I can't think straight, my head is overflowing with so many thoughts it's like I don't know which way is up. Why did he do all of that? Nate hasn't so much as spoken one friendly sentence to me in four years and here he is crashing my practices and wanting to be my friend again?

This much is true, I can't be friends with Nate again, it's just a bad idea. Besides what gave him the right to my friendship after the way he's been treating me? I just needed to forget about it, move on focus on my upcoming competition.

Ballet was always nice to unwind, think about anything that was on my mind. I could envision my jumps in my mind, my arms, my form.

All too soon the class ends and I'm leaving ready to take the bus home when I stop, seeing a familiar face standing on the sidewalk.

"Hey Sash." Nate says and I nearly pass out. "I knew you still danced here."

"What are you doing here?" I ask and he furrows his eyebrows.

"I was hoping I could take you home." He says and I laugh rolling my eyes.

"And risk my life for the second time today? No thank you." I tell him crossing my arms.

"Yeah I'm still new. Let me make it up to you."

"No thanks." I tell him shaking my head.

"Sash come on I'm already here-"

"I said no Nathan." I tell him grabbing more tightly onto the straps of my bag. "I can't do this alright?"

I still remember the first day he made fun of me with everyone else. The day I walked up to him at school and he just joined in the fun. I still remember the day he never came back to practice, and didn't tell me he was leaving.

We were as close as two people could be, we were young but he was so important to me. I didn't have many friends and I was so thankful to have him. We did everything together, we shared ice time, coaches. Then one day he just vanished.

Now he pretends he doesn't know me, that I'm a second class citizen in his world. That he doesn't know the first thing about a ballet lesson or a toe loop.

"Can't accept a lift from a fr-"

"Do not say friend." I tell him pointing my finger at him. "It's great that you've had this epiphany Nathan, that you've decided you shouldn't be so awful to me. But....this is fucked up. We're not the same people we were, or at least you're not."

"I'm not?" He asks in a frustrated tone. "I'm not the one who became something they weren't. Playing hockey didn't change a single thing about me as a person. I'm the same, you've turned into a robot." He says in a disgusted voice. "You used to be so....real. So great, and now you glare at everyone like you want to watch them suffer. You're not you anymore."

"Right and what makes you think you know anything about my life?" I snap. "You don't know me anymore and I don't know you so why don't we just leave it at that." I turn and walk down the street to hop on the bus, luckily one comes along pretty fast.

I feel one tear trickle from my eye and huff wiping it away. I haven't changed, I'm still the exact same person I was. And skating is what's important to me, not Nate. This whole showing up out of nowhere thing is not going to keep happening, we're not going to become anything.

I walk home from the bus stop and try not to keep thinking about it. I needed to sleep I was exhausted, early morning and a ballet practice. I'm wiped out.

Dad wasn't home yet thank god. He'd yell at me for a while, we'd talk about my routines and my practicing. I wasn't in the mood for it anymore.

Instead I start to think about what my life would have become if I'd done what Nate had. Would I have friends? What would it be like to have somewhere to go on a Saturday night? Go on a date?

I shake off the thoughts knowing they're just making me more upset. And take a quick shower getting my bag ready again for tomorrow and bringing my dirty dance clothes to the laundry room. I do a bit of work for a while getting some homework done but I need to stop I can't even think straight.

"Sash." I hear. "Sash!" I open my eyes and see Alex standing over me. I fell asleep doing my homework.

"Sorry, how long have I been asleep?" I ask getting up off my bed.

"A few hours, dad's running late he asked me to take you to the gym." He says and I groan.

"No, Alex I'm not going." I tell him and he laughs.

"Yeah and neither am I, I'm jail breaking you." He says and I smile practically shooting out of bed.

"Where are we going?" I ask. "Somewhere that I can eat cheese or starch?" I whine and he laughs.

"If that's what you want." He says and I smile pulling on my jacket. "I asked Micheal and Irene to tag along. Okay....well I asked Micheal."

"They're sort of a package deal." I say and he laughs.

Soon enough we're pulling up outside of a diner down the road. I'm so ready to go out, I had to earn my nights out usually and I was so excited to have one now.

Soon enough Micheal and Irene arrive and I smile saying hello to both of them. Alex informed me that Nik had a date tonight, his first one in a long time.

"It's so unfair that Nik can go on a date and not me." I huff.

"Well you're the pride and joy of our family, I don't know what dad would do if you got distracted by anything." Alex says and I laugh.

"Will you split fries with me?" I ask and he laughs. "I want a grilled cheese but I know I won't be able to eat it all." He frowns and I know what he's thinking.

I don't eat enough, I never have. Dad never let me, claimed I needed to be in the best shape possible.

"Sasha, can you come with me to the washroom?" Irene asks and I shrug sliding out of the booth.

"What's up?" I ask as we walk down the hall and she starts fiddling with her hands.

"Has Micheal seemed....off to you lately?" She asks and I shake my head.

