Storm's POV

I sat in the kitchen as I stared at nothing. It was about 12:01am and everyone was sleeping. I couldn't sleep because I had so much on my mind. My mother and I's conversation kept repeating itself in my head. "No Storm! You see this is your problem, you always try to control things but it gets out of hand! You always wait for the moment to fix things when it's to late! Just like the Don situation! Look how that situation resulted"

I felt a heavy feeling on my shoulders and chest. My mom was right. I always try to control everything but it never goes as planned. I waited to long to deal with D and it ended in getting Melo killed. The day he died, my life was no longer easy. It's only gotten worse and it still is. Sometimes I wish the roles were reversed and I wish it was me who got shot. When I think like that, I have to remember that I have kids, friends, and family who love me. Also an amazing husband who I'm so lucky to have.

But it's hard to not think those kind of thoughts when you have the whole world against you. It's like I can't breathe on my own. It's gets harder to breathe everyday.

As I looked down, I looked down at the matching tattoo Melo and I shared. I remember how excited he was to get it. I miss you so much LaMelo. In times like this I really need you. I need to hear you tell me what to do, or give me a uplifting speech, or maybe one of your amazing hugs. I could really use one of your hugs right now. Soon enough, I feel a tear fall from my eye, I instantly wipe it away.

"Don't cry Storm" I said to myself. It was hard, it was so hard not to cry. It was so hard keeping all of these emotions in and dealing with the stuff I deal with everyday. And the only person I wanted around to comfort me, isn't around. And will never be around me ever again. I closed my eyes as I breathed hard. The throbbing feeling in my chest and the memories I shared with Melo were floating around in my mind. Melo, come back to me.

"Why are you up?" I heard. I looked up to see Josh with his bag on his shoulder and a smoothie in his hand. Even at this time of night, he has a smoothie.

"Couldn't sleep. Where were you?" I asked him looking down.

"After training, I went to Caleb's house and chilled with him and Patrick. I texted you" He says walking up to me. My phone was dead, I honestly didn't feel like being on it. He puts his stuff down and stands in front of me. He lifts my face up and looks me in my eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asks softly.

"So much is wrong..." I said as my eyes got teary again. There was so much wrong...

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He says as he pulls the chair behind him and sits down.

"I wanna talk about some of it" I said to him. I didn't have the energy to say everything.

"Ok, talk and I'll listen" He says. I let out a shaky sigh and look down playing with my fingers.

"My shoot got canceled today because the brand no longer wanted to work with me. With all the things going on with me, I would've been a bad image for them" I said. He nods and looks at me.

"And how'd that make you feel?" He asks me.

"It made me feel angry. Since I've been back I've just been trying to get my life back and try to live normally. But everyone been making it so hard for me and I just can't take it anymore" I said shaking my head. He nods and then pulls me to him.

"It's frustrating isn't it?" He asks and I nod.

"Storm don't let this one brand get you tight because they don't wanna work with you. It's their lost, they lost an amazing model. Plus you got many other people who wanna work with you, so fuck them" He says and I nodded. He was right.

"What else is wrong?" He says. I bite my lip as I thought about my mom. There's that pain in my chest again.

"I called my mom today to get some advice about what I should do and it didn't go so well. She basically said that I'm not dealing with this situation properly and brought up how I didn't deal with the Don situation properly either. If I took care of things a differently, Melo would still be here" I said looking at him. He stared at me as I stared back at him. As I looked at him, the tears started to fall again and this time, I just let them.

"I wish it was me Josh, I wish I was the one got shot and died" I cried out. He pulls me into his arms and I hug him tightly as I cry on his shoulder.

"No matter what, it's my fault. It's all my fault" I sobbed.

"It's not your fault Storm" He whispered to me. He held me tightly as I cried. It felt...it felt so good to let this out. Crying lifted some of the weight off of me.

"Storm look at me" Josh says pulling away. His hands rested on my face as he wiped my tears.

"It's not your fault ok? Nothing is your fault. I'm so tired of you and everyone else blaming you for what happened. Melo jumped in front of you because he chose to, he protected you because he chose to. Everything that happened was by choice and it sadly ended the way it did" He says softly.

"But if I-"

"No more buts, ands, and ifs. I get that you regret how things happened but it already happened. You can't change the past. Neither can I or anyone else. Please stop beating yourself up over this. And stop letting everyone beat you up as well. Remember what you told me about Melo?" He says and I shake my head.

"You told me that Melo died happy and that he had no regrets. He wasn't sad about what he did for you, so why are you?" He asks. I sniffled as I looked at him. I didn't know what to say.

"Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel about what happened. They don't know what happened and only you have a right to say how you feel" He says.

"You're right" I mumbled looking down.

"I miss him too Storm. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Melo. If he was here right now, none of the issues that you have right now would be here. But they are and the only thing we can do about it is deal with it" He says and I nodded.

"And please don't ever think like that again. Storm if I lost you, I would never be myself ever again. I would never live the same, walk the same, breathe the same ever again" He says as a tear falls from his eye.

"Please don't ever say you wish it was you" He says shaking his head. I frowned as a I looked at him.

"I'm sorry" I said to him and he sighs.

"Don't be, you have nothing to be sorry about" He says.

"I miss him so much" I said talking about Melo.

"I know you do, that's why I said you weren't ready to get back on social media or go back to work again. You haven't let yourself miss Melo, and now you are" He says. I nodded and sighed. I hug him and just rest in his arms. I need to take a another break from the world.

"Do you wanna talk some more?" He asks as he kisses my head.

"No, I just wanna be in your arms" I said to him and he nods.

"Ok" He says as he pulls me closer. I close my eyes as I breathe in his scent. He smelt so good.

"How about we go upstairs and sleep, it's pretty late" Josh says. I open my eyes and nod. He stands up and holds my hand and leads us upstairs. When we got to our room I sat down on my side of the bed.

"I'm going to take a quick shower ok?" He says.

"Ok" I said lowly. He kisses my cheek and walks away to our bathroom. I sighed and looked at the table and saw my phone. I grabbed it and plugged it in waiting for it to turn on. Once it did, I went to the groupchat I had with all of the girls and shot them a quick message. Hopefully they see that in the morning.

Minuets go by and Josh finally comes back. He climbs into our bed and pulls me close to him as we snuggle under the sheets. I hugged him and rested my head on his chest.

"Everything is going to be fine alright, I promise" He says.

"Ok Josh" I mumbled closing my eyes.

"Goodnight Storm" He says kissing my head.

"Goodnight Josh"