Barra da Tijuca, Rio de Janeiro

Friday. 23:30. Barra da Tijuca. Enzo was returning from a date with a very cute girl he met in the park. He opened the black gate that divided Lake from the street to access the condominium. On his way to the stairs, he had to interrupt his walk due to a voice calling out to him.

- Hey, hey! - said a male voice.

- Were you talking to me? - Enzo turned around.

- You forgot the gate open.

Enzo didn't understand.

- Excuse me?

- You left the gate open.

- Doesn't it close by itself?

- No. After 22:00 p.m., we have to turn off the alarm. It's against the law.

- Against the law? - Enzo seemed lost. - I didn't even know there was a law about fucking doors!

- You have to make sure it's locked, because a robber could come in here and take your panties!

- Fuck it, All right! - Enzo then turned back and got on with his life.

Well, sort of. The next day Enzo went to Vini's house to tell him what had happened.

- Hey, Vini, did you know about the gate?

- Which one? The one in the garage?

- What? No, idiot! The other one! The one at the front of Lake.

- Oh, yeah. What about it?

- Did you know it has an alarm?

- Yes. It rings if you leave it open, but at night the guys turn it off to prevent it from making noise at night. It's against the law.

- How the hell do you know that?

- I've lived here for years, Enzo. I have to know these things.

- I radically disagree. I got a free reprimand for simply "not checking if the gate was open".

- And was it?

- Well, yes.

- Enzo, you have to keep an eye on it. You cannot mess around. The couple on the 14th floor had their bicycles stolen and the penthouse owner had the chain of his electric bike stolen.

- I got a scolding for a twenty silver bike chain? Fuck off!

- Oh, stop being such a drama queen, Enzo.

- I am not a drama queen!

Two in the morning. Enzo was sleeping peacefully in his bed, face down on the pillow, when a disturbing noise awoke him. Peep, peep, peep, peep. Insufferable, but what could it be?

- What the fuck is that? - Enzo asked himself.

Pissed off, he got out of bed. He walked like a zombie to his patio, which had a view of the park meters below. Oddly enough, it was the same view as in Vini's apartment. Even with his sleepy eyes, Enzo was able to spot the responsible for his poor night's rest.

- Really? - Vini asked, the next morning. - I didn't hear a thing.

- Yes. - Enzo confirmed. - It was like a blinking yellow traffic light. It made an awful noise.

- Maybe they have an "Enzo" in Costabella too.

The street they lived on, Dulcídio Cardoso, was a one way street with eleven independent 22-floor condominiums. Lake was the first tall building, followed by the Costabella and Via Barra.

- I hate Costabella. They are jealous of Lake and want to come here with their tail between their legs. And to make it even better, that stupid loud alarm at their gate disturbs my precious sleep.

- Don't you see the irony in that?

- What irony?

- Yesterday you were complaining about the fact that you were called out for leaving the front gate open. And the Costabella's gate was beeping all night long.

- What are you trying to say? - Enzo couldn't understand the irony.

- Nothing, Enzo. Absolutely nothing.

In the park, Enzo was walking with the pretty girl of the first paragraph. He was telling his stories and his relationship with the place that had been going on for many, many years.

- It's very beautiful here. - she said, contemplating nature.

- It really is. - Enzo agreed.

Enzo was wise. He saw a boy playing with a ball. It was the perfect chance to show off a little. The boy kicked the ball towards them, or rather, towards her. Enzo stepped in front and prevented the ball from hitting his girl. Finally he returned the ball to its owner.

- Thank you for saving me. - she said, awarding him with a long kiss.

- Take care. - Enzo smiled.

As Enzo walked back to Lake... Peep, peep, peep, peep... He heard the continuous and extremely disturbing noise of the gate again. He began to shake and thought his brain was going to explode.

- Is everything all right, dear? - asked Joana.

- Disturbance. Anger. Tragedy. Sadness. - Enzo answered, then, in some kind of transe.

- What?

- What?

- Enzo, honey, are you okay? You're sweating.

- Nothing, nothing. I'm fine.

As he entered the apartment, Enzo didn't even wait for his guest to come in. He ran to the patio. But what he saw was nothing like he anticipated. The yellow traffic light was not ringing, but for some strange reason he could hear that annoying noise echoing in his head.

- Enzo, is there a problem?

- No, no. - Enzo scattered. - I think I saw Elvis.

Sure, the Elvis excuse. What would be next? Michael Jackson? Ayrton Senna? The Queen of England? Hang on, she's not dead.

- And do you see him often?

- Only when I put The Blues Brothers movie on.

Still, it could be worse.

Enzo and his guest Joana were sitting at the table for dinner. Everything was going well, the food was good, thanks to Lake's restaurant, the music was good, thanks to Phil Collins. But then, the problems began. Again. Peep, peep, peep, peep...

- Oh, shit! - said Enzo, knocking on the table.

- What's wrong? - Joana didn't understand.

- It's that fucking sound!

- What sound?

- The fucking alarm at the Costabella gate! It's driving me crazy! I think I'm gonna have a bloody stroke!

Joana got up and went to the front porch again. She looked for the responsible for Enzo's hysteria, but could not find a thing.

- Holy shit. It's off! - Enzo couldn't believe his eyes. - My eyes are in order, but my ears are in Narnia!

