I saw lovers today, bond mates. Poor souls. What used to be a blessing is now a curse. No time for bond mates now. No room for romance now. No place for love.

Will there be some day? Can there be? What is the point of surviving, preserving future generations, if surviving is all there will ever be?

A pair of twins was born today. Poor souls. What used to be occasions of joy are now moments of grief.

I look ahead and hope that the future will be different. That we can recover from this mess. That a bridge can be formed so that joy is never stolen from this world again.

Whoever can do that, will be heroes to them all.

-Doc Vorran. Date: 17 foresaken years.

We walk up a gentle sloping hill dotted with bare branched trees deep in snow. A white blanket stretches on as far as I can see, which isn’t far. Snow has always been an ordinary part of life, by the end of lune all of us are sick of it and happy to not see it again for another four years. But snow by moonlight is a whole different experience. Blue light falls upon the plain reflecting from the bright white and the whole world looks almost like water.

The white bark of the trees takes on a faint blue shade around the dark gnarled knots that form patterns along the trunks. The light shifts as clouds appear and streak across the moon scattering its rays. I will never get sick of it out here, the night is intoxicating and beautiful beyond words. I’m so excited to see it all in gresoch when the grass is in full glow and all the flowers are blossoming. It must be breathtaking.

Othin reaches over and takes my hand in his when the incline steepens. He’s a dumbfounding mystery to me. How can he be so restrained, while the other nightstalkers are vicious monsters? Sure, he wanted to kill me at first but that was complicated and the point is, he didn’t. All the other nightstalkers kill their bondmates as soon as they find them. Why didn’t he?

I glance down to the hand I’m holding. Skinny gray fingers engulf my hand with nefarious black claws tapping at the outside of my wrist. “So, did you go to the nightstalker school for gentlemen? Do they teach little grayskins to use their words and not their teeth?”

A deep chuckle breathes from him as if it comes straight from his chest. “Why do you ask?”

I look up at him, the only person I have to crane my neck to see their face. “You’re so different. You’re controlled, kind, less stabby.”

Another hearty chortle as he squeezes my hand tighter. “My father Arken taught me.”

My eyes widen with a wall of surprise. In the past month we’ve spent every night and some of the day together, and not once has he mentioned his father. I didn’t even realize he had one, or that nightstalkers even formed family units. Though, that might be because his relationship with his father is complicated. Then again, they’re nightstalkers, I can’t imagine anything for them is simple.

He continues. “He taught me all that I know. He is our leader’s most trusted advisor and friend.” Friendship, another shocker for me. He’s never mentioned friends. “He taught me to kill quickly without show. He taught me stealth and survival. He taught me the mind.”

I nod. “Wow. He sounds like a person I would like to know. You know if he wouldn’t kill me.”

Othin raises one finger into the air as if reciting something he’s heard hundreds of times over. “A death cannot be undone; one must think before they kill and consider consequences.”

My voice takes on a mocking tone like one would use with a baby. “Aw. You’re just this big bad killer are you?”

He turns his head with a smirk on his lips. His red eyes narrow fixing on me. “I am.”

With one flashing movement his entire body turns towards me. He pulls my arm holding his hand and jerks my body towards him. My stomach slams against his torso and as he raises his free arm. I slam my elbow into his throat and shove my hand into his chest pushing myself away. I bend my captured wrist up towards my face, grab his wrist with my free hand, and twist outwards freeing myself.

Two strong palms grip my shoulders and pull my back against his chest. I feel his lips against my ear. “You are learning well.”

I turn my head and peck him on the lips. “You’ve taught me well.”

He smiles and lets go of me. “But you still have a way to go. If I wanted to, I still could have killed you.”

I sigh. “I at least put up a good fight, though right?”

He shrugs. “Yes. But what good is putting up a fight if you will still lose?”

I roll my eyes. “Did your father teach you that too?”

He nods. “Yes. Did not yours teach you anything?”

