And now I need you to feel the vibe

I need you to see the point

I need you to feel alive

I need you to fill the void

~

Trigger warnings: sex, prostitution, eating out, language, feelings of worthlessness, bullying

~

Y/N was clinging onto Shouta, as if it meant her life. Maybe it did. It had been a good few months now since they had first met and she thought that maybe, maybe things could be good again. He was visiting her regularly at this stage and that meant her being sold would probably be postponed until he got bored of her. Y/N dreaded that day, but right now she didn't want to think about it just yet.

She loved when he came to see her. She loved spending time with him, she loved the way he looked at her, the way he touched her, the way he fucked her. It was like she was finally starting to wake up from some long slumber and was starting to see that maybe life wasn't as bad.

Or maybe he just really knew what he was doing and she was mixing the way he made her feel up with him actually seeing her as a person and caring about how she felt. It wouldn't be the first time it happened to her. She pushed the thought out of her head, as Shouta collapsed next to her, breathing heavily.

Y/N moved to her side, watching him trying to calm down his breathing, before glancing over to her with a smile. He reached out to her with his strong arms and pulled her closer against his chest. Y/N felt so warm and comfortable, she positioned her head against the nape of his neck and closed her eyes, letting herself be held.

"That was so good... God, you're so beautiful, Y/N." he muttered into her hair, gently stroking it. Y/N moaned absentmindedly. Why did he manage to make her feel so good? No one else could do that for her. Why him? What was different about him? Why didn't she freeze up with him and get scared like with all the other ones? It still made no sense to Y/N, but she was trying to just enjoy it, instead of questioning it.

Which wasn't an easy thing to do. Because he didn't just magically stop her freezing reaction when she was touched. She still had the impulse to freeze up and shut down while everything was going on, but... it was different. With Shouta she was able to fight that and... actually be in the moment. And she still got scared sometimes, that he would hurt her and do terrible things to her, but then he had his soft way of touching her and speaking to her and it was like...

She didn't know what it was like. Like she could push that fear aside and actually be in control of her body and be able to... to be with him and enjoy it. She couldn't describe it, really. There weren't any words for how she felt whenever she was sleeping with someone and how it was different with Shouta. It just was different and it was different in a good way. Y/N wanted to take all of that in like a sponge in water. All the kindness and warmth and tenderness she could get.

"Are you okay?" he asked. There it was again. He cared for her. Y/N pressed her naked body closer to his chest. He was nice and warm, unlike her room. She had been freezing every night he wasn't around, but whenever he came by he managed to warm her up and somehow make everything feel more comfortable.

"Yeah. Just a little cold." Y/N muttered, still clinging to him. He smiled down at her and kissed her forehead, before reaching for the blanket and pulling it over both of them. Y/N sighed happily.

"I wish I could spend the night with you. Like, actually wake up next to you in the morning." Shouta mumbled. Y/N opened her eyes and looked at him curiously. Did... did he just really say that? He wanted to wake up next to her? Who would want that? Y/N pushed the thought out of her head. She could feel like a terrible person later, not right now. Now she just wanted to enjoy this little bit of happiness.

"Really?" Y/N wanted to know. He chuckled, his breath tickling the top of her head. A thought crossed Y/N's mind, but she wasn't sure if it'd still be allowed... there was a way to book someone for an entire weekend. It was expensive and there had to be some way to ensure that she'd be returned, but...

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" he asked.

"There... there might be a way. My boss hasn't allowed it in a long time, but... a few years ago, if you paid enough, you could take one of the girls home for a weekend. I could... We could ask." she answered, nervously fidgeting with Shouta's hair. He pulled back a little to look at her face and it took a while until she managed to look into his eyes without flinching. She was expecting him to give her a disgusted look or a cold look or to laugh at her. But he was doing none of those things.

He seemed more concerned than anything, but his eyes were still warm and... Y/N couldn't put her finger on what it was, but it made her feel good. It made her feel safe. Not like she was being judged. Once again she wondered how he was doing this. How did he manage to make her feel like this?

"Would it be safe for you to ask?" he wanted to know. Y/N bit her lip. It probably wouldn't be. If she was the one asking, her boss would probably think she was going to try and escape. Especially since she had been her for so long and knew a lot of the stuff that was going on. If she ran away, they'd be at her heels every step of the way, until they had killed her, simply because she could get them in so much trouble. As if anyone would actually ever believe someone like her.

"It'll probably be fine." she answered. Shouta shook his head quickly and pulled her close again, before gently stroking her hair. Y/N felt miserable. Why was he shaking his head? Did he not want her after all? She would kill just to get away from this place for a weekend. Especially if she could be with Shouta.

