There are two doors left, and I mentally flip a coin to decide which one to go to first. We end up walking to the one next to the laundry room, all things being equal.

It looks like a really nice living room, if a little small. There are two overstuffed chairs and a small loveseat, making up a cozy seating area in front of an unlit fireplace, a cabinet against the back wall with an electric water heater, lots of fancy tiny cups, and what seems to be boxes of tea and hot cocoa mix.

It’s totally charming, except for The Fey’s presence talking to the two people in here.

THE FEY: If you don’t want my help, then fine. Freeze to death.

YUI: I don’t think it’s quite cold enough in here for a fire to be a solution to any problems…

THE FEY: Yet!

KYO: Hey, whoa, we just asked a simple question. No need to get hostile.

THE FEY: I am only hostile. It’s a quality only a true Host would have, so you wouldn’t get it.

KYO: That hurts.

THE FEY: Kyehehehaha! Good!

The Fey pushes past Alena and I, face blank, and disappears into the hallway.

KYO: God, that thing is exhausting.

SHUJI: What were you doing talking to it?

YUI: I happened to muse aloud if there were any way to light the fire, and she appeared.

SHUJI: The Fey just comes when called?

KYO: [Amused.] Maybe she only likes to come when fire is on the table, as it were.

YUI: I suppose there’s one way to find out.

ALENA: Don’t call her here!

YUI: The Fey? Hello?

The door behind me slams open to reveal the fuchsia fairy in all her rage.

THE FEY: What is it?! Need Mommy to chew your food for you, baby bird?

YUI: No. That will be all.

THE FEY: Ugh! You just called me here for no reason?!

KYO: Pretty temperamental for a Host, don’t you think?

THE FEY: No violence against the Host! That counts emotional violence! Bullying is expressly forbidden!

SHUJI: I think telling us to kill each other seems pretty bully-like.

THE FEY: Nobody asked what you think.

KYO: Likewise, nobody asked for your opinion.

YUI: You may leave now.

THE FEY: Oh?! May I???

And it pushes past me again, disappearing the way it came in.

Kyo just laughs.

KYO: I guess we hit a sore spot.

SHUJI: You’d think a kidnapper could handle a little teasing.

YUI: I’m a little bit concerned with this definition of worthwhile…

SHUJI: Seems like a simple solution. We just don’t summon it.

ALENA: It’s not like anybody wants it around…

KYO: True! What do you think, Yui?

YUI: I’ll have to be satisfied with that for now.

KYO: So! You two! I don’t know your names!

YUI: Yes, both of you failed to introduce yourselves. I know Saji-kun, of course, from before we were alerted to our situation.

SHUJI: Oh yeah, hi Suzuki-san!

YUI: [Amused.] Hello.

KYO: Saji...Saji...I don’t know the surname! I keep hoping I’ll remember something from school. Your face is definitely familiar, but I can’t place it. This is so frustrating!

SHUJI: I’ll make it easy on you. My name is Shuji Saji, and this is Alena Agyros.

KYO: Charmed to meet you both! What is it you both got invited to Hope’s Peak for?

ALENA: Gardening.

SHUJI: Specifically she gardens in urban spaces! Her techniques are super famous for impoverished areas and stuff.

KYO: Oh! What would it take to get that sort of thing world wide?

ALENA: What?

KYO: Your skills! How could we make them more accessible? I’m sure there are third world countries who are desperate for the services you provide.

ALENA: I...think in developing countries they already know how to garden. My stuff is only really new in big cities.

KYO: The toxic wasteland of a metropolis, hmm?

ALENA: Sort...of?

KYO: My question still stands. You’re clearly foreign, and brought to Japan for some reason. But how could we get that to...say...Shanghai?

ALENA: Um. Well, I guess if we sold my book and…

KYO: What about seminars? Can you teach?

ALENA: Grhgh...t-teach?

YUI: Agyros-san doesn’t seem to be particularly fond of public speaking.

SHUJI: Poor people usually are too busy to attend seminars, anyway.

KYO: Ohh...good points...I’ll have to troubleshoot on this for a while.

ALENA: Why?

KYO: I don’t know, I guess I’m stressed out.

ALENA: ...Stress makes you do this?

KYO: Yeah! I’m keeping my mind off of it. It’s been a while since I’ve found something new to support, and starting from the ground up makes sure everything is watertight, you know?

ALENA: I do not.

YUI: Kyo is referring to their work, of course.

Oh fuck. This is where I really regret not paying attention when introductions were going around. Wasn’t this person like the first to go, too? Is it worth it to pretend I know what they’re talking about??

SHUJI: Right. Yes. Their work. Great stuff.

I nod a little too vehemently.

Everyone looks at me, eyebrows raised.

KYO: ...Yes! And what is your work, if you don’t mind, Saji-san?

I clear my throat.

SHUJI: Oh, I’ve done lots of stuff. You know, gas station attendant, or like...fast food worker...the usual. I was a bellboy for like a month.

KYO: [Squinting.] That’s what you were accepted to the Academy for?

How do I keep making this worse?

My mind is totally blank for excuses as to why I wouldn’t know my talent, or why I shouldn’t be talking about it.

