Dear Soulmate,

Cali: Focus on feminine strength, beware of judging powerful women harshly.

Sometimes I wish you could see my scars. Not because I want you to see them, but because I often forget that you can’t. And I wonder how strong you think I am. The only violence I have tasted has been in combat with a deserving opponent. Even as a kid being bullied by my peers for being different and strange. I have never lashed out in violence unwarranted because I know I am stronger than that.

Using my words was always drilled into me. Dad never wanted me to fight. He’d seen too much of the violence in the wars and he didn’t want that for me. He was a kind gentle soul, but he wasn’t there to stop the attacks. At first, I tried to lash out the same way. But the insults and manipulation made my stomach churn. Anything that just felt wrong made me nauseous, because “good girls don’t hurt people.” And, there I was, trying to be good while growing up in the Nine Hells. So, instead of fighting back I learned to endure.

I wonder now if the scars I have were visible if I would just be one big scar. There is one piece of it left though, the part that felt joy when I was able to love openly and without remorse or fear. I give that piece to you now as I face Cali and submit to her sigil. I have to be strong enough to endure whatever comes my way if I can ever have hope of feeling that again. Keep it safe for me.

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Day 15, one month before Opening Night:

Lilly’s head snapped up from the desk at the sound of a heavy set of knuckles wrapping on the wood in one quick whack. There was a piece of parchment stuck to her forehead and her mouth felt like she’d been chewing cotton balls as she peeled her tongue off her hard pallet. It took her a minute to realize she was in the office backstage in the theater Lucifer had blinked into existence as part of his stronghold the night he’d challenged her to write her own life story as a play.

“What the hell,” she mumbled, barely cracking her eyes open. “What day is it?”

“You've been at this for two days straight,” Lucifer said, looking at her expectantly.

“Huh? So?” she asked. A moment later her brain caught up with what he said and her eyes widened. “Shit!” she yelped and jumped out of her chair, ignoring the peel of her skin from the fabric.

She clambered over the desk, scattering papers, and pushed past her Guardian Angel as he laughed at her sudden outburst. She thumped her way through the hall to his room where she threw old clothes off to the tune of her cussing in every language she knew. She was bare-assed when Lucifer came in and gave a wolf whistle as she flipped him off and stole some of his clothes from the closet. He was taller than her, so she had to roll her trouser cuffs, but they fit her nicely. Grabbing a tunic and pulling it on, she heard the thump of her boots hitting the floor next to her.

A heavy hand hit her stomach gently enough not to hurt, but hard enough to knock her backward onto the bed. Had it not been for the fact that it was kind of a routine of theirs when she’d overslept or forgot she had an appointment, she might have wondered if he decided to break the no sex rule. She giggled a little at it anyway, which made him shake his head as he shoved her foot into one of her boots. He laced that one while she pulled on and laced the other before standing again. Next came the belt with her component pouches and another with her weapons. When he kicked her right foot out to the side a few inches, she leaned to give him access to her thigh to attach her extra dagger holster as she pulled her jacket on and grabbed her Bag of Holding from the dresser.

As soon as he let go, she was off running down the hall with him on her heels, whistling at her as she reached the door. She paused just long enough to look at him and he tossed her a patina and silver pocket watch with a long chain. She caught it in the air and opened the door to the tune of, “Bye, Luce. I love you,” summoned a portal to the Endless Maze, and vanished through it. Almost instantly her personal space was a buzz of activity. Her presence summoned a swarm of tiny Shadow Demons that flitted around, whispering and talking directly into her brain.

She usually had about a dozen with her, but in the Maze, the swarm tripled. It was jarring at first when the swarm had started to build. But, at some point, she’d gotten used to it.

“Good morning, children,” she said in a sing-song voice.

“Where are your horns, Miss Lilly?” a small voice asked louder than the usual chatter and she stopped mid-step in surprise before realizing what she’d done.

She’d changed clothes before she left the house, but she’d once again forgotten to change skin. At Lucifer’s place, she could be herself which meant she tooled around in her natural form as a Changeling. Outside of Gehenna she had to present as a Tiefling with snow-white skin, Azure hair, and two black horns that curved back from her hairline like scimitars. By the time she’d finished the thought, she’d shifted and she felt a couple of her little demons perch on them.

