Sabrina is driving me up the wall. I'm this close to killing me or her, I can't take one more second of whining and complaining. I miss when life was so normal when I wouldn't have to think about my girlfriend before I did anything.

She was currently angry because I hadn't defended her honour at the diner the other night. I've never seen Sasha lay into someone like that. And the stuff she was saying was alarmingly true. About how Sabrina pretends to be important and special.

I was starting to really hate dating Sabrina, it just wasn't worth the headache anymore. She invited me to another family dinner tonight but I told her I couldn't go. My plan for the evening was just to walk around and try to clear my head a bit.

I walk until I come up on a coffee shop. I'm about to keep walking when I see a beautiful blonde girl in the window. Sasha's here.

I practically run into the shop getting a black coffee. It seems like she's doing homework but I can't help myself. Even if she yells at me to get away from her and leave her alone at least she'll be talking to me.

"Hey Sash." I say and she looks up with a blank look. She's always so unreadable, stoic.

"Nathan." She says quietly and focuses her attention back to her homework.

"We keep running into each other." I say and she rolls her eyes.

"I saw you double back and come in here." She says sounding unimpressed. "You're not a slick as you think you are."

"Not trying to be, I was just out for a walk." I say and she nods. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm studying." She says. "Dad thought my performance in rehearsal was adequate today so he let me go out tonight. By myself, to a coffee shop, to study." I nod and take a drink of coffee cringing at the taste.

"I blew off my dinner with Sabrina's parents." I tell her and she nods.

"Good for you." She mumbles looking at her laptop again.

"What are you working on?" I ask and she sighs.

"I'm um....doing research." She says and turns her screen to show a video of a girl skating. "I really want to land a triple axel." I smile and look over at her notebook.

I remember her telling me how badly she wanted to be good enough one day for that. I thought she already was.

"Right, I remember." I tell her and she nods tucking a piece of loose hair behind her ear. 

"Can I ask you a question?" She asks and I nod, excited she now actually wanted to ask me something. "Do you think I'm too stiff?"

"What?" I ask with a small laugh and she sighs.

"Kate says I'm stiff." She huffs. "I want to improve artistically but what if I just can't?" 

I didn't know how to answer that question it seemed like a trick. I say yes and I'm insulting her, I say no and I'm lying.

"I think you take this really seriously." I tell her and she nods not lifting her eyes from the paper. "The other night, when I was watching you....you had this blank expression. I can see you concentrating. But when you skated on Thursday with your own music, taking your hair out and doing your own thing. That was amazing." She looks up and meets my eyes for the first time in the conversation. "Sash, you do this the best when you're not overthinking."

"Thanks for being honest." She says quietly and starts writing down more notes.

"I think you can improve. You said what if you can't, you can. I've seen you do unnatural tricks and jumps in just a few weeks time." She shrugs and I sigh.

"So why'd you blow off your dinner?" She mumbles and I smile. 

"I just....I couldn't deal with Sabrina and her crazy parents. I know they don't like me and she's trying to force me into her world." I say and she closes her laptop.

"Why don't you just break-up with her?" She asks.

"It's not that easy, she's absolutely unhinged." I say and she laughs. I haven't seen many laughs or smiles come out of Sasha Petrov lately. "I hate to break it to you but we're kind of hanging out right now." She sighs and nods.

"Yeah, how unfortunate." She says and I laugh.

"I thought you said this wouldn't work?" I remind her and she shrugs.

"Nathan, you know just as well as me that I can't just be your friend." She says and I feel my smile fade away. "I'm busy and my family-"

"I don't care." I say shaking my head. "I think we're lost without each other."

"Excuse me?" She asks with a disgusted tone.

"You're struggling and so am I." I say and she rolls her eyes. "We used to be really good together, don't you remember?"

"Of course I remember." She says quietly. "I remember the day that you removed yourself from our club and my life."

"Look I know you're mad that I left-"

"Nathan I'm not mad that you left!" She says angrily. "I'm mad that you left me behind, that you got your new friends and suddenly we weren't close anymore. I needed you, and you disappeared. You made fun of me, of figure skating, two things you really used to care about."

"I know and I'm sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't cut it." She says quietly.

"Don't think I don't know that Micheal and Irene weren't the club's first choice for a pair." I remind her. We were already close, and practiced together constantly. 

"But....Sash I couldn't handle the pressure. We were having fun you and I, and your dad told you to get serious and for me to stop distracting you."

"He said that?" She asks in disbelief and I nod.

"He said you were going places and I shouldn't hold you back." I tell her and she looks completely taken aback. "It was clear to me that this was so important to you, that it was a big deal. I wasn't ready to take it that seriously so I left. I was tired of not being normal, of not having friends and a childhood when other sports would let me have both of those things."