"You're not asking. I'll ask. I'll ask if I can have you at my house for a weekend. I won't mention that you said it to me at all. I don't want to get you in trouble." he replied. Y/N let out a sigh of relief.

"God, I thought you were saying it was all just a joke." she breathed. She felt his hand gently rubbing up and down her back.

"Ssh, no, hey. Why would I do that?"

"Because... because I'm just a whore... I don't know why anyone would want me for... for more than my body..." she muttered quietly, hiding her face against his chest. She didn't want to look at him. She was embarrassed to feel this worthless. Or maybe she was embarrassed that she thought it was strange to feel this worthless. She didn't really know anymore.

"Don't." he said softly, kissing her forehead, as he laid her down on her back and towered over her. Y/N had the impulse to panic, but she pushed it aside. She was fine. She would be fine. This was just Shouta. Shouta would never, ever hurt her. There was no way he could hurt her. Right?

"Don't... what?" she whispered, as he kissed her forehead again, then the tip of her nose, her cheeks, her lips, her jawbone.

"Don't say things like that." he said and kissed down her neck gently, every little spot he could reach. Y/N felt his hands entangled in her hair, but they weren't pulling or tugging on it harshly.

"Don't say you're worthless."

Kisses along her collarbone and on her shoulders, all the way down to where her breasts began, before he took her right arm and placed small kisses along it, before doing the same to her left arm.

"Don't say you're just a whore."

Kisses down between her breasts, all the way to her navel, before he moved back to her breasts, kissing them gently, while circling in on her nipple and sucking and gently biting on them, once he got there. He moved his head a little and repeated the same process with the other breast.

"Don't say no one would want you."

His kisses trailed back down to her navel and then further down to her hips, kissing from one side to the other, until he moved his lips down her pubic mound, grabbing her thighs and spreading her legs gently, before kissing the insides of her thighs and sucking on them softly. Y/N was going to go insane.

"Shou..." she whimpered quietly. He stopped kissing her and looked up at her with a smirk on his face.

"What is it, babygirl?" he asked. Fuck. Y/N couldn't believe how she couldn't get enough of him. She was already squirming underneath him again. She couldn't fathom how she wanted this.

"Shou, please... I... please..." she whimpered. Shouta smirked and lightly brushed his thumb over her slit, barely even touching it.

"You know what I want to hear, Y/N." he growled. She moaned, clutching onto the sheets. She knew exactly what he wanted to hear.

"I'm yours. I'm yours, Shouta, I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours..." she kept on saying like some mantra, like it was going to make everything perfect again. Like it was going to set everything right, just the way it was before... before she ran away from home. Before this whole nightmare started.

Thankfully, Y/N had no more time to think about any of that, once Shouta finally continued kissing her, his lips wrapping around her clit, sucking on it gently, before licking all the way down her slit, his tongue between her lips, teasing at her entrance. Y/N moaned out loudly, squirming underneath him, but his grasp on her thighs was too strong for her to get away, as he ate her out slowly. Torturously slow.

"Shouta, please, please, please..." she begged, as if she was begging for her life. Well, at least begging for her life was something she had done before. Begging to cum? Not that she remembered. Only with Shouta.

"Please what? What do you want, baby?" he asked, before pushing his tongue past her entrance. Y/N cried out in pleasure, finding it difficult to form any coherent words at the moment. But she had to or she'd never get to cum. She had tried that once and it ended up in hours of teasing and edging.

"Please, Shouta, make me cum, please..." she whined, her words interrupted by little gasps and moans. She felt him chuckling, a low hum vibrating through her core. Fuck, why was he so damn good with everything?

"Such a good girl... begging for me like that..." he muttered, before licking and sucking on her clit again, pushing one and then shortly after two fingers inside her, moving them slowly at first, until he hit just the right spot, before moving them faster and curling them up inside her.

Y/N felt like she was seeing stars. Maybe she wasn't actually here right now, maybe she was in a coma and this was some weird dream and she was actually dying. She could feel her legs tingling and starting to shake, as the pressure inside her built up steadily. She clutched the bed sheets tighter.

"Shou, I'm going to... I'm going to cum, fuck!" she cried out, as he hummed against her clit once more.

"Cum, babygirl. Cum for me." he muttered, before sucking on her clit again, long and hard this time, pushing her over the edge, as she came on his fingers with a scream, her whole body spasming and shaking. Shouta's fingers inside her stilled and he looked at her with a soft smile on his face. Y/N was breathing heavily, before her eyes fluttered open again and she saw him looking up at her.