“You ready to go for a ride, kids?” she asked and was greeted with a chorus of squeals.

She chuckled to herself and sprinted into a flat-out leap, pushing herself off the ground, into a wall, and planting her feet. Propelling with her momentum, she leaped against the opposite wall and repeated until she was perched on top of a fifty-foot wall of jagged obsidian. She wasn’t very strong on her own and she didn’t like putting the kids in danger, so she tended to take the expressway when she needed to do a speed run through the Endless Maze.

She kept the pace as she jumped the gaps between walls, only stopping when she heard adventurers screaming. They did that from time to time, wandered into the maze for some fool’s errand and ran into something big and nasty. That time it was a Minotaur barreling down on a small group of seven. Two birds, one stone situation. She does a good deed and gets a quick ride.

Touching the ring on her middle finger shaped like a feather, she dropped from the wall onto the minotaur’s back and grabbed it by the horns.

“Hey, Larry,” she called in Abyssal making the Minotaur stop and rear its ugly head back. “Your mama looks like a Pit Fiend,” she cackled and he tossed his head from side to side, forgetting the adventurers completely and charging down the hall in the opposite direction.

Around the corner and down a long way, he ran headfirst into a wall and knocked himself unconscious. She jumped off his head before the impact and landed next to him gracefully. She cast a quick healing spell and the minotaur woke up a second later.

“You’re a bitch,” he swore at her in Abyssal as he got back up.

“You looked a little ragey back there,” she chuckled. “What happened?”

“Son of bitch adventurers woke me up,” he spat. “Traipsing through my area like they own the place, casting dancing light ball spells. Mother fucker, I just got off a triple shift.”

“Everything alright?” she asked and he shook his head.

“Drow sightings are becoming more frequent,” he told her.

“Fuck,” she swore in three different languages.

“That’s what Baphomet said, too,” he grunted.

“Alright, I’ll keep my ear to the ground and see what I can find out. In the meantime, do you mind giving me a lift? I’m late and I need to get to the Citadel side so I can open a portal.”

“Consider it done,” he said and lifted her up onto his shoulders. “Hold on.”

She gripped his neck and held on for dear life as the minotaur charged through the maze with a bafflingly accurate recall of the path. It would have taken her days if she’d gone through alone. As it was, it only took an hour. It was a little longer than cutting across the top, but at least by the end, she wasn’t exhausted. When he was at the edge of his area, he stopped and tossed her over a wall. She called out her thanks in Abyssal as she hit the latch on her pocket watch again to drop through a portal and into Destiny’s Magical Item Emporium, located in the Citadel of the ninth layer of the Nine Hells.

As soon as she landed in Malsheem, the portal closed. It was a risk every time she used a portal into the main part of the city, but Destiny’s magic was powerful enough to contain the ripple of energy that came from bending reality. She stood and brushed her jacket off to shake off the frost that evaporated in the baking desert air. When she looked at the statuesque, violet Tiefling, she was pursing her lips at Lilly and tapping her sandaled foot with one sculpted eyebrow in the air. Her hip-length black hair was tucked behind the two spiraling horns that stretched a foot above her head and her sharp forest green eyes were studying Lilly closely.

Because the vast majority of Malsheem was located under the surface of the plane to keep it safe from overhead attacks and the elements, most of the structures in the Citadel were nothing more than caves dug into the rock. Destiny’s shop was one of the few that had wood lining the walls to make it feel less like a cave and more like home. A perpetual containment spell was carved into the walls of the workshop to prevent any mishaps during experiments and, as the ripple of energy from Lilly’s portal settled, the glowing red of the symbols faded. Magical torches lined the corners of the shop, giving the area a soft buttery glow that flickered and danced with the air movement. It also had the added benefit of enhancing the colors of the gems and trinkets Destiny had on the shelves, as well as the silver-inked tattoos that adorned Destiny’s arms from her wrists to her shoulders that were left exposed by the thin, black material of her sleeveless dress.

“What?” Lilly asked as she took off her jacket and dropped her bag into the chair by the door of the workshop area of Destiny’s shop.

“You’re late,” she said.

