😗sorry for any mistakes

Los Angeles, California

December 2nd

Monday

Cameron swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared ahead at the many graves. She wiped the lonely tear before turning her car off, she grabbed her phone for the cup holder and keys then grabbed the white calla lily flowers from her passenger seat.

She then got out, making sure to lock the door first before making her way to her Michelle's grave site. "H-hey twin" She choked out, laughing a little. Everyone always told her how she looked just like Michelle growing up. Xzavier and Kareem looked a little like her but Cameron came out looking like she stole her mom's face.

A beautiful soul

Michelle Soleil Lloyd

December 2nd, 1977—July 5th, 2017

Beloved wife, Mother, Sister, & Best friend

"Happy birthday, I-I brought you some lilies. I kno' how you like these stank thangs" She giggled, putting the flowers down then sat in front of the tombstone.

It was quiet as she stared at the tombstone. She felt so lost and for so long without her mom. She wasn't the same, her family wasn't the same. Life wasn't the same.

She hasn't honestly visited in a while. She always did something risky afterward. She never coped after losing her mom, she never copes at all. She just lives and hopes it one day disappears but never does.

"I-I miss you so much, mommy. I need you" She broke down crying, bringing her knees to her chest. "I don't wanna be here without you, I wanna be with you," She said in a soft voice. Michelle's death hit Cameron the hardest since she was actually there when she died.

"Peanut!!" Michelle called from the kitchen before covering her mouth and coughing terribly into her arm.

"I'll call you back Pookie" Cameron hung up the phone, frowning when she walked into the kitchen. "Momma, you needa go ta' da' doctor fa' dat cough." She walked up to her and rubbed her back.

Michelle weakly smiled at her daughter as her dark skin looked flushed and pale. "I-I'm fine baby." She assured her but that didn't wipe the look of concern off Cameron's face. Everyone has been telling Michelle to go to the doctor since her coughing and the weight loss she has been going through. But she constantly refuses.

"You excited 'bout startin' da' 10th grade? Aw lawd you gettin' so old" Michelle cooed, changing the subject and making Cameron scrunch up her face.

"No, Ima be thea' alone. Bubs gon' ta' college and Pookie and Lex ain' movin' down hea' until next semesta' " She dramatically sighed, leaning all on Michelle. She chuckled at her daughter's dramatics.

"You gonna be okay baby. Pookie and Lex gonna be hea' befo' you kno' it. Why not make any friends?" She asked, leaning on the counter to keep herself balanced when she felt herself about to fall.

"Because everyone only wanna be my friend ta' get ta' ugly Leon and Uglia' Sekani. Don't get me started on Bubs, dem girls don't kno' how ta' be real friends without tryna get sumthin' from me" Cameron rolled her eyes and went into the refrigerator.

Michelle shook her head "You gotta ignore those people angel. And stop callin' dem boys ugly" She laughed a little.

Cameron gave her a look "Mommy dey is ugly. Dats not my fault. Den Sekani always got sumthin' smart ta' say wit' his ugly butt." She started opening her water bottle.

"You stay callin' him ugly. If you think he's cute peanut, jus' say dat" Michelle teased, rubbing her chest a little.

Cameron almost choked on her water. "Who?! no ma'am! I ratha' go drink beach wata' den-like him" She looked at her funny.

Michelle started smirking "I neva' said anythin' 'bout you likin' him. I jus' said admit you think he's cute"

Cameron rolled her eyes "Neva'! Anyways, me, Pookie, and Lex are all gonna be in da' same school again. I'm excited 'bout dat" Cameron danced a little and smiled. She, Crystal, and Lex haven't all gone to the same school since she moved from Baton Rouge to LA.

Michelle started coughing badly again but this time blood started coming up. "Momma!" Cameron yelled, dropping her water bottle on the floor, rushing over to Michelle when she fell to the floor, coughing up blood.

