《Seducing My Bully (BWWM)》Chapter 10-suicide
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"I'm sorry about them, they are assholes" Jin said approaching me. I couldn't help but feel the hard limp in my throat. I felt like crying. All three of his friends stared at me as if they wanted me dead.
....and it hurt.
"You alright?" Jin said grabbing on to my shoulders. But I shrugged him off and got back on the track. People were now walking around me as if I was a shadow. I don't get it. I haven't done anything to anyone and yet....
...I get treated like shit.
"Quinn talk to me" Jin said attempting to grab my hand but I wouldn't allow him. My eyes locked on his three friends who were still staring at us. Dylan had the most hateful look from them all. He truly scared me.
"Why are you with me?" I finally uttered out. Like I expected Jin hesitated; raising both his eyebrows like I just caught him off guard. "Are you sure you just don't feel bad for me? I mean you can have anyone you want. But why me? What makes me special?"
My boyfriend just stood there. He didn't avoid eye contact, and he didn't frown. Just had a line on his lips. I started to get anxious. But then he lifted his hand and placed it on my chest. Curious I asked him "you like me for my boobs?"
He chuckled "no silly. Your heart. That's all I needed. Everything about you is beautiful, I don't understand how you can't see it"
"But...but..I have rolls"
"Okay so? I love every roll in your body Quinn and that's all that matters." He smiled before grabbing my hand and placing a light peck on it. "So just relax. You don't have to worry about my friends, they won't bother you ever again" he said now clutching my shoulders and pulling me close.
I breathed a calm sigh and finally let out a smile. Yeah he's right. I shouldn't worry. He has my back, and he genuinely looks like he cares for me....
I stared back at the three boys. Dylan still had his eyes locked on mine. I started to get a really bad feeling about this.
~~~
For the first time ever, gym class went by so quick. Jin and I walked the mile which went by so fast that I was actually quite disappointed it was over. All we talked about was each other. He said he wanted to get married in a few years. I asked him about children but he shockingly said he didn't want kids.
Since his parents died he really didn't know if he would ever make a good parent. It was honestly heartbreaking to listen to. I don't how a human like him with a horrible past turn into someone so kind hearted and humble.
"We can have pets instead" he cheesed
"Are you implying you would want to marry me?" I joked
He slowly stuck out his pinky finger. Playing along I linked mines with his. He then slowly kissed both our pinky's and whispered "I promise"
My heart started racing and I felt my anxiety kick in. The way he said that just made me excited. How can a person get so turned on by such words. Maybe it was the way he was looking at me, or maybe it was his nice little smirk. I couldn't help but smile back. Even though we just started dating; I honestly did feel like we were going to last.
I didn't see much of Jin's three friends; Dylan, Zack or Nick. They just disappeared. I did notice Sophia. I forgot she had first period with me. She looked miserable today; walking by herself with arms crossed and head bent down in despair.
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So Jackson did end things with her.
Serves her right.
Once first period went by, Jin walked me to the cafeteria for lunch. I didn't order much, but he did; two giant hamburgers, fires, cake, milk, and some fruit, while I got some salad. Yeah I was still self conscious. The faster I can lose weight, the better.
"Here" Jin said giving me a piece of his cake. I shook my head and already saw eyes witnessing everything. It's as if Jin and I were famous or something. We had most of the attention in the cafeteria. "No thank you" I said feeling embarrassed by the stares. He set the fork down and looked around. Some stopped staring while other continued. "You really shouldn't care what people think." He said shooting angry glares at some students before turning back to me. I shrugged "well this world has its idea of pretty. And I'm just not it"
Jin gave me one of the most annoyed looks ever. I was about to apologize but he suddenly shoved the cake in my mouth. "What are you doing?" I asked mouth full of food. "Listen I know you're hungry, and that stupid salad isn't going to fill you up. So just enjoy me feeding you"
I gulped down the delicious lemon cake before whispering "did you not listen to what I said?"
He nodded "yeah, and it's annoying." He said giving me another piece. This time I took it and smiled. "I think you're perfect and that's all that matters. Who cares about society and it's idea of beautiful. Who gives a fucking shit. We are humans. God made us different for a reason"
I tried to make the information sink in but...
