Chapter 6: The Uniform, the Enthusiastic and the Swing

I felt vulnerable to the cold wind that made its way inside my room.

I realized that I still didn't close it this morning. However, it wasn't enough to distract me - in fact, the vulnerability felt reassuring.

It blew the curtains with the patterns I've already memorized by now.

I don't know why but I easily get nostalgic for some weird reason.

The pictures of the heavens just moments ago is still in my thoughts.

I was stargazing with my mom just a few seconds ago and now, I'm back.

These familiar corners. As I stare at them while laying dead-tired on my bed from all these carrying, I somehow felt at ease for no reason.

Is this bliss?

I blinked my eyes twice and somehow found my gaze at the ceiling.

Eyes wide open.

Arms and feet spread apart.

A faster-than-usual breathing.

A slightly excited beating of my heart.

The sound of a rotating fan silently ran in the background as it battles the current of an uninvited but welcomed wind.

I can hear the sounds of singing wind chimes that I made with broken glass and bottles back in elementary school.

I grew restless with each ticking of the clock.

As I continued to stare at the ceiling, I swear I could see through it.

The ancient lights still travelling among the empty space billions of years ago to meet my undeserving eyes.

The streaking shooting stars as if nonchalantly painting a canvas.

The myth between Orion and Scorpius fighting among the stars.

The vastness of space itself.

How little I am.

The smile of my mother.

I found myself thinking about Halley.

Is this what he felt back at the detention room? No, all the time? Is this why he doesn't care about what anyone says? Is this the reason why he's always looking up no matter what?

As I was thinking about those things, I realized that I was still wearing my school uniform. I stood up and watch myself from the mirror. For some reason, it looked old to me. I know it doesn't make any sense. I mean, I wore it just this morning.

But it looked old, like looking one of those baby pictures your mom took of you.

Thinking about these things, I slipped off my old-looking uniform and put on something new.

✩✩✩✩

The neem tree that was covering us from the Sun rustled as the summer monsoon blew. I can feel a few hints of coldness from it as though it was the wind that welcomed itself in my room last night. On my right hand was a hotdog bun that was half-eaten. On my left was my favorite guava-flavored soda. Further from it is Rick sitting while eating his siopao and drinking his grape soda.

We were sitting at our usual place, where almost all the view of the entire school can be seen. The ground was a bit elevated at least a flight of stairs. Even the open airfield at the back of our school was as clear as day. I surveyed my eyes around the area. I see the school janitor happily give one of the students a hug and him being shy about it. I could picture his mouth saying something like "Mom, stop it." and her not caring. I see the basketball club doing one of those suicide runs. They looked out of breath but it seemed like they were enjoying it. They were really coordinated so I wouldn't be surprised if they win the districts.

At this point, I already finished my hotdog bun and guava soda. It was insanely delicious!

I looked up skyward. I saw a lonely plane pitching its body as if a bird drinking water from a fountain.

I talked to Rick.

"Rick, I think it's almost time to go back to class."

Rick slurped his remaining soda and reached out his hand. I gave him my empty soda and bun wrapper. He threw it and it made a perfect parabola to the trash bin just a few meters to his left.

Rick's action reminded me of what I've just seen just a few moments ago.

Could Rick actually be a basketball genius? That really surprised me. Not gonna lie.

Rick broke the silence between us.

"Let's go then."

As soon as he said that, he stood up and walked past me.

Before I stood up myself, my eyes unconsciously found its way at Rick's back.

His back has become a familiar view to my eyes.

I've always been behind him - always following him.

I have learned how reliable and capable that back is.

You could even say that he's probably a role model to me.

Someone who's the total opposite of me.

Someone who's capable.

How nice to have a back like that. Will I be like that someday?

I thought to myself as Rick took steps even further. I have a feeling that he'll disappear when I don't stand up now.

With that feeling in mind, I started to follow him.

At this point in time while walking, Rick and I are currently in the hallway between the stairs to the second floor stairs and the library. Just in time, the whooshing of the airplane followed suit and brought with it the end of our afternoon break. Rick and I continued walking. It was still a bit early so there wasn't a lot of people in the hallway yet.

Rick and I are already on the 2nd floor. As I was walking, I realized that my bladder is already half-full. Thinking that it would be inconvenient for me to hold unto it even when I have the time to relieve myself, I tried to excuse myself from Rick.

