Today is going to be the most stressful day I've had in a long time.

I'm supposed to go to school the whole day, go to ballet, go to therapy, then go watch Nate's hockey and then do my practice while he watches me. 

I couldn't even think about how overwhelming this was because the stress would nearly make my brain explode. This was the first day I was supposed to be back with my skating and my training, I was worried about how it would go for me and if I'd made the right decision.

To make up for the amount of time Nate and I were going to lose we'd agreed on the plan of watching each others' practices each night. That way we could support each other and I could do school work while I waited.

All I could think about was Saturday night and how amazing it was, how much thought Nate put into it, into us. It was all that was keeping me sane this morning, I wanted as many nights like that as I could get with Nate, I just hoped I could make it work.

The more I looked at my schedule, the more concerned I got. I know that Nate said nothing would change between us, I just hoped I could keep it that way. I'd lost two weeks of training and practice so I had plenty of ground to make up.

I wanted him to spend the night last night after her came over but he couldn't, it just wasn't possible. We'd been having too many close calls as it was with all the times Nate stayed with me. 

I felt lucky to have Nate, he was what kept me grounded and happy. I didn't feel like we spent much one-on-one time anymore, where no one else was around us. He was right about not doing anything too risky while other family members were around, it just made everything uncomfortable.

I almost missed the hormonal days we had this time last week where we'd make-out every chance we got. It made me feel young, carefree, it made me feel normal. I wanted that back, that playful, non-serious energy that we had. It felt like Nate had gone right back to being comforting and walking on eggshells around me. And as nice as him talking me down was, I wanted him back. I wanted Nate in ways I'd never even wanted another person before.

"You okay?" Nate asks leaning over to me at lunch, thoroughly snapping me out of my train of thought.

"I'm great, I just have a lot on my mind." I tell him and he nods.

"Are you nervous about anything?" He asks and I shrug.

"Do you remember how I said I was afraid of unknowns?" I ask and he nods. "This whole day is a shit ton of unknowns." He laughs a bit and nods, grabbing my hand under the table.

"I know it's probably pretty overwhelming." He says quietly and I nod.

"I'm just......I'm tired of being a problem." I tell him and he furrows his eyebrows.

"You're not a problem." He says quietly. "You don't have to apologize for your feelings Sasha, it's alright to be overwhelmed."

How on earth did I get so lucky to have Nate? He was always so good at saying things like that to me.

"I'll take it as it comes." I say quietly and he nods.

"Good, I'm glad." He says and smile, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Trying to eat here!" Adrian teases from the other side of the table and I laugh a bit, feeling heat rise in my cheeks.

Just as I start to get back into my conversation with Nate, I watch Irene walk into the cafeteria alone. That was really unusual, she'd been right by Micheal's side now for weeks. Her eyes suddenly land on mine and I can tell she's got a mission. She comes over to the table, fiddling with her hands.

"Can I talk to you?" She asks and I nod.

"Sure." I say with a smile and stand up, getting my things together. "I'll see you tonight." I whisper and Nate shakes his head.

"No, come find me at the end of the day and I'll take you to ballet." He says and I smile. It really made me smile whenever he offered things like that, it felt so sweet and personal.

"Alright, I'll see you then." I tell him and he smiles as I lean in and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Bye." He whispers and I follow Irene out of the cafeteria.

"Is everything alright?" I ask and she sighs. "Where's Micheal?"

"He's making up a test for physics." She says and I follow her right into the bathroom. 

"What's up?" I ask and she rakes her fingers through her hair.

"I think he's cheating on me." She blurts out and I furrow my eyebrows.

"You do?" I ask and she nods. "Why?"

"Because he takes all these mysterious phone calls all the time, texts people that he won't let me see and he's always really vague about who he's going out with or why he can't hang out with me." She says I feel momentarily confused, that just didn't seem like something Micheal would do to Irene. They'd been dating forever.

"And we still haven't had sex!" She says.