I couldn't.
He just doesn't understand
He doesn't understand being fat and lonely.
He will never understand
Five minutes into eating most of Jin's food; I spotted Cindy.
She was sitting by herself. One hand in her cheek and the other was playing with her food. Even though she was far, I could see she was crying. My heart started aching and I felt terrible. Jin noticed my sudden change and looked back at what I was staring at. Once he found out he whispered "why don't you go to her?"
"No"
"Why? she's your best friend."
I twisted my lips and shoved the whole hamburger in my mouth to keep from answering his questions. Even if Cindy and I did make up, all she would talk about was how bad of a guy Jin was. I didn't want her words to get to me. I didn't want to start believing that Jin might be using me.
As the bell rang, Jin took my stuff before putting his free arm around my shoulders "ready for English class?" He asked
I gulped. Oh boy. English class. A class full of the people I hate; Roxy, Dylan, Nick, Zack and even my brother. Yuck. But Jin's right squeeze on my shoulder actually made me feel better. So I was more then prepared.
~~~
We were actually the first few people to arrive. He sat down right next to me and grabbed ahold of my hand to calm my anxiety. "Oh and after school, we are going to have a talk about your cutting. I'm really concerned"
Instead of getting mad or defensive, I just smiled and nodded. "Sounds like a plan" I don't know how he could do that. Just look at me with those big beautiful eyes and have me be his slave. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to have sex again. I enjoyed it way too much.
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"Hey"
Jin and I both looked up to spot Roxy. She was hovered over at Jin's desk, giving him the most devilish facial expression. It made my skin crawl and I found myself mute. "Did you hear me? I said hey" Roxy said shoving Jin's shoulder. "What do you want?" He responded
She went for another shove but he moved his shoulder and warned her not to touch him. That totally set her off. She eyed me before glaring back at him "how can you do this to me? You never broke up with me Jin, you never did! So why are you fooling around with...this piece of scum?" She said pointing at me "at least have the balls to dump me to my face! Be a fucking man!"
At this point, students started piling inside the classroom, and all eyes were now on us. I sank in my seat when I spotted Jin's three friends join the crowd. Dylan had the biggest smile on his face as he was watching the scene.
Jin was the only one that wasn't fazed by this. He just had the most nonchalant facial expression I've ever seen. He was leaning in his seat with arms crossed not even looking at Roxy. His eyes were like looking through her. "Alright, it's over. Happy?"
There were a bunch of gasps but Roxy's was the worst. "What? Why?"
Jin shrugged "please don't let me say this in front of everyone-
"Go on and say it! Be a man!" She said now kicking his desk. He grabbed it from falling before groaning "Roxy...we are just not compatible alright?"
"And you think you're compatible with a cow like the girl sitting next to you? For Jesus christ Jin, look at her! She's looks disgusting." There were a lot of snickers and whispers. I felt like I was going to throw up. "She's fucking ugly! Fat and ugly! What's the matter with you?" She said now shaking in anger. Tears were starting to come out her eyes and she started sniffing uncontrollably. I suddenly felt my desk falling, I looked down to see the she kicked my desk down. I gasped. "Get up fatty and come fight me! You're a whore! Alright a whore! Go look for a man that's as fat as you and leave my boyfriend alone! He doesn't want you and never will!" She screeched so loud that my ears were hot. There were a lot of people that started instigating the fight, and that's when she marched up to me attempting to grab my hair. I started to flinch but stopped when Jin's arm caught hers. He shoved her so hard so almost fell on her ass. "I swear to god Roxy, try to touch her again."
"Or what!"
"Look I don't love you Roxy! I'd rather be single then ever date you again. All you care about is yourself, all you talk about is yourself! You're like a flesh eating virus, and honestly, I find Quinn more attractive So let's not go there. Just leave us alone, and I'm asking you nicely." He hissed.
Shocked Roxy attempted to walk over to him, but he turned his back on her and faced me. "You okay?" He asked. I slowly nodded. And that's when Roxy broke down. She ran passed the crowd and out of the classroom.
