He loves me. Or at least he thinks he does.

My emotions have ranged from shock to disbelief back to shock and then to denial.

Shortly after Nick left I sat on my living room floor trying to catch my breath. It felt like my whole chest was collapsing in on itself.

How can he possibly know that he loves me?

I mean, sure, we're together a lot, but most of that time is spent with me being a sarcastic asshole or fussing with him about some of his unhealthy habits. How can he be in love with someone like that?

I don't even know what being in love feels like?

Sure I love things, like my friends, Charlie, bread, movies, music, but it's not the same. The love I have for those things is not the same as the love Nick has for me, I'm sure of it. I wish I could understand what made him think that he loves me so I can know if what I feel for him is the same.

I'm happy when we're together, and when he's around I feel all giddy and stuff. And I could talk to him for hours without getting bored or annoyed with him. He's considerate and so sweet to Charlie, but could I be in love with him so soon.

I rested my head on top of my knees, everything is moving so fast I can't seem to orient myself. I want to scream, but also cry. Why is he like this?

Why despite growing up in a parental shit storm, is he still so open and kind? It's infuriating.

We've only known each other a few months and he already knows everything about me. If anything he knows me too well.

He's too much good in one person.

His eyes are too blue, and his face is too handsome. He's too giving. And he makes me too happy.

He loves me too much.

I heard the patter of Charlie's feet against the living room floor. I lifted my head to see him staring at me.

"Hi," I said sadly, reaching out to pet him. But instead of letting me pet him like he normally would, he smacked my hand with his claws out.

Yanking my hand back, I exclaimed, "Ow! Charlie!"

He turned his head away from me, sauntering into his beloved cat tree.

There was a pronounced scratch on my left hand and it was bleeding a little. "Great," I huffed. I stood from the floor. "I don't know why you did that but I didn't appreciate it. And you won't be getting any treats from me, Charlie."

He didn't even pay me an ounce of attention keeping his back turned to me the whole time. Ugh, what a dick.

I trudged into the bathroom to get a bandaid. Sitting on the closed toilet seat, I began rifling through my small first aid kit to look for Neosporin and band-aids.

As I put a small amount of neosporin on my hand before the band-aid. Suddenly I felt tired and a sick feeling had started to form in my stomach.

Feeling sick, I went into my room and collapsed on the bed. Maybe he'll break up with me, and find someone who doesn't freak out when he proclaims his love for them.

Just the thought of him being with someone else filled me with misery. But I can't imagine him wanting to be with someone who can't tell them they love him.

Rolling over, I wrapping my arms around my stomach. At least if he dumps me I'll understand why. When I close my eyes I could still see his pain stricken face behind my lids. I did exactly what I didn't want to do, which was hurt him. Maybe it was inevitable, I don't think I have the capacity to love someone that way. At least I never have before.

"I wish I could do that for him," I thought, pushing my face further into my pillow. I was hit with a sudden stomach cramp. See, all this love stuff is making me sick to my stomach!

I'm going to go to sleep and deal with this in the morning. Hopefully I'll be in a better headspace, and Charlie won't attack me again.

****

"Maya, are you sick?" James asked coming up to me in the break room.

I laid on the sofa with my eyes closed. "Yes."

I've had the worst stomach ache since last night. And Charlie decided to make it worse by jumping on my stomach this morning. He isn't being very nice to me right now, and it's making me more upset than I already am.

"What's wrong?" He frowned.

"My stomach hurts."

And I'm exhausted. I could barely sleep, and when I did I kept dreaming about Nick and I's argument. He hasn't called me or texted me, I'm grateful for the space but I'm also worried this is his way of breaking up with me.

James sat on the edge of the table, folding his hands on the tops of his store bought ripped jeans. "Is it lady problems?"

"Uh, no," I almost wish it was because then I would have something to blame it on, "I must have eaten something bad or something."

"I hope you don't have food poisoning," he said, worried. "Maybe you should go home early."

Yes! "But I don't want you to have to take care of the store by yourself."

"Don't worry about it Terry will be here later. I can handle a few hours by myself. Go home, you never ask for any sick days. I can spare one."

"Thank you so much, James," I thanked him, standing up to get my backpack. I can't remember the last time i got sick, maybe some time back in middle school, it's been so long I almost forgot how shitty it is.

I drove home in complete silence. I didn't feel like turning on the radio or listening to anything on my phone, I just wanted to get home and lay on my bed for the next few hours.

When I entered my apartment Charlie didn't even come and greet me. Wow, he's actually mad at me. Of course he would be when I wanted some type of comfort. Oh, well, I'm not going to risk getting scratched again by bothering him.

I put some food in his bowl for later and then went into my room. Shedding my leggings I left them on the floor before crawling in bed.

Nick would usually be here around this time. I hope he got home okay. I hope he's okay.

I'm not okay. I actually feel worse about what happened than I did last night. I shouldn't have said that, but he scared me. I've never had anyone tell me they love me before I didn't know how to respond to it. It could have been better than, "What if I can't ever say it," but that's what was going through my mind at the time. My heart skipped a beat when I heard my phone ring next to me.

It wasn't Nick, sadly. It was just Tasha.

I considered not answering but I knew she would just keep calling until I did.

"Hello."

Her cheerful voice, said,"Hey, girl, are you working today?"

"I was but I got sick and James sent me home early," I told her.

"You got sick?" she asked in disbelief. "You never get sick. You have the strongest immune system of anyone I've ever met."

"Well, it has failed me, for once." I had a sense that the way I was feeling had nothing to do with my immune system. I'm lovesick, as some would say.

"Do you want me to bring you any soup or medicine?" Tasha asked concerned.

I appreciated her offer, but I declined. "No, you don't have to do that. I'm just going to rest for awhile."

"Are you sure? I can take Trey's car, it's no big deal."

"I'm sure. Don't worry about me."

She was quiet for a minute. "Okay, just let me know if you need anything."

I sighed. "I will. Thanks for offering."

"Anytime, Maya."

I got deeper under the covers, inhaling the floral scent of my fabric softener. "I'm going to go to sleep now, but I'll call you later, okay."

"Okay, see you later." After hanging up, I tossed my phone on the nightstand, and tried to rest without thinking about the pain I had caused.

It was hard but I eventually drifted off to sleep. Only to be woken up by knocks on my front door a few hours later.

Oh my God, he's here.

I jumped out of bed tripping over my own feet trying to put some form of pants on. I stopped in the front of the door. Wiping my hands across my face. I hope I look okay.

Who am I kidding I'm sure I look a mess. It's okay, I can do this.

Taking a deep breath, I turned the door knob.

"What are you guys doing here?"

Tasha, Nia, and Lavender, stood outside my front door with grocery bags of drinks and junk food.

"We're here to make you feel better," Tasha smiled, pushing her way in.

Nia said, "Tasha told us that you didn't feel well, so we decided to bring you some food."

"And some ginger tea that I took from parents," Lavender added, "It's a little spicy, but it taste great with orange. It'll make you feel so much better."

"Uh, thanks." I noticed that along with some grocery bags they had what looked to be overnight bags. "Are you guys spending the night?"

"Oh, yeah, it's also a slumber party!" Tasha exclaimed, "Surprise!"

"That's great...." It is not.

"I brought board games," Nia smiled.

This wasn't in my Friday plans, but maybe this was the distraction I needed. "What did you guys bring for dinner?"