Matt went and got himself some help. Jason told me he checked himself in a mentally ill hospital voluntarily. I don't know why though, he's not insane, but he chose to do it. I supported him fully. I visited him almost everyday. Anyone could see he was depressed. Hell..I was depressed. He told me by the time he gets released, that he wants me to choose who I want to be with.

Him or Jin

How could I choose between two brothers that I loved?

Jin and I haven't talked. In fact, he's been totally avoiding me. Jason had to tell me that Jin wants to see the kids every weekend. That's what we both settled for until Matt gets out.

He was going to fight for his kids.

But he wasn't going to fight for me...not anymore.

And it killed me.

I've been staying with Cindy to help me cope with all these dramatic changes that been happening in my life; two brothers fighting, one hated me and now my children are going from parent to parent. The only child that complained was Junior. He was terrified of Jin, so it's only Dream that goes and sees her father.

I haven't seen Jin for nearly two months. I don't know why he was treating me like this. Yes I get it, I should have told him the truth, but that didn't mean he could just ignore me like I meant absolutely nothing to him. He told Jason to tell me that he never wanted to see me again. And honestly...it hurt.

If he loved me why would he be so quick to give up on me?

I missed him.

All this depression made me gain so much weight. It was astonishing, I was way bigger then how I was in high school. And the weight didn't go well with my body. I was even too scared to step on the scale because the last time I stepped on it, I almost hit 280...and I know I gained at least 50 more pounds. I felt disgusting and all I could do was eat the pain away. My stomach was huge, my arms were huge and my rolls came back. I hated seeing myself naked. The stretch marks came back, the double chins came back and I just felt like an unattractive slob.