"Hey, Rick. Go on ahead without me. I have to, you know..."

Rick looked at me and nodded.

"That's fine. I'll go with you."

And with that, Rick and I took a little detour to the restroom.

Clicks of shoes now surrounded us as signs of youth have finally caught up to the busy schedules of school. Rick and I were battling a river of students.

I realized again.

I was behind him.

Soon after, we finally found our way to the restroom. Usually, nothing exciting ever happens in a toilet aside from unbelievable ghost stories of people committing suicide in toilets and stuff like that. But something met our eyes as we opened the door.

In front of us was Halley surrounded by three students. I didn't know who they were, but they were talking like they were messing around. I'm not sure but it was a familiar feeling. I might have forgotten but I don't like this familiar scene.

As Rick and I made our way inside, I took a glimpse and listened.

"Hey, Halley. You've been saving up, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, exactly. You've been working part times, right?"

Halley stayed silent and just closed his eyes.

"We're friends, right? Can you lend us just a few money? It's not like you're gonna use them anyways."

"Yeah, yeah. It's not like a sparing a few change is gonna stop you from going to space right?"

The three of them started laughing condescendingly.

Halley washed his hands from the lavatory and flicked the few remaining droplets on his hands.

At this point, Halley opened his eyes and just smirked.

"Eh? What's he doing? Ha-Ha."

"You're smiling? He's actually smiling."

But something inside me wanted to do something. My body started moving on its own and I found myself walking towards them. But as I was about to say something, someone grabbed me by the shoulder and spoke.

"Let's go. Class is about to start."

Just with that, my body froze as if I was a robot that malfunctioned.

I looked to the source of the voice. It was Rick.

He then walked ahead of me. I was still frozen at that time - completely confused on what I should do, but as if instincts has taken over me - a habit that has formed over the years - I followed Rick, as I always did, and left Halley.

At this point, I was just walking behind Rick and thinking about what happened just a moment ago.

I felt like I was not in control.

I felt like what I did isn't right.

But I did nothing.

I looked at the back of the person ahead of me.

It was still the same.

Soon after, Rick and I made our way to our classroom. The sound of blissful youth was unfolding around me, but it felt wrong. Something felt wrong. It's unusual for me to feel this way because I'm kind of an idiot who doesn't know what he's doing, but something really felt wrong.

Rick and I took our seats. The thought of something being wrong still lingered inside my mind. I couldn't think of anything else. Soon after, these thoughts turned into words.

"Why didn't we help him? That was not something that can be ignored, right?"

Rick took a deep sigh as if he was swallowing something that was hard to swallow.

His eyes twitched as if he had remembered something traumatic.

There was a bit of silence between us.

It felt suffocating. I couldn't stay there any second longer if this silence goes on. I feel like I would die if I stayed there doing nothing.

However, Rick broke the silence. What came out was something so cold but somehow doesn't feel wrong. It didn't feel right too.

"He can only help himself."

"Huh?"

"Justin"

When Rick uses my name instead of my nickname, this means that he's serious about something.

I swallowed my spit.

"Do you know why that happens to him?"

My eyes widen up.

"It's because he's always saying stupid unrealistic stuff. People get fed up when they keep hearing the same stupid thing over and over again." he added.

"He can only help himself. If he stops all these delusions, people will eventually leave him alone."

"But he doesn't. He lives in his own world."

"He doesn't have friends because he always goes to his part time job after class."

"He never talks to anyone."

"You should just stay away from him."

I looked at Rick. I didn't know how to describe his expression right now. But it looked like he realized something and tried to recover.

It was clear that Rick was hiding something.

Rick tried to hide this fact but even someone like me could have noticed something.

He tried to restart.

"Anyways, that's all there is to it. He can only help himself."

"Right..." I said as silently as my lips would allow.

What Rick said felt like it wasn't just meant for me. It was also meant for someone. Like he was talking to someone else. Nonetheless, I felt a sharp sting in my chest.

I didn't like the idea that people can do that. To ridicule someone just because they have something special in mind. I don't think it's right to step on other people's dreams. I don't think it's right to stomp on people's passion.

I mean, we are all trying to live our lives the way we see it fit. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, I don't think it's something wrong.

I don't think dreaming the impossible is wrong.

Isn't dreaming the mother of all inventions?

I don't think living in your own world is wrong.

But why is this feeling so familiar to me?