"No, he's been pretty normal. Why, did something happen?" I ask and she sighs shoving open the door to the bathroom and checking that the coast is clear before saying anything else.

"He's never been that touchy-feely. I thought that might change as we got older but....now it's almost worse. He tenses up when I kiss him and...." She fades out and presses her lips together. "We still haven't had sex." I cringe listening to the details of my friend's private life but quickly recover.

"Maybe he just needs time." I suggest. This only confirms that I'm no good with social cues or reading the room. I've never looked twice at Micheal and Irene, I thought they were really happy.

"Look I'm coming to you because you know Micheal the best out of everyone we know." She says and I feel momentarily sad for her.

"Look, try not to get too hung up on it. I don't know anything about having sex or relationships but, you've been together for so long now. That must say something." I encourage and she nods. "I also know that Micheal is one of those people that doesn't always pick up on the subtleties of emotion. He thinks things through and he's methodical about how he does things." She nods like I'm making good points and I hug her.

"Thanks." She says and I nod.

"Anytime. I love you and Micheal together, I'm pulling for you in your competition this weekend." I tell her and she nods.

We leave the washroom and come back to the table and then I see it. Exactly what she's talking about, she gives Micheal a kiss on the cheek and he becomes a statue. How have I never noticed that before, maybe Micheal just had a lot on his mind with competition.

"You guys cool if I run to the washroom?" Alex asks and I nod.

"We're just fine dad." I say and he smiles sliding away from the table.

Everything's just fine until I see my worst nightmare walk through the door. Jake, Nate, Sabrina and a few other members of his group walk through the door.

"Well if it isn't the whole ice group." Sabrina says and they all make their way over to us. "So tell us ice queen, did daddy let you come out of your cell this evening?"

"Yep, all prisoners get yard time. Didn't you hear?" I ask and she looks disgusted that I even answered her. I didn't tend to, but I couldn't help myself. We weren't in class which is where she tended to pick at me the most. "Didn't think you'd be caught dead in a diner Sabrina, you know there's no foie gras or caviar here?"

"You watch it." She says crossing her arms.

"Or what?" I ask raising my eyebrows.

"I'll make sure everyone knows just how pathetic you are." She says and I roll my eyes.

"Well everyone already thinks that." I say with a calm shrug. "Are you going to tell them again?"

"I know people, watch your back ice queen." She says and I laugh.

"Well if I go missing, I think they'll know where to look." Then our food arrives and I take it from the waiter as he pushes through the crowd around our booth.

"Better watch all those calories, wouldn't want to not fit into our tights would we?" Jake says in a menacing tone.

"There's no need to go there." Micheal says angrily. "Why don't you guys just leave us alone?"

"Tell me Micheal, what's it like to only be friends with girls?" He asks and I huff.

"Jake, as much fun as this is why don't you go make someone else miserable for a while." I say and he shakes his head.

"Why would I do that when it's so fun to do it to you." He says and I roll my eyes. I look up to Nate and see he's just staring at the ground, not doing anything. I knew he wasn't that serious about becoming my friend again.

"Since when do you answer us Elsa?" Sabrina asks. "That's the most I've heard out of you in ages."

"My name's not Elsa." I say narrowing my eyes. "I'm just trying it out, but I've decided conversations with you are even more dull than just listening to your pathetic insults."

"You're the dull one." She says and I laugh.

"That's where you're wrong. Behind the make up and the two thousand dollar outfits there's an insecure, boring, plain girl who would be mortified if anyone knew how depressing she really was. The difference between you and I is that I own my dullness, you pretend you're shiny." I say with a shrug. I pick one of the French fries off my plate and toss it at her and watch her freak out.

"You bitch." She says.

"Get lost." I say and she huffs walking away. Her friends follow and I just roll my eyes. "Dealt with."

"Sash you did not just do that." Micheal says and I nod.

"What did she do?" Alex asks.

"She just told-off Sabrina and Jake." He tells Alex who smiles at me.

"I knew you had it in you." He says and together we eat our meals.

Then we're on the ride home and lean my face against the window.

"Alex." I say and he nods. "What do you think would have happened if I quit like you?" He sighs and I look over to him.

"I think you'd get to do stuff like go out with your friends more." He says quietly and I nod.

"Look I know all we talk about is me. I know dad doesn't ask you about what's going on in your life and doesn't care what you do anymore. But I would give anything to have more than three friends."

"I know, hang in there." He says and I nod watching the streetlights pass through the windows.

"Thank you, Alex." I say and he nods reaching over and giving my knee a small squeeze.

"Can I ask why Nate dropped you off at school this morning?" He asks and I sigh.

"He was picking up his skates, offered to bring me with him to school." I tell him. I leave out the part about Nate wanting to rekindle our old friendship.

"Be careful with that." He says quietly. "You know what dad gets like when you start to make new friends. And we both know what he'd say if you and Nate started talking again."

"I know, I promise we're not. I have no interest in talking with him."