I didn't know if I felt relieved for myself or Rowan.

"Hey." Ryder smiled. "Sorry, I know Rowan's asleep, but I just had to come. I couldn't wait till morning."

"Would you like me to wake him?" I asked, pointing to Rowan's room. "But you'll have to convince him to sleep again."

Ryder smiled. "No. But can I see him?"

I smiled as I stepped aside, letting Ryder in. I watched him disappear down the hall as I took a swig of wine.

I cleaned up the coffee table, placing everything on the dining table when Ryder came back out.

"You were missed." I immediately screwed my eyes shut. "I meant, Rowan missed you."

Ryder laughed at my mishap of words as I shook my head.

"I'm sorry. I've had two glasses too many." I mumbled as I poured the last of my wine back in to a glass. "Would you like some? I can open another."

"No. It's fine."

"How was your trip?" I asked Ryder.

"Long, boring." Ryder answered as he leaned against the kitchen table. I saw him read the label on the wine bottle. "Are you celebrating?" He asked me, a weird look on his face.

"No. Just a treat after a long day."

Ryder arched his eyebrow. "Well, I came, I saw..."

I couldn't help but smile. "But no conquering."

Ryder pouted. "Nope. I'll swing by tomorrow, before you take him to day care."

"Rowan would love that." I said softly before gulping the last of the wine and placing the empty glass on the counter. "But, I think you should stay."

That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to say.

Ryder's face went to surprise. "Are you asking me to stay the night?" He grinned.

"I have a spare room, with a bed. But yes." I felt I had to clarify the situation. "I just thought it would be nice that when Rowan wakes up, you'll be here. He has missed you, tremendously."

"I guess I could take you up on the offer. We need to talk anyway. But what will your boyfriend say about that?"

I tilted my head. Is Luke my boyfriend? I never really thought if him in that way. "It's my house. You're Rowan's father." I shrugged.

Ryder opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, there is no trouble. We are just enjoying the pace we are at."

Ryder moved a bit closer to me. "What do you know about this Luke?"

"Please don't do this Ryder." I groaned at him. "I know you disapprove of it."

"That you're dating him or you're dating your boss?"

"I don't know Ryder. Probably both."

"Or maybe for the fact he isn't serious about you."

I let out a small laugh. "Is this the jealous ex talking?"

"No. I have proof." He snapped.

"What?" I growled. "Like the type of proof you had about me?"

"That's different, Rhea. You know that. All I'm saying is, he is sleeping with other women."

I kept my face straight, waiting for the punch line but when Ryder frowned at me, I realised that was it.

"You know?"

"I do now. So what if he is sleeping with other people. We aren't exclusive. We had a chat about our relationship the last time he was in town."

"I didn't want to see you get hurt, but obviously, you don't seem to, care." Ryder said as I picked up how intrigued he was.

I did feel a bit guilty about Ashley, but now knowing Luke is having sex with other people besides me, it made me feel slightly better. I might have to get an STD test done though.

"You haven't slept with him, have you?"

I kept my face still, trying not to give out any tell tale signs.

"No. You have and other men too." He snapped.

My eyes widened but I couldn't hide it.

Ryder turned in a circle, his hand running through his hair before shoving them both in to his pockets. "That's why you weren't shocked when I said it. That makes sense."

"Who I sleep with is none of your business. We are separated. I bet you've got a whole softball team or two tucked away with your charm." I snapped at him. I went to walk away when Ryder took my hand.

"Are you getting snappy because I've had sex?" He growled at me.

"No. But don't come in here, telling me that my apparent boyfriend is cheating on me, something I also did to him, then get all defensive because you found out I was fucking other people and not you." I narrowed my eyes as I pouted.

I gave out a sigh as I tried to clear my mind. I was so lost and confused and right now, hurt. I took my arm back to help separate the feelings.

"Look, I invited you to stay for Rowan. But I can also tell you to go. I don't want to fight. I've had a bit too much to drink and I want to go to bed, but you're right, we do need to talk. So have you finished saying what you need to say?" I puffed out.

Ryder nodded, moving his hand in a movement, telling me to go.

"This job opportunity that I have is in a few months time, and since you are Rowan's father, unfortunately for me, you have a say as well."

"What is it?"

"A radio host or speaker or whatever they are called."

"So if I have a say in it, it's obviously not local." Ryder said. "Where is it?"

"New York."

"No." Ryder snapped. "You only want to go there because Gabriel is there."

"Actually, she won't be by that time." I glared at him. "It's a good opportunity for me. But I haven't made my mind up yet. If it was just Rowan and me, I probably would take it. But you're a part of Rowan's life too now."

