😗sorry for any mistakes

Los Angeles, California

September 16th

Monday

"Kill herself dawg?" Leon asked for the 30th time "And you told her to do it dawg? your ruthless" He was cracking up laughing as they walked out the locker room after they finished up practice.

4, it's been 4 days since the whole break up with Rebecca and Sekani had finally gotten around to talking about it and tell Leon and Kareem what happened. He really just wanted to put it behind him and forget about the whole situation.

He couldn't lie, it hurt. Not more so of the break up but more so of him not being able to get a break.

"Why was peanut thea' ? " Kareem asked as they walked out the building. Sekani chuckled "Because ha' fat ass was tryna get some damn gumbo" He shook his head while they walked to the car. Today Kareem drove, Leon walked to the passenger side while Sekani walked to the backseat, waiting for him to unlock the door.

"Sounds like ha' " Kareem chuckled, unlocking the doors and they all got inside. "So if she outta yo crib, why have you been stayin' at an airbnb for the past few days?" Leon asked as Kareem started the car.

"Cuz stayin' thea' is depressing' as fuck." Sekani grumbled. He probably was doing too much but staying in a house where it was nothing but bad memories of getting cheated on and degraded as a man. He even had one relationship he had where the girl would constantly put her hands on him.

It was just too much for him mentally so he was planning on selling the house and just starting over. He was going to leave the bad energy in the house and be fresh.

"That's fucked up. Better then me tho, I sholl woulda took that body I paid for back" He said and they busted at laughing.

"Wit' Frank old ass too? Nigga must wanna be broke or sumthin' ?" Leon shook his head.

"It's straight doe. I already got a new agent. Y'all know Pete?" He asked, relaxing in the backseat. The next day he broke off his contact with Frank. Frank tried to give him a hard time at first but Sekani went to his boss over him. He was referred to a new agent by another player from a team that he's cool with.

"Damn, How? I thought Pete didn't take anymo' folks?" Leon asked.

"He just dropped someone I think. I'on know, Eli told me 'bout him" Sekani shrugged.

"Eli? Dawg his wife? Shawty fine as hell" Leon blew a breath out his mouth. They laughed at him. "Nigga why you talm 'bout dat man ol' lady?" Sekani chuckled.

Leon sucked his teeth "I ain' but he know his wife finer then a motherfucker. She looks mean tho but shit" He huffed.

"Hell yea, go tell him dat too. He gon' beat yo' ass" Kareem laughed as they pulled up to a dinner that they always go to after practices.

"It ain' even like that. I'm jus' sayin' shawty bad as hell. Y'all think she gotta sister? " He looked back at Sekani then at Kareem.

"Nigga get yo' hoe ass outta my car" Kareem shook his head, turning the car off.

_________________

Sekani yawned walking into the Airbnb he's been staying at. He sighed, putting his gym bag by the door before turning the lights on. He shook his head, putting his food on the counter.

He needed to find a new home quickly. He couldn't stay there anymore. He was debating on whether he should get a new house or just get a condo. It was just him, and he felt like a house would take a toll on the emptiness in him.

Sekani grew up in a loving family. Both of his parents were still together. His parents both always showed him love and affection, but he wanted to have that love besides family love.

He didn't take their love for granted but he was to experience that 90s love. That love where you're in love and not just love someone. The special love his parents have, the way his dad looked at his mom like they were young still. The way they were a partnership and best friends and how they were like drugs to each other.

He wanted to experience that. To be able to say 'Yea that's the person alive for and breathe for' but he didn't think it was meant for him.

Unloveable. That's how he felt. That's what he thinks he is.

Does his family love him? Yes. But he thinks it's because that's family and he is very grateful for it and never takes his family's love for granted. People would think he wasn't loved as a child the way he looks for love in every relationship he got in.

He was just your different athlete. The lover boy athlete and not the one that lets the money get to his head and has sex with anything walking like most. The athlete that wanted to share his life with someone, the one that wanted to be loved for himself.

Not for what he can buy you, not for how much clout he can bring you. But for Sekani. He likes to do romantic dates, and goof around, he likes to feel content with the person he was with and not alone.

Alone. Having no one else present.

That was his fear that he was just going to be alone forever. That feeling of loneliness feeling was scarier than most people believed. To know you came into the world just to be alone and get hurt back to back sucked.

He took his food out of the microwave when he heard it going off after staring into space. He grabbed his fork and Gatorade before going to sit at the table. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started watching his old highlights.

🤎

Mobile

He sighed and clicked accepted, putting the phone on speaker "Wassam my favorite lady" He greeted his mom.

"No, don't 'favorite lady' me. Why am I hearin' 'bout my son breakin' up wit' dat horse face li' girl from everyone on da' internet but my son?" Lena fussed, he just shook his head at her.