I look away from him and keep marching up the hill. A sore subject for me, but I suppose we had to talk about it sometime. “I don’t have one.”

Othin’s tone changes. “Is he dead?”

I smile, I love nightstalker bluntness. “Yes. He’s dead. Killed by nightstalkers actually. My mother too.”

He pauses for a moment trying to gather his words, it’s hard for him. I’m guessing nightstalkers don’t teach their kids social skills. “Did he put up a good fight?”

I shrug as I march forwards, we’re almost at the top of the hill now. “I don’t know. I was raised by my aunt and uncle.” I pause and glance at the confusion on his face. “Blooding to my mother and his harbinger.” I see realization fall over him. “They could never talk about it. I asked plenty of times, even begged them. But they always said they couldn’t talk about it. All they’ve said is he was a soldier and he was killed by nightstalkers. My mother was so overwhelmed by grief she ran out past the walls and let them kill her too. This was all when Lesedi and I were babies.”

Another silent moment. “That must bring you pain.”

I shrug again trying to keep the feelings deep down far away where I left them years ago. “It used to. It still makes me angry. I get that she was heartbroken, but she left us. Abandoned us to kill herself.” I take a deep breath. “But mostly, there’s a hole. I don’t know who he was, what he was like, or even what he looked like. He’s supposed to be half of me and he’s a total mystery. It’s like I’m missing a big piece of myself.”

Othin reaches out and takes my hand again. His thumb strokes the top of my hand with comfort. “He was a soldier. A warrior. He must be from where you get your strength. If that is true, I am grateful to him.”

I smile and squeeze his hand in response. I’ve never been good at expressing my feelings, or even accepting they exist in the first place. But I feel comfortable with Othin, open, as if he’s already in my mind so there’s nothing to hide. “What about you? Do you have a tough mother that crushes skulls with her thighs or something?”

He forces a smile and shakes his head. “It is similar to yours. She died when I and my bloodlings came into this world.”

My heart drops. Both of us are motherless? “She died in childbirth?”

He nods. “Yes. While bringing us into the world our village was attacked by Razor Bone. My father tried to hide her, but they found her. She killed six raiders and drove them back as we came into this world. My father killed the rest, but when the raid was done, we had left her and she was dead.”

My mouth falls open in a shocked gasp. “She killed six nightstalkers while in labor?!” I raise my eyebrows shaking my head. “Now that’s putting up a good fight.”

Othin nods. “Indeed. She made sure we came into this world alive, and when her strength was gone, she shielded us with her body.”

“Wow.” I’m still shaking my head with shock. That is a woman I would have both loved and been terrified to meet. “How did your father take care of you?”

He falls quiet. “That is an answer you will not like Talea.” I raise my eyebrows expecting him to continue. “Her name was Iali.”

I frown. “That sounds like a skysinger name.” Realization dawns on me, so does anger but I keep that contained, mostly.

Othin steps up onto a steep ledge and gives me his hand. I smack it away and pull myself up standing at the top of the hill. “She was a slave, wasn’t she?”

He lets out a deep breath. “We took care of her. She nursed us, my father kept her safe-“

I shake my head ready to roar at him but Othin grabs me and I’m turned to see what was at the top of the hill. My eyes flash open wide and my mouth drops into a gasp when I see what’s in front of me. We stand at the edge of a cliff that breaks off into the most paradisiac valley I’ve ever seen. It’s small, as far as valleys are concerned, and looks like a deep crater smashed into the ground with a garden grown inside.

My voice falls to a humbled whisper. “We’ll talk about this later.”

Glowing purple vines form patterns streaking along the steep cliff walls that bend towards the ground like a bowl. The glow of the walls fades away in competition with the green light of moongrass spreading across the bottom like a carpet. It’s hard to tell where the cliff walls end in the mass of glowing green trying to climb them. Dotted along the beautiful green are large pools of aqua water in odd almost circle and oval shapes. The water sparkles, I bet it glows too.