Cameron grabbed her phone to call 911, while on the phone Michelle started up at her with a smile on her face. "I-It-It's my time baby," She said above a whisper with tears streaming down her face and still coughing up blood. Only confusing Cameron "It's okay, help is on da' way" She moved the hair out of her face with tears in her eyes. Michelle died on the way to the hospital and everyone's life changed for the worst is what Cameron felt like.

"I need you, Momma, Please" Cameron sobbed. She wanted to be at peace, the only way to feel that was to be with Michelle.

_________________

"OH SHIT!" Sekani jumped up from the bench after looking at the DNA results, seeing he wasn't the father of Rebecca's baby.

"Nigga what?" Leon looked at him weirdly as he drank his water while sitting in front of his locker. Sekani smiled and threw his phone at him. Leon caught it and read over the email.

He sucked his teeth. "Why did it take them so long to get the results back?" He threw his phone back at him.

Sekani caught it "I got two tests done jus' ta' be sure." He said, not able to wipe the smile off of his face. He had already got the first test back saying he wasn't the father a few weeks ago but wasn't going to get too excited until he got the second one back.

"Congrats nigga. Now go beat ha' ass cause she doin' too damn much on Instagram and shit" Leon shook his head, changing out his cleats into his slides.

Sekani shrugged his shoulders "She can do dat all she wants but da' truth gon' come out tomorrow mornin' " He said while texting the family group chat with the results and sending them to Pete.

Pete had already got Sekani an interview to speak his truth and it was going to be all over the internet tomorrow morning. He already did it earlier today before practice and it was going to be out in the morning once the blogs and stuff get it. After that, he was done talking about anything related to Rebecca.

"You still doin' that center?" Leon asked, packing his gym bag up.

"Yeah, I'ma start da' beginnin' of da' new year" He informed him, taking his crocs out of his bag.

Starting in January, Sekani was opening up a boys' center for struggling and helping teens and young boys. There were so many black boys on the streets, trying to figure out how they live or being influenced by the wrong crowd. There were a lot more of them back where he was from. Some needed guidance and Sekani wanted to be that role model and guidance to him. He was going to be a mentor along with a few other players from the team.

It was going to be a big brother program and Sekani was really excited about it.

"Bet" Leon nodded.

"Cameron, I'm not playin' dawg. Call us back" Kareem huffed coming into the locker room. It was just them three still there since they had to talk to their coach.

"Everything alright?" Leon raised his eyebrow. Kareem shook his head "No. Me and my pops and Xay been tryna get ahold of Peanut all day but ha' ass ain' answerin'. I get we all sad and shit but she can't jus' be disappearin' like dis" He ranted, taking his cleats off and sliding his feet into his slides.

"Maybe she wanna be alone right now" Sekani tried to reason with him. He knew what today was and how much of a toll it took on all of them. Losing Ms.Michelle was hard on him too, she was like a second mom to him.

Since her death, he has watched Cameron be the more closed-off one. The one that likes to disappear during this time and he also watched Xzavier and Kareem lose their minds over it.

Kareem shook his head "She can't be alone most of da' time" He muttered. Sekani frowned, confused as to what he meant by that. He made eye contact with Leon who looked just as confused.

"Y'all went to her apartment? Maybe she's not on her phone" Leon said as they walked out of the locker room.

"Xay did but he said she ain' answer and ha' car wasn't in da' parkin' garage." He replied while typing away at his phone.

"I'm sure she good. I'll check on ha' when I get home if you want" Sekani told him, as he walked to the driver seat of his car. He drove separately from them today since he had to do the interview before.

Kareem sighed "Yea, tell ha' ta' turn ha' fuckin' phone on too." He told him, walking to the passenger side of Leon's car.

Sekani nodded "You straight doe?" He wondered. Kareem shook his head "Nah, but I will be. I'a see ya. Love ya" He dapped him up.

"Love ya too bro. It's gon' be aight" He patted his back. Kareem pulled away and gave him a small smile before getting inside the car.

_________________

Sekani closed up his journal, closing his pens back up before getting up from the table to put it underneath his coffee table.