ALENA: I’m lost.

For once, it’s Alena saving me from social downfall. I’ll have to thank her for that later. Once I stop being just like the stupidest guy in the room.

YUI: Lost?

ALENA: I don’t know your name or what you do. I’m not very good at Japanese, still, so I missed a lot earlier.

KYO: Oh! I’m so sorry for not introducing myself properly. My name is Kyo Katayama, and I am known for my charity galas. I’m a Charity Organizer.

Their name practically clicks into place in my head as I think of all the pictures I’ve seen from the Katayama Charity Galas. First of all, the Katayama family is one of the richest in Japan, if not the world. Secondly, their only kid--Kyo, I guess--is famous for donating as much money as they can to charities, in addition to making other celebrities pay out.

They host huge parties that you have to pay for an invitation to, and then the proceeds from them goes to whatever charity they’re currently supporting. They’re the kind of parties that anybody who’s anybody wants to be seen at, so they’re very successful.

Suddenly all their questions about Alena’s talent make a lot more sense.

SHUJI: Suzuki-san, you personally assist Katayama-san?

YUI: Among others. But I always find myself coming back to Kyo.

KYO: We’re best friends! It’s lucky we both got invitations to the school!

YUI: Perhaps not so lucky, since we now find ourselves in this situation.

KYO: Yeah...

There’s a moment of silence as we think about our situation. What I keep coming back to, as much as I’m trying to avoid thinking about this too much, is why. Why us? Why this class? Why any of this?

SHUJI: All of this is ridiculous.

YUI: All of ‘this’?

SHUJI: The premise for this whole...situation. It’s like...it’s silly.

KYO: Amen, brother. What goofball put us here?

YUI: I fail to find this silly. It’s concerning, to put it mildly. Absolutely terrifying may be more accurate.

SHUJI: It’s just like something out of an anime. Like not even a good anime!

ALENA: Who watches cartoons about kidnapping and murder?

SHUJI: Otaku, that’s who.

KYO: Nerds.

YUI: Reprobates with no social lives.

ALENA: Snrk…

SHUJI: Whenever we find out who put us in here, we’re gonna bully them, okay? Agreed?

YUI: I was thinking prison might be more fitting.

KYO: Yeah, prison, but first we shove them in a locker, right? Give ‘em a swirly?

ALENA: You guys are really weird.

KYO: [Shrugs.] I blame my upbringing. At least I don’t watch shitty snuff anime.

We laugh together, and I start to genuinely believe that we can make it through this. As long as we can laugh together, we can survive.

But the moment can only last so long.

ALENA: We should probably keep looking.

I nod.

SHUJI: It was nice meeting both of you. Or re-meeting you. Whatever. We’ve still got tons of stuff to check out.

KYO: See ya!

YUI: Good luck. Let’s hope you find something useful.

Left with one more doorway in the hallway, we enter what looks like a dining room.

There’s a long oval table outfitted with 17 chairs taking up the center of the room, claiming most of my immediate attention, but against one wall is a fancy china cabinet and against the far wall is another door. It looks like we haven’t finished exploring after all.

As we enter, the goth girl who had been insisting that someone could kill exits the opposite door.

I can’t say I’m her biggest fan yet, but I refuse to let that first impression taint my opinion of her.

SHUJI: Hey!

AIKA: Oh, it’s you. Two of you. You know, I think you two were the only ones who failed to introduce themselves when everyone was going around.

SHUJI: Yeah, I guess I spaced out. It was a lot to take in.

She takes a long inhale from her cigarette, and dusts some ashes on the beautiful rug taking up much of the floor. Even though the rug probably belongs to our kidnapper, I’m a little bit upset to see a beautiful thing like that disrespected.

AIKA: So what are you hiding?

ALENA: Huh?

AIKA: Both of you must have some secret. Something worth keeping quiet about. Being the one to rush to everyone’s defense, claiming nobody would contemplate murder...nobody would suspect you. Is that your goal?

SHUJI: I don’t have a goal. I want to get out of here, just like everyone else.

AIKA: [Smirks.] Ah, and what depths would you plunge to in order to accomplish that?

Wow, it looks like my first impression was right. She’s pretty unpleasant.

ALENA: Why are you saying all that?

The goth girl raises an eyebrow, but otherwise seems expressionless.

AIKA: It’s just human nature to want things, don’t you think? Everyone wants survival, and the means to accomplish that. Once all one’s needs are met, they can either become comfortable with the bare minimum or continue to strive.

SHUJI: I’m not following.

AIKA: It’s alright; you don’t seem particularly smart.

SHUJI: Hey!

AIKA: My point is; people will want to escape, and have been given a clear exit. Murder is as inevitable as breathing.

ALENA: Is that...true?

SHUJI: No! It isn’t true! What is your problem!

AIKA: My problem? Hmm. I suppose it could be any number of things. Perhaps my problems come from a lack of love in my early childhood. Perhaps it comes from pure spite, with no real rationale behind it. You don’t know enough about me to really judge that, do you?

SHUJI: By the same logic, you can’t say you know anybody here well enough to judge them a murderer!