"Shou..." she whimpered, as he was still smiling at her. His smile grew a little wider, before he pressed a kiss to her clit and sat up, lifting her up and pulling her into his arms. He held her close, as her heart rate slowly went down and her breathing became calmer, rubbing gentle circles on her back.

"It's okay. I got you." he muttered. Y/N clung onto him again. Now, she was just exhausted. Thankfully, she wouldn't have to go back down. Shouta had spent enough time with her, so she could just take it easy and go to bed. She was grateful for that, because she wouldn't have been able to give even one single lap dance after all this. Shouta was ruining her for other men and she loved it.

"Do you have to leave now?" Y/N asked, sounding sadder than she had intended. She didn't want to make him feel bad for having to leave. It wasn't his fault he had to go. Shouta kissed the top of her head.

"I'm afraid so. I'll be back, though. I promise, Y/N." he replied, stroking her hair. She nodded quickly. Of course he'd be back. He always came back. She'd still be waiting for him anxiously every day. And she would worry that he'd run out of money some day. He was leaving huge amounts of cash in this place. Y/N was wondering where he got the money from, but she figured it was probably better if she didn't know. It couldn't be anything legal, not with how much he was spending.

"Okay. I... I'll miss you." she muttered, hoping he'd just overhear it. Shouta smiled and ran his thumb over her cheek.

"I'll miss you, too, baby girl. Here, put on some clothes, you'll get cold." he said and handed her her black robe. She smiled and carefully put it on while he got up to get dressed again, putting his suit on so quickly and efficiently, it almost made Y/N's breath hitch. How was he so handsome?

"I'll go and ask your boss about getting you for a weekend. You can come to my house. You can relax for a bit. Okay?" he said to her, as he was buttoning his shirt. Y/N got up from the bed, her legs still feeling a little wobbly.

"Okay. Thank you. I don't think I can imagine a better way to spend a weekend." Y/N said, trying her best to give him a warm smile, as they walked to the door of her room. She wanted him to know that she actually meant it - it wasn't just some trick to get him to keep coming back to her. She really couldn't imagine a better way to spend her weekend. She just hoped it would all go well.

"I'm sure it will. I'll see you soon, baby girl." he said, as he opened the door. Y/N smiled, following him out of the room a little bit.

"I'll see you soon..." she muttered, almost desperately clinging onto his arm. God, she didn't want him to leave, she didn't want to be alone in this cold, tiny room again. She wanted him to stay with her and she almost blurted out how she really, really felt about him deep down. But she managed to stop herself.

"Shou..." she mumbled, causing him to turn around and lean down to her, pressing a kiss to her lips and another one to her forehead and caressing her cheek, his touch lingering just a little longer than usual.

"I'll see you, baby girl." he said, before leaving. Y/N felt like she had just gotten stabbed right in the heart. She leaned against the doorframe and watched him leave, feeling weak all of a sudden, as if she didn't have any energy left inside her anymore. It hurt to see him leave like that.

"I love you." she breathed, the words stinging in her chest. She didn't even know if she actually loved him or whatever the hell this feeling was. But whenever she heard about love she imagined this was what it'd feel like. Feeling safe. Feeling cared for. But she didn't know. And it didn't matter.

Someone like her wasn't allowed to love. And even if she did, it wouldn't matter. It wouldn't lead to anything. No one would love her back. Love wasn't what she did. She did sex, she did an illusion of whatever the hell her clients wanted. But love? No. Maybe some clients would believe that they were genuinely loved, but not someone like Shouta. He wouldn't fall for it.

Y/N sighed and rubbed her temples. She didn't know what to do. She was being stupid, telling herself she loved this man. She barely knew anything about him. Sure, they had been talking, about some personal stuff as well, but... she didn't even know what he was doing for a living. Someone like him was probably married with kids. She couldn't imagine he'd be single. And even if he was... there was no future for them. Even if he felt the same way about her, even if everything added up... she'd still be owned by her boss and there was no way he'd just let her go.

She heard a huff behind her and quickly turned around. Another girl was standing there, leaning against her door frame, giving her a disgusted look. She had her arms crossed over her chest, as she stared her down.

"This guy seems to do something right, huh?" she asked. Y/N gulped and then just shrugged coldly.

"He's good. Easy money." she replied, trying to sound indifferent. The other girl's features turned into a mocking snarl.

"You can tell yourself that. I heard you begging and moaning through the wall. Too bad you won't be able to keep him forever. Sooner or later one of you will be gone." she replied, before returning back to her room. Y/N felt like she had just died.