Ryder leaned up against a wall. "New York?" He pouted. "Couldn't you get a gig that's closer?"

"Like I said," I sighed. "I haven't made my mind up. You had a right to know and I'm telling you." I rubbed the bridge of my nose, taking my glasses off. "The spare room is already made."

Ryder arched a brow.

"Because I always have it made. Don't get cocky." I grumbled as I went down the hall. I checked on Rowan one last time and went back to the front of the house, locking the front door.

"I appreciate that you offered for me to stay."

"For Rowan." I added.

"For Rowan." Ryder mimicked.

I sat on the arm of the couch, my hands between my legs. "I only offered because Rowan missed you."

"You've said." Ryder smiled.

"No I mean it. He has been acting up, crying for you, having tantrums. Even his teachers have noticed the change."

Ryder looked surprised by what I said.

"He is a good boy. He is just having trouble dealing with his emotions."

Ryder came closer to me, stopping barely a foot away. "You sound exhausted." He said softly.

"I am." I whispered as I rubbed an eye. "I am exhausted. Raising an emotional toddler is hard. I had the day care call me the other day to come collect him early. He was only there for three hours."

"He does day care every day, doesn't he?"

I nodded. "It's expensive, but I have to, I work every day."

Ryder took my arm and pulled me up on to my feet. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Putting you to bed."

"I can do that." I snapped as I picked up my phone.

"Still liking the country music?"

"Its relaxing." I snipped as I went down the hall, turning the music off on my phone. I got to my door and turned. "You're sleeping in that room." I said in a stern voice.

"I know. Good night, Rhea." He smiled at me.

I blinked, slightly stunned at his soft tone. "Goodnight, Ryder."

I don't know why my heart was feeling like it was skipping beats. Or why I was holding my breathe. I went to see if any part of my was touching him, his hand on me or even a finger when suddenly, I was kissing him.

I don't know if I went for the leap or Ryder did it, but his hands went to my face, mine on his shoulders, scrunching his shirt.

We shuffled in to the bedroom, closing the door before landing on the bed. His tongue went down my neck as I gasped, my hands on his buttons, his on the straps of my singlet.

Ryder took his shirt and pants off, as I did the same, pulling a sheet up to cover us, his hands gliding over mine, holding them to him as we kissed.

I felt so energetic now, my exhaustion gone. I scraped my teeth against his lips as Ryder kept my hands pinned on both sides of the bed.

I had an overload of emotions and feelings that I tried blocking out, refusing to sift through them trying find which ones were really mine and which ones belonged to Ryder. I never felt anything this strong when I slept with Luke, even Ashley.

Ryder released my hands as one of his glided up my stomach, between my loose breasts and up my neck, covering half of my face as my hand went to under his arm and gripping his skin on his back.

I know I told myself I wouldn't do this, but, the urge is so strong and I'm sick of fighting it, even for a night.

****

"It's okay, sweetheart." Came the soft voice. "You aren't in trouble, Rhea."

"What has that woman done to her?" Came another soft voice. "She is supposed to be her mother, not her tormentor."

I heard what they said as I sat in the corner. "I'm sorry." I cried out, holding my knees and rocking. "I didn't mean to."

"Rhea, darling," a pretty woman kneeled down to me, placing her hands on me. I looked up at her, sobbing.

She smiled at me as she wiped the tears away. "It's okay. You're not in trouble." She said again. I slowly stopped crying. I felt so safe and loved whenever she touches me. I felt so happy and carefree, like I never have before. The love I felt was amazing as I kept my eyes on the pretty woman.

"I'm sorry Aunty Mary." I said in a whisper. "I didn't meant to break it."

Mary smiled at me again, wider. "It's okay, darling. It's just a cookie jar. I can always buy another. Are you okay? You didn't get any glass in you, did you? That's what I'm worried about."

I wiped my eyes as I shook my head. "No."

"Good." Mary smiled again as she pulled me up and wrapped me in a hug.

I always felt safe and warm, extremely loved whenever Aunty Marilyn holds me. A sense of belonging.

A sense of belonging. My dream faded as I slowly woke up. I felt the slight weight on my hip, just below my ribs. I felt warm and happy, content and it's been a very long time since I woke up, feeling like this.

My eyes fluttered open. Four years ago. I stilled as my eyes went down to the weight I felt on me. An arm.

That arm has an owner. I slowly tilted my head, but I couldn't see who. I didn't need to see who. I mentally checked myself out. I had a loose singlet on, my stomach exposed, and underwear.

I had Ryder in my bed.

I tried to move closer to the edge to get up, but his grip tightened, pulling me closer to him.

"Oh crap." I mouthed, closing my eyes.