Othin wraps an arm around my shoulder. “Take time to absorb it.”

“It-it’s beautiful. I-I” It’s the most beautiful sight I have ever seen.

His arm squeezes tighter. “Would you like to go there?”

I turn to face him with an eager smile. “Could we?”

Othin lets go of my shoulders and walks off to the left. His cloak slips off his back as he hangs it on a branch, it flaps in soft shivers with the breeze. I see him disappear into the bare branched trees casting shadows across his wiry body. Bright red eyes lock onto me while he moves among the trees like a predator.

His deep powerful voice cuts through the cold air. “How brave are you skysinger?”

Shivers sputter down my spine and bumps appear on my skin. I follow Othin along the trees entranced by him, we move along the cliff edge until we come to a rope tied to one of the trees. He grabs a wide handle shaped like a triangle that hangs from the rope. A devilish smile comes to his face, his red eyes flicker with impish glee. White strands of his shoulder length hair swish across his sharp cheekbones.

Without saying a word, he turns and jumps off the cliff flying away. Down his lanky figure sails into the night, zipping across the rope like a rock thrown across a pond. The luminescent purple of the cliff face reflects from his pale gray skin fighting with the moonlight casting shadows along his muscles. He becomes smaller and smaller until down at the bottom he leaps into the glowing green moongrass. My heart thumps in my chest.

Another handle dangles from the rope taunting me. Tempting me. I don’t need to think about it, I don’t need to consider it, I don’t even bother.

I reach up and wrap my fingers around the handle. It’s cold to the touch and feels like wood, little more than a thick branch. I imagine Lesedi’s angry crossed arms forbidding me to do this. She’s not here, and if she was, I would still ignore her.

I lean forward and look down; dizziness threatens to spin me until my grip shakes loose. That’s such a long fall. The glowing colors begin to blend into a messy pool of light. I shake my head. No. I am in charge of my senses. I look out over the stunning scene, I want to be a part of it, I need to be. Madness, all of this is madness, but madness is what I need. Without further thought I push myself from the cliff.

Down my body soars against the cold icy wind. I look around trying to soak in every sight every sound. There is so much going on at once. My body moves in violent jerks while I struggle to hold on to the handle. It looked so easy when Othin was doing it. It feels more like falling to my death than a means of transportation.

The scene flashes by in a blur. The colors and lights feel like they’re swallowing me while I draw closer to my target. I fight the wind and catch a brief glimpse behind. The cliff I leapt from is now a large lit wall in the distance behind me. In front of me the rope is reaching the end of the line. To my right I see Othin again getting closer to me.

This will all be over soon, too soon. I close my eyes soaking in the feeling of wind on my face. The air against my entire body while it hangs free. It’s what I imagine flying feels like. For this short moment I am a bird. I am free.

Out of nowhere I feel a wall hit the side of my body. My face smashes into the hard ground with a heavy weight pressing into my side. I open my eyes and see I’m lying in moon grass. Glowing moon grass. I twirl the glowing blades around my pointer finger, the green glitters into blue with my touch. I gasp and look on in awe of my skin reflecting the blue light. “That’s why it’s green and blue. It’s not different colored grass. It changes color when it’s touched. When the wind blows. That’s why the colors are dancing!”

A quiet snicker escapes into the crisp air. “You fell from a cliff and you look at grass?”

I sit up with Othin beside me, the wall that hit me. He had jumped and grabbed me from midair. I smile with dreamy eyes taking in the scene around me. “Thanks for the assist.”

Othin stares at me with an incredulous expression. “Assist? If I did not grab you, you would be dead on that rock! You did not see me warning you?”

I run my hand along the grass and watch the blue trail that it leaves behind. Two seconds. That’s how long until the grass turns green again. Lesedi would love this place. Of course, she would spend all her time cataloging and referencing books that she’s read. Telling me facts about this plant and that plant that I wouldn’t remember anyways. Then again, she would never come out here, she’s too afraid.