“I know, I know,” Lilly replied flippantly. “Lucy says hello, by the way.”

“Tell him I said hi,” she said, rolling her eyes and coming over to hug her. “You smell like an angel in a wet fur coat.”

“I’m wearing Lucy’s clothes and I rode a Minotaur to work,” Lilly said bluntly.

“I meant you need to bathe, honey,” Destiny said with a chuckle and ushered her upstairs to the apartment she shared with her husband. “You smelling like that will drive all the customers away. I have some of your clothes in the basket on my bed.”

“Thanks, Mom,” Lilly called jokingly.

She was grateful to her friend for covering for her while she was in Gehenna, but she really was a mom sometimes and it made Lilly forget that they were only ten years apart in age. As Destiny put it, Lilly was a hot mess, but she was her hot mess all the same. Lilly adored her for her patience and inherent ability to call her out on her bullshit. In return, she provided Destiny’s life with randomness to keep her on her toes and entertained.

After a quick soak in the steaming water, Lilly was clean and smelling like the rose oil in the soap she’d used. Wrapped in a towel, she padded her way into Destiny’s bathroom with Lucifer’s tunic and trousers over her arm. When she pushed her way through the door, she was greeted with an eye-full of Incubus cock.

“Damn it, Braxahr!” she said, shielding her eyes from the trouser monster waving at her as he turned. “Put that thing away, please.”

“Last I checked this was my house,” he said, a sadistic smirk on his face as he swished his hips in her direction, adding the heavy slapping sound to the moment that forced her brain to picture him flopping around even though she wasn’t looking.

“You’re supposed to be down in the shop,” she said, rolling her eyes as she tossed Lucifer’s clothes onto the bed next to the basket and started digging through it.

“I burned a hole in my pants and had to change,” he said with a shrug, pulling on a heavy, black canvas kilt and, thankfully, covering the leviathan. “See you downstairs,” he said, thwacking her on the ass with his tail as he left the room.

Braxahr and Destiny were the closest things Lilly had ever seen to the idea of soulmates being realized and she’d gotten to see it all unfold up close and in person. It had renewed that childish hope that she might find someone that was perfect for her someday and provided a constant, nagging reminder that the idea came from somewhere.

“I saw your husband’s penis again,” Lilly said by way of greeting as she came downstairs in her standard black leather pants and a form-fitting black, sleeveless shirt.

“It’s under contract,” Destiny said without looking up from the delicate jewel-work she was doing at the front counter. “It has to be seen at least once a day by someone other than me.”

“Yeah, but why me?” Lilly whined. “He’s like my brother,” she added with a shiver of disgust.

Destiny gave a rather unladylike snort and set down the tools she was using to repair a crystal before setting it back in the center of the device she was working on. Spinning on her stool, Destiny crossed her arms over her chest and looked at Lilly with an amused expression.

“Because he knows it weirds you out,” she said with a smirk.

Lilly rolled her eyes.

“Ok,” she said and shook her head. “Would you like me to entertain you or would you care for some assistance, m’ lady?” she asked with a half-smile, over pronouncing the last word.

“Can’t you do both?” Destiny asked.

“Not today,” Lilly said after a pause of her weighing her attention span and excitability levels. “If I sit still for too long, my thoughts with turn very introverted and I’ve been doing that a lot lately. I need to keep moving if I’m going to be able to tell you about what’s happened at Lucy’s.”

“Good or bad?” Destiny asked.

Lilly made a noise in the back of her throat as her left eyebrow twitched.

“Oh shit,” Destiny replied. “Ok, you pace and talk, I’ll work.”

“Ok,” Lilly said and took a deep breath and braced herself because she knew the reaction that was coming as soon as the next words left her mouth. “I’m writing again.”

A myriad of emotions played across Destiny’s face as the gravity of that settled for a moment before happiness and pride started beaming through. She opened her arms to Lilly and gave her a hug as she whispered into her ear.

“Good.”

