
- Hi, Mr. Banks. - Said Vini, embarrassed.
- How was the trip, Enzo?
- Very good! Mexico is amazing! A fantastic country!
The next day the two went to the gym. They always go in the afternoon, mainly because of their school classes in the morning. And, as per Vini, it was the best time to work out, since most of the people who went in the morning had already left and the afternoon people were still on their way. Therefore, the two could exercise without the slightest hurry. Well, in Enzo's case, to judge who was in the gym at that moment. Until a familiar figure caught his attention.
- Look at that! - Enzo pointed. - Julianne is here!
- No, she isn't! Really? - Vini doubted. - She never exercises at this time.
- That's right. It's fate.
- I doubt it. And control your friend down there. The girl has a boyfriend.
Vini was right. Julianne was, in Enzo's words, the most beautiful girl in the gym. Smooth honey-colored hair, well polite, fun, eyes as brown as milk jam, a statuesque body, only a few years older than Enzo - a plus, as Enzo would say - and not vegan or left-wing insane. But, sadly for him, already taken.
- Hi Julianne! - said Enzo, always excited to see her, which didn't happen very often.
- Hi, Enzo! - Julianne smiled. - Long time we've seen each other!
- Isn't it? Our schedules don't match, sadly.
- How's your friend, Vini?
- The same old dummy. Complaining about my bets and my cigars.
A brief silence. But he couldn't let the conversation die yet.
- So... How are you doing? - Enzo tried to save the Titanic from the iceberg.
- Good, good.
Oh, no. The conversation was fading. The violinists had already finished the first verse of the shipwreck song.
- And how is John? I met him at the club.
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Really good! A lie to keep an almost lost conversation going.
- We broke up.
Then something caused a spark in Enzo's chest. Nervous impulses made his body tremble, like a worm with a stomach ache. Now, what other reaction could he have?
- Oh. - said Enzo. - I'm sorry.
And that's when it happened. After saying "oh", he let out a small smile, but not so small as to be unnoticeable. This was followed by the "I'm sorry". Worst of all, Enzo's smile got wider as he lamented the end of the relationship. Although Julianne, sadly for Enzo, realized what was going on and made a sad face.
Hours later, Enzo and Vini met in the only place they could talk without being disturbed. Vini's apartment on the 10th floor of Lake Buena Vista. As usual, Vini brought him a glass of Matte, Enzo's favorite cold ice tea, two ice cubes, and a Romeo Y Julieta cigar. Despite not being old enough to smoke, Enzo used to do many things not allowed for his age. Smoking, betting online on football... The list was endless, as was the amount of trouble he got into for absolutely nothing.
- Did you laughed? - Vini couldn't believe it.
- No, I didn't. But I wasn't sad either.
- You are such a moron.
- What did I do wrong?
- You pretended to be sad for the girl who had lost her boyfriend.
- Of course I pretended to be sad! I wanted to be sad for her, but I wasn't. So I was forced to pretend!
- You could have said nothing! Of course she was upset! You laughed when she said she lost her boyfriend. It was insensitive!
- Again, you dummy, I didn't laugh! And look, be honest, wouldn't you be happy if the girl you were trying to bang turned out to be single in the blink of an eye?
Oh no. Vini was not going to fall for Enzo's rabble-rousing talk. For that reason, he didn't want to step into his shoes and denied it.
- Enzo, my friend, you have to apologize to her. It's the right thing to do.
- All right, all right, Jesus!
- And you can't make a move on her either.
- Now you are asking too much!
- No, I'm not! It's a matter of principles. You can't flirt with a girl days after she's been single.
- That's so idiotic! What am I going to do? Mark on the calendar the date when I can ask her out? Also, I don't know when she break up. It was the first time I met her in a long time. She may have dumped him last week, or months ago, or even just yesterday. There is no way to know unless I ask.
- All right, Enzo. - Vini gave up. - Do whatever crap you think is appropriate. But don't say I didn't warn you.
The next day, Enzo couldn't help but find her at the gym again, this time without that silly Vini. To his surprise, Julianne no longer seemed as blue as the day before. Awkward. But it could be a trap, since Enzo failed to notice the clear signs that she was not feeling well about the issue. But as it turned out, Enzo was not able to catch signs, traps, warnings or any other form of non-verbal message.
- Hi, Julianne. - he said, smiling brightly. A little too smiling. - How are you?
- Enzo, darling. - She held his hand. - I wanted to tell you something.
- Is it about the grinning? Because that was totally accidental.
Julianne didn't understand that. Luckily for Enzo, Vini showed up. Or rather, unluckily. It's a debatable point.
- Oh, no. Speaking of accidental. - Enzo whined as he saw him approaching. - What are you doing here?
- I'm doing what every person does in a gym. Working out. What are you doing here?
- Working out, Vini. Working out.
- Enzo was telling me the reason for the smile. - Julianne said.
- Well... In fact... - Enzo began to stutter and lose his composure. - Actually, I recalled a joke at the time. Very funny.
- Really? - Vini was curious. - What was the joke exactly?
If he could, Enzo could strangle Vini.
