《Lola's Birthday Wish》Chapter 16: Lana and Sally
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Lana was building a race car for her pet frog hops when her mind was suddenly blown.
"hold on hops, I got a phone call. Hello?"
"Hey Lana. How are you?" It was a womans voice. A grownup.
No one Lana recognized so she did as her parents instructed.
"May I ask who's calling?"
"um.....yes.....Okay. You might want to sit down. This is going to be a lot to take in."
"Sorry lady. I'm not allowed to talk to strangers."
"NO DONT HANG UP!" Yelled the voice."Look, this is really important. Its a serious call. Its not a wrong number. Your Lana Loud. So I'm not some weirdo."
The Lady did sound serious so Lana moved to step two of her stranger training.
"Hey Mom! Phone call!"
"Don't get mom! Its me! Lana its me!"
"Me who?"
"Its....its Lola."
".....................Mom!!!"
"You once thought balloons were trying to eat you!.....you were really sick with the flu and the cough syrup made you loopy. I came into our room and you were crying, and you told me to lock the windows and close the blinds because the balloons were outside. And no one else knows about this because I knew our sisters would make fun of you over it, so I shut the windows and the door and stayed with you until you passed out. And if anyone came to the door I told a bunch of lies so that they wouldn't come in and see you babbling."
There was a pause.
The door opened and Lana's mother came in.
"You wanted something Lana?"
Every inch of Lana wanted to hand the phone over and be done with this conversation but somewhere deep inside her mind was a voice telling her not to let go.
"Uh.....could we have worm guts for dinner?"
"No Lana. Your fathers already making stroganoff."
"Oh right. Okay. I'm just gonna...finish my phone call."
After her mother left, Lana heard a breath of relief come over the phone.
"Thank goodness. I thought you wouldn't believe me." said the lady.
"Uh-huh."
"Your still not sure."
"Not really. I mean......no one else knows that but Lola but-"
"Your favourite colour is brown. Your allergic to rhubarb. You went skinny dipping in mr grouses birdbath when you were four. Let see.....when we went to become bluebell scouts you gave me your lucky plunger that you only use for sinks. and....oh yeah! One time I went to school in a REALLY fancy dress and I couldn't get it off because the zipper was stuck. So I wound up peeing myself and you said "I got this" and peed your trousers so it would look like we did it on purpose....it was the most mortifying experience of my life but I appreciated the sentiment."
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Lana's couldn't believe what she was hearing. But it made too much sense. No one one would know that except her own twin. Especially not a grownup.
"So...hold on. YOUR LOLA?!"
"Yes."
"Why do you sound like an old lady?"
"I swapped bodies with a woman named Tatiana. She's in my body right now."
"WHAT!??"
The woman on the phone proceeded to tell Lana the craziest story she'd ever heard in her life. The more she listened the more she believed it. And the more she believed it, the more she became very afraid.
"So....I've been living with some weird old lady for months?!!"
"Sometimes it was me! We were going back and forth for a while, but now I seem to be stuck and she's not replying to my texts."
"Who was it that got drunk in dads restaurant?"
"Oh please Lana, do you really have to ask that? It was HER of course. I don't drink booze from weirdo teenagers."
"Well who beat me up a couple of weeks back?"
"That was me. Don't take my cupcakes."
Lana nodded her head. She was starting to get it now. All the times Lola was acting weird. Her super grades. That new friend....
"Where you the one who became friends with that girl with the skin problem?"
"Yes and no. Tatiana became friends with her first and I had to keep it going. Worked out alright though. Genny's cool. I like Genny."
"Yeah she's really changed since she started hanging with you." Lana laughed. "This is so weird."
"I know. I need you to get me back in my body."
"How do I do that?"
"Theres a necklace I got for my birthday. I think she's hiding it."
Lola explained her plan to Lana. "I'm coming to Michigan. Find the necklace so that we can use it when I get there. Don't let her see it."
"Okay. You can count on me!"
"and Lana. Don't let her know that you know. I don't know whats going on with her right now, but if she's avoiding me on purpose, then it sounds like she doesn't want to switch back. She may do something drastic to prevent it."
"Okay."
Lana hung up the phone. This was officially the weirdest day of her life.
.............................................................
Lola then called Sally Cohen and asked her to come over. Sally was all smiles and caution when she walked in.
"How you feeling Tanya? You want to talk about it?"
Lola stood up and pointed to the empty chair. "Have a seat." Lola said.
"Oooooookay." Sally walked over and sat down.
"You like scotch right?"
"What? NO! Your sober remember?"
"Oh I'm having tea. But your going to need scotch. Say when."
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And Lola poured a healthy glass of ten year old Ardbeg for her trusted subordinate, who took it.