I look up from the mesmerizing meadow choosing to ignore Othin. There are trees here. Leafy trees. Not big rohedans, smaller ones a little taller than Othin. Their leaves are big and spread open, dark green with spikes of violet up the middles. Growing in scattered speckles among the grass are flowers of all colors and odd little circles of pink fungi. The whole world is dead right now in the clutches of lune. But here you would never know it.

My voice is soft and reverent. “What is this place?”

Othin stands up and paces forwards towards the water, his feet leave large swaths of blue through the grass. He speaks with the same respect I do. “This is the place that never dies.”

I pull myself to my feet and walk behind him. I realize I’ve never seen his back up close, he’s always so guarded and tense. Along his otherwise smooth rock gray skin there are thin travelling scars slicing across his wiry compact muscles. As he moves, I can see the faint movement of his spine and indents of his ribs. He looks strong and sick at the same time.

He stops at the edge of the water and speaks without turning to me. “We will spar here.”

I tilt my head and frown. “No climbing today?”

He lets out a slow breath that feels like anxiety. “No. We will save your strength; you will need it.”

I shrug, confused but trusting him. “Alright then. Are you ready nightstalker?”

He turns around with a glint in those bright red eyes. “Are you?”

As I raise my fists to step into my opening stance, he sweeps my legs out from underneath me and I fall to the soft ground. “Hey! I wasn’t ready yet.”

Othin leans over me. “An enemy will not wait for you to be ready.” Something is off with him tonight; he feels more tense. More than anything, he’s nervous, afraid. It’s as if tonight is important somehow, but I have no idea why.

I pull myself back up. “Othin are you ok?”

He inhales sharply. “Again.”

I pull up my fists into a starting position, this time he reaches out in a flash and grabs my forearm yanking me from my feet to the ground. At least the grass is plushy, he interrupts my protest. “You do not have time to become ready. An enemy will strike when you are vulnerable you-“

Anger fumes inside me and pulses into my muscles. If he wants a fight, I’ll give him one. Before he’s able to finish his little lecture, I kick out from the ground and ram my heel into his knee cap. It bends his leg the wrong way and he stumbles backwards grunting from pain. Before letting him recover I jump to my feet and deliver a swift punch to his gut. As I pull my fist back, he reaches for my forearm. I yank my left arm out of the way grabbing onto his wrist, taking hold of his bicep with my right, and twist it behind his back.

I smile with confidence thinking I’m winning, then he breaks free from my grip. His body turns into a frenzy of limbs, how is he so fast? I realize the only chance I have here, I can’t spar with him on his level. I have to end the fight before I can’t stand back up anymore. My body falls again to the grass, aches are forming in my back and hips. He’s not going easy on me anymore, a small voice in the back of my mind worries he’s decided to finally kill me. No, he wouldn’t do that. Right?

He stands over me feeling disappointed and even more afraid. I’m so confused, but I can’t let that distract me. I summon all of my strength to pull my feet into the air and push myself towards him with all the speed and strength I can muster. My feet make contact with his chest delivering a kick powerful enough to knock him off his feet. His body falls to the grass gasping and without pause I stand on his arms and reach my hands around his throat prepared to squeeze.

He gasps a few more shocked breaths and then breathes out with a smile. He says nothing, but is overcome with relief. My confusion is turning into outright anger.

My chest heaves and my frustration boils over. “What’s happening?!”

I squeeze my hand tighter around his throat and he begins to choke. My body flashes with heat and my eyes burn with rage consuming me like a wildfire. My arms pulse and tingle with energy as the muscles shiver. I want to kill him. Maybe not him in particular, but I want to keep squeezing.

As if from nowhere his leg kicks up and bends around my throat pulling me away. My body tumbles backwards into the grass and hear him gasping for breath. Feeling like someone splashed me with ice water, I shake my head feeling my mind spin and look at Othin with cool clarity. I tried to kill him. I was willing to kill him. I gasp, recoiling in horror as he steps towards me.