Lilly held it together for a few moments but the longer Destiny hugged her the harder it got. Lilly counted to five in her head, taking slow deliberate breaths to keep the urge to cry under control. It may have seemed strange from the outside, but Lilly understood the reason why receiving genuine support from her friends hurt so much. She wasn’t used to it and the feeling was overwhelming. It made her feel vulnerable in a way that scared her. Even though she didn’t want to, she backed up a little to break the embrace. She gave herself a few more seconds to collect herself before she began to speak, swallowing the tears before they could really form. With a hard blink, she snapped the elastic band around her wrist, the sharp pain enough of a shock to shake the thoughts swirling in her head.

“Ok,” she said, blowing out a quick, harsh breath. “So, what happened at Lucy’s.”

As Destiny settled in to start on her work for the day, Lilly reached into her hip pouch to retrieve a small vial of ground herbs and a small wooden pipe with a long black stem. Tipping half a thimble-full into the bowl, Lilly used a match from the tinderbox behind the counter to light it. She inhaled deeply on the smoke from the mouthpiece and held it in her lungs, rolling the taste across her tongue as she tried to distinguish the flavors as a game for herself to try and focus on something outside of her thoughts. After a couple for heartbeats, she’d managed to pick out the citrusy notes mixing with the earthy taste of the herb itself and a hint of peppery spice as she exhaled.

“Better?” Destiny asked and Lilly nodded. She wasn’t feeling the effects of the medicine yet, but she knew it would settle in after a few minutes to ease the tightness in her chest and help her relax without putting her to sleep or making it hard to move. “Should I ask Braxahr to go get food?”

“I should be fine for right now,” Lilly said with a grateful smile and Destiny snorted before tipping her head back a bit.

“When was the last time you consumed anything other than your meds and coffee?” Destiny asked with a skeptical eyebrow and Lilly pursed her lips together, not wanting to answer.

“Ummmmm,” Lilly said and then winced, bracing for the lecture.

“Babe!” Destiny called instead, eyeing Lilly with an irritated eyebrow, and Braxahr appeared a few seconds later. “Munchies?”

Lilly’s adoptive older brother sniffed the air in the shop, snorted a laugh, and shook his head as he disappeared again without saying a word.

“Sometimes I wonder if he laughs because he knows I’m in trouble,” Lilly said flatly.

“Uh-huh,” Destiny said with a smile. “He’s your brother, of course, he’s going to laugh when he’s not the one in trouble for a change.”

“He’s just still butt-sore over the goat incident,” Lilly said, trying not to laugh as she remembered accidentally turning Braxahr into a single-horned goat while attempting to recharge a wand of polymorph. As soon as it happened, she knew she was in trouble.

“He’s not mad about your turning him into a uni-goat,” Destiny said. “He’s mad about the rainbow-colored diaper you put on him afterward.”

As Lilly held up her finger to defend herself, Destiny continued.

“And then painted his horn gold,” she said and Lilly took another breath. “And dyed his fur green. And then sold him to an oddities collector him as an orc/unicorn hybrid. For five platinum.”

“Three of which I gave to him,” Lilly said, shaking her head. “If I’d known he was going to be pissed for this long I would have kept it halved evenly instead of telling him to keep the change as me paying my asshole taxes,” she explained as she smiled and her eyebrow twitched again. “Look, we both know that I am Chaotic. And the difference between good and evil is a matter of perspective. So, I’m just going to claim Chaotic Neutral as my alignment and accept the fact that I am an asshole.”

“You still trying to figure out a new Divergent Persona?” Destiny asked. Lilly blinked for a minute as her smile faltered before she caught it and shook her head.

“I got so lost in the last one,” she said, taking a deep breath as she felt her smile fall a little farther and her voice deepened into a more hushed tone. “I need to try being myself for a while. Try to keep the real me at the fore so I know what’s really me and not the character,” she explained and then took a moment to look at her friend more closely. Between one heartbeat and the next, she’d seen all of the echoes of their personal history. Stories lost to the threads of reality and cut off before they could be woven into tapestries. The tragedy of their loss made her want to cry, so she instead laughed a little and wiped her eye to quickly stem the flow before it got started.

“I’m sorry,” Destiny said softly, reaching over to touch her arm.