"Oh hell no Jin you totally lost it!" Dylan screamed out.
Jin jumped up "shut up and go take of your crackhead ass mom or something."
Everyone gasped once more before whispering "ooooooooo"
Dylan's face turned beat red and Nick I could see was tying to hold him back. "Just because you don't respect women doesn't mean I don't have to." Jin smiled before finishing off with a "dickhead"
I snickered. It was the way he said it that made me laugh. Dylan's eyes were blazing as soon as he heard me laugh.
I relaxed when the teacher walked in and told everyone to get in their seats. She had on a dress as well, but it was pretty large. Her rolls were more showy then mine. Don't know why but I felt good about that.
When Dylan tried to sit down, the English teacher grabbed his shoulder. "Excuse me sir, you're not going anywhere"
Dylan winced away and wiped off his shoulder in disgust. "Don't fucking touch me"
The teacher didn't look as hurt as I thought. She just crossed her arms "you owe Quinn and her friend over there an apology. I don't know what was the matter with you the other day but it was disgusting!"
"You know what's disgusting?" Dylan started.
"Dylan just apologize and shut up" Nick begged
"No! No I will not shut up. And I'm not going to take orders from a fat beast of a teacher like you" Dylan spat out.
Our teacher didn't even flinch at his words "I've been called worse. Either you apologize or I'll have you expelled. My husband is the principal so we can make this shit happen"
No way. The hot principal is her husband. Principal Frank? Tall, muscular, blonde and blue eyed beauty is her husband? Wow. That gives me hope on Jin and I.
I wish I was as brave as she was. The way she took Dylan's insults and how her posture was just so confident made me happy she was my teacher. "Are you going to apologize? Or just stand there like a pussy"
"What did you call me?"
"A pussy. What kind of man bullies another woman? You have ten seconds to apologize, I don't want your negative energy in my class-
Dylan whipped around and pointed his finger at me "Quinn you know what? I am sorry-
"You better mean it!" The teacher stated
"I do mean it! I am sorry for having to dare my best friend to date a whale like you. I'm sorry that you're just so ugly that he feels the need to not leave your side. I am sorry that you have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday and-
Jin got off from his seat, picked it up before throwing it right at Dylan. He ducked and the teacher screamed as the chair hit the board; leaving a dent. But Dylan continued "you mad Jin? You mad I finally told her we dared you to date her fat ass? She's FAT! Get over it! I will never feel bad for fat people. You want to be skinny? Well stop eating!"
The whole class started laughing
My heart was racing so quick that my vision started to get blurry.
So...he used me?
I turned to look for Jin, but found him racing towards Dylan. I stood up not knowing what else to do. That's when my brother walked in the class and swung his bookbag at Dylan. And that's when all hell broke loose.
Jackson's bookbag bag missed Dylan's head. Before Dylan can react, Jin pounced on him. They tumbled on the floor pounding on each other. Jackson started cracking his knuckles ignoring the teachers rants to not get in the fight. But he did. He started fighting both Dylan and Jin.
Sophia got up from her seat and tried to join in but Zack and Nick beat her to it. There was so much scuffle that everyone didn't notice me leaving.
So he did use me. Jin..left me. Who am I kidding, I'm not surprised. Deep down I knew. What man like him would want a woman like me. And what hurt the most was that I lost my virginity to him.
I started to whimper as I opened up the girls bathroom.
I found Roxy there hovered over the sink wiping her tears. She turned to me even before I could grasp that was her. She gave me the most hateful look "go kill your self. You would be doing the world a favor. No one would ever love a slob like you. Get that through your thick skull"
I froze and she furiously walked over to me and yelled it louder "go kill your self! Everyone hates you! I hate you!" And then she slammed the bathroom door in my face.
Three teachers and four male students had to pull me off the two men. I heard everything. Every fucking thing! All my fears turned out to be true. Jin was a no good lying bitch, and his friend was worst. So I had to make sure the marks I gave them would last them a long time. My shirt was ripped apart and my pants were falling to the point I had to use my hands to grip them tight. I didn't have a chance to see Jin's outcome because he ran out the classroom yelling out for my sisters name. As for his friend Dylan..he looked a mess.
