"So, are you going to tell me what you and the ghost of Christmas past were doing on Saturday night?" Micheal asks and my eyes dart to my bedroom door.

Micheal came over tonight before practice to chat a bit, I told dad it was going to be about skating but I knew what he really wanted to talk about. He'd been texting me about it since the weekend wanting insider details.

"Micheal, shut up." I hiss and stand to shut my door. "What if someone heard you?"

"So you and Nate, back together again huh?" He asks and I shake my head sitting on my bed.

"It's not like that, didn't you see what happened today at school?" I ask and he shrugs.

My usual weekly routine was in full swing complete with its usual amount of teasing. Nate may have been keeping his promise to stop teasing me but it hurt twice as bad to see him pretend not to know me.

At the end of the day things would most likely stay the same. I don't know what I was expecting either, for him to sit with me at lunch? His new friends didn't know anything about his past, and I knew he wanted to keep it that way.

Except for Sabrina, she knew everything. It was like she kept tabs on him, on me, on the entire student population.

"Well that's only because the wicked witch of the west would have killed him on the spot." Micheal points out and I flop back onto my bed.

"I guess I shouldn't have really expected anything to change, huh?" I say looking up at the celling. "I mean what could he do?"

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" He asks and I groan putting my hands over my eyes.

"No." I answer truthfully. "But Micheal, I'm so.....boring and lonely. I need to change something in my life, change my steaks from winning a competition. Even if it's a bad idea and something happens, it might help me put emotion into my figure skating."

"I guess there's always that." He teases and I laugh. "Maybe don't tell him you're using him solely for figure skating."

"Yeah, yeah." I say and he laughs.

"So what were you two talking about?" He asks and I laugh running my hands over my face.

"Mostly about skating." I admit. "A little about the two of us when we were younger."

"Those were the good days." He sighs and I laugh, fully agreeing. "You two used to be so cute, completely inseparable."

"I know." I mumble. "We used to do everything together."

"I remember the first time you ever tried an advanced jump and you fell flat on your butt. You were really disappointed with yourself and your dad wasn't helping. He yelled at you and told you it should have been easy. After it was over Nate was there, helping you up and telling you he knew you could do it." He says and I smile.

"I think he really did care about you." He says and I shrug. "Maybe he still does."

"I doubt it." I say shaking my head. "He hasn't spoken to me since Saturday. Well then again I don't have many friends, is that what it's like?" I ask sarcastically and he laughs.

"No, it's not." He admits. "But I hope for your sake, it works out."

"I guess." I say, giving a very non-comital answer.

"So how's your practicing been going?" He asks and I huff.

"It's intense, as it always is." I tell him and he nods. "But I guess I have the stuff to show for it right? It's not all for not right?" I gesture to my trophy case and he nods.

"You do have the best record of anyone in the club. You've had the best scores every season and that's great. But, don't take this too personally, don't you think you work yourself a bit too hard?"

"No, what I do is the same level as top competitive figure skaters. That's where I want to be one day." I remind him. "I like skating everyday and ballet, I just wish it could be fun again. I wish we weren't doing the same boring patterns and it could be more....personal."

"So make it personal." He says and I furrow my eyebrows. "You said you're missing the passion or the emotion right? You don't get that back if you don't love what you're doing."

I consider this for a second, the times when I enjoy my skating the most are when I'm doing the things that I love. There's tricks I know score higher than others, there's techniques that I have that I know are more advanced. But yet I don't do them, because we do stiff tricks that have no flow.

"I don't even know how I'd do that, dad would kill me." I say knowing nothing good would come from double crossing dad.

"You could always talk to him about it." He suggests and I sigh knowing he wouldn't listen.

"Maybe I'll bring it up at practice." I say knowing I most likely wouldn't get the chance.

"Maybe you and Nate could work on some passion." He teases and I shove him to the floor.

"Micheal, you are truly vulgar." I say standing up from my bed.

"Oh come on, you don't expect me to believe that you never had a little thing for Nate back in the day, do you?" He asks and I roll my eyes.

"I don't have a thing for anyone, I'm not allowed to." I huff and he laughs.

"Have you ever even kissed a boy Sasha?" He asks and my cheeks turn pink.

"Of course I have." I say tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "A really long time ago....."

---

"I can't believe you won again." Nate says as we run up the stairs to his room. "It's no fair."

"Well you're really good too." I tell him as we walk into his room.

"Do you really think you'll go to the Olympics one day?" He asks as he sits down beside his bed.

"Only if you go too." I say sitting next to him. He smiles with a nod and pulls the picture of the two of us skating off of his nightstand.

"We've known each other for so long." He says and then frowns to look at me. "You don't think we'll ever....you know like each other, do you?"

"What do you mean?" I ask feeling confused. "I like you now, you're my best friend."

"No, like-like each other." He says and I shrug wondering much the same thing.

"I don't know." I tell him pressing my lips together. "Don't people who like each other kiss?"

"Yeah, like my parents." He says pretending to shiver and I laugh. "But I've never kissed you."

"Of course not." I say and he laughs making me laugh too. Was this the right time to tell him I really liked him? "But we've never done it so how would we know?"

"I guess." He says with a shrug. "Do you ever wonder what it's like to kiss someone?"

