When the day’s work was done, Braxahr gave her a lift back to her parents' house on the outskirts of Malsheem. When Asmodeus created the city, he’d left enough overhead space to make it feel less like a cave and lit the thousand-foot-tall ceiling with his signature ruby glow that cycled to mark the days. There was no wild vegetation, but some of the residents managed gardens and crops to feed themselves and to sell in the Citadel Market. The farther they got from the busy marketplace, the more open the landscape became, only broken by the occasional residence that started as mansions and moved down to small houses like hers.

The home she shared with her parents and best friend was little more than a stone shack with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. It wasn’t pretty at all from the outside and inside was cluttered with dusty knick-knacks and worn furniture. As soon as she walked through the door, she was greeted by a six-foot-tall Firbolg. His fur was a light suede brown save for the thatch of thicker, darker fur over his chest and the mane of matching hair on his head that hung to his shoulders. His chocolate brown eyes always looked a little sad, but they were downright heartbreaking when mixed with his exhaustion.

“What’s wrong?” she asked and he just huffed out a breath as he hugged her.

She rubbed his back in soothing circles as she bore his weight for a few minutes and gently scratched her claws over his spine. When he started to grumble and grunt before turning around, she chuckled. Obeying the silent request, she started gently scratching all over as he swayed to maximize the back-scratchies. After he was satisfied, he smiled at her with a dazed expression.

“Welcome home,” he said and dropped a kiss to her lips quickly.

“Uh-huh,” she chuckled.

“Bad day?” he asked.

“Nope, just busy,” she admitted. “I needed it.”

“How was ‘Destiny’s’?” he asked, using air quotes as he spoke softly.

A general rule in the Nine Hells was that demons and all things Abyssal, including her Guardian Angel, was expressly forbidden. It had been centuries since the Spellplague and Asmodeus’s ascension to godhood, but the Blood Wars were still raging on the borders near the Styx. Old hatreds still burned deeply between devils and demons, so when she went to hang out with Lucifer, she only told certain people she knew she could trust. Everyone else she knew just thought she was crashing with Destiny.

“Good,” she said and meaning it. “Got a lot of insight into what the issue is and we’re working on it. Got some sleep while I was there, but mostly a lot of meandering thoughts and theories.”

“Good,” he said, “I’m glad it helped,” he added with a look of relief in his eyes.

Try as he might, when the crazy started flowing, he got overwhelmed rather quickly. She tried to keep it under control as best as possible, but she knew it took a toll on him. He didn’t like being tough on her, it made him feel like an asshole. But, sometimes, she needed it. Dealing with Dopple-Mom made her toxic, though, so he did his best to run interference instead. It was a huge reason why she swore to do everything in her power to repay him for the years he’d wasted with her.

“How bad has it been since I left?” she asked, looking around to make sure they were alone.

Bobedalion, or Bob as she called him, waved her down the hall to the bedroom they shared at her parents’ house. They had dated once upon a time ago after Nymlss chewed her up and spit her out, landing her back with her parents. After they’d broken up, though, he’d stayed to help her deal with her mom while they tried to earn enough coin to pay off their debts to the Church of Asmodeus.

As Material Transplants to the Nine Hells, they and anyone else like them immediately started accruing debt with the church of the Archfiend. His way of making sure everyone knew who’s boss. The Church was the only place in Malsheem where someone could get a tattoo that provided poison immunity. Since the air in the Nine Hells was inherently poisonous, it was vital to survival for a transplant to get one. If one didn’t have the coinage to pay for it upfront, it went on a debt ledger that continued to gain interest. Because the tattoo was linked to the debt ledger until it was fully paid off, if the debtor left without a work release, they were hunted down and imprisoned.

To earn coin, Lilly worked as a freelance Prayer Agent. It afforded her the chance to travel and gave her new challenges to work on, but the pay was shit. She essentially made enough from her jobs to prevent herself from having to use more Church Debt to live. But scraping enough together to make payments against the debt ledger was nearly impossible. Part of her was hoping that the hair-brained plan Lucifer had would pay off so she could get rid of hers and Bob's debts completely, but she had a plan of her own to try and get free.