Both eyes were blackened and I'm pretty sure his nose was broken. I didn't know who did it, but served him right. I pulled him off the ground and made him face me "say another insult about my sister again, and I will end your life. Try me." I threatened before shoving him back in the ground.
I then went out looking for my sister. I wanted to find her before Jin did.
And I did.
She was in the front of the school sitting on the bench. I walked over to her and faced her. Her face was dry of tears. She showed no signs of pain whatsoever that I questioned if Dylan's words really hurt her. "You alright?" I asked
She looked over at me and frowned "take me home"
"What?"
"Please"
I finally nodded and walked her back to my car. This time I allowed her to sit in the passengers seat. She said nothing during the whole ride. I tried to make things better by giving her encouraging words. "He's an idiot...he lost someone truly special Quinn..."
Long silence
She finally sighed "no...no he didn't. I'm not special"
"Quinn...
"Just please leave me alone" she said curling up in her seat, to the point I couldn't see her face anymore. I was fuming with rage. Yeah I may not treat my sister great but that doesn't give any man right to do the same. Especially stupid freshmen. Wait until tomorrow, I'm not through with them yet.
Once we got home, my mom was in the living room watching "Cheaters"
She looked over at us and immediately yelled out "you guys are skipping?"
Quinn just walked passed the living room and went upstairs. My mother gave me a horrid look "what did you do to her?"
"What?"
She stood up "why do you look like that Jackson? Don't tell me you fought her boyfriend!? What's the matter with you?" She said already making her way upstairs to join Quinn
Fuming I yelled out "he was just fucking using her mom! And it was proven today! I am the last person you should take your anger out on. Don't do this"
She just rolled her eyes and went after Quinn
I angrily kicked the couch and was debating on what to do next. I heard my moms yells "Jackson help me. She locked her door"
I sighed and pulled up my pants one more and strutted upstairs. I found my mom trying to kick down the door with her tiny foot. "Mom, you're so dramatic"
I watched as she sank down and tried to peek below the door "can you tell me what happened today? I don't have a good feeling about this" she stated.
"Ask her wonderful boyfriend of hers" I said crossing my arms. God I felt even disgusted not doing anything before. I should have kick him in the face while he was in the ground. I should have elbowed him in the gut. I should have kneed him in the eye. Fuck!
"Open the door Jackson...." she said now jumping up.
"How? It's locked!"
A sudden loud thud stopped our almost argument. "Jackson kick down the door!" My mom ordered now getting panicky. Shit even I was a little terrified. So I did. I kicked down the door with all my might.
And then that's when I witnessed my sister hanging. She tied a small rope around the ceiling fan and hung herself. I only had three seconds to look before my mom went into action and grabbed Quinn's legs. "Jackson help!" She begged.
I quickly joined her and tried desperately to keep my sister up. I've never held her up, but I could feel my back about to break at any moment. She was heavy. I was using all my might to keep her up...and then..the fan fell.
We all fell. Quinn's whole body squished our mom and I. But I didn't have time to gasp for breath, I quickly got out and checked for any signs of life.
She started fighting me. Fighting me like I was the bad guy. "Why couldn't you let me die!" She shrieked now fighting my mom too. I tried to grab her hands but she was strong when she was angry. "Why couldn't you just let me die! I don't want to be in this world anymore!" She wailed.
I grabbed Quinn's head and placed it on my chest refusing to let go until she calmed down. My mother struggled to stand up, and when she did she started shaking uncontrollably. "I..we..911..I have to call 911..." She said already racing out the room
Still stunned at what just happened, I fought the urging pain of Quinn now clawing my arm. "Let go of me!"
"Quinn...I can't believe you would actually try to kill yourself...." I cracked. I felt the need to throw up. I was in a state of shock and I honestly didn't know what to do but just keep her from fighting.
I could hear my mom screaming at the operator on the line downstairs. It was not until the paramedics finally arrived that I noticed the scars on Quinn's legs.
Cuts. Deep..deep cuts.
Oh how could I be so blind. My own sister was experiencing this while I...was treating her trash.
I could never forgive myself. Never.
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