I often weep myself to sleep because of this.

~~~

It was almost the afternoon and I was expecting Jason to come pick up Dream to drop her off his apartment to spend quality time with Jin. So I got her ready. She was jumping up and down with excitement. "He's taking me bowling!" She cheesed. My heart skipped a beat. I needed to get information from her. So as I was buttoning her shirt I said "how is he? Is he taking anyone with you guys?"

She started playing with her hair and shrugged "no, but he wants Junior to come"

I looked back at my toddler. He was in his stool playing with his fruit snacks. He hasn't seen his father in weeks and I didn't want him to feel comfortable from that. So when I finished buttoning her shirt, I went over to him and asked him if he wanted to see his dad. He immediately shook his head. I tried to explain to him that his father loved him and would love to see him. He just sat there and stared at his snacks. I brought his face to mine "I'll get your shoes, and you can go with Dream okay?"

He poked out his lower lip and whispered "no"

"Why? He's your dad"

He shrugged "he makes you sad"

I stood up and gazed down at my son. He noticed? My three year old noticed? God what kind of mother am I? The last thing I wanted was for him to be mad at Jin because of my emotional side. "He's doesn't make me sad Junior." I said biting my lip. "But you know what will make me happy?" I said forcing a smile. Still frowning he whispered "what?"

"If you went to see him. Okay?" I said placing my hand on his shoulder; reading his face to see signs of any emotion. He just went back to playing with his snacks. I grunted and got his shoes anyways "you are going to spend time with your dad alright. Just for one day." I said forcing one shoe on his little foot. He stared yelling "no" several times. When I got the shoes on, he tried to take them off but I threatened to beat him. He knew I was fibbing, so the tantrum continued.

"Maybe we should let him stay home. The last time he was with us, he cried all day" Dream said covering her ears. But I shook my head "nope, he's going, I don't want any reasons for you guys not to see him, no matter what we go through" I said placing Juniors little jacket on him; he gets cold easily.

"When is Matt coming out?" Dream said pulling up a stool next to her little brother. "In a few days" I said already nervous; wonder if that hospital helped with his anger issues. She smiled "that's good. I miss the old him"

Before I could respond someone knocked on the door; waking up Cindy. You could hear her yells from he inside of her room. She strutted out, wiping her eyes. We stayed up the whole night watching romantic movies; we cried for hours ranting on about our sad love lives.

She wanted my brother back, but they never got a chance to fix things because he went back to college. I was stuck in a love triangle and now Jin hates me.

If I could go back in time and fix things, I would.

"God Someone better be dying, because it's too early for this" She said going up to the front door. "It's almost 12:30 Cindy, calm down" I giggled lifting Junior off the stool. Jason came early, he usually shows up forty-five minutes late when picking up the kids.

When she opened the door; Sophia's smiling face met us. She looked....like...the old me. Her hair was now dark and really curly. Her skin was tan, very tan and her body looked...amazing; slim, toned and very smooth looking.

She looked amazing.

But why was she here.

My first thought was maybe she wanted to see me, the last time I saw her was when Matt was about to blow her face off. I was meaning to talk to her about that but never had a chance to. She stared at both Cindy and I before saying "hello" then she reached out her hand to Cindy. My best friend just stared at it. Sophia rolled her eyes before giving me her hand. I slowly shook it. "Where's Quinn?" She finally said.

Stunned I looked at my best friend.

Dream slithered in between us and said "my mom is right here" she said pointing at me. Sophia's mouth dropped and she stepped back analyzing me to the point she didn't even blink. Her eyes widened like she just saw a ghost. I soon got uncomfortable. "Quinn...is that really you?

I hugged my shoulders "what's the matter?"

She shook her head like she just came back from reality "you look different-I didn't even realize-wow, did you gain weight?" She bluntly asked. She grabbed her chin and raised both her eyebrows once she spotted my belly.

I frowned; a hard lump got stuck in my throat and my insecurities came back. Okay I get it. I got fatter. She didn't need to look at me like....like....how she did in high school. Sadness erupted back inside my body and I honestly felt like crying. I was disgusting to look at I know.

"She looks pretty hot to me. Anyways the real question is why the fuck are you here?" Cindy asked stepping in front of me to hide Sophia's stares.

Sophia whipped her hair and placed sunglasses on. "Jin wanted me to get the kids. Jason is sick, and he trusted me to come get them"

What?

"Jin wanted you to do that? Okay he might be a little of a jerk right now..but I don't believe he would actually want you out of all people to-

"Uh, considering the fact that's he's my boyfriend, I'm pretty sure he wanted me to." She said very loud and clear.

My world stopped

So is that why he was avoiding me? He was too busy screwing around with..Sophia? Has she been around Dream? No, he wouldn't do that to me. He knows Dream did not like Sophia...he knows I did not like Sophia...so..I refuse to believe it. No..it can't be true.

Cindy started laughing. "That was a good one"

Sophia frowned "I didn't come here to get insulted okay. I just want the kids. That's all"

"Whose insulting you? I just find it hard to believe that Jin would give you a try...how delusional can you be? Now please leave my property before I make a fool out of you" she fired back

Sophia calmly took her sunglasses off "delusional?" She started to snort "says divorced one"

Cindy's eye twitched. You could tell she was about to explode but held her composure because both Junior and Dream were staring at her. It was like they knew what was about to go down. Sophia frowned and looked back at her car. There sitting in the passengers seat was...Jin.

He was there the whole time.

My body shivered once he came out. He didn't even move from his spot. He just yelled out "can you please let her get the kids..."

"Why don't you get your ass over here and get them yourself" Cindy barked back

He face palmed his face "I really don't want to fight alright. Don't do this in front of the kids Cindy" he ordered.

What the hell is going on? He literally isn't even making eye contact with me. Why was he treating me like this? I was the mother of his children, the woman he fell in love with..and now he's...he's..treating me like I don't exist?

Dream started tugging on my arm "can I go?" She whispered. Hiding my sadness I urged her to go to her daddy. She hesitated for a moment, but walked passed Sophia and gave Jin a hug. Junior stayed glued to my neck. He started crying when I tried to peel him off me. So Jin said "it's okay. He doesn't have to come"

And before you know it, he was already getting back in the car with Sophia and our daughter. I set Junior down and ran up to the passengers door. He rolled down the window and gave me an annoyed look "what?"

I bit my lip and said "I haven't seen you in months"

He leaned on the seat and nodded "I know"

"Jin, I know I messed up but....

"Quinn" he said now getting closer. I thought for a second he might just start apologizing for how he's been acting these last few months. But all that came out his mouth was "I like it this way, I've never been happier"

My face fell and my soul ripped out my body. He smiled and said "let me go. It's for the best" then he placed an arm around Sophia "kiss Junior for me okay?"

Then he left.

I stood there for at least five minutes. It wasn't until Cindy came up to check up on me that I broke down.