Unfortunately, Dopple-Mom had a habit of trying to inject herself into Lilly’s life and expected a cut of whatever work she did. So, anything extra that she earned had to be ferreted away in Gehenna and forgotten until there was enough to make a big payment. Once they had enough to pay the debts off completely, they were going to drop the gold and go before Dopple-Mom knew what was happening. It was the only way to ensure she wouldn’t try to follow them.

“Since you two are supposed to go to Minauros tomorrow,” Bob said, flopping onto his back on the bed, “she’s been up my ass every day to make sure you’re still going,” he finished once the door was closed and she sat down on the mattress.

“I swear, if Ilmater doesn’t saint you for putting up with that bullshit on my behalf, I will kick him in the balls myself,” she told him seriously. “Speaking of gods, I need you to do me a favor.”

“What?” he asked as his face fell, making his normal goofy expression look downright heartbreakingly adorable as his conical ears drooped with his frown.

“Seriously, though,” she said with a chuckle. “Drow have been spotted in an increasing number in the Maze. I need you to get the gossip on Lolth.”

“I thought she moved her plane of existence out of the Abyss,” he said, getting serious very quickly. He was a Paladin in his former life before he got stuck fixing carts in the Citadel.

“She did, so her chosen children showing up with enough frequency to make Larry have to work a triple is enough to make me think something is going on. It may just be a coincidence, but I’d rather have a heads up if war’s getting ready to break out in my backyard,” she said and he nodded.

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Dear Soulmate,

Orobas: Focus on honesty with ourselves and with others.

It figures Orobas would want to go towards the end of the trials. Changelings aren’t exactly known for their honesty when it comes right down to it. It doesn’t mean anything when the truth is spoken from false lips. But my life has had to remain a secret, hiding the pains and the scars that have nothing to do with combat. Whispered words that sound simple on the surface cut to the soul and leave wounds the eye can never see. I remember listening to those words as a child, thinking them the truth because of the lips that spoke them, wondering what I did wrong. I remember thinking that if I wasn’t useful, I was worthless. If I couldn’t provide, I was a failure. Sometimes, I still think it’s true.

Over three decades of hearing it and I can’t help but wonder how I could think any different. When Nymlss spoke sweetly in my ear, promising to help me get free, I believed him. I thought he was strong enough to break the chains. But devils don’t deal in freedom. They don’t understand it. To them, it’s just chaos that needs to be contained. My need to wander, to connect, to be a part of the world that fascinates me so much, went against his desire to have a throne handed to him. I made him my lord and he enslaved me in return.

But, was it not my choice to be with him? Was it not my desire to be free that brought him into my life? I felt lost and afraid on my own but, instead of learning to be strong, I hid behind him. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m still doing that with you. I hide behind you, letting your love be my shield. Even now, I tell myself that I need to know who I am to be worthy of you. How can I stay by your side as that terrified child I used to be? It’s unfair to you. It’s unfair to me. I have to let that go, my love. No matter how much I wish I could keep it. But, it’s too precious to be destroyed. It made me smile so much back then. It let me love unconditionally and with the intensity of purity.

So, I send it to you. Keep it safe for me and maybe, someday, I’ll be able to feel it again.

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“Jin!”

Lilly winced at the sound of her Changeling name being projected in a tone that was halfway between a bellow and a screech. Unfortunately, the sound was familiar to her and the anxiety it induced was not from the idea that something could be wrong. It came from the knowledge of what was going to happen next. As soon as she opened her eyes, she was going to wake up in bed and have to deal with her mother. She loved her mother; she just couldn’t stand interacting with her.

Beside her, Bob grumbled in his sleep. The Firbolg could sleep through a Nightmare stampede. Not wanting to wake him up, Lilly slid out of bed and dressed in the dark.

“Jin!” the call came again from down the hall.

