I want to die.

I really want to die...

Those are the words going through my head right now. My life is pointless, so why keep living? The only reason I found was fear. I'm scared, scared that if my life was pointless, my death was going to be even more so. In this world no one lives a good life, everyone just lives their own life, and in the end, none of them will be remembered for anything. Out of the 8 billion people on this planet, how many of them will be remembered by history? Ten, one hundred? The chances of you getting hit by lightning thrice in a row are bigger than that. What’s the point of this? I went to university every day, my life was boring, nothing happened, and now I’m working away as some programmer for a video game company that doesn’t care about its employee’s health.

This is just stupid, this is meaningless! Is this really all we were meant to do, slave away all our lives until we’re too old to, and then die a meaningless death? I hate that. I’m a genius programmer and hacker! When I was in first grade I learned how to hack into my school’s mainframe to change whatever I wanted, by the time I reached middle school hacking into secure government facilities wasn’t a problem. And in uni, I could have hacked into the pentagon without a care in the world! So why, why didn’t I change anything?!

I left uni a year ago and I’m stuck doing this god damn job in this office building where I’ll never accomplish anything! Why can’t I do more? I definitely have the skills to. Am I just too scared, I’m stuck here because I’m too scared to do anything more? I can’t… I have to do something. I don’t want to be here. I want this to end! I want it all to st-

“Hey Blake, are you alright?”

That useless prick.

What does he want pretending to care? This manager doesn’t know the first thing about code yet every day he comes in, asks for radical changes, and then just leaves. I think the trashbag’s name is Lucas something. Not someone worth remembering.

“Ah yeah, mister Lucas I’m just fine don’t worry about it.”

“Okay, if you say so. By the way, the day’s over you can go back home. Unless you want more overtime that is.”

What do you mean by overtime? Like more than the 80 hours you still haven’t paid? Anyways, is it already nine pm? Shit, why am I even staying here? I’m going back home, you blond idiot.

Taking a look at him, isn’t he fatter than yesterday? How does a human gain this much weight? He must at least be 120 kilos like that… I shouldn’t bother. He’s not worth it

“Yeah sir, I’m going back home now”

This life sucks.

Doing the same actions day in and day out. I feel like a fucking robot. Always walking through this lit street with the countless skyscrapers towering over my head and the holographic ads on the sides of buildings. to think that when this scenery would be a dream of science fiction. Now trams move along above the roads, apartments and building areas are everywhere, and parks are mostly gone. I can’t believe how much the world changed. Who knew that in 10 years so many things could happen. I never thought that society would regress like this. This feels like the Industrial Revolution or some shit. Who could have guessed this wave of new inventions would make the gap between rich and poor so evident. The working class regressed to poor workers that had to work all day to make a living, the middle class all but disappeared, and the high class got even fucking richer. I thought that since my childhood was fine I’d grow up alright, I never could have imagined that the sudden changes would make so many companies go bankrupt. I guess the only good part of that is that people that were good with code and machinery rose in demand like crazy, which was lucky considering it’s what I wanted to do. Nowadays the only learning that can get you well-paying jobs is this one, most other jobs went under.

Car companies were all overshadowed by Hirenfa company. A company that absorbed every car company because of how revolutionary their new cars and technologies were, they later spread to the gaming industry, and within a few years, every company even remotely connected to gaming was owned by them. Same for almost every mass production company, fast-food chain, restaurant, movie, medical, or energy company. They basically control most of the world’s advancements, even companies owned by countries were bought out with offers that couldn’t be refused. It’s not surprising to say that if countries control half of what happens in the world, they control the other half. The only places they don’t own yet are pretty closed off from the world now. Korea which got unified through multiple secret missions from the North, China, and a few countries in South America and Africa are the only ones that still are mostly free of them, for now, probably won’t last.

I don’t know how they managed to bypass laws that ban monopoles like that. One company, one person shouldn’t have that much power, even though, I guess it’s kind of good that they managed to make an uncertain peace in most of the world despite all the tension from the stockpiling of weapons that are getting more and more destructive as science progresses.

“Oh, guess I’m already home huh.”

Feels like I haven’t come back in forever. Opening the door revealed the deplorable state my apartment was in. It hasn’t been cleaned in ages, trash litters the floor and the window is covered by ripped us curtains above an old bed.

I hate this. That’s what I’m thinking as I wade through the piles of trash to get to my fridge. It’s all one room apart from the bathroom so my kitchen’s made up of an oven stuck to the wall, a table next to it, and a fridge in the corner. I take out some frozen food and put it in the oven for a few minutes, afterward I just sit on the chair next to my bed on the opposite side and turn on the old and cracked TV screen that I managed to buy at a reasonable price. My house isn’t much, there’s a bathroom on the right when you enter and a little further to the left the improvised kitchen is waiting, on the right my TV, chair, bed, and sole comfort, my desk, and computer. Who even believes in a “home sweet home”? This just feels like a dump, probably cause it is. Finishing the last few bites of the previously frozen chicken I go to bed and lie down.

“This isn’t a life I want to keep living. I really want it to change… I’ll think about it tomorrow, night gives counsel.”

I never liked a comedy of repetition, but that’s the same lie I’ve been telling myself for a year every time I go to sleep.