“I’m good,” Lilly said and her smile felt easier at the touch. “Dwelling on the lives never lived is great for writing stories. But, if I’m going to actually live the life I’ve been given, I need to wake up and pay attention instead of getting lost in the tangents.” She covered Destiny’s fingers with her own and squeezed them once before stepping back. “And besides, you have nothing to apologize for. You know I’m a Changeling and I had been trying to find a new persona to make it easier to hide. But I discovered something while I was trying to work down at Lucy’s. Oh, gods,” Lilly said suddenly and her eyes widened at the strange tingle in the back of her brain.

“What?” Destiny asked, concern instantly coloring her eyes.

“Spoiler moments,” she said and blew out a breath, keeping her neutral expression. “Ok, you and I have a lot of ground to cover. So, I’m going to need you to do what you do best, sissy, and keep my thoughts in order. Be my assistant director for a little bit. Because, if I’m being perfectly honest, I can take care of the writing, and I’m getting better with the direction portion, but I’m going to need a cast and crew if I’m going to pull this bullshit off.”

“Oh gods,” Destiny said, looking closely at Lilly. “You’ve got that look in your eye again.”

“Which one?”

“You’re serious.” Destiny looked around the shop to see it empty before flicking her wrist towards the door and closing it.

Reaching out with Empathic Embrace, Lilly actively tapped into the surface emotions of the sentient beings within 120 ft searching out for any negativity that was targeted in their direction. It wouldn’t tell her their intent, but it would tell her if anyone genuinely impassioned enough to cause harm. She’d kept it up for so long it had become a low-level hum in the back of her brain unless she focused on it. Sometimes she wasn’t sure how far her reach actually was, but she knew she could clearly read the radius if she concentrated. Unfortunately, her concentration was shit.

“Ok,” she said, looking at Destiny again once she was satisfied that there was no danger. “You are going to have to help me keep on a topic so the tangents don’t suck me in. I’m going to give you the basics and then I’m going to need you to ask me targeted questions to keep me going through the whole thing. By the end of this, I should have given you enough information to understand what I’m saying.”

“You’re writing again,” Destiny said, holding her thumb out and then adding her forefinger, “You just spent two days at Lucy’s. You’re trying to keep your head on straight so you can be serious,” she added with another finger. “And you’re talking theater terms,” Destiny said as her eyes widened a little. “You’re not just writing. You’re writing a script.”

Lilly smiled in genuine appreciation for the female before her. She may not have been Lilly’s soulmate, she damned sure was the closest approximation she had thereof. Mischief glimmered in Destiny’s eyes as she realized another crazy-ass scheme was brewing in the back of Lilly’s mind.

“It’s a script for now,” Lilly said, as her own smile echoed her friend’s. “Work first, mischief later,” she said trying to force her smile down. “It’s Lucy’s idea. I’m always racing to the end to get to the beginning anyway, so if I write it as a script first to get the key points I need to focus on, I can look at the overall story and be able to adapt it into a novel later. Start with the bits and build from there. Now, up until that point, he and I are in total agreement. Everything else is going to be a continuous uphill battle between the original stubborn asshole and his protégé. Including creative direction if it weren’t for the fact that I know he’s full of shit and will say anything to get his way. However, I also know that he knows how important this whole thing is to me so I’ve learned to read the ‘why’ behind what he’s saying so I know when to tell him to fuck-off and when I need to listen.”

“And how’s that working out for you?” Destiny asked.

“Let’s just say this,” Lilly said. “If I do have a soulmate out there, then they better have the same kind of work ethic as Lucy. Otherwise, they’re going to have to put up with the annoyance of me losing interest in a project because it loses the challenge. The only reason I know this project is different is that I know how little time the pages take read versus write. Yeah, it takes me hours to get through a couple of pages, but it only takes a couple of minutes the read them. By the time the show hits the stage, all anyone is going to get is the basics. They won’t see inside my head until I can adapt it into a novel, and even then. With all the crap floating around in there, the message gets lost in the details. So, unless I’m going to start off as a one-woman show until I have enough coin to hire a cast and crew, I have to start narrowing shit down. Lucy has dared me to write my own life story as a play. It’s up to me what genre I want to write for since life has no genre. With as much experience as I’ve had with tragedy, I could write tragic stories for the rest of my life and leave my own behind for someone else to write. Or, I can start writing my story as a comedy of absurdity and weirdness just by taking notes when shit goes down,” she said bluntly. “And, if I’m lucky, I’ll get to write an adventure all my own instead of trying to copy someone else’s.”

