WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF ABUSE

Justin

I never asked to be born. I never asked for my parents to have me at such a young age. I never asked for my dad to abandon us. I sure as hell didn't ask for my mom to abandon me either. But it seemed like the universe liked putting me through things that I had no control over.

Seventeen hours. I'd been sitting in the same plastic hospital chair for seventeen hours waiting for someone to tell me some kind of news. I'd barely eaten, only chugging down cup after cup of coffee to keep myself awake.

There was no possible way that my life was real. I was just an empty shell in the body of an eighteen year old. It didn't feel real. I couldn't be real.

Shitty things like this just don't keep happening to real people.

"Your Uncle's been treating his heart condition for months," The doctor had told me. "I'm just shocked he's never told you."

There hadn't been any trace of medication in his system. The heart attack was caused by stress and negligence. He was in surgery and they were trying their best, but there was no telling if he would survive this.

I rubbed at my tired eyes, leaning my head against the wall. Haven't I lost enough? Haven't I been through it all? God keeps letting all this stuff happen around me so when is it my turn? When am I just going to finally disappear?

"Justin?" A nurse tapped my lightly on the shoulder. "Sweetheart, why don't you head home? I promise, we'll call you if anything changes. But the way things are looking now, he'll probably be out for a few more hours. Go get some rest."

I shook my head. "I can't go back to that house." I mumbled. "Not alone."

"Is there anyone you can call?"

I shook my head again. "Well, yeah but I can't call at...3:30 in the morning."

She frowned. "Okay sweetie, the cafeteria opens in two hours. Let me know if you need anything."

I managed a small smile. "Thank you."

--

At five thirty on the dot, I went down to the cafeteria. I nibbled my way through half of a blueberry muffin, barely even tasting it before going back to my spot in the waiting area. I nodded off for a bit and when I woke up again at nine, nothing's changed. I used one of the payphones to dial the number I know by heart.

Ana picked up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"Hey," I shut my eyes and leaned my head against the wall next to the phone.

"Justin? Hi, where are you calling from?"

"You-you didn't hear the ambulance last night?"

"No, everyone was in bed after you left. What's going on? What happened?"

"Richard had a heart attack last night. He's in surgery right now but they don't know what's going to happen." I chuckle half-heartedly. "He's been sick. Yet another thing he's hidden from me."

"Oh Justin, I'm so sorry. Do you need me to come down there?"

"No, no. But I do need you to do something else."

"Anything."

"The spare key to my house is on my back patio underneath the chair cushion. I need you to go up into my room and grab the attic key from my dresser drawer. There are two more journals in the box by the window. Do you think you could go and look through them? There's something I need to find out. I'll be home in a few hours."

"Alright, I'll head over now. Hang in there, Justin, I'll see you soon."

"Okay." I muttered, slamming the phone down harder than necessary.

Richard woke up at 11:30. They told me I was allowed in to see him but I loitered around his hall for a little bit before actually going inside. I'd spent so much time in the last year in hospital rooms.

Richard was hooked up to so many different wires. He didn't hear me at first and his eyes were closed. I almost thought he was sleeping until he was looking up at me. But his eyes were unfocused.

"Justin," He murmured. "What took you so long?"

"I don't know." I said honestly. "How do you feel?"

He sighed heavily and it sounded painful. "Just fine." His head lolled back.

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick, Richard?"

"You've had enough to deal with."

"And coming home to find your body isn't a burden? I thought you were dead Richard. As if finding the bodies of my only two family members isn't a burden."

"I didn't think this would happen, I'm sorry."

"Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

"What?"

"Just, they're not sure...what's going to happen to you. I need to know if there's anything else, anything you haven't told me."

"There's a lot I haven't told you Justin." Richard replied. "But I don't want your memories of me to be tainted."

Too late, I almost said.

--

Ana was sitting up in my bed, watching the wall when I got back home. She looked up at me when I entered.

"Move over." I sighed, sitting next to her. We sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of us knowing who should speak first. Ana's silence only told me that there was something bad.

"So," I finally said. "Out with it."

"Justin, it's a bad idea. You don't need to know what is in those journals. You shouldn't know."

"I have to Ana. You don't understand-"

"My mother's dead too, Justin."

"You didn't find her dead on your living room floor."

"No but I practically watched her kill herself for sixteen years of my life. And I'm not having a competition with you over who's had a shittier life."

"Please just tell me, Ana. If not, I'll just see for myself."

Ana sighed, shifting so that she was facing me. "Richard did...bad things to your mom, Justin. The last journal ends four years after you were born. But you were right about me being wrong. He didn't abuse you, Justin. He used to visit and would do it when you were sleeping in the next room. And she would hear you banging on the door and screaming. It started when she was sixteen."

Terror and panic struck me. But not surprise. "That's why I don't like being touched." It all clicked. "That's the part of my childhood that I can't remember. All this time I've known, I've just blocked it out. She killed herself to get away from him."

"He's a sick man, Justin." Ana whispered. "You can't stay in this house anymore."

I looked up at her. "Where am I supposed to go? What other option do I have?"

Ana took me by my neck and pulled me into her arms. I felt her hands run through my hair. "We'll figure it out. It'll be okay, you'll be okay."

--

I was angry as I paced back and forth outside of Richard's room. I wanted to go in and yell. I wanted to throw things and make him get up and fight me back like a man. When I finally decided to open the door, I was trembling.

"You're back." Richard said, trying to sit up.

I didn't waste any time, sitting in the chair next to his bed.. "So you're sure there's nothing you need to tell me?"

Richard looked up sharply. "What do you know?"

"I know that you're a liar." I said. "I know that you're manipulative. I know that you didn't keep me in that house to protect me." I leaned forward, twisting my hands together. "Jeremy Bieber isn't my father is he?" I asked quietly.

Richard's silence told me everything.

I let out a choked off sob, rubbing through my hair roughly. "Why? Why would you do this?"

"I don't know."

"Bullshit!" I yelled, snapping my head up. "You knew you loved her, you knew she didn't love you back. You knew that she found someone else to love and you never expected me to come along. You abused her for ten years."

"Please-"

"You raped her for ten years. You got her pregnant. And you kept me isolated so in fear that I would one day find out and reveal all your secrets. You destroyed my mother. She killed herself because you left her without any other options. You did this to me. You did this to us."

Tears shined down Richard's face. "I love you both so much. I never wanted any of this to happen. I took you both in so that we could be a family. I just didn't want to be lonely."

"You are a sick, disgusting and evil man. But don't worry, Uncle, you're finally getting everything you deserve."

I stormed out of the room without another word.

--

I stepped out of Gavin's bathroom, toothbrush hanging out of the side of my mouth. "Thank you for letting me crash here. I just couldn't stay at that house tonight."

"No worries man," Gavin clapped me on the back. "I'm really sorry about your uncle. I hope he gets better."

"He...has been sick for a while. And there's not a lot I can do for him anymore. He's on his own."

"Well, I'll see you in the morning. Ana will probably be around to come see you. Sleep tight."

"You too." I settled down onto the couch.

--

Richard stopped breathing at 4:08am.

I didn't shed a tear.

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