"Sometimes." I admit and he laughs.

"Well maybe we should see?" He suggests. "We're friends, who cares?"

"Isn't that kid of gross?" I ask and he shrugs.

"Just to see how we feel about it, you know?" He says and I nod.

"Okay." I agree and he smiles. I can feel my cheeks heating up with embarrassment, not knowing what to do. He leans in quietly and presses his lips against mine and all too soon it's over.

"I don't see what the big deal is." I say with a shrug.

"I know, it felt kind of weird." He says and I laugh. "Well I guess we know now."

"Nate, Sasha! Come eat cake!" His mom calls from downstairs and he shoots up off the floor. I smile and stand up with him.

"Race you downstairs." He says and I laugh chasing him down so we could sing him happy birthday. "It's no fair that you turned eleven before me." He says and I laugh.

"Maybe that's why I'm a better skater than you." I tease and we both sit in the dinning room as Nate blows out his candles.

---

"A long time ago sounds like childhood, Sash." He says and I roll my eyes as he breaks me from one of my favourite Nate memories.

"Who cares? Asked and answered your honour." I say and he rolls his eyes.

"I mean a real kiss." He says and I huff.

"You know I haven't." I tell him quietly feeling embarrassed. "I'm not allowed to drink soda or have real friends, so when would I have kissed someone?"

"I'm just saying." He says raising his hands. "And hey, I'm your real friend."

"You are, thank you for coming over." I say and he nods.

"Anything to hear the inside scoop on Nathan Carter's return into your life." He says and I laugh. "His girlfriend would throw a fit if she knew."

"I know." I say raising my eyebrows. "But we'll see if he even sees me again."

"I don't think he really likes her all that much." He says with a shrug. "I think he misses playing Russian roulette."

"Stop it!" I say hitting his arm.

"It's true!" He defends. "You've never seen the way he looks at you when you aren't paying attention."

"You're totally lying." I say shaking my head and I grab my bag getting ready to leave for practice. "Besides, I'd still need to actually see him again. I need to get ready for practice alright, but thanks for coming over." He smiles and gives me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. That wasn't out of the ordinary with Micheal, he did that with everyone.

"Anytime, don't burn the midnight oil too long." He says and I smile and turn to my dresser looking for an outfit to wear to practice, but I stop and turn back to him.

"Is....is everything alright with you?" I ask and he looks off to the side but nods quickly.

"Of course, I'm just fine."

"Everything's fine with you and Irene?" I ask finding a pair of tights.

"Yeah we did really well in our competition, we're looking good for-"

"No, I know you skate well together, that wasn't my question. My question was is everything alright with you relationship wise?" I ask pointedly and he runs his hand through his hair and looks slightly worried but quickly recovers.

"Yeah, we're just great." He says and I feel my face fall seeing him squirm slightly.

"Micheal, you know if something's wrong you can tell me. I wouldn't tell her and I really don't have any other friends." He sighs and nods.

"No, I know I can." He assures me. "But nothing's wrong I'm fine." I nod reluctantly and find a few other things I need for practice today.

"Okay, well you know I'm rooting for you two." I say with a smile and he nods with a smile in return. But there's something I don't like about it, it's like he's hiding how he really feels.

"Good luck at your practice tonight Sash, you'll do great." He says and waves opening my bedroom door and I wave back watching him disappear.

That seemed rushed, he's keeping something from me. Whatever it is it must be pretty big, Micheal's a pretty open person. I'm sure if he wants to say something he will. Maybe whatever it is is the reason Irene feels like he's so off these days.

I get changed quickly pulling on my outfit and pulling my hair into a tight French twist. I never wore my hair down, I thought it was so much more put together like this.

"Sasha! Are you ready?" Dad yells upstairs.

"I'm coming!" I call back grabbing my bag and heading for the door.

On the way to the rink I pretend to listen to dads words about perfection and hard work. I tune him out remembering what Micheal said. I needed to love figure skating again if I was going to make it personal.

When we get to the rink Dad immediately begins talking with Johnathan and I pull Kate aside.

"Kate, I need your help." I say and she nods. "All those great ideas you've had but dad won't let me do, I want to do them. To change my routine a bit, I need to loosen up and have fun with my skating." She smiles excitedly and looks intrigued.

"I'll brainstorm it tonight, I'll see if I can come in on Thursday and fix it up with you." She says with the same devious smile.

"Are you sure?" I ask. "What if dad fires you?"

"I'll quit before he has the chance." She says and I laugh. "Sweetie I know what's best, I promise I was you once too." I give her a hug and wave going to stretch and lace up my skates. I can see members of the hockey team filing out of the dressing room and quickly find a piece of paper from my notebook writing something down on it.

If I want to do this I need the person who made me love figure skating in the first place. I tuck the paper into my sweater pocket and wave telling dad I'm just running to use the bathroom.

I wait until I see Nate leave the change room walking alone and I make a spur of the moment decision to pull him down the service hall with me.

"Hey Sash, I'm really sorry I haven't been around but I couldn't figure out how to get in contact-"

"This is my phone number." I say passing him the paper. "Text me tonight, I need you tomorrow."

"Need me how-"

"Come to my practice I want you there." I tell him and walk away seeing a very confused Nate standing alone in the hallway.