- Try to relax a little.

- I can't! That Costabella's gate alarm is intolerable! There's no way i'm survive this!

As far as we could tell, the dinner was ruined. Enzo couldn't focus and Joana left Enzo's apartment at 23:00 that night and never called Enzo or saw him again. As Enzo lay in bed, he heard the noise again, echoing in his head. Peep, peep, peep, peep. Countless times. For seven hours straight.

The next day, Enzo was a mess. He looked like a zombie stumbling around the halls of the school. Or maybe he died and his soul was just passing by.

- Wow, you look awful. - said Vini. - You look like me when I watched the sequel to Zoolander.

- Shut up and pay attention to the class, you fucker! - Enzo replied, impolitely.

While watching math class, Enzo tried to stay awake, because the math teacher hated sleepy students. It was tough. Enzo felt like passing out from exhaustion. In fact, his heart nearly burst out of his mouth when the teacher punched his desk to wake him up so hard that his material fell to the floor.

- No sleeping in my class!

- Fuck you! - Enzo replied.

The whole class fell silent.

- I'm sorry? - The teacher was shocked by his reaction.

- Did I stutter? You motherfucker! Go wake up your fucking mama, you stupid lazy cunt! Hitler's bitch!

If sleeping in math class was already a serious offense, cursing the teacher and accusing her of being an admirer of Nazism should give him a sentence equivalent to what St. Catherine of Alexandria suffered at the hands of Maximine Daia in the Middle Age.

Hours later, Vini was forced to go to the "room of shame," as the students referred to it. Basically, it was a rectangular room with four yellow walls, right next to the principal's office, with no windows or furniture. Some parents complained that it was the equivalent of a modern torture chamber. But for the principal, who was called a "dictator" and an admirer of great representatives such as Stalin and Mao, he was convinced that the room of shame had its merits in discipline and correction in the school environment. According to rumors, Enzo would spend the whole day in the room and then would be expelled from school, unless a miracle occurred. But, as the poet says, just like dreams, miracles are in short supply at the bakery.

Vini entered the principal's office and sat down next to his gloomy friend of many years.

- How are you, friend?

- Not good.

- Relax. It could be worse. You could have thrown a chair at her.

Sure. After all, what is a fart to a toddler already full of poop?

- Don't worry, Vini. I don't need your sympathy. And besides, I have a plan.

Oh, boy.

- Enzo, buddy, you're as fucked up as Sasha Grey after five o'clock. There's no way you can sink any lower. It's over.

Enzo smiled mischievously.

- Hold on.

Half past five in the evening. Peep, peep, peep, peep. As expected, the alarm at the Costabella gate rang non-stop. Probably someone had left it open and no one bothered to close it or shut the alarm. That being said, Enzo rushed through the woods and climbed the wall that separates the Costabella property from the park. Then he grabbed his cell phone and started recording the sound. He stayed on top of the wall for at least a whole hour. That was enough. To complete his plan, he took the heaviest object he could find on the street and broke the yellow traffic light. The noise got tinier and tinier with every bang, and stopped completely after he ripped out the electrical wires. Enzo could easily have been shocked and died, but he didn't give a damn.

- Sweet dreams. - he said, in a very Machiavellian way.

The next day, the school principal received a strange package. A box, apparently empty. One of the secretaries brought it to his office downstairs. She didn't know the shipper, neither did she remember buying anything and, most importantly, the reason why they had delivered the package to the school. Anyway, the principal ignored her suspicions and opened the box. And he was amazed.

- A cell phone? What the fuck?

That was it. A simple device. A Nokia. Awkward. But he dismissed it and went on with his errands. Then it happened. A peep. Peep. Peep. Peep. Peep, peep, peep, peep. The machine began to play the same annoying sound as the traffic light destroyed by Enzo the night before.

- What the fuck? - The director soon became annoyed by the noise.

Worst of all, he couldn't locate where the noise was coming from.

- Holy shit! What an insufferable noise!

Do you think it ends there? No. Because a poor and innocent secretary, who just wanted to do her job, entered the principal's office in order to send the grades to the school computer as soon as possible.

- Excuse me, principal. Could you send the class grades today?

- Go fuck yourself! - he replied. - You fucking slut!

Embarrassed, she closed the door and left, crying. Once again, the door slowly opened and closed. Suddenly a well-known figure sat down in the chair right in front of the director.

- Fuck it! What are you doing here?

- Watching an empire fall. - Enzo answered so calmly that it was almost disturbing. - Do you hear me?

Peep, peep, peep, peep.

- Make this shit stop!

- Not yet. Let's remember the whole situation. You threw me into your little shit-room because of my... Meltdown.

- Enzo, make that fucking noise stop!

- All right, fine. Oh, and you can forget any punishment you were thinking of.

- All right, all right.

- And be sure to fire that lunatic math teacher.

- It's not my job to fire or promote anyone, but fuck it. Wait a second, Enzo! You could have just told me about the alarm earlier. I'm going to be fucked because of this!

- Ah. That's right. Tough life. - Enzo squared his shoulders and smiled.

There wasn't much to be done. Enzo stood up and turned away, heading for the door. Before shutting it, he gave a debauched smile and answered:

- Beep, beep, beep, beep.