AIKA: Au contraire, fool. I happen to be in a field that gives me unique insight into the human condition.

ALENA: A witch…?

AIKA: Maybe.

SHUJI: She’s not a witch.

Maybe something that sounds like witch, though.

AIKA: I suppose neither of you remember my brief introduction earlier? That inability to retain information could be deadly.

SHUJI: I’m sorry, it was a lot to take in all at once. I only caught a handful of names. Could you please tell me yours?

AIKA: And why should I? Information is very valuable in a place like this.

Urrrghhh…

SHUJI: My name is Shuji Saji, and this is Alena Agyros.

AIKA: She still resists speaking for herself, hmm? Is there some trauma that prevents you from speaking to strangers? Did someone hurt you?

ALENA: [Shakes head.] Leave me alone.

AIKA: I don’t think I will. But as for introductions; my name is Aika Akiyama. I’m a paranormal psychologist.

I don’t know a lot about her off the top of my head, but I think I recognize the name from some late night interview show. If I remember right, she was being condemned as irresponsible and potentially cruel to her test subjects?

Yikes.

SHUJI: What is that, exactly?

AIKA: You’re wondering if I give therapy to ghosts?

I wasn’t, really, but I nod anyway if it’ll get her to give a straight answer.

AIKA: I suppose someone will have to drop dead for you to find out.

ALENA: ...Not funny.

AIKA: It’s a little funny.

SHUJI: So if it’s not that, what is it?

She takes another long drag and blows the smoke in my direction. I stifle a cough, and Alena covers her mouth with her jacket.

AIKA: You’re too simple to understand.

With that, she brushes past us and exits the room.

ALENA: And I thought Katherine-san was scary…

SHUJI: I’m not scared of her. She just seems like a jerk, but I bet she’s harmless.

Rather, I hope she’s harmless.

We cross through the door that Aika had come in from, and find ourselves in a vast and marvelous kitchen. Everything is so shiny and clean it almost hurts my eyes. There’s a gigantic refrigerator, a gleaming stove, loads of utensils on magnetized strips and I can only assume filling the drawers. There are more doors that lead to open pantries and cabinets, and a small vent near the walk-in freezer with a small crowd around it.

BO: Maybe if we covered him in oil!

LANI: No, I’m pretty sure I could fit. I’m just not super great in the upper body strength department, so climbing back up would be…

PV: We’re not even sure if this leads to escape. I can’t even ascertain what it’s for…

MIKI : If it doesn’t lead out then it’s gotta be venting something from a lower room, right?

PV: Or perhaps it’s being used to vent in fresh air for all of us, so we don’t die in here except at one another’s hands.

MIKI: Yeesh, okay. Way to make it morbid.

PV: Sorry.

LANI: Maybe if we found some rope I could get in there!

SHUJI: Please don’t tell me you’re trying to wiggle into a vent in a murder house.

LANI: Okay, I won’t!

SHUJI: You won’t do it or you won’t tell me you’re doing it?

LANI: [Mischievous smile.] Bo-san, find as much canola oil as you can and--

SHUJI: Yeah I’m putting a stop to this.

PV: I think I have to agree. We should reassess and return to this avenue later. How does that sound?

BO: Hmm. After much thought, I’m thinking shoving Lani-sama in the vent still sounds more fun.

PV: Is it fun you’re after?

BO: Did I say fun? I meant...uh...scholarly…

PV: [Amused.] Scholarly?

BO: Agyros-sama! That’s you, isn’t it? The leaves on your shirt betray your identity!

ALENA: Guh?

BO: Am I using the right word in Japanese? Scholarly?

ALENA: I don’t know…How do you know my name?

LANI: I mentioned you! Both of you, actually.

Lani pulls his legs out of the vent and gets to his feet, delicately replacing the grate across the vent before turning to beam at us.

SHUJI: Only good things, I hope?

LANI: Loads of good stuff! I mean, I don’t know either of you that well yet. So there’s nothing bad to talk about!

MIKI: Yet.

LANI: Yeah! I sure did abandon you guys. Did you get to explore at all while I was gone?

SHUJI: Yeah, we’re pretty much done with exploring now. You’ve been gone a while.

MIKI: I guess you lose track of time when your legs are in a vent?

BO: Time simply doesn’t flow the same when you’re not subject to gravity.

I blink.

Nobody else seems particularly alarmed by that statement, but I feel pretty taken off guard by it. I suppose if I were ever going to expect that sequence of words, it would be from someone in an alien hoodie that entirely obscures their face.

PV: Perhaps we should begin gathering the others, so we can talk about what we’ve found.

LANI: That’s a great idea!

PV: Would you do the honors?

LANI: Sure!

Without another word, Lani jogs out of the kitchen. He really is always moving.

So we’re left with these three. And they are all uniquely a sight for sore eyes. It’s a lot to take in.

The one who is immune to gravity is wearing, as previously mentioned, a bright green alien-themed hoodie that covers their eyes, seeming to replace their own eyes with the blank black eyes of an extraterrestrial, in addition to some of the ugliest shorts I’ve ever seen in my life. I think their shoes might be heelies.