"Really Ma? She did not look like'a horse"

"Yes, she did. Wit' ha' money hungry ass. Didn't even have a job. Don't get me started on ha' nasty ass attitude" She ranted, he just shook his head.

His mom has never liked any of the girls he's been with. Which was justified because they weren't girls that deserved to be with Sekani. She always told him he should stop lowering his standards for these no-good women. They always used him, or hurt him in the end but Sekani just doesn't listen and just does things.

Giving the wrong girls' attention and trying to change them.

"Why didn't you let peanut beat ha' ass? Dat is disgustin' " Lena said after he went down on explaining to her about everything that happened between him and Rebecca.

"I—I'on know. I just wanted da' situation ta' be over. I was over it and it is what it is" He sighed. "Im tired ma" He admitted.

"Aww baby I'm so sorry. She wasn't da' one fa' you anyway. You deserve sooo much and thea' is a beautiful girl out thea' waitin' ta' give it" She spoke genuinely.

He scoffed a little and closed his food up "I give up on allat. Love ain' fa' everyone" He said. Sekani felt like maybe just giving up on love altogether would be in his best interest. Clearly he always gets hurt at the end, it seemed to never fail. He was just over it at this point.

"Kani dats not true. Don't give up, love is out thea' fa' everyone you jus' have ta' be patient" She said.

Big hearted people always finished last in his opinion and he wasn't about to finish last anymore.

"Answa' dis fa' me doe, do you love yourself?" She asked, his face scrunched up confused "What?"

"It's a serious question Sekani. Do you love yourself" She asked again. He sucked his teeth "Yes ma I love myself. Whatchu' tryin' get at?" He asked.

"Tell me 3 things you love 'bout yourself" She said.

He rolled his eyes "I love how I'm successful." He answered. "Okay and what else?" She asked.

Sekani's mouth opened to speak but nothing came out. He sat quiet trying to think what else he could say but he was honestly lost. He couldn't think of anything. He's been degraded as a man for so many years honestly, all the good qualities in himself he saw as a problem because women always told him it was a problem.

They always told him he was too nice, or he acted like a bitch because he liked to express himself and talk about his feelings. They called him a simp because he actually wanted to cater to a woman and treat her as she should be and not less. He got called a punk and uninteresting because he wasn't toxic.

"See, Sekani are you even happy wit' yourself?" Lena asked, he sat stuck again, not able to answer that.

"Exactly, baby you don't even love yourself and you tryna find love in otha' places when you need ta' love yourself first. Thea' is so much more to love 'bout you besides your success. You have ta' know yo' worth most importantly befo' you can even think 'bout another women doin' it." She explained, Sekani sighed knowing she was telling the truth.

Sekani never really thought about it like that honestly.He never really thought about his self love.

Lot of people don't realize it, but a lot of men have self love problems and just show it in different ways. Some find it in sex, some find it in having multiple women talking to them, some like Kani find it by wanting other women to love him. Some even find it in letting women break down who they are just in hopes they would love them.

Self love wasn't just about women, it was about men too and a lot of people failed to realize that issue.

"You're goin' ta' keep gettin' hurt if you don't love yourself first and be happy wit' yourself. You have ta' stop tryna love someone dat doesn't want ta' love you back. Stop puttin' yourself last, and stop givin' anyone a key to your heart. Treat it as da' golden gem dat it is. Stop lookin' fa' love too. I promise da' right person might be unda' yo' nose and you don't even it know. Let dat love dat you want find you, what's met fa' you will come fa' you" She said, he listened intently taking in all her advice.

He was going to listen. What's meant for him will come to him with patience.

_________________

Los Angeles, California

September 18th

Wednesday

Cameron stared at the blade in front of her as she sat in the bathroom with tears streaming down her face.

Do it A voice said.

She started crying even harder at the voice that had been playing for the past hour in her head. It wouldn't shut up so she felt like she had to until it did shut up.

Do it, you killed your babies so now kill yourself.

"Leave me alone" She cried, picking the blade up. She honestly hasn't cut herself since her mom died. She really wanted to be with her right now, she couldn't do this anymore.

At least that's how she felt.

The words of Seth kept playing in her head 'Your jus' a waste.' 'Your useless' is what she kept repeating to herself over and over.

She put the blade at her wrist, right before she could actually do it, she heard her door bell ring and someone knocking. Cam furrowed her eyebrows, confused as to who it was.

She wasn't expecting and everyone usually calls before coming over. She sniffled, putting the blade away before she grabbed the tissue to wipe her tears away. She sighed, patting her eyes as she stood up and dragged her feet out of the bathroom and towards the door as the ringing and knocks kept going.

"Oh shit" She mumbled when she looked out the peep hole and saw Xzavier standing there. She quickly cleared her throat a few times and made sure all the tears were gone in the mirror to the side.