"Well good for you." She says miserably. "Sometimes I wish I'd quit." 

"You can't say that, Sasha you're incredible." I tell her and she nods. "I think we need to help each other."

"What do you mean?" She asks. 

"I think the reason you're having a hard time really throwing yourself into it is because you don't have many non-family relationships. I don't know who I am anymore, I regret the friends I have and I want to remember who I used to be."

"You think us being friends is going to fix any of that?" She asks with a small laugh.

"Even if it doesn't what's the worst thing that happens?" I ask and she smiles.

"I lie to the police about why my dad just dug a new flower bed in the backyard." She says and I genuinely laugh. "You know you could lose your other friends like this right?"

"I don't care when the only one I really want is still around." She smiles a bit and looks down at the table. "I know it took me a while to come around, and I'm sorry for that. But I miss you."

"You don't know the person you're missing." She says and I sigh.

"Then let me know her." I beg and she remains her usual icy self. "Let's stay here, and talk." She reaches across the table and puts her hand out, I hold it in mine and she nods.

"Maybe." She says. "But if this gets too overwhelming....I can't keep going."

I could see her hard outside layer starting to fade. I knew deep down for Sasha that it really bothered her to be so lonely. By the sounds of things her parents weren't the most loving, she didn't have many friends and all she really had were her brothers.

"I'll respect that." I say and she smiles. This seemed like a business deal to her, like friendship and caring weren't things she really dealt with on a regular basis. "Can I come to another practice?"

"Don't push it." She says shaking her head and I smile. 

"So tell me something so I can get to know you." I say and she rolls her eyes.

"Well I figure skate." She says and I roll my eyes in return. "I'm just kidding, last week at my competition. When I went out to skate the long I....I don't know what happened. It was like the only time I can remember really feeling nervous."

"Well were you really down in the short?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"No but...I knew dad was waiting for me to blow him away. He was expecting it to be a straight forward win and it was like I couldn't relax."

"You can't put that much pressure on yourself." I tell her. "At the end of the day you should be doing it because you're really enjoying it. You'll skate yourself into the ground if you don't learn how to ease up on yourself." She nods and gives my hand a squeeze.

"I'm so tired of dad's yelling and criticism. I can't win with him, and he's ruining my life with my skating. I know it needs to come first but I never hear about the good things I'm doing from him. If it wasn't for Alex and Nik...I don't even know what I'd do." She sighs and looks at the table.

"And I don't even know why I'm telling you any of this when I haven't told you anything in four years. But it's just nice to tell someone, anyone. I don't have anyone to tell really and....I'm just so tired of being alone." She says running her other hand over her face.

"Well you don't have to be anymore." I remind her and she nods. "The best thing about figure skating used to be you." I hold my breath after saying that and she just smiles.

"Remember our car trips together? Our sleepovers?" She asks and I nod. "Those were the good old days." 

"I'm still available for sleepovers." I tell her and she rolls her eyes.

"Maybe you should ask your girlfriend how she feels about that." She says and I sigh with a shrug.

"Sasha?" I hear and turn to see Micheal behind us. "Nate?" He gives us a weird look and she looks horrified. "Talk about the reunion from hell."

"Hey Micheal." She says pulling her hand away. "W-well this shop is quite the happening spot this evening."

"I just came for a croissant pick-me-up, coffee here is absolute shit but they have fantastic baked goods." He says and blinks between the two of us. "So what's happening here?" He asks.

"We were just having a chat." She says and I nod. 

"Well Nate, wonderful to see you again." He says with a small wave and then leaves the coffee shop.

"Well great, now I have to do damage control." She huffs and I furrow my eyebrows. 

"Micheal's....dating Irene right?" I ask and she nods. "Don't take this the wrong way but, is he gay?"

"What? No, he's dating a girl." She says and I nod. "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know, just a vibe I guess." I say remembering the way he waved. "Maybe I'm crazy. And I'm not saying all men who have done figure skating are. I mean, I'm living proof."

"You're not gay?" She asks in a teasing way and I smirk.

"Ha-ha, very funny." She shrugs and I laugh.

"Shoot I should get going I need to be home soon." She says and I nod.

"How about I walk you?" I ask and she sighs.

"I don't know if it's a good idea." She says quietly.

"Well I don't want you walking around out there alone, I won't even come up your driveway." She smiles packing up her things and clears her throat.

"Fine, lead the way." She says and I smile.

The walk home is quiet, a comfortable silence falls between us and I keep my promise to stop before her family could see me get close.

"Thanks for the good night." I tell her and she nods. "You really turned it around." 

"Thanks for walking me home." She says and turns to go to her house but stops at the last minute and turns back wrapping her arms around me. I squeeze her back before watching her walk away out of sight. 

God I missed her.