- Is it real, Enzo? - Julianne asked. - Is it very funny?
- Yes, quite... - He had to think fast. - It goes something like this: two Mexicans wanted to cross the border. One of them wanted to jump over the wall, but the other said: "Hey, this is the wall of the neighbor's house. And the other replied: "I know, I'm just learning!".
Enzo started laughing alone, like an idiot. Vini remained motionless, while Julianne also kept silent.
- I thought it was really funny when they told me. - Enzo justified.
- Absolutely, Enzo. - Vini smiled wryly. - I wonder.
- Listen, both of you. - Julianne had to ignore Enzo's horror show. - I'm having a party at my place this weekend. You guys are welcome.
Enzo looked at Vini and smiled, this time a real one, without fear of being happy. A wide, gorgeous smile, from ear to ear.
- I can't believe you're thinking of going. - Vini whined, on the way back to Lake on the bike lane.
- Of course I am! Why wouldn't I go?
- Enzo, this party is a clear sign of desperation. She wants to have a party so she can forget about her boyfriend and hook up with whatever idiot comes her way.
The smiles didn't stop there. Apparently.
- Really, you think so? - Enzo asked. - Then I'll get my tent prepared!
Still, it could be worse. For the whole issue of the smile and the fake sadness had not been completely settled that day. Enzo wanted to prove that it was not insensitivity on his part. So he went to his ex's house to get a second opinion, or even a third opinion. Or until he found someone who agreed with him. The only problem was that he needed to explain the whole story again, with no loopholes.
- So that was it. - Enzo concluded.
- It seems to me that you are a total idiot. - Italy commented.
That was not the point, but it's always amusing to remember.
- All right, all right. But what about what I did? I mean, it wasn't anything very serious...
- Enzo, you complete and utter doofus. - Russia didn't seem to be on his side either. - Don't you have a brain in your head?
And that was it. Convicted, sentenced, and not granted bail. The two Europe Sisters were both against him. So he had to appeal to a different party. Maybe he would have had better luck in the master bedroom of the apartment?
- So, Mr. Banks, did I do something wrong? - Enzo told the story. Again.
- But did you really smile or was it just an impression? - he asked.
- Of course I smiled. I couldn't hide it.
- How did you do it?
- Something like this. Let's pretend you're her and I'm me. Tell me you have split up with your boyfriend.
Mr. Banks needed some time to get into the role.
- Enzo, I have just broken up with my boyfriend. - he said, as Enzo requested.
Then it was up to Enzo to reproduce exactly the smile that had caused all the fuss. He gave a slight smile, which got bigger and bigger, as he said:
- Oh, my word. I'm sorry.
Walking down the hallway of the apartment, Italy and Russia quietly watched the freakshow of her father and her ex-boyfriend. They quickly returned to their rooms to avoid a lifetime of therapy.
- It wasn't good, Enzo. - Mr. Banks gave his verdict - I could clearly see that you were happy about her breakup.
- But I was!
On the evening of Julianne's party, Enzo put on his best social blouse, blue with small, thin horizontal white stripes. He wore his best perfume, stolen from Vini's bathroom. He pressed the spray button six times. He looked like a walking perfume store. Finally, he knocks on his friend's door.
- Look at you! - Vini was surprised. - What Enzo Carvalho can't do for a skirt tail.
- Ha, ha. Very funny.
- I can foresee what a disaster this is going to be.
Actually, the start was not bad at all. After all, Enzo and Vini looked lit, you gotta give it to them. And the girls didn't take long to go after the two of them. With one small complication. Only one of them allowed himself to be sniffed, if you know what I mean. it didn't take much for a blonde girl to approach Enzo and ask him stuff, even if he wasn't in a mood.
- Hi. - Enzo said.
- Do you want to do anything?
- That depends. Is the party's lady with you?
- Oh, shit. - Vini hid his face with his right hand. - I can't watch this shitshow. I need a drink. Maybe pure crack.
Vini had no choice. Or rather, he did, but his brain couldn't think of anything more elaborate. Following the camaraderie of the two fellas, Vini dumped Enzo behind and left.
While Vini was gone, Enzo continued on his stupid mission to go after the girl from the gym, Julianne. He looked for her in every room. No success. At least until this moment. Maybe she was in a corner, crying over the end of her relationship, waiting for a shoulder to cry on, that could advance to a lap, that would end in a dinner under the stars in Paris, with a little luck. However, the reality was a little worse, as Enzo finally found Julianne, except that she was kissing someone else. But not just any other person.
- But wait. What? - Enzo couldn't understand. - Are you with him again?
- Oh, yes. - Julianne replied, not interested in taking too long. - We're kind of back together.
- What do you mean, "kind of"?
- John, could you give us a moment?
Her "new old" boyfriend walked off for a few seconds and then moved away, leaving Enzo and Julianne alone.
- Pal, I waited for you, but you haven't done anything. The ball was in your court, my partner.
There was nothing more to be said. Disappointed, Enzo moved back to Vini, who made a typical face as if he had warned about something that was potentially about to happen, but was obviously ignored.
- What did I say? - Vini asked.
- Get lost, Vini.
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