“I’m right here,” she said in a whisper as she quickly ducked through the door and closed it behind her, blinking her eyes as she looked at her mother.

Even though Doppelgangers, like Changelings, could shapeshift into whatever small or medium humanoid form they wanted, Dopple-Mom stayed in her true form more often than not. She also didn’t take care of herself very well, which meant the first sight Lilly had upon exiting her bedroom was an ever-widening, grey-skinned female in a shapeless dress and a perpetually sour expression.

“Oh, you are awake,” Dopple-Mom said.

Lilly just blinked at her.

“What time is it?” she asked instead of responding.

“Daybreak,” Dopple-Mom said slowly as if Lilly didn’t understand Common.

“We aren’t set to leave for five hours,” she pointed out with a tired breath.

“I thought you’d want enough time to pack and get ready,” Dopple-Mom said and Lilly had to fight hard not to get agitated.

“I did all of that when I got home from work yesterday,” she said after taking a deep breath.

“Oh, I didn’t see you last night, so I figured you were out with that cambion again,” Dopple-Mom said. If she’d left the thought there, Lilly would have just shrugged it off. But she continued. She always continued. “You know, I don’t think it’s right that you go out with another male all the time and leave Bob home all alone. It’s not fair.”

“He’s a big boy, Mom,” Lilly said, trying to keep all emotion out of her tone. She needed coffee. Soon. “If he wanted to go with me, he could and he knows it.”

“If you’re not careful,” Dopple-Mom said, doing her best approximation of a concerned, motherly voice. “You’re going to lose him. No one wants a wife that can’t stay home.”

Lilly immediately clammed up and kept her expression blank. It was too early in the morning for that shit. After an uncomfortable few moments where Dopple-Mom looked at her expectantly, her mother rolled her eyes and gave out an exasperated noise as she turned around and walked away.

Leaning against her bedroom door, Lilly took a shaky breath. It wasn’t exactly psychic damage, but it felt like it sometimes. Her mother knew she wasn’t interested in marriage after what Nymlss did, but Dopple-Mom didn’t seem to care and maintained that Lilly needed to be married to have a life worth living. Yawning hard enough to make her jaw pop, she went back into her room and made a small trilling sound in her throat. Instantly, she could feel the cold touch of her children swarming, comforting her in a way only they could. Her bag touched her hand without her reaching for it a moment later and she whispered her thanks to the swarm for bringing it to her as she left the room. She could feel them hiding in the small shadows on her body as the bulk of them followed her in her own shadow.

Part of her was thankful to have them with her, even though it put them at risk. She could leave them with Bob for the week, but they were still demons in the end. If they got agitated, they lashed out psychically, but she’d gotten used to it. Shadow Demons were not domesticated pets in any way. They were the shades of fallen demons too weak to reform in the Abyss and still carried their resentment towards that state with them. Her swarm, however, was the result of the infant demons that died, lending them a touch of shattered innocence. The first time they’d started to find her was the first day she’d fled from Nymlss and found herself in the Endless Maze.

They’d fed on her fear and painful memories until they’d wailed in anguish from over-feeding. Hearing them in her mind crying had touched her and she’d held out her arms to them. Confused by the gesture and notion of comfort, they’d swarmed against her chest. That was also the first day she’d taught a demon about forgiveness and apologizes. After that, they’d refused to feed on her negativity. Instead, they gathered stories from the adventurers in the Maze and gave her dreams of far off places and people she’d never met that made her smile so they could feed on her happiness. It was always bittersweet, but they liked that.

Too bright an emotion made them sick, burning their insides with Light. But the bittersweetness seemed to inoculate them against the overwhelming nature of joy, making it easier for them to handle her when she was happy. She just hoped that, someday, they would be able to feed on it as easily as they did negativity. Otherwise, she’d always have to leave them behind with Lucifer when she went to the Prime Material Plane.

