Aslam o alaikum guys

Fahad pov:

I don't deserve her, Aaliyaan went beyond the limits in her love and I went beyond the limits in her hate. How much trauma she'd been gone through just because of me. I've done so wrong to her. She would never forgive me when she'll know the truth. Maybe she'll leave me, this alone thought is tearing my heart apart. She deserve someone better than me but I can't leave her. Call me selfish but I can't let her go. I can't tell her truth either because then she'll hurt herself or maybe she'll hurt the innocent child. She would feel disrespected and dishonoured. I'll give this child my name, he's my baby.

I was lost in my thoughts when a fragile and soft thumb was caressed under my eyes, I immediately looked at her and smiled. All the sadness vanished in a second.

"Why are you crying? Is your leg hurting? Should I call doctor?" Hoorain worriedly asked as she sat beside me. I just shook my head.

"Nothing just feeling ashamed of myself for doing so wrong to you" I said, more tears gathered in my eyes as I saw her innocent face.

"I said it's OK and now please don't feel sorry again n again, this way you're also making me ashamed of myself" She said looking at her hands. Today I was grateful to Allah that he gave me my love of life. He gave me Hoorain, she was destined to be mine. She's mine.

Gently I lifted her face upwards by her chin and gazed every detail of her features, she blushed making my heart go wild, I wanted to kiss her, feel her so I cupped her face, I was about to kiss when she suddenly backed away.

"S-Sorry I-I can't" She stuttered rubbing her lips and ran away from there. I was hurt by her reaction, was feeling useless, she did right by rejecting me, I don't deserve her, she doesn't deserve me. I ran my hands in my hair in frustration. She doesn't love me. She still loves Aaliyaan. My heart was sinking to think like that. It's OK Fahad you should give some time and space to her, you've done so wrong to her now it's time to win her heart.

So many things had happened in those 4 months, life was not giving me any chance to recover from anything, everything was shattering me into pieces, Naila's death was the biggest nightmare of my life, then knowing that the person I loved whole heartedly was in love with someone else and they both were playing with me and my sister gave me another pinch in my heart, it practically twisted my heart, then discovering the truth that just because me my wife was raped. I was regretting, all my avenge was vanished. I was nothing now my ego, my pride,my respect all were dismissing from my life.

I disobeyed Allah by going to the wrong path, instead of asking for his help I took rescue from this bloody worldly haraam things, now I was regretting every day and night which I spent in drinking alcohol and making my life more miserable.

Ahtisham was missing, he shot me in my leg that day and went out only car, it's been 5 days he's still nowhere to be seen. Once I find him I'll give him handsome money to get hell out of my and my wife's life.

"Why are you upset?" my Khala (mother's sister) asked me when she saw me playing with the food instead of eating it.

"Nothing just tired" I replied casually, pushing my plate aside and heading down. She came to my side and patted on my shoulder. I again sat straight.

"What happened honey. What's bothering you?" She asked, she had always treated me like her own child. I loved her so much.

" Faraz said yes to this purposal, coming weekend we are gonna get engaged" I told her, today uncle Ismail (Faraz's father) called me informed me that Faraz had said yes to the marriage and next week he's planning to arrange a function in there house here in Karachi.

"Then What's the problem? Are you nervous? " She asked. I shook my head.

"No Khala I'm not happy with all this. I don't want to get married to him" I replied. She looked at me like I've grown two heads.

"Are you joking Hania? You love him and you are saying that you don't want to get married to him." She scolded me while glaring at me. I looked down at my hands and closed my eyes to take a deep breath.

" Yes I love him but he doesn't, you know what Khala, I went to his office previous week hoping that he would be happy and would immediately recall our childhood memories, but I was wrong because he even forgot my name. It was clearly written on his face that he liked someone else and knowing that this marriage is burden on him, I want to back off" I told her, her eyes became soft and she hugged me.

"I know you Hania. You are just like your mother. Self-respect and your ego matters to you than anything else" She said while stroking my hair. I chuckled.

" Should I take it as a praise or as a taunt?" She laughed.

"Both because it's a good thing for a girl to be that much strong to keep her self-respect and ego most important but making it always your first priority is not good, because these both things when given utter most importance, they ruin and destruct every relation making you all alone." She explained, I nodded but still how could I have married the person who didn't even think about me, love was the far most thing.

......

Uncle Ismail and my father were only two brothers, we were living in a joint family system. Uncle Ismail being elder married early then baba(father) but they had only one son Faraz and after 3 years baba got married, like Uncle Ismail my baba also had one daughter me. Both brothers got us engaged when I was infant and Faraz was 3 years old but they didn't told us about it.

I and Faraz, we both were best friends. I was 10 years old and he was 13. One day we were playing hide and seek in the garden when I decided to hide in the living room of the house, there was noises coming from drawing room.