~~~~~

I laid on my bed crying my eyes out. Like I just don't understand, yeah I fucked up, but I don't deserve this. I really don't. He said he loved me and that he doesn't see life without me...but he's dating Sophia and basically rubbed it in my face. I suffered these months without talking to him and for him to say he liked it like this just had me shattered. He didn't even want to fight for Junior. He didn't even want to spend time with his own SON!

I hated him!

But I hated myself for letting him make me feel this way. I hated how sensitive I was. But this was too much. I just felt like killing my self.

Cindy had to take Junior away from me so he wouldn't see me like this. Now I understood why he didn't want to be around Jin. Watching your mom break down must be devastating.

"Get up"

I looked up from my pillow and my eyes widened in shock.

Jackson. He was supposed to be hours away in his university.

I didn't sit up but I did wipe my eyes to make sure I wasn't hallucinating "Jackson?"

"No it's the boogeyman, now get up" he said grabbing on to my feet. I grabbed the edge of the bed and struggled to stay in the bed. But he was way stronger then me, so he easily had me on the floor. I rolled off the bed like a burrito. "What are you doing?!" I screamed.

"No the real question is why do you look like you're pregnant with quadruplets?"

I suddenly got angry "you haven't seen me in months and you have the audacity to comment about my weight? stop fat shaming me!"

He gave me a serious face before pointing his long ass finger in my face "I thought maybe driving a few hours to visit you might be fun, I wanted to surprise you with this visit, but to see you in bed crying AGAIN, over Jin, has my annoyed."

"No one asked you to come see me okay? And I can cry all I want. I don't expect you to understand, you're not a female" I said as new tears started streaming down my face. He rose up and rolled his eyes "oh give me a break" Cindy soon walked in and shut the door behind her. I could already sense the awkwardness between the two divorced couple. My brother soon turned his attention back on me "this is sad Quinn. You look Huge, I'm so disappointed in you. All that hard work to lose weight and here you are, fatter then ever-

"Look-

"No, I only have a couple weeks off this semester, so you're going to get your ass up and head to the gym, stop crying over a man that will not fight for you. Dear god woman get ahold of yourself. Stop letting your children see you this way." When I didn't move he grabbed my arm and lifted me up "our mom didn't raise a bitch alright?" He then slapped me. "Snap out of it"

I glared at him and shoved him off of me "don't slap me okay? And you just don't understand"

He crossed his arms "oh?"

I could feel tears forming again. And Jackson slapped me again "why are you crying huh? Do you want to cry for the rest of your life? Are you weak?" He said now shaking me violently

"Why are you being so insensitive?" Cindy said walking over to me. She started hugging me and that fueled Jackson even more "oh Jesus Christ Cindy, stop it! She's a grown woman. A mother." He then flared his nostrils at me "You hate your body right? Well go fix it. I'm tired of you complaining about it. Stop crying over a man Quinn! You made a mistake! Fix it, if Jin can't see that then fuck him! There are so many guys out there that will-

"That will what?" I said now pushing Cindy off of me. I was enraged! He hasn't gone through what I did so how could he possibly understand? Doesn't he get it? The bullying was coming back. And now everyone that I love is slowly diminishing. "Who would want a fat beast like me huh? I'm overweight and I'm an emotional wreck! No one wants me!"

"Oh you're so pathetic!" Jackson said now grabbing onto my hands "What is crying going to do Quinn? Every time I come over and see you, all you do is cry! It's annoying. Like I said before, if a man really wants to be with you, there will be nothing stopping him! So shut the hell up with those stupid tears"

"You're one to talk" Cindy whispered under her breath. Jackson pretended he didn't hear her "think about your kids Quinn. Come on, you're a mom, set a better example. You can fix the weight, you can fix your love life, you can fix your issues, but you got to work on yourself first" once he finally let me go he slowly smiled "I'm your brother, and I'm going to support and help you. Just stop crying! Jesus! I don't want you thinking about suicide..."