The one who was speaking reason has a triangle for hair. I don’t know how it works. Maybe they should be the one claiming to be resisting gravity? Their clothes are bright and aggressive at the same time, despite their neutral expression.

And the last one is wearing a Harajuku style of clashing tones and an innate refusal to dress to modern standards. There’s something I can respect about that, but the headband with mouse ears seems like a little much.

SHUJI: So, uh…

MIKI: Let me guess. You weren’t paying any attention during intros?

SHUJI: That’s...a way of saying it.

PV: And what would be another way to phrase that, I wonder?

SHUJI: Well, you see, I’m a big dumbass who can’t take in too much information at once.

ALENA: That’s not true.

SHUJI: You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m an average sized--

BO: You’re funny!

SHUJI: I am?

MIKI: No he’s not.

PV: I like him.

SHUJI: Thanks!

MIKI: But you don’t know our names, is the point, right?

SHUJI: Nope. I’m actually really sorry about that. I’m--

PV: Don’t bother. Lani-san already told us about you both. He thinks very highly of you.

MIKI: He thinks highly of everyone.

PV: Admirable. Maybe a little foolish or naive, but admirable.

MIKI: I don’t know about you, but I don’t go around admiring naive fools.

BO: Why don’t we introduce ourselves!

SHUJI: I’m on board with that plan.

MIKI: [Sighs.] Fine. Does this ring any bells?

They pull a yoyo out of their jacket pocket and bob it up and down lazily, then look right at me.

It comes to me like lightning.

SHUJI: Oh my God are you the yoyo kid?

MIKI: One and the same. Name’s Miki Dan. I do yoyos. I’m pretty good at them.

I could guess that Miki has won a few yoyoing competitions, and I’ve seen the ad on the internet for their patented yoyo, but everyone knows that’s not what they’re famous for. They’re famous for being the Yoyo Kid meme.

Basically, there was a video of a kid--Miki, I guess--doing yoyo tricks in Harajuku when a cop walked along and threatened to fine them. They lashed out with the yoyo, knocking his hat off, and ran away as fast as they could. The exact moment the yoyo knocked the hat off his head got screencapped, and labeled.

I hate that I know this.

BO: Do a trick! Do a trick!

MIKI: I’ve already done like eight tricks. Leave me alone.

BO: Then teach me!

MIKI: Maybe later. When we’re not in a murder mansion.

BO: Alright!

SHUJI: I’m glad you’re thinking about the future. I don’t want people to think we’re actually gonna stay in here forever.

PV: Yes but…

MIKI: Oh, what is it now?

PV: If someone truly does get the idea in their head that they’re owed the right to escape, perhaps they’ll take matters into their own hands.

SHUJI: What, and take a knife to a wall and dig their way out?

PV: …

SHUJI: C’mon, guys, we can’t keep thinking about murder. It’s just not going to happen.

MIKI: I’m with sweater-kid. If we treat this seriously, then someone’s gonna take it seriously.

BO: I like the knife in the wall idea! How long would it take to put a knife through dry-wall?

PV: We’re not allowed any destruction of the Host’s property, as it were.

BO: Nuts. Is that what it says?

MIKI: Yes? Did you not read them?

BO: [Shrugs.] Not my job to read stuff.

Oh, here’s an excuse to ask for an introduction. Score!

SHUJI: What is your job?

ALENA: And name?

The kid in the alien hoodie whirls in place, striking a pose.

BO: [JoJo Pose] I am Bo Moreau and my job is to believe the incredible!

ALENA: Uhh…

They launch into a speech that displays more advanced vocabulary than they’ve been using so far, striking me as rehearsed.

BO: I study and report on unbelievable but frequent occurrences! I am Bo Moreau, and the lights in the sky are here. It’s time to accept that.

The speech does seem really familiar to me, but I’m afraid to go out on a limb. My whole brain is still moderately fuzzy after being knocked out earlier, after all.

Fortunately, the taller foreigner nudges them.

PV: They want to know what you were accepted for.

BO: Oh! Haha, duh. I’m a Ufologist! Have you seen my show?

SHUJI : That’s what I recognize you from!

MIKI: Watch a lot of paranormal shows, Saji-san? Pfft…

SHUJI: Ghost hunting, bigfoot researching, and UFO spotting shows are a balm for the soul, I’ll have you know!

BO: Yay! Agreed! Are you a believer?

Ruh-roh.

SHUJI: Well, I think it’s more likely there are aliens out there than the idea that we’re alone in the universe.

Bo lurches forward and grabs my hands. Alena muffles a scream, but all Bo does is gaze into my eyes--as much as they can do through the mesh in their hoodie.

BO: You are not alone! I was sent to--

MIKI: C’mon, drop the alien schtick.

BO: It’s not a stick! It’s true! I was left here for a purpose. I’m an ambassador to Earth and I will do my job! Hope’s Peak acknowledged me!

MIKI: They acknowledged that you have a popular TV show.