Our parents were discussing about my and Faraz marriage, I was devastated at first because I was a child and for me it was a bombarding news but I didn't tell anyone that I've listened anything.

I was ignoring Faraz after that because I wanted him to be my best friend not anything else, he thought that I was upset with him because he cheated in the game but he didn't know that I was going through fears and heart breaks.

I was gathering enough courage to talk to my mother because she was my best friend but I was fearing of her reaction, after all she was a mother she could scold me for hearing their secret talk.

After few days my parents went to buy grocery, I thought that when they'll come I would talk to ami (mother) about the matter, of course I was a grown up baby and I wanted answers.

But fate had written something else for me because my parents never came back, they were gone, they were gone to Allah.

I was shattered completely, crying for many days, not talking to anyone, ignoring Faraz, talking to my parents picture only, asking them where are they. This became my routine. Uncle Ismail and Aunty Sofia treated me like their own daughter but I never saw my mother or father in them.

One day I was crying in the garden when Faraz came and sat beside me.

I looked at him and tears were briming in my eyes.

"Don't cry Hania, I don't like your tears"

I was shocked because these same lines my mother used to say to me. She was a strong woman, always smiling and glowing, never in my life I saw her telling her problems to anyone or fighting with anyone. My mother never fought with my father, or at least not in front of me. My baba loved my mother so much, he always used to buy chocolates and flowers for Ami and toys for me.

Ami always scolded me for crying in front of others.

"My angel I don't like when you cry in front of others. If you wanna cry then cry in front of Allah not before his creation"

After that day when I recalled my mother's advice, I sealed my emotions in front of other people. Till this day I've never cried when any person was around me. I always shed tears when I'm alone.

On the other hand Uncle Ismail and Aunty Sofia were always fighting on pity things, I must say both were pretty exhausted from each other. Faraz always used to be disturbed by their behavior and I was also fed up with all this drama.

That's why when my Khala requested to take me with her and I happily agreed. She was living in Karachi and was divorced, She had no children.

Uncle Ismail, Aunty Sofia and Faraz, they all were reluctant to send me to Khala Asia but when they saw me happy with Khala Aasia, they gave me permission to come to Karachi.

The most painful thing was that after coming to Khala's place I realised how much I was missing Faraz, I started to develop feelings for him. I know those were childhood emotions but as I grew up those feelings were growing more strong and today I love him.

After almost 2 years Aunty Sofia also died in Car accident, Khala Aasia didn't take me to Islamabad, because according to her it was not good for me to again go through same pain which I went through when my parents died and I silently obeyed her. She took me to Dubai and we lived there for many years, I completed my college there but a year ago Khala Aasia and I again shifted here in Karachi to her old house.

Few weeks ago when I turned 22 uncle Ismail came to meet me here in Karachi.

He again told me everything about my and Faraz's engagement but the most surprising thing that he told me, was Faraz knew nothing about our engagement. I mean he is 25 and still Uncle kept him in darkness.

Uncle requested me to meet him by myself and give him this news, Uncle gave me Faraz's office address, I was excited and as well as nervous because it had been 12 years since I last time I saw him.

When I went to his office, I was amazed to see him because I never knew that he would be that much handsome and attractive.

But my heart broke into million pieces when he looked at me and his expression was blank. Of course he didn't remember me.

"Since you don't know me, first let me introduce myself to you. My name is Hania and I'm your uncle Ibrahim's daughter, who is your father's brother" I taunted him but took me seriously and I was shocked to see that he didn't remember me. At first I was doubting if he was Faraz or not but his way of talking confirmed it that he really was Faraz but was changed into a completely different person.

His eyes were telling that he liked someone else and now that I knew he was not interested in this marriage, I also didn't want to marry him.

Hania just trust on Almighty Allah, he will open the doors of mercy for you. Aameen.

I silently prayed and then slept.

Fahad was staying in my room from past five days. He asked me that can he stay in my room for few days till his stitches heal, I was being hesitate at first as there were other rooms also but then agreed because it was not my home to refuse him for anything.

We were sleeping on the same bed because we both were not able to sleep on the couch but thank God he used to place cushions between us.

Last night when he tried to come close, I was tensed and moved off suddenly.

I surely saw hurt in his eyes but it was really hard for me to forget that taurmatizing night when he forcefully and wildly took my virginity, he even hit something on my head to make me unconscious to get his sin done. As I already faced so many things that day so I was at the verge of getting faint due to which that small hit made me unconscious easily.

Tears welled up in my eyes. I was sitting in kitchen as all servants were in servant quarter and Fahad was in the room.

As there was no one to witness my pain so I cried my heart out.

My heart was not giving me permission to take any further step towards Fahad.

Yeah it's true that I was emotionally attached to him but mentally and physically I was not ready.

I did have feelings for him but it wasn't love. It was so complicated why life is so unfair....

******

So sorry guys for the late update.

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Keep smiling and stay blessed :)