Othin stands over me wearing a furious frown. Oh no. He drops into a crouch balancing on the balls of his feet and shakes his head. “You do not choke. You break the neck.”

My body lurches, I was prepared for anger and instead he’s disappointed in my fighting choice? All I can do is gape at him.

He pulls his hands up into a gesture that looks like he’s holding a ball. He twists both hands to the right like spinning the imaginary object. “It does not take much. Twist fast before your enemy sees what you are doing. If they tense, they can resist.” I frown drowning in confusion. He reaches out to me and cups my cheeks focusing my eye contact. “Do not pause. Be quick. Understand?”

I nod with my mouth gaping. “Yeah, break the neck it’s quicker. I get that. But what’s happening here?”

He pulls his hands from my face and rubs his brow. “You must win.”

I shrug with palms turned upward. “I did win.”

Othin shakes his head. “No. You hesitated. If I wanted, I could have killed you still.”

I sigh and crawl towards the crouching nightstalker in front of me and rest my hands on his knees. “Othin, can you please just tell me what’s going on?”

` He looks down and rests his left hand on top of mine. One lone hand engulfs both of my own, his fingers curl around me like tree roots swallowing the forest floor. His shoulders slump and he releases a long slow breath. “I am afraid.”

I squeeze at his knee for comfort. “How could you be afraid? Nothing can hurt you.”

“Much can hurt you.” His legs fall out from under him as if they lost their strength. His voice lowers to a deep muttering like he’s talking more to himself. “I never needed anyone before. But I-“

I smile and lean forward kissing him on the cheek. “I get it. Love makes you crazy.”

He looks up at me with a face of complete and utter confusion. “Love?”

I raise an eyebrow and sigh. “Seriously? You don’t know what love is?”

He shrugs. “Can you explain?”

I pull my hands back and cross my arms. Explain love? Even well-spoken people, which I’m not, can’t explain it. It’s so big, so overwhelming, so powerful, how do you put that into words? I try to form some kind of elegant description to help him, but in the end, I just spit out whatever comes to me.

Looking at him I let out a slow breath. “I think it’s caring more about that person than yourself. You need them like they’re a part of you and if anything happened to them you lose yourself.” I look at him, his eyes are cast down and he pinches his chin in thought. I probably just confused him more. I shrug. “I’m not good at this stuff. But I do know that I love you Othin.”

His eyes snap to mine and he fills with a swirl of intense emotions I can’t register. He feels like a thundering cloud that looms over everything I can see. I feel as much as see his bright red eyes piercing into me. A long gray hand reaches out and cups me on the cheek. His eyebrows furrow like he’s fighting something internally, then as if conceding he lets out a breath and relaxes his shoulders.

“Then I love you Talea.” He opens his mouth to speak, but pauses. “You confuse me. I don’t-” Another pause, he frowns through his struggle to find the words. “This scares me. I cannot lose you I-”

“Sh.” I press a finger against his lips. “I know it’s hard. But you can’t focus on the possible loss of someone. Otherwise you won’t enjoy however much time you have.” He nods in silent agreement. “I know this situation is complicated and a little impossible. It clearly freaks you out as much as it does me. But, let’s focus on now. “

He nods again. “You are wise Talea.”

My eyes can’t help but roll. “Maybe by nightstalker standards.”

I don’t know what the future has ahead of us, but I know it’s not going to be pretty. There’s a pit that sits in my stomach and my instincts tell me there’s no way this can work out. There’s no solution for us. There’s no place for us. But I bundle those thoughts up and push them into the back of my mind. I don’t have a plan, I don’t want one, I just want to enjoy the time I have with this odd man.