It’s true, their TV show is pretty popular. I wasn’t kidding about it being a balm for the soul. It mostly comes up late at night, and it’s pretty entertaining after a long day. You watch a kid like Bo--hoodie down, usually--running around and talking to anyone who had a strange encounter. They approach it pretty academically, but their grasp on Japanese is a little loose and they’re so excitable it reads more like Ghost Harassers than Animal Planet.

I don’t know if good ol’ HPA would award a talent based on being an actual alien from outer space, but they’d definitely notice a popular show.

PV: It is true that you aren’t Super High School Level Alien…

BO: And you’re not Super School Level Frenchman, are you?

PV: Excellently countered.

MIKI: Fine, but don’t expect me to believe you’re actually an alien. I’m not that crazy yet.

BO: It’s okay!

PV: Lots of ignorant people find solace in believing only the things they can understand.

MIKI: Like fucking vaporwave? Is that what you’re talking about? I’m ignorant because I don’t understand the only kind of music that isn’t a real genre?

PV: How do I put this...yes. That does make you ignorant.

ALENA: (What is vaporwave?)

SHUJI: (It’s like music.)

ALENA: (Like? Music?)

PV : That’s a relatively apt way to put it. What I make is like music. It is many things. Similar to music is one of them.

SHUJI: So I take it you’re a vaporwave artist?

PV: That’s what I was accepted as, yes. I’m also a linguist, a musician in the old fashioned sense, and a promoter of my own brand.

MIKI: Is the brand called ‘batshit crazy’?

PV: The brand is myself. I’m sure you’re familiar, with your Stylish yoyo?

MIKI: What we do is really different.

The vaporwave artist visibly rolls their eyes, and turns back to Alena and I.

PV: My brand is myself, as I said. I am 「 Pure Virtual 」.

BO : [In awe.] How did you do that with your mouth?

MIKI: I hate that. You really expect people to call you Virtual-san?

PV: Everyone else may call me that, yes. You have to call me Virtual-sama.

MIKI: UGH!!

BO: Virtual-sama is a very cool name! Did you choose it?

PV: Yes, I did. Though my parents have no respect for it. You might have read about it…

I think I did, actually. Vaporwave is a pretty niche genre, but having spent any time at all on the internet, I’ve heard some of it. Plus, if I’m remembering right, 「 Pure Virtual 」is beyond the typical vaporwave level of fame. Their songs got played on the radio due to family connections, which had a lot of people talking about how they’re a sell out, and after they got accepted their parents--some bigwigs in France I guess--published their name and age and everything. Since vaporwave is typically an anonymous genre, I’m sure that didn’t go over well.

I stop myself in my train of thought.

I hate that I know enough about memes to recognize one, and have enough surface level vaporwave knowledge to know this much.

It helps that it was in a pop culture magazine, though. Gotta read something while getting a haircut, right?

BO: Old people don’t respect anything.

MIKI: That’s the truth.

PV: They respect themselves and their money.

MIKI: Can we all agree we hate rich old people?

SHUJI: I can get behind that.

BO: Rich people suck!

PV: Maybe we should be careful, in case any one of us turns out to be very wealthy. Katayama-san, for example, seems to be quite the inheritor. We don’t want to hurt their feelings, do we?

ALENA: Rich people don’t have feelings.

All eyes turn to her, surprised at such a strong statement, and she squeaks in embarrassment before we all start laughing.

MIKI: Hear hear! Fish-eyes is right!

ALENA: I am?

We laugh some more, and this time she joins in. I nudge her with my shoulder, smiling, as if to indicate that everything is going to be alright, and she smiles back.

It’s at this lull in the conversation that Lani bursts in.

LANI: Hey guys! Everyone’s meeting in the dining room! I gathered everyone I could find.

SHUJI: Good job, buddy.

The dining room is now full to bursting, with almost everyone standing around the table and talking amongst themselves. At a quick glance, I notice that Isei and Katherine are missing, but I decide not to make a big deal out of it. Notably, from this side of the room I can see a clock hanging above the entrance to the dining room. Apparently, it’s 2 PM.

As we enter, Aika turns to face us.

AIKA: Tch…

FUMI: What is it now? If you keep teasing people I’m going to be very upset with you.

AIKA: Nothing to do with you, MILF.

FUMI : [Blushing angrily] I’ll have you know that for some people that’s a very nice compliment!

NORIKO: If you won’t remain civil, I shall have to make you.

AIKA: Ooh, are you gonna gag me?

NORIKO: If I must.

AIKA: I’m winking under the sunglasses.

FUMI: Stop that!

AIKA: Make me…

YUI: I’m sorry, I was under the impression that this is a group of recently graduated adults. It seems I’m actually in the presence of a bunch of annoying children! Be quiet, for the love of God!

KYO: Hey girl, be nice. I’m sure this is stressful for everyone and you don’t need to add to it, right? But...really...shut the hell up, guys.

LANI: You know, I was gonna announce our presence as soon as we came in but it didn’t seem like a good time until now.

SHUJI: Uh, hi guys!

HEIJI: Oh hey dudes! We’ve been collating some info on the mansion. Wanna join in?

ALENA: ...Collating?

HEIJI: Yah, like the collection and combination of. Dig it?