She cleared her throat one more time before opening the door with a smile "Hi bear! Whatchu' doin' hea'? " She asked, Xzavier eyed her before walking inside. "Come in den I guess" She mumbled, closing the door.

"Somethin' wrong wit' yo' phone or something'? Me and Pops been callin' you all day" He squinted his eyes at her but his face softened when he saw her red eyes.

"Oh umm..." She mumbled, going to the couch to look for her phone. She turned it off earlier to be alone. She didn't think anyone would be calling or texting her besides the group chat.

She found her phone under the blanket "It's dead, sorry" She lied chuckling and putting it on the charger.

"What did y'all need doe? Everything okay?" She asked, sitting on the couch and he came to sit next to her. "You been cryin'?" He asked.

She avoided eye contact and looked off to the side "Uh n—"

"You gonna lie ta' me twice?" He cut her off and raised his brow. She sighed "Let me pack first" She mumbled, standing up from the coach.

She already knew he was going to drag her to either his house or their dad's house. Since her mother's passing, her mental health hasn't been the best. Taking her life had happened on more than one occasion even when she was put in therapy.

Back then for her, therapy didn't work because she didn't try. She kept saying how she didn't want to be there and not actually making any progress to the point Nassir just had to take her out and find his own way to help her.

She wasn't allowed to be alone when she was having dark days. She had to either be with her brothers or her Godparents. Now that she lived alone, she had to go to one of her brothers' houses or her dad's. They took her mental health very seriously and took even the smallest things even more seriously.

"You wanna hug first?" Xzavier asked before she could walk to her room. She nodded walking back over to him as he stood up from the couch.

"It's gonna be okay peanut, we gotchu' " He kissed her head as she just broke down.

_________________

Nassir eyed Cameron as she walked in the house with Xzavier behind her.

She avoided eye contact with him, walking past him and going upstairs to her old bedroom. She put her duffle bag down and took the sweatpants that she had on over her compression shorts before going back downstairs.

She guessed she interrupted their conversation since they stopped talking when she came down. Nassir held his hands out, she sighed walking over to him and giving him her arms.

"I didn't do anything" She muttered as he checked both arms only seeing the old marks. "Jus' checkin', " He said, she huffed, taking her arms away.

"Lemme go befo' I beat y'all daughter and sister in law" Xzavier hugged Cameron. She chuckled at him talking about his wife of two years, Samara.

She loved how both of her brothers were happy and in loving relationships. Wynter and Samara were cousins and that's how Kareem met Wynter. They clicked the first time they met and Xzavier and Samara were high school sweethearts. She loved that for them. They deserved that type of love.

"Are you hungry?" Nassir asked after Xzavier left. She shrugged, texting Sekani back. "I can eat" She smiled up at him.

He shook his head "Of course, you can. I made some shrimp and Gouda grits earlier" He said as they walked into the kitchen.

🙄

I been told you my building has openings, just put inna application😐.

Why can't you do it for me?🫣

Because I ain' yo' mother li' boy🫥

Fix yo' attitude when speakin' to me li' girl.

Put in the damn application and leave me the hell alone stupid.

She rolled her eyes and put her phone down. He's been asking her to help him with putting in an application to get an apartment in her building since she told him about having more units available.

Even though she didn't want him living in the same building as her because of how much he already gets on her nerves, she knows how much he wanted to move.

She felt awful for him about what happened last week. She honestly wished that on anyone honestly. She still wished he let her fight Rebecca, she felt like she deserved an ass-whooping.

"So what happened?" Nassir asked, putting a microwave cover on top of the plate he fixed for her.

She sighed "T-today I would've found out da' gender." She said sadly as tears started to build up in her eyes. "It just sucks cuz it's my fault ya know? I-I was supposed ta' pay more attention or somethin'. I was supposed ta' be more cautious but I failed again just like da' other two" she wiped the lonely tear that failed.

Her other miscarriages hurt but this one struck her more because of how attached she was. It sucked she wasn't able to make it full term especially not knowing what caused it. She felt broken.

Nassir sighed, he hated this for his daughter. "Angel it wasn't yo' fault. Things happen, although we wish it doesn't but it does." He leaned on the counter and handed her a paper towel.

"I feel like I-I can't catch a break. Everything just keeps gettin' takin' away from me. First mom den my babies. What is wrong wit' me?" She sniffled, patting her face with the tissue.

He walked over to her "Nothin'. It's not yo' fault. You can't keep blamin' yourself fa' thing you can't control." He spoke, rubbing her back. She just cried, she felt like it was something wrong with her and she wasn't ever going to be happy and going to be alone forever.

Like Seth said, nobody wants to be with someone that can't have kids.

___________________________________

HEEEYYYYYYYYYYY

Thoughts?

Sekani's mom's advice?

I forgot to put her dad faceclaim in there at the beginning so I just slipped it in lol.

Poor Cam