Othin takes my hand in his and leads me to the hot springs. I remember Lesedi telling me about them from a geology book. I don’t remember anything about them, except it’s water that’s warm instead of cold. It seems like magic, but knowing her it’s some kind of science. I step close and see steam wisp from the cyan pools of glittering water.

Standing at the water’s edge he swallows my hands with his again. “I swear to you by the eyes of the Moon Mother, I will fight for you Talea, until my last breath.”

I smile. That feels a little bit like a marriage vow. I remember seeing so many Sky Ceremonies with dreamy eyed couples saying their vows and pledging loyalty, love, and devotion among a myriad of other sweet things. What Othin says feels better.

“I swear to you, I will fight for you and we will take that last breath together.”

He pulls me in for a heated kiss. This is probably the closest we’ll ever get to a ceremony for us, I’m fine with that. I’ve always felt so out of place, trapped among people I didn’t understand, gasping for freedom. Within his arms I feel like I’ve finally found the freedom and challenge I’ve always wanted. It’s like I was drowning and he pulled me out. With Othin the world makes sense, I feel right, like I belong.

The kiss breaks and one long hand reaches up and caresses my cheek. I suck in a quick breath. The fingers lace into my mess of hair and wrap around my head. Sparks swim under my skin with my nerves going wild. He pulls me towards him and ever so softly pecks me on the lips. Our faces part and I open my eyes to see a big open smile filled with pointed teeth. Two months ago, this face would terrify me. Now though, I feel safe. It feels right in the most wrong of circumstances.

Othin slips his hands down to my hips underneath my sweater. His fingers wrap all the way around my back. The tips of his claws scratch against my body in light movements. My body feels hot like a fire has been lit under my skin. I tighten my arms around his neck and give him another open-mouthed kiss. My mouth explodes with sensations that tear through my body. Different than the pinpricks. Deeper than the pinpricks.

Delicate moving claws grip at the bottom of my sweater and pull it upward tearing it off me. My naked skin feels cold air mixed with warm swirling steam. He pauses tossing my sweater aside, as if gauging what to do next. He must be using a lot of restraint right now, his arms are shaking, but he doesn’t want to screw this up. I understand the feeling. I flash him a cheeky smile and unbutton my trousers. They drop to the grass and I kick them aside.

I turn my naked body towards the hot spring beside me and step into it. The water is wonderfully hot and has a soft feathery texture to it. It feels like soft wet fabric wrapping around me. I reach the deepest point in the middle; the water line goes up to my bottom ribs. I stifle a chuckle as I see Othin still standing in place, now with his mouth gaping, and still holding my sweater.

Despite the fact that I’ve never done this before, I don’t feel nervous. I feel bold and unhindered. I pause for a moment and do some math in my mind. The one subject I did pay attention to, biology. Each woman has three fertile weeks per year. My window was three months ago, so we’re clear. A pair of tiny nightstalkers is the last thing we need to throw into this mess. I take a deep breath and smile. I point towards him and curl my fingers calling him over.

He moves in a flash; I don’t even see the trousers hit the grass. In a blink he appears in the water in front of me. He looks over me with a mixture of curiosity and bewilderment. I hope that’s a good thing. I don’t really know how nightstalkers register attractiveness. I know that by skysinger standards Othin is hideous. But not to me. To me he looks dangerous, powerful, formidable, maybe I’m just attracted to monsters. At least he won’t judge me for it.

He reaches for me and his hands begin roving upwards feeling their way up my spine. I can feel his hands twitching in response to the nerves screaming under his hands. He feels it too. His claws scratch lightly along the skin tearing along my back. It makes me tremble. A low growl escapes from deep in his throat while he presses up against me.

Our limbs explore each other’s skin as our lips stay locked. Something strange comes over me and I can’t explain it. I feel, different. Like another person has been locked away and is trying to break through. I pull my hands down his back digging my nails into his flesh and when I feel blood it excites me. I feel the fire inside me burn hotter and reach its way to my face. My eyes feel like they’re burning with a fire in my head, and it feels good.