MASANORI: Oh, so the surfer pig has a brain? Color me surprised.

HEIJI : [Laughing.] Aw, man, I wouldn’t go that far. I learned it from my sis. She’s got a titanic vocab.

MASANORI: I stand corrected, thank fucking god.

NORIKO: If I have to tell you to be quiet one more time, it will come with a slap.

BO: No slapping!

ROXXY: I think slapping should be allowed in this case, because I don’t like him.

SHUJI: We found the dorms! Did anybody else find the dorms?

LANI: They were creepy! Let’s talk about those!

KYO: Goodness, this group really is at each other’s throats at the drop of a pin. How did we survive high school together?

YUI: Without an authority figure such as a teacher, who’s to say we wouldn’t have murdered each other over not sharing homework answers…

SHUJI: I think we can all agree that The Fey is a shitty homeroom teacher, but I think we can still go without murder. C’mon, let’s do what Heiji said. Colgate!

FUMI: Collate.

SHUJI: Right. Let’s!

ROXXY: Well, I found out none of our cellphones work. These tablet things the Fey-sensei gave us is a rulebook, but it’s also a map. I’ve been looking it over and it doesn’t even seem to be built to have a wifi connection, so I’m not sure how it expects to update with more rules if Fey-sensei decides to.

KATA: Could use a USB or something, plug it in while we’re asleep.

MIKI: As if anybody’s gonna be falling asleep in the fucking murder mansion…

ROXXY: Anyway, I’m not super-duper with tech stuff, and I only looked at it for a couple minutes before I was on window-prying duty...so if somebody has like, you know...know-how or anything, I’d appreciate that.

KATA: Actually I looked at it too.

MASANORI: Wow, the pretty boy is just as air headed as the dumbass magi--ACK.

BO: No slapping!! Did I not say it? Was it not in Japanese?

NORIKO: My apologies. I’ll try to refrain from further...slapping.

KYO: I like the technicality. I hope this means kicks are allowed.

YUI: Hrm.

KYO: I mean solely in the case of Nishimuraya-san, when he’s being awful. That’s all! I don’t want to interrupt. What did you find, Ama-san?

KATA: My guess based on walking around and the map provided is that there’s at least a couple more floors, and when some condition is met, the map will be updated as we’re allowed to explore further.

ALENA: C-Condition?

ISEI: Like murder, obviously.

Everyone turns, startled by a voice from behind us. Isei entered the room when we weren’t looking, I guess. I wonder how long he’d been there…

KYO: Let’s not jump to conclusions. We don’t really know what this Fey creature wants, after all. Maybe if a high enough ransom is paid, or if we do its bidding…

MIKI: How fucking blind can you be? The rules say we’re meant to murder each other. If we’re not murdering just to get out, who’s to say someone won’t do you in for a new hallway to walk through?

SHUJI: Wow, have a little faith, guys! Nobody is going to murder another human being just for some new rooms, okay?

MIKI: Ooh, look at you, Mr. I Have Faith In Humanity. Go choke.

SHUJI: I really don’t think that was an insult?

BO: I checked the kitchen. Good stuff, very good. State of the art equipment, lots of produce and meats, a walk-in freezer, many drinks, an ice-maker...Could be the kitchen from a restaurant, I think.

PV: They even stocked us with wine. And knives...a lot of knives.

MASANORI: Great, for you French idiots to kill me with. I always knew somebody French would try to kill me. I knew it.

Noriko sighs deeply. I’m tempted to do the same, but I keep it in.

BO: Ah, you’re mistaken, I am not French.

PV: Could’ve fooled me.

LANI: Are you half Japanese?

BO: You could say I’m...out of this world…

PV: Ah yes, like an alien ambassador. Forgive my forgetfulness.

BO: Yes!! You understand, oh, I knew you would!

MASANORI: Oh. An alien. I’m surrounded by murderous headcases.

KATA: Implying your run of the mill murderer isn’t a headcase?

ISEI: Let’s not call anybody crazy, okay?

MASANORI: Oh, sure thing, you can join with the lunatic over there in the not- insane group!

NORIKO: I will tie you up if I need to.

AIKA: Can I get tied up instead?

NORIKO: *even deeper sigh*

ALENA: Can we...change the subject….please?

SHUJI: Agreed. Soga-san, you’re one of the last to join us. Did you find anything helpful?

ISEI: [Blushing.] I...no. Maybe. I need to think about it.

YUI: Kyo and I found a sitting room, of sorts.

KYO: It seems to be a pretty good group area. I’m not sure it could fit all of us comfortably at a time, but if smaller groups went in there to hang out, it looks pretty relaxing. There’s cocoa and a fireplace.

NORIKO: I checked out the dorms, and there’s one room in that...hotel hallway thing that isn’t a bedroom. It’s a storage room filled with random items--potted plants, statuettes, cleaning supplies, gym clothes--and a gacha machine.

PV: That sounds like a real convenient deus-ex-machina for the writers…

NORIKO: Additionally, there is a room near the dormitories that is situated for doing laundry.