When Halley smiled amidst everything that was happening, why did it feel so familiar?

✩✩✩✩

"Wow!..."

A sound of excitement escaped from my mouth and had interrupted the silence of the school library.

I was met with an angry shush by the school librarian. Her shushing actually gave me mixed feelings since it was at least three times louder than my unplanned excitement towards something I'm slowly getting interested on.

Currently, I'm at the school library. It's the same as most school libraries out there. Mostly I would say, but there's a little difference. You see, our school library hosts a lot of books, which filled our not-so-grand library to the brim, so much so that books are literally stacked beside the shelves, which made the narrow space between the shelves even narrower.

In this case, finding that book you're looking for would be like finding a needle in a haystack, but surprisingly, like how a mother magically finds the things her child is looking for, the librarian can easily find the books for you if you're nice enough. I'd like to think that that's the similarity factor. However, I just recently found out that that's not the case. Our school library has books ranging from complicated theses of unknown researchers to influencer-inspired magazines talking about their success.

For short, our library is stacked. There was a reading area though and it was quite spacious so students weren't really complaining a lot about it. Some students and teachers are organizing everything. I didn't wanna get in their way so I just took the book I was interested in and sat somewhere at the reading area.

Anyways, my enthusiastic yelp soon disappeared into the silence as smells of old and new books converged around me. The silent rhythmic tapping of the librarian's shoes seemed natural as I see her handling the books with so much care as she puts them back to the sections they belong. The librarian is an old woman probably in her 50's but she looked like a child as she did what she was doing. I thought that this might be where she belongs.

With that thought in mind, I returned my gaze to the book that made me exclaimed.

That's right.

I just recently finished the book about being an astronaut and the stuff related to it and I'm back at the library to find some more of those.

As I flipped through every page, I could feel my heart flutter in excitement, curiosity and interest. It's been so long since I've felt like this. If I'm remembering right, I'd say that the last time I felt like this was when I was researching dinosaurs back then.

Space.

The Moon Landing.

The international space station.

The story of Laika, the space dog.

Neil Armstrong.

I found myself entranced and I seemed to be be transported into some unknown world. However, the very hyper ultra giga eccentric enthusiastic PE teacher didn't waste anytime destroying that world into oblivion.

"OKAY, YOUTH! THAT'S THE WAY YOU SHOULD DO IT! BURN THOSE YOUTH OIL AND MOVE THOSE BOOKS AS YOUTHFULLY AS YOU CAN! NO TIME TO WASTE!"

He shouted to his students, who wore a collection of different expressions. Some reflected his enthusiasm. Some facepalmed. Some gave a look of resignation. Some didn't even care.

The last one was a bit mean.

Or was it the correct reaction?

I'm not sure.

I looked the the librarian - expecting her to do something about it.

What met my eyes was a face saying "Here we go again" followed by someone who's given up all hope.

Anyways, it was clear that I wasn't really going to get the peace and quiet that my heart solely desires.

At this point, I checked out the book that I was reading and exited the library.

As I closed the door, the sound completely disappeared as if snuffed out. If you'd just stay outside, you'd never know what was really going on inside.

This thought alone reminded me of Halley.

Speak of the devil.

As I was making my way to my classroom, I saw Halley in the corner of the L-shaped hallway and was actually a bit excited to talk about this space stuff about him.

He looked like he was talking to someone but I couldn't see who it was from my angle.

I wanted to talk to him.

Anyways, I excitedly walked towards him and as soon as the angle started to straighten out, it revealed those same three guys who I saw was in the comfort room with us just yesterday.

All the sounds suddenly disappeared as the beating of my heart grew louder and louder.

Out of my control, I suddenly thought about Rick.

Where's Rick?

What'd who Rick do?

There's gotta be something that Rick would do in this situation.

"Hey, Halley. About the money. Lend us some."

"Yeah, my grandma is sick and she needs it. Ha-Ha."

"Lend me some too! I want to go to space! Ha-Ha."

Then I realized something.

Something so simple.

Such a simple phrase.

What should I do?

There's gotta be something I can do, right?

This thought alone sent shivers down my spine. I got scared.

But somehow, my body isn't frozen. I could move.

I can feel my grip getting tighter as I clenched my hands to my book.

My breathing getting a bit lighter by the minute.

At this time, I didn't notice it instantly but Halley was looking at me. This made me avert my eyes for a while but I looked back at him and nodded. I didn't think he saw me nod.