As of recently, he's been journaling something his mom told him about. It was a part of his self-love journey and although he felt like he wasn't making any progress, he was still going to keep going.

He often had times when he didn't want to write down his feelings and talk about what he liked about himself. But he knew he had to keep doing it. He never realized how big loving yourself was until he saw that he didn't do so.

After he put his items up, he grabbed his gym shoes and wallet before walking out the door. He looked at Cameron's door before going to knock on it.

Earlier when he got home, he did try to see if she was home like he told Kareem he would. But she didn't answer, he looked out his peephole for a good 30 minutes to see if she would come but she didn't.

He knocked on the door for 5 minutes but still didn't get an answer. He put his ear to the Metal door to see if he heard anything but didn't. He sighed and walked to the elevator to go back to what he was doing. He hoped she was okay and safe.

Once he got on the elevator, he pressed the 'star' button to go to the first floor. He had nothing else to do and when he has nothing else to do, he goes to the gym. It was relaxing and calming to him.

Luckily nobody in his building took advantage of the gym at least when he went. So he was always alone just how he liked it and no one bothered him.

He got to the main floor and walked down to the gym. He squinted his eyes before rolling them when he saw someone on the treadmill. He contemplated for a few seconds if he wanted to go inside or not. He didn't want to be bothered but maybe the person inside wouldn't say anything to him.

He opened the door to go inside. He was about to walk straight over to the weights before stopping in his footsteps. He looked a little closer at the person running on the treadmill, then looked down at their legs and recognized the familiar birthmark on the back of her right thigh.

"Fats!" He walked over to her mugging. She didn't reply and he guessed she had AirPods. That irritated him because she knew she could have picked up the phone and told someone she was okay.

He walked in front of the machine and his face softened when he saw the tears streaming down on hers. Her finger was on the button to make her go faster. He sighed and pressed stop. She kept running and kept running while the machine started to slow down.

"C'mon love, it's aight," He said after his pressed pause to her music on her phone. He held his hand out for her when she looked at him "C'mon" He mumbled, picking her up off the machine and she just broke down on his chest.

"I know, it's gon' be aight mama" He slid to the floor and just held her. Her sobbing was breaking his heart, to know she was hurt so bad was hurting him.

He looked at her as she was holding her arm, he tried to see why then his eyes widened when he saw multiple bandaids on her arms "Fats, why you do dat?" He sighed. I never knew of her doing that. Most importantly he knew she would actually cut herself.

"I-I'm s-sorry! I— Shh, just shh. It's aight. I gotchu mama." He cut her off and kissed her head while she still cried and he held her even tighter.

_________________

Sekani sighed, putting the car in park after he pulled into the parking spot. He looked over at Cameron in the passenger seat fast asleep. "Wake up fats" He gently rubbed her thigh and shook her a little.

she started groaning and peeked one eye open to look around. She opened her other eye when she realized they were at the beach. She looked over at Sekani as he reached back in the back seat to get the in-and-out burger bag.

"C'mon" He nodded his head, and she furrowed her eyebrows "It's cold Sekani," She said lowly.

"I got sum blankets in da' back." He assured her before getting out. He brought her to the place where he came to clear his mind while living here. The beach was honestly refreshing at night, the moon was very bright tonight and the sound of the waves was always relaxing.

Nobody knew about this part of the beach but him since he was the only person that came and after her break down an hour ago, he thought she would like this relaxing area. He also got food because he didn't know he didn't like to eat while clearing his mind.

He grabbed the blankets from the back, gave her the drinks first then locked up the car. He held the food and blankets while walking down the hill of sand, taking his shoes off and Cam followed suit. He walked straight to the middle, the tide of the water was a little farther back than usual. They weren't too close but not too far either.

He laid the thick blanket out after handing her the food. He sat down and tapped the spot next to him for her to sit. She compiled sitting never to him and he put the other blanket over them before he started to pull the food out. "When did you get dis?" She asked when he handed her the fries.

"When you were asleep" He shook his head like it wasn't obvious. She rolled her eyes. "Thank you." She mumbled when he handed her the burger.