"Is he bad at taking a hint?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"It's like he stops it before it goes anywhere." She huffs crossing her arms.

"But you two have done.....other things right?" I ask and she laughs a bit.

"Not in over six months." She says. "It's like he doesn't want to kiss me anymore. And I've tried Sasha, I've done everything I can. The other night my folks were out and I put on the best underwear I had, I lit a whole bunch of candles and put rose petals everywhere! He walked in like it was any other day and asked my why I had all my candles lit."

I was a bit taken-aback by Irene's story, that seemed a little too pushy. Was that what it was supposed to be like? I seriously doubted it, that was even excessive for a chick-flick.

"Have you just asked him straight up?" I ask and she seems almost confused by that question. "You know just look at him flat-out and say 'I really want to have sex' or 'I'm ready to have sex'."

"I just feel like he should be taking the hint by now." She says and I shrug seeing how she could be right about that. "I don't know.....there's something else going on here, something he's not telling me. I can feel it."

Could that be true? Micheal really wasn't one to keep secrets, he was open and would tell anyone anything they wanted to know. But then I remembered almost two months ago the way he acted when I asked him if he had anything going on. Same type of thing, dodging the question, making up excuses.

"I don't know maybe I'm crazy." She says and I shrug.

"Well you do know him pretty well, maybe you should just ask him about what's going on? Maybe he's dealing with something completely different and he's just not reaching out for help with it." I suggest and she nods. "But if you feel really strongly about it, maybe just ask him about it."

"That's a good idea." She says. "I don't what I'll do if it's something really bad, we've been together for so long."

"It's definitely not." I assure her. "Try not to let it bother you." She nods looking at the floor and sighs a bit. Then a smile comes over her face and she gets this devious look in her eyes.

"So you and Nate huh?" She asks with a smile quirking at the corner of her mouth. "That's pretty exciting."

"Yeah." I mumble, trying to keep my cheeks from turning pink.

"That seemed like it all happened really fast." She says and I shrug.

"I....guess it did." I say, taking it in for the first time. I'd never really stopped to think about what was going on with us, or how fast we fell for each other.

"Well I'm glad someone's in love." She sighs leaning against the wall and I press my lips together. "Have you two....you know....." She says and I raise my eyebrows with a laugh.

"Oh, no." I say, waving my hands. "No we haven't."

"Are you going to?" She asks and I clear my throat. Why is this girl so focused on having sex?

"Someday." I tell her with an easy shrug. "When it happens it happens."

That wasn't really how I felt, but I knew I didn't want to plan it out. I just wanted to see what would happen between us, where we'd go and how I felt in the moment. When the two of us took that shower together I was almost ready to throw everything away right then and there.

"Well good for you Sash, I know you spend a lot of time focusing on skating. I'm glad you're getting to do something for you." She says and I nod, feeling happy to move the conversation in a very different direction.

"Me too." I tell her. "And don't worry, everything with Micheal will work itself out." She nods and gives me a hug that I'm not expecting, but I take it nonetheless. Irene probably didn't have many people she felt comfortable talking too, so I just accepted it.

The bell rings and I smile pulling away. "I have to go to class, but it was nice to talk to you Irene." 

"You too, thanks Sasha." She says and I wave, walking back into the hallway.

I thought about finding time to hang out with Micheal sometime soon, see if everything was alright. I hadn't seen him in ages and I really missed hanging out with him. I make note of it and try to figure out where I can squeeze him in, in my once-again busy life.

I went through my day waiting for the day to be over. I wanted to see Nate and spend time with him before we went off in our different directions. The second I see him, I walk over quickly and wrap my arms around him. He laughs a bit and takes my hand as we walk to his car.

"So what did Irene say?" He asks once we're settled in the seats of his car.

"She thinks Micheal's keeping something from her." I tell him and he nods, turning the key in the ignition. "She's worried that they're drifting away from each other I think, she told me they weren't physical very often anymore."