I pull back from our kiss, before Othin questions it I reach forward and bite him on his bottom lip. He pulls back and hisses at me. Blood trickles from a bite mark. He stops, looks at me, and smiles. He reaches forward and grabs my hair in one fist pulling my head back exposing my throat. All that pops into my head is the move he would use to kill me right now if he wanted. So romantic.

Othin crouches down and sinks his teeth into my left shoulder. I feel the pointed teeth sink into my flesh, and although there’s pain, it doesn’t feel the same as an injury. With him, every sensation is different. He lets go of my hair and pulls back, afraid and tense as he sees the blood trickling down my shoulder. I glance to my left to see the series of bitemarks and grin.

“I am struggling to control myself.” He takes in a staggered breath.

I take in a shaky breath and fix my eyes on him. I reach up from the water and rest a hand on his cheek. My eyes flash with heat again as the fire renews its vigor. My fingers curl and pull two welted lines down his face. “Don’t.” I speak with a breathy voice.

I feel his claws tighten around my hips and the muscles in his hands tense. “Are you sure?” His words wobble with doubt.

Confidence fills me, strength and power also. I feel, better. Now isn’t the time to analyze it. I step onto the tips of my toes and lay a soft peck on his lips. “Are you scared?” I tease him.

He sucks in another shaky breath. “Yes.”

My words come out like a whisper. “You should be.

✽✽✽

I smile with happy contentment while the warm rays of sunrise fall upon my skin. I sigh as my fingers curl into the smooth skin of Othin’s bare chest. Soft grass tickles under me while I move my limbs and stretch them waking up. A heavy smooth arm is draped across my stomach, his skin is so warm.

I bend backwards stretching as I yawn. “Good morning.”

His deep voice mumbles as his head rests above mine. “Morning.”

My eyes shoot opening. Morning. I look up and the sky is pink and crimson with sunrise. I push Othin aside and leap to my feet. “Thrack!”

I do an awkward naked run across the small valley to find my clothes. My heart is throwing itself across my rib cage with panic. I pull on my pants with so much urgency I rip the hem line on one leg. I roll my eyes and grab my sweater tearing it onto myself.

Othin stands up, with less urgency than me, and grabs my boots handing them to me. “What if you stayed?”

I let out a huff of breath blowing tangled lavender hair out of my eyes. “I can’t. You know that.” I yank the boots from his hands and shove my feet into them. “If my family knows I’ve been out at night-“ I stand up with my clothes disheveled and puff out a long breath. “By the void they probably already know. Lesedi.”

Othin wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me towards him. “Then stay.”

I give him a peck on the lips and shake my head. “I gotta go. I’ll meet you tonight, by the woods. If things go really badly, I’ll stay.”

He smiles. “Then I hope things go badly.”

I raise my eyebrows shooting him a look, he chuckles. I dart off to the rope hanging from the canyon wall. It’s a quicker ascent than climbing the rock wall itself. Thoughts race through my mind bringing me to the brink of insanity with fear. There’s not much to lose, I’m being thrown out anyways in a few months. But there is Lesedi, though I’m scared I’ve already lost her.

As time races forwards, I feel myself being thrown closer towards that painful moment when I’ll never see her again. I have two lives and I can’t reconcile them to each other. I can’t be with Othin and keep my sister. I can’t embark on a life with Lesedi, like we always planned, without leaving Othin. I need both of them in my life, I feel hollow without one of them.

The rules of our world say that night and day can never touch, that nightstalkers and skysingers must exist separately and for good reason. It seems like an impossible task to blend these two lives together. But it seems impossible that a nightstalker and a skysinger could be bondmates also. I guess just because it’s never happened before doesn’t mean it can’t. Maybe then, if this is possible greater things are too. It’s something I have to believe, that some rules can be broken and impossible can become possible. Things can change.

There has to be a way forwards, and if there isn’t a way, I’ll make one.