MASANORI: It’s not a normal laundry mat type place. It looks like it used to be a sitting room or something and was gutted and replaced with all the plumbing for washers and dryers.

KYO: What? We’re expected to do our own laundry? You’d think if we’re being trapped, our kidnapper could at least wash our clothing…

YUI: I’m more astonished that Nishimuraya-san said something not immediately abrasive.

MASANORI: Bitch.

YUI: Ah, there it is.

LANI: We snooped out the dorms, too. They’re cushy stuff, super nice digs. They’re closer to suites than just school dorms or anything, with their own bathrooms and everything.

ALENA: They’re soundproof.

AIKA: Completely?

Alena nods seriously, staring at all of us with those big ol’ eyes.

AIKA: Fun.

MIKI: What? No! Not fun! Murder! We need to focus on how to get out of here, not shitty pillows and bathrooms!

HEIJI: Well, Fumi and I went looking for an unlocked door or a window or something, but no dice.

FUMI: Rose-san helped my brother try to pry some of the iron away from the windows, but even with their combined strength they couldn’t get it to budge. It seems like the only way to get out right now is...I mean...I’m sorry.

LANI: Hey, Kaimi-chan! Don’t worry, it’s just like Saji-kun said. Nobody’s gonna hurt each other! Especially if Noriko keeps tying people up!

AIKO: Hot.

FUMI: I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to...bring it up…

BO: It’s okay! We’re all going to be alright!

FUMI: I just want to go home.

Everyone falls silent for a while. If even the gentlest of us has murder on the mind...well, that doesn’t bode well. I watch as people exchange suspicious looks, or look to the ones they know and trust, and I don’t know what to say. What platitude even works for this situation?

Katherine walks in at this point, as if sensing the tension and being drawn to it.

KATHERINE: Jesus, did someone die already?

MIKI: You’d think so from these sad sacks. Where the hell have you been?

KATHERINE: Nowhere.

NORIKO: Ueda-san, you’re fairly late to the gathering.

KATHERINE: I wasn’t told there was a gathering. Didn’t mean to be late.

Katherine drapes herself over a chair, looking distant.

KATA: Anyway, taking a break from whatever the hell that was, I also found bathrooms separate from the dorms. They’re pretty close to here, actually. Just toilets and sinks, no showers. There’s a lock on the door, but it’s flimsy.

ISEI: I checked ‘em out too. Could be kicked open or picked real simple.

LANI: I can’t imagine why anyone would wanna use one of those when we have our own private bathrooms.

PV: Yeah, public bathrooms are disgusting.

AIKA: Anyone going in there is basically asking to be murdered…

NORIKO: I have a proposition to make.

AIKA: And here I thought I was propositioning you.

NORIKO: Ugh.

AIKA: Wink.

ALENA: Oh my god.

NORIKO: There are the rules provided by our...Host, but there’s nothing saying we can’t create our own rules. I believe coming up with safety measures to protect ourselves and each other would be easier with rules.

YUI: I agree. If we can have a democratic system of laws and punishments, then perhaps nothing drastic will come to pass.

KYO: Lovin’ the confidence, girl. Noro-san, what do you have in mind?

NORIKO: The first is that nobody use the public bathrooms unless in case of emergency.

YUI: How do we define emergency? It seems like an easy way to get out of the rule by claiming you just really needed to use the restroom.

NORIKO: Hmm, you have a point.

YUI: I propose that we abolish all use of the public restrooms. This building isn’t so large that you couldn’t get to your own suite in a timely manner, and none of us are so young or old as to have difficulty with our bladders.

NORIKO: Agreed. Let’s have a show of hands, alright? Does anyone oppose this as a de facto rule for our group?

Glances are exchanged, but nobody raises their hand.

YUI: A unanimous agreement. Furthermore, what does everyone think about this mention of ‘Night Time’ in the rulebook?

HEIJI: Yeah, what’s that about? Since when is Killer-Fairy tryna make sure we catch some Z’s?

FUMI: I guess we can’t properly kill each other on not enough sleep?

HEIJI: Oh yikes…

AIKA: It’s about control.

MASANORI: I swear to fucking god if you make another sex joke I’m ripping out my own eyes here and now.

AIKA: No, you dipshit. It’s a system of control. If they’re testing us, doing some kind of fucked up experiment to see how gifted kids tick under pressure, then they need some elements of control. As many variables need to remain consistent as possible. If we’re all getting the same amount of sleep, sleeping in the same or similar places, and doing shit at the same time every day? It makes it easier to collect data.

KYO: You think this is some kind of science experiment?

AIKA: Would explain all the cameras.

ROXXY: Unless it’s a reality TV thing. Big Brother meets Battle Royale, much?

AIKA: Is that so different from an experiment?

KATHERINE: Or some fucked up snuff film. We’d make pretty players in a horror flick, wouldn’t we?

PV: So say some rich dickhead is using us for entertainment, or an experiment. Does it make that much of a difference to us?

ROXXY: Why’s he gotta be rich?

BO: Why’s he gotta be a he?

ROXXY: Okay, why’s she gotta be rich?

MIKI: God, get gender politics out of this! Go for the neutral they!