“Why does he want you to write your own story so badly?” Destiny asked.

“For the same reason I do,” Lilly said seriously. “To remind me of who I am when I can’t remember on my own. When I remember all the things I have accomplished, I remember that I have the skills to back up the confidence. But I can’t remember the skills I have if I don’t flex those muscles every now and then. I started out writing scripts because I was better at dialogue than descriptions. That’s why, even though I was smart enough to recognize at the time that they were shit, I kept writing them so I could remember what it was that I was thinking about at the time and grab the idea that actually felt right about the story I was trying to tell.”

“So, why not just leave it as a play?” Destiny asked.

“Because the play is only half the story,” Lilly said. “Every story has three sides. The writer’s intent, the actor’s interpretation, and the director’s overall understanding of the two. After that, you just have to hope and pray the audience understands the purpose in the work. Writing a novel is the same in the sense that authors have to play the audience as well and translate the thoughts between the lines as well as describe the setting. If I go back to my roots, remember how I learned to write a novel, then I should be able to do it again. If I apply what I’ve learned since then, I can do it right.”

“And how do you write a novel the right way?” Destiny asked, leaning forward on her stool a little with her brow furrowed.

“You keep trying until it feels right,” Lilly said, tilting her head a little. She’d thought that was obvious. “If it doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts. Definitely try to understand why it doesn’t feel right so you don’t keep running into the same issues over and over. But, if you can’t make it work, keep the bits you like, scrap what you don’t, and move on. Believe me, after a while you’ll have more scenes than you know what to do with. After that all you have to do figure out how they fit together. Which reminds me, we need to start keeping a list of clues.”

“Clues?” Destiny asked with a perked eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Lilly said, rolling her eyes. “Lucy is convinced that my story needs a touch of romance to make it more appealing to a wider audience, so now I have to pretend like I’m writing to my soulmate,” she said like the idea left a bad taste in her mouth. “If it wasn’t for the fact that I have seen romantic soulmates in action with you and Braxhra, I would have told him to blow it out of his ass. But now I have the nagging thought of ‘what if’ stuck in the back of my head. I have enough trouble loving myself. Why the hell am I going to try and conform to someone else’s ideas in the hope that they are my soulmate?” she shook her head and blew out an exasperated breath. She and Lucifer had argued endlessly on the merits of including romance versus letting her leave that bit out to focus on the action and message. Sure, it would be nice, but there was no way she was going to open herself up to that bullshit again. “As far as I’m concerned, from this point forward, sex is just exercise with the benefit of orgasm. Romance is just a game of manipulation. Love is what I feel for those who have touched my life for the better. Everyone else can help, burn, or get out of the way.”

“And the clues?”

“Lucy is thoroughly convinced that, if I examine my character well enough, I’ll be able to correctly identify my soulmate, so he wants me to write as if I am looking for them,” Lilly said, still warring with herself over whether or not she should. “Get used to talking to them so that, should I run into someone who is close but not quite there, I can feel the disconnect and move on before I get hurt again. Inoculate myself against romance by immersing myself in clichés. Unfortunately, Lucifer and I have a sexual truce at the moment, so the idea of exploring anything romantic is like nails on a chalkboard. I’m a Bard, which means my inner hussy is super-charged. Once I get turned on, I only have two speeds, ‘Yes, please’ and ‘Yeah, this is happening.’ For me to function enough to think, I basically have to stay in the ‘off’ position. With as easy as it is for Lucy to get me all hot and bothered, I have to keep the door to my office locked and only let him in when I ask for his help. Even then, he can’t stay for very long before memories start overriding the imagination and I start getting ideas on how best utilize the space in my office.”

“Ok, up,” Destiny said and Lilly looked around to realize she’d sat down on the stool opposite Destiny at some point, crossing her arms over her chest. “I know you want to feel productive, but you’re starting to shut down. If you’re going to stop acting like a crotchety old cynic, you need to start moving around and get out of your head.”

“Considering how irritated I get with my own hormones, you’re probably right.”