But I had a plan.

"THAT'S THE WAY TO DO IT! YOUTH AT FULL MOTION!"

Our PE teacher shouted as I heavily lifted at least 12 books stacked to each other. It was really heavy, but the weight didn't feel discomforting.

Along with my PE teacher, I carried the books along the L-shaped hallway.

As soon as we reached the corner, I could hear some ruffles and panic.

"Tsk."

"Oh yeah, he was at the library, right?"

"Move now!..."

The three students who were at the corner just now walked away as soon as they sensed the presence of our PE teacher.

You see, our PE teacher is very devoted to anti-bullying policies to the point where almost everyone in school knows about it. He even made a speech about it, which lasted for at least 30 minutes tops. I don't know why he's very passionate about it but I think it's very admirable.

"Hmmm... That was suspicious... I'll go talk to them later..." our PE teacher said as he put an index finger in his lips.

His demeanor changed into something serious, almost like his hyper ultra giga eccentric enthusiasm never existed in the first place. You'd be surprised.

"Anyways, let's go deliver these books to your class. You mentioned that Math is your next subject?"

And then his hyper ultra giga eccentric enthusiastic self finally returned...

"HOW THOUGHTFUL OF YOU! HA-HA! THAT'S HOW YOUTHFUL ONE'S SHOULD BE!"

And with that, our PE teacher and I passed the hallway and it ended from there.

As soon as I arrived at the my classroom, our PE teacher gave me a rather strong slap on the back. It stung a bit but it actually made me a bit happy.

And then I realized that I forgot the book I was interested in at the library.

✩✩✩✩

A sound of a whooshing airplane cued the end of our school for the day.

Just a few seconds later, groups already started forming like schools of fishes. Students started talking to their friends as they're fixing their stuff and about to end a day's worth of learning. The teacher started erasing what she wrote on the blackboard. It looked natural that way.

"Wanna hangout today?" Rick said as he fixed his bag while looking at me.

"Sure. There's this fast food resto that I'd like to try."

With that, I fixed my bag as quickly as I could. After that, Rick and I walked to exit school.

Then I remembered something.

"Actually, Rick. Not today. Mom wants me and my sister to stargaze with her. Mom also wanted my brother to come but he has work so I guess only me and my sister then."

Rick gave me a very surprised look.

This made my flinch.

"W-What?"

Rick then closed his eyes as if thinking and spoke.

"You used to hate stargazing back then. I'm just surprised that you picked it up back now. What's with the sudden change?"

I could tell that he was frankly just curious.

I mean, I would be surprised too that somehow someone like me got interested into stargazing.

"Runs in the blood, I guess?"

"Oh that's right. Auntie used to be in the Astronomy Club, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Say hello to Auntie and Louise for me then."

And with that, Rick waved me goodbye and went straight out the gate.

Mom's plan wasn't the only thing I remembered. I also remembered the book so I nonchalantly made my way back to the library and put the book inside my bag.

At this point, I was already at the school gate. Just then, I looked back and made sure I didn't forget anything this time. Quite convinced that I had everything I needed, I exited and made my way to the train station.

To get to the train station, you just need to pass up a hill and go right to a Y-section. This road will eventually lead you to a road lined with royal poinciana that's in full bloom every summer. From then on, after passing the poinciana road, a view of the skyscrapers that marks the city shows up and from the left there is the community park. Every time I pass that park, I always see lots of children playing, but for now, the winter solstice limited the time of day and so created this mixture of colors in the sky.

Dark Blue.

Purple.

Pink.

Red.

Orange.

And Yellow.

From top to bottom.

Coupled with the looming clouds above and the half-crescent moon, I thought to myself.

I'll never get used to this view.

After that, I didn't think anything worth noting will happen, but something did happen.

As I was about to pass the community park, a voice called out to me.

"Hey, you."

I looked to the source.

There, sitting in one of the swings, was Halley. I could see his bag on top of a slide. Somehow I could tell that he was there for a while.

"Oh, Hey, Halley..."

He proceeded to look at me very seriously, as if an auctioneer inspecting a possible prospect. As I looked at him, I could tell that there was something going on inside his head. This made me flinch a bit.

He then broke the silence.

"Why did you do that?"

"What exactly do you mean?"

As if ignoring me, he went straight to the point like an arrow hitting the center circle.