PV: Duh, this is a mansion. There’s an advanced robot telling us what to do and watching our every move. There’s some kind of memory work at play here. That’s gotta take money.

KATHERINE: Or connections.

YUI: While this is all very interesting, it’s all entirely theoretical. What I would like to discuss is the rule itself. Given that certain rooms will be closed, and many of us will be asleep, I would like to establish a rule that none of us leave our suites in the established Night Time.

MIKI: No fucking way.

KATA: Mm, hard disagree.

MASANORI: My sleep schedule is way beyond too fucked to abide by that. You want me to be bored as shit for hours every night?

YUI: I’d like you to survive.

NORIKO: It’s a good idea, but unless it’s a unanimous vote, it won’t be followed anyway.

YUI: If we had a system of punishments to back it up...ah, but alas, we do not.

MASANORI: What, you’re giving up so soon? You’re not gonna have your attack dog come after me with her meaty fucking man hands?

YUI: If I began to enforce corporal punishment for my made up rules, I would be as bad as The Fey.

MASANORI: Oh, you caught on? You’re a power hungry maniac as is. How do we know you weren’t the one who put us here?!

YUI: I suppose you don’t.

MIKI: Burn the witch! She practically admitted to it!

YUI: Since all of us are lacking memories, it’s impossible to say even to myself if I’m the one who put this together. Still, I doubt it. I like to think of myself as smart enough not to put together a practically suicidal plan like this.

KYO: Suicidal? How?

YUI: Even if nobody kills each other, when the host of this extravaganza is inevitably caught, they will be tried with kidnapping and endangerment at the absolute minimum. Attempted murder as well, if I’m any judge. And if they do not get caught, who is to say that one of us would not target them as a victim, even unknowing of their status as mastermind?

KYO: Wow, that never even occurred to me…So it doesn’t matter trying to figure out who did it, right? There’s no way they’re in here with us.

KATA: I think they’re one of us.

SHUJI: What? Why? I think Suzuki-san’s thought it through pretty thoroughly, and I really don’t think encouraging distrust amongst the group is a solid idea.

KATA: Because the tablets don’t update wirelessly, as Rose pointed out. Someone would have to be in here, updating The Fey, updating the tablets, as we go. Being in a remote location wouldn’t work, they’d always have to be going back and forth which would be suspicious.

ISEI: And, if they don’t want to get caught, framing themself as one of the victims is pretty smart.

SHUJI: Hmm...I guess that’s a good point…

MIKI: What, you’re not gonna ask for a show of hands to see who the mastermind is?

SHUJI: Seriously?

MIKI: Hey everyone, is anyone here the person responsible? Did you kidnap us and try to get us to kill each other?

Nobody moves.

MIKI: Just as I thought. I guess we’re all safe. Nobody did it. Tch.

SHUJI: Hey, Dan-san?

MIKI: What.

SHUJI: You’re kindof a little prick, you know that?

MIKI: I’ve been told.

SHUJI: I’m gonna go to my room. I need to gather my thoughts…

I leave the dining room, frustrated but not knowing what to do with it. I’ve never been the type to take initiative or inspire a group, I always just kept to myself and my small group of friends...but I feel like if I don’t do something, the worst imaginable could come to pass. I walk in the direction of the “Hotel,” but before I get there, I hear footsteps behind me.

A moment of pure terror wracks my body as I slowly turn. Is this it? Do I die here, before a day has even passed? Has my faith been rewarded so unjustly?

ISEI: Hey man.

Oh, it’s just Isei. Now I feel like an idiot for being so scared. He wouldn’t come up to my face and kill me. Nobody would!

SHUJI: What’s up? Sorry for storming out like that.

ISEI: It’s fine, I think everybody needs a sec to think. I just wanted to say that I think Agyros really appreciated your company. She doesn’t seem the type to say it outright, so I thought I’d put in my two cents.

SHUJI: Really? Wow, that’s really nice of you.

ISEI: I get it. I have trouble talking in front of crowds. I don’t know if this whole...murder thing is real, or what’s gonna happen. But nice people like you are gonna make it so we can survive the whole ordeal.

SHUJI: I don’t know what to say…

ISEI: Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you around.

I walk back to my room feeling a little better. Isei might look a little intimidating, but it’s nice to know that he’s pretty shy. He also must be crazy observant to notice Alena’s feelings, as quiet as she is. I hope I can make a friend out of him eventually, but for now I really need to get my own head in order.

The bed looks plush as heaven, but it’s only mid afternoon, and I’m not ready for a nap. I sit down at the desk and pull out the stationary. I start by writing a list of each person I met today--or, rather, each person who introduced themself, since I must have met them all before.

I may have made a big fuss about not wanting to suspect anyone, but I think it’s only natural to want to solve a mystery when it’s presented to you. I don’t have very many clues now, but if they’re right and the so-called Host is among us...well, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Before I know it, I’ve written everything I know about each person and underlined anything that seems important. It’s not a lot, and I’m already exhausted. That plush bed beckons once more…

Well, I’m in murder mansion. It’s not like I’ll be missing out on doing homework or going to a movie or something. I might as well sleep…