"Tanya whats going on?"
"Have a drink."
..................................
Sally did alright for the first five minutes.
Minute seven she grabbed the scotch bottle and poured another.
By minute twelve Sally was taking off her suit jacket and rubbing her face furiously.
When Lola was finished talking twenty minutes later, Sally's head was in her hands in a fit of despair except to pick up the scotch bottle and drink right out of it.
"So thats why I've been so weird lately. I'm not Tatiana. She's in Michigan living in my body."
"So we should probably get on a plane and go find her."
"Exactly. Thank you Sally you're taking this very...wait, are you being sarcastic?"
"OF COURSE I AM!!!!!!" Sally screamed, "Oh my god. I knew you were having problems but this is completely round the bend. This is a psychotic breakdown thats what this is."
"Sally." Lola tried to cut in
"No. I don't want to hear it. Who is Lola really? Is she the kid you injured? Of course she is. You hit her with your car and your mind is twisting things around because you can't handle the guilt. I knew it."
Sally got up and began pacing around the room furiously. Sally began hyperventilating.
"This is just what we need, JUST WHAT WE NEED! Wait? Why am I panicking? You did it!....but then the board will ask me who your sponsor is....and I'll say I don't know!......and they'll say well your fired!.....no wait. Then they'll say firing's not good enough. We need a scapegoat, so they crucify me in the press and say I drove you to this. My parents disown me, my son becomes a drug dealer, I wind up on death row sharing a cell with the Mississippi Mangler!"
And thats when Lola slapped her. "Get ahold of yourself woman!! This is my future we're talking about!"
Sally collapsed in her chair and Lola grabbed her by the collar. "Now you listen to me! I was the one who organized the dinner for those fat old snobs that one time. You were there. And while I was there, Tanya was in my body at my dads restaurant and she had a booze fit and got drunk. I woke up the next morning in the hospital. I was sicker than I'd ever been in my life. Doctor said I was close to dying actually. and thats when Tatiana gave up drinking. Because she lost control. understand?"
Sally stared into Lolas eyes. Her breathing slowed. and realization began to dawn. "You don't sound like her."
"No. I don't. She talks in this creepy voice thats kind of like a whisper but it sounds angry all the time."
"Kind of like a whisper....Booze fit.....fat old snobs.....You? no thats crazy. What you've done is change your way of speaking because your brain is halfway to mars with no plan to come home."
Lola sighed and slumped down. She kind of knew Sally would be harder to convince. Then she got an idea and quickly pulled out her phone.
"Okay. If I'm making this up then explain this." Lola held up a youtube video of one of her pageants. Her six year old body was onstage doing her ribbon dance routine. "See? THATS me. I'm not dead. I'm a real person and I live in Michigan. So how could Tatiana have run me over?"
"So you went online and found a random kid to imitate."
Lola roared and slammed the phone on the ground. How could she get through? At this rate Sally wasn't going to help her.
And then Lola got an idea. And awful idea.
Lola got a wonderfully awful idea. A familiar grin crossed her lips.
"Sally."
"Yes?"
"I'm going to go streaking."
"What?!!!" Sally cried
"Streaking Sally. I'm going to run naked through the street for the whole world to see. Given I'm famous I should make the six o clock news for sure."
"Tanya....,"
"You can't really stop me. It would take too long for you to call for help and you can't keep an eye on me and call the orderlies. If I go streaking then everything over. Unless...."
"Unless what?" Sally said with great alarm.
"Unless you do what I tell you. We're going to royal woods Michigan. We're going to meet the little girl we saw in the video. Then we're coming straight back. And I will personally call the doctors and quietly go to the hospital."
Sally glared at her boss. "This sounds more like Tanya Tiche."
"No it doesn't. If Tanya wanted to blackmail you she wouldn't need to get naked would she?"
Sally bit her lip. That last part was the truth. Tatiana Tiche knew Sally almost as well as Sally knew her. Blackmail would be easy.
But more importantly, there was something really off here. It wasn't just that Tatiana was pretending to be a little kid, it was the way she was playing it. It was too specific. And too mature. If Lola loud was really like this.....
Then Tatiana would have to know exactly what her mannerisms are.....
....and how would Tatiana do that without meeting the kid in person?
Sally took a deep breath inwards and let it out.
"Alright. Tomorrow. We say you had a brief relapse and need to get away from work. I'll have the plane ready to go. We go straight there. Find the kid. Keep the conversation short. And then we're right back. Deal?"
"Deal." Lola said with a smug grin. "But your going to need to set the takeoff for the afternoon. There's an errand I have to run in the morning."
"What kind of errand?" Asked Sally
"Stealing an artifact from a museum." Lola thought to herself.
To be continued
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