Boy, this guy takes everything in his own pace.

"You're a smart one. I could tell, but what's your motive?"

This time he looked at me like one of those criminals in forensic shows.

Without even a proper interrogation, I'm already labeled as someone having a motive.

He pointed at the slide. I took it as a cue for me to put my bag there.

Might be here for a while.

I followed suit and put my bag beside his. But at this point, I had a very strange mix of feelings. I mean, I'm scared, confused and a bit excited since I've always wanted to talk to this guy. But since it's here, I grew restless.

I looked at the moon.

Ah, Lucky moon... completely free from Earthly worries...

After that, I sat at the swing at least a swing away from him and due to my mixed-up feelings, I began swinging slowly that you wouldn't notice it if you didn't look close enough.

Anyways, he again broke the silence, but this time, he spoke it so straightforwardly that even the dense mc's of anime would get it.

This made me swallow my spit.

"Why'd you help me? Did you just happen to pass by?"

From that question, I realized something. There's something I need to say to this guy. I wanted to talk to him. I stood up again and took something from my bag. I took the book with me at the swing and raised it like how Rafiki lifted Simba in the Lion King.

All the noise suddenly disappeared. The gust of wind that was there a few moments ago ceased to exist. The rustling of the trees vanished. It was like we were somewhere no one could ever reach.

"I'm rooting for you!"

"Eh?"

"Actually... I've always wanted to do something before my youth ends... At least one thing... I started thinking about it just a few days ago... It can be anything, really. Something I've never did before or something crazy..."

I noticed myself looking down.

"But, I couldn't really do anything. I always back out at the last minute because I get scared."

This time, determination reflected on my eyes as I looked straight forward.

"I don't like people ridiculing other people just because of their dreams and passion. So, I think it's amazing that you're so determined even when everyone makes a joke out of you!"

Suddenly, my senses came back.

Wait, I just said something very embarrassing, didn't I?!!

But even amidst that, I hesitated to look at Halley, but I persevered. What greeted me was a smile. A genuine one, I could tell. His eyes were closed and his smile reached his ears.

After a few moments, his expression gradually downcast. I didn't really know the reason, but I felt a hint of his sadness.

He locked both of his hands on each rope supporting the swing. His feet steadily standing at the ground, but for some reason, I could tell that a single push would knock them down. He wasn't moving at all.

Until he spoke.

"Back to my old house, we had a swing similar to this one."

Somehow, nostalgia seemed to permeate in his eyes.

"My mom used to push me high on my swing. But ever since she died, my dad was the one who started pushing me high on the swing. He took care of me since mom died."

I noticed him clutching his hands even tighter. He looked up the sky.

The one he's always looking and somehow me too in these past few days.

"I still believe that my dad is still up there. Alive and well."

"Huh?"

"Do you remember 'The Solar Storm of the Pacific'?"

As soon as he said this, I immediately remembered Rick. The way he struggled because of this. The way he suffered. It wring my heart so.

"They said they lost connection with the space station that my father was in. He was in a solo mission that time."

He chuckled but not the usual happy one.

"He always loved space and everything in it to the point that he would leave his one and only child to go up there. And you know what, he promised me that that was his last mission for the rest of his life and that he would return to push me up the swing."

His gaze returned to his foot.

"Now, I noticed that the swing I'm sitting isn't moving anymore. Kinda stupid, right?"

Then his eyes flared up a bit. He blinked three times almost as if resetting.

"If he's not gonna come to me, then I'll go to him instead! I'm gonna go up there and see for myself why he loves this 'Space' so much. Maybe I can understand the reason."

So it wasn't really space that he was interested in?

"That's right. I'll go to him. I'll see him up there. I'll definitely will. "I'm sure he's alive up there somewhere. I'm sure of it."" He said this as though to reassure himself. It didn't look convincing but I could sense the hopefulness and determination.

Looking at him like this, I realized that he also knows that it might be something impossible to do.

But still. He's very hopeful about it.

Halley's not stupid - far from it. But, he's definitely willing to do the impossible even if it's impossible.

I unconsciously answered. Without any thought whatsoever, I stood up.

"Is there anything I can do? You can tell me anything!"

Halley looked at me and he began swinging his own swing. Courage and hope filled his eyes as he said the following words.

"Well then, want to go with me?"

The wind suddenly blew as I let out a breath of surprise. A background music suddenly started inside of my head.