She spent the rest of the morning avoiding her mother, try to get her thoughts in line. Doppelgangers could read the surface thoughts of those within sixty feet of them at any given time, so Lilly had to make sure to direct her thoughts away from the story she was trying to write and the mystery Lucifer had planted in her mind. It was bad enough her brain shut down when Dopple-Mom started in on trying to bait her into an argument as a defense mechanism. Even a stray thought that seemed combative to her mother would give her the in she needed to make Lilly into the bad guy.

She was already counting down the moments until her trip was over by the time her mother finally brought her bags outside and declared she was ready to leave. Unfortunately, they had missed their chance to have Bob give them a ride to the travel hub in the city because her mother still wasn’t done packing when he’d had to leave for work. Instead, she had to use the few coins she had in her pocket to pay her portion of the fare it took to get there by hired cart. She’d hoped to use them to pay her way through the portal to Minauros, but she’d just have to use Church Debt instead. It killed her to do it. She’d managed to avoid using it for nearly two years, just scraping by on the coin she found and what she earned at Destiny’s.

She wasn’t a worshipper of gods, so to speak, but she’d be an idiot to think they didn’t listen to prayers, especially when she knew two of them personally. So, with her head tipped back and her eyelids closed she whispered a quick prayer to anyone listening for the strength to endure.

“What are you doing?” her mother snapped in impatience followed the line to the crimson pools that would take them up the layers.

“Just giving the Traveler a quick shout out to see if he’ll look out for us,” she said with a shrug.

“I thought you said the gods don’t care about you,” her mother said.

“No,” Lilly said, her jaw snapping shut as she squared her stance, knowing full well that statement was bullshit. “I didn’t.”

She could feel a rant brewing in her gut and if she was smart enough to quit, she’d swallow it down. But the subject of gods was a touchy one to her because they were her friends. And to hear her mother twist her words in an underhanded effort to make her feel worthless was just hard enough of a trigger pull to wake up her ire. She gritted her teeth to keep her anger under control and thought of Beshaba. She took a deep breath and smiled as she explained calmly.

“I said that most gods are too busy to answer the prayers that are said idly. If a god chooses you as their charge, it is your job to prove yourself worthy of it. I also said I won’t worship any god I don’t agree with. Sending a prayer to a god is like sending a message. Sometimes they can’t answer because they have shit to deal with. You are not the center of their world, no matter how much it may feel like it. They may be gods but not all of them have enough strength to be in multiple places. I also said that I don’t worship idly because as far as I’m concerned if I was a god, I’d never chosen me. And, until I feel that I am worthy of their attention, I have no expectations when it comes to their answer.”

“So, what if they never answer you when you pray?” her mother asked snidely.

“I’ll assume the best in their intentions and character by chalking it up to getting lost in the chatter,” Lilly said simply. “If my prayers aren’t on their radar, then they hold no sway over my life. Which is one less person trying to control me,” she added pointedly, hoping her mother would catch the hint. She doubted she would and the eye-roll she received confirmed it. “Besides,” Lilly said as her turn came to step up to the pool and she readied her stance to fall backwards into it, “I have no reason to approach a god with anything more than respect until they prove they are worthy of my worship.”

Before her mother could needle her further, Lilly fell backward into the portal head-first. Traveling up the layers was weird. If you entered by going down through the portal you popped up on the other side upside down. By going through headfirst with a bit of a dive behind it, she gave herself enough inertia to catch air for a second. It was just long enough to active her ring, allowing her to land safely on her feet on the edge. But Lilly was an experienced portal jumper. Any newbies she brought with her always got the same lecture on the mechanics and usually listened she told them to only dive headfirst facing forward at the edge to ensure they were able to land on their feet.

Her mother, on the other hand, apparently hadn’t listened to her previous warning and tried to copy the way Lilly had gone in. She launched backward out of the portal only to have it shut beneath her, landing her face down in Minauros swamp water. Lilly instantly bit her lips shut as she remembered Beshaba could be petty without a doubt, but “karma’s a bitch” was cliqued for a reason.