"Well, people do change." He sighs and I nod.

"Yeah, I just can't see Micheal keeping something from her. He's so open normally and I know how much he loves her." I tell him and he nods.

"That all sounds very stressful." He says, driving away from school. "I bet if they just have a good conversation they could probably work it out."

"That's what I told her." I say and he nods, reaching his hand over and putting it on my knee.

"Well it's a good thing she asked somebody smart what to do." He says and I smile feeling warm all over. 

"Then she asked about me and you." I tell him and he seems to perk up. "She wanted to know if we'd had sex yet."

"Why does everybody want to know that?" He asks with a laugh and I laugh too.

"I have no idea, but I seem to get asked a lot." I laugh and he gives my knee a squeeze.

"And what do you tell people?" He asks quietly, and I can tell we're only a few blocks from the studio.

"Not yet." I say quietly running my hand up his arm. "But that we will someday."

"I've been meaning to ask you about that." He says quietly, pulling over and parking. It took almost three times as long to get there by bus as it did when somebody drove me, so we had time. "We're you really serious, you know.....about what you said the other night?" He asks and I nod.

"Yeah." I tell him quietly. "I was."

"Are you sure?" He asks and I nod again.

"I really am." I tell him quietly. "I love you."

"We don't have to just because we love each other." He reminds me, holding my hand in his. "I just.....I remember it wasn't that long ago that you really weren't to sure about any of this. And I don't want you to make an important decision in a split-second."

"I'm not." I assure him, holding his hand in both of mine. "I've thought about it a lot. I know how much I trust you and that you care about me. It's a well-informed decision I promise." I plead and he nods. "I want you, and I want you that way. I know I'm inexperienced and that I don't know everything there is to know, but I've never wanted anyone else like that. I hope that's enough."

"Baby, of course it is." He says, cupping my face with his other hand. There it was again, that perfect word that I loved. "I just don't want to rush you."

"You're not rushing me." I whisper, shaking my head. "I want to."

There was a part of me that tingled deliciously when I could run my hands over Nate's chest. I loved getting close with him, I wanted to do this with him because I wanted Nate to be my first. I wanted him to know I trusted him way more than anyone else and that I really did love him.

"Baby you're special to me." I whisper and he smiles. "I know you don't want to put pressure on me but it's not like we're going to do it right now, or tonight, or probably even tomorrow."

"Probably." He says in a teasing voice and I laugh. "My folks are supposed to be out for the night on Saturday, I don't want to make a schedule or anything but, I figure with how busy everything's about to get-"

"No, I get it." I say quietly and he smiles. 

"I have to go to a game in the afternoon, but I know you'll be practicing then too. I'll pick you up later.......and then we'll see what happens." He whispers and I nod, kissing the back of his hand.

Nate was amazing, he wasn't expecting anything from me and him saying all of that was enough of a reason for me to go through with it. It made me feel close to him and trust him.

I still had ten minutes until my ballet class starts when an evil idea creeps into my mind. I undo my seatbelt and climb over the centre consul, sitting on top of him. He looks almost surprised by my forwardness, making me laugh. He undoes his own seatbelt and puts his hands on my waist, then tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.

"What's up Sash?" He asks quietly, dragging his thumb across my lower lip. I close my eyes enjoying the tender gesture, then I smile, kissing the pad of his thumb. 

"I just missed you today." I whisper, leaning my forehead on his and he nods, wrapping his arms around me and giving me a quick kiss.

"I missed you too." He says and I smile.

"Well you know....." I start, cupping one side of his face. "My class doesn't start for another few minutes." I whisper and he laughs. "Wanna make-out until then?" 

He laughs, throwing his head back and I laugh too. "Reusing my one-liners, hmm miss Petrov?" He asks and I nod. "I'm in." He whispers and presses his lips to mine. I feel my body heat up and sparks explode everywhere, the lack of space of the car makes it feel even more intense.

"I love you." He breathes against my lips and I smile.

"I love you too."