Oh who am I kidding. He's right. I'm literally killing myself with all these problems. And who am I hurting most from this?

My kids.

I finally wiped my eyes and nodded. "Alright, help me"

Being sick with the flu wasn't a good feeling. I had to call off from work for a few days. I forced myself to get off the bed to go and see my baby brother. I walked to the kitchen to see Sophia at the breakfast table. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. She's been here a lot and I honestly hated it.

I don't know what Jin's plan was but I didn't like it.

Them together made me sick. I always disliked her.

I prefer Jin be with a man the be with her.

I didn't even greet her, I went straight outside and to my Jeep. Quinn and I were the only one visiting my little brother.

I didn't blame Jin for not coming. God if mom was still alive, she would be so disappointed in these boys. I felt like this issue could have been easily fixed. It wasn't worth losing a brother.

Once I got to the hospital, I went straight to my brothers room. He was allowed visitors; he wasn't as much of a threat as some of the people here. I still to this day don't know why he chose to check himself in. He wasn't insane, just heart broken. Maybe he mistaken that with insanity.

Quinn was his first love, and I believe that's why he took this heart break to heart. His poor soul couldn't handle it.

He was laying on his bed once I stepped in. He didn't have a roommate. He had his room all to himself. A small, empty room that had nothing but a bed, small fridge and a window. I don't how he could survive this.

But I had a mission to tell him the horrible news. Quinn texted me this morning and I had no choice but to tell my little brother.

Once he realized I was there his face lit up. "I can smell you before you even opened the door" He cheesed now sitting up. I pulled up a chair and sat down. "What's up, how are you?"

He shrugged "I'm getting better, that's all that matters"

"There was nothing wrong with you-

"Well, I think there is. Anyways the nurses have me on medication, so as long as I'm taking them, it will control my emotions"

Medicine? I don't trust this. "Let me see them" I urged. I slowly witnessed his face fall. "Can I get a hug first?"

"Why? I saw you yesterday. Don't tell me you miss me already" I joked standing up to give my pleading brother the hug he desired. "No, because I know after I tell you this, I know you wouldn't want anything to do with me"

My body suddenly got tense and I remembered that he wanted to tell me something before he sent himself to the hospital. "Oh god here we go" I said making myself comfortable on his bed. He silently breathed and before he told me the news I said "I also have some bad news to tell you"

All the color drained from his face and he started playing with his fingers. "You go first"

"No you"

"No you"

"This isn't kindergarten little brother...just go" I said squeezing his shoulders for comfort. I wanted him to feel relaxed. No matter what he told me, I would never hate him for it.

He cleared his throat and gave eye contact. I don't know how he was always able to do that, considering the fact he was blind. "Well...I-I didn't know she was in the house"

Confused I said "what? Who was in the house"

His shoulders slumped down and shrugged "I can't say it."

"Then write it down" I said already looking for some paper.

He shook his head "Okay. But tell me what you wanted to say first"

I frowned "that's not fair"

His leg started shaking uncontrollably as small sweat started forming on his forehead "please" he sounded like a little kid. I couldn't say no to that. "Promise not to freak out"

He nodded his head and kissed his pinky "I promise" he brought both fists under his chin patiently waiting for me.

I sighed and said "it's Quinn"

He stood up almost immediately "is she okay? Does she need me? Is she in trouble? What did Jin do?"

"No sit down"

"Tell me"

I asked for some water. He grabbed one from his mini fridge and gave it to me. I slowly drank half the bottle as he watched impatiently. When he couldn't take it any longer, he slapped the bottle from my fingers. "Jason, stop playing with me. Is she okay?"

"She is..."

He sighed with relief "then what's the issue?"

"She wants a divorce and for you to sign off rights from being Dreams and Juniors father" I painfully said.