They sat in complete silence, listening to the waves and both eating their food. He looked over at Cameron, she scooted closer to him and put her head on his shoulder. "You needa call yo' folks and let 'em kno' you aight. Dey worried 'bout you" He broke the silence.

"I can't," She said quietly.

He raised his eyebrow while still looking down at her. "Why not? If you'n wanna see em, dats straight but at least let em' kno' you straight" He reasoned with her before taking a bite of his burger.

"I'm jus' gonna make dem sad. I— Dats not true." He cut her off. He saw the way Kareem looked earlier and he doubted being sad would be the last thing he would do after finding out that she was okay.

"It is. You kno' afta' my mom passed, nun of dem could even look at me fa' weeks cus how much I reminded dem of ha' " She said and her voice started to crack. "I don't wanna make dem mo' sad dem dey already is" She quickly wiped the tear that fell.

Sekani just kept quiet. She did favor a lot of her mother so he could see where she was coming from with that. "But a text Cameron jus' a small text or sumthin'. You got dem scared" He said.

She started ahead before sighing. She reached into her hoodie pocket, pulling her phone out.

_________________

"No, she used ta' love y'all, and j I couldn't stand it!" Cameron laughed while Sekani laughed along with her as they talked about Michelle.

"Nah, you used ta' hate on us all da' time and she used ta' always call you out on it"

Cameron held her chest while laughing "We were neva' eye ta' eye when it came down ta' yall. She was always on y'all side like unt unt. She my mama not yalls" She playfully rolled her eyes.

"Nah how 'bout dat time she and my mama fought one of our football coaches in middle school and yo' crazy-ass jumped in" He laughed.

She gasped "Oh my God, I forgot all about dat. Tuh, I ride fa' mines and fry had dem fucked up" She giggled. He gave her a look "Really fats? Yo' ass was only in elementary school, talm 'bout you ride fa' yours" He shook his head.

"I don't play 'bout my mama na'. My daddy was so mad too" She chuckled a little while shaking her head. It grew silent between the two, he turned his head and admired Cameron's side profiles.

He got lost in staring at her until she moved and started rubbing her arm. Then he remembered, "Why you do dat?" He asked.

She furrowed her eyebrows and looked over at him. "Do what?" She asked. He started to reach over to touch her arm, when she noticed, she quickly moved away.

"I-I don't know honestly" She sighed "I started doin' it afta' my mom died" She cleared her throat.

"M-my life has been completely shit since she left, sometimes I used ta' do it in hopes a bleed out enough to die" She started to tear up. "I feel like i'on have a purpose hea' without her" She looked down and fiddled with her fingers.

"Dats not true fats. She wouldn't want you ta' do dat eitha'. You have so much to live fa' " He said honestly. He never expected her to feel like that, she always wore a smile on her face but even the most happiness could be going through the darkest things.

She scoffed, "I doubt it. I'ma disappointment, I killed all three of my babies. I can't even do a simple task of carryin' a baby, I'm a burden to everyone so what do I have ta' live fa'? How—"

"You were pregnant?" He asked with his eyes widened.

She slowly nodded " Back in August I lost my third one." A tear slipped from her eye. "It's all my fault, I can't even—Stop dat" He cut her off from her about to talk negatively about herself.

"W-what happened?" He asked.

She shrugged "I-I'on know. My first time, I was 2 months and lost the baby a month after I found out. The second time, I was 3 months and lost the baby I think a few weeks afta' findin' out. Umm, a few months ago, I came home from a photo shoot and when I went in the bathroom blood jus' started comin' down my leg." She sniffed. He handed her a napkin when he saw her tears.

"I-Ion know-how. I-I did everything right. I extra careful, I wasn't takin' on stress, I was eating healthy. But—But I failed again. I can't even carry a baby, my babies right." She started crying.

"Cameron, pregnancy isn't easy. I'm sorry you lost dem but it wasn't yo' fault" He pulled her onto his chest.