《Solitude》A Solitary Summer

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Zeus ran like he was high on cocaine through the dog park, his tongue lolling out of his grinning mouth. He was more horse than dog. Loki was more of a trotter, he didn't run and he sometimes looked at Zeus and I swear he rolled his eyes.

He was the smartest damn dog I had ever met, not like I met a lot of them.

I didn't want a dog to begin with but when Jada and Aiden bought Zeus and he got too big for the house and the kids, I took him so he wouldn't have to go to an animal shelter. I thought I would be able to take care of him myself but that changed when I realised how hyper and affectionate he was. Meeting Oaklee was the best day of my life, and Zeus'.

A light breeze blew energetically through the full and green trees, it cooled down the blistering heat the sun was casting down on us. The dog park was busy today, that was bad all together and I regretted asking Oaklee to come to the dog park.

Other dogs ran scared of Zeus, like he was a monster that would trample and eat them if they got too close while Loki ignored everyone, basically growling if a dog tried to play with him.

He kept looking back at the brunette beside me, making sure she was okay. Her eyes flittered nervously and she was walking uneasily, like she was getting ready to run if someone so much as looked in her direction.

I knew it was a bad idea as soon as we stepped foot in the dog park but I so desperately wanted to follow the pasts footsteps, things we did together, to try and get her to remember. This dog park was an important play in our summer last year.

As couples, groups and lonely walkers went past, they smiled and tried to strike up a conversation, make a comment about the warm weather or our dogs.

"Amazing day, isn't it?" A man holding another man's hand commented, smiling widely while he looked between the two of us.

I heard the hitch in Oaklee's breath and I knew it wouldn't be long until she started to hyperventilate. Subtly, I guided her half behind, stepping forward so I was covering her whole body.

"It's really nice today." I replied lowly, glancing up at the clear blue sky.

Oaklee breathed in deeply and I could feel the anxiety rolling off her in waves.

"Have a nice day." I say quickly, holding my hand up in parting before pressing my hand to the small of her back and guiding her away from bodies. "It's okay Oak, you're okay. Just listen to my voice. It's Alex."

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Anxiety and confusion swirled in her brown eyes as she looked up at me, her breathing uneven and a frown downturning her lips. "How- why?"

"It's okay, just get your breathing under control before you speak. In and out. In and out. That's it. You're doing great, Oak." I cooed softly, a small smile gracing my lips when her uneven breathing slowed and became steady and regular.

I could still calm her down even though we didn't have the love and connection we used to.

"How...?" She panted lightly, staring up at me in shock.

"I know you can't talk to people so I take over. I look after you, Oak." I smile while looking down on her. She really is tiny.

I looked after her until I blamed her for knowing about her dad killing my mum.

"But... how did you know that?"

I try and suppress the heavy exhale that wants to escape. An ache formed in my heart at her confused expression. Why did I have to mess everything up? "Because I know you, Oak."

"Oh."

Don't cry. Do not fucking cry again.

This was all my fault. I deserved the pain, heartache and loneliness that installed itself in to my heart. Before I fell in love with Oaklee, I thought I was okay, like how she felt before falling in love with me. We were both empty shells believing we were going to be alone for the rest of our lives. But then we met each other and those empty and hollow parts of ourselves that we didn't even realise were empty filled. We made each other whole, becoming half of something we didn't even realise we wanted.

Now that she doesn't remember me, I know how much I love her, how much she means to me and how much I need her. I can't be without her. A part of me is missing while I watch the woman I love in front of me look back at me as if I'm a stranger.

"I'm sorry." She apologises, turning her eyes to the floor. "I-"

"Hey." I interrupt softly, trying to convey with my eyes how much I love her. "You don't have to apologise for anything. This is not your fault."

For a moment I see her, I see my Oaklee reaching out to me, staring at me with the same love and tenderness she did before the accident but then she blinks and it's gone.

My Oaklee is gone and I don't know if I'm ever going to get her back.

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"I feel bad though."

My heart breaks further at her confession. She feels guilty because of my mistake. Why did I have to jump to conclusions? Why didn't I let her explain?

I hate myself and I always will for doing this to her.

Gently, I wrap my fingers around her wrist, pulling her to a stop in our walking. "Don't ever feel bad." Her eyes meet mine. Her beautiful brown eyes. I become hypnotised every time I stare in to them, mesmerised by the brown swirls like chocolate cream. "This is not your fault. Oak please don't feel bad about not being able to remember, don't apologise ba- Oak."

She looks confused by my slip up and I nearly curse at myself for being so stupid and letting the start of the word slip out. Slowly, she nods, a small smile gracing her gorgeous face. "Okay. Thanks."

Despite the ache in my chest, I smile. My eyes find Zeus and Loki who are currently having a tug of war match with a large branch. "Look."

A giggle erupts from her after she turns and sets her eyes on the two dogs. "That is so unlike Loki!"

"Loki likes Zeus. He has done since the moment he's set eyes on him." I mentally thank the little dog for bringing us together.

"Who's going to win?"

I scoff, sending her a look of disbelief. "Um Zeus! He's basically a horse."

She nods thoughtfully. "I'm gonna have to support my little doggo."

"Favouritism." I chortle, covering it up with a cough when she sends me a playful glare.

"What was that?" Her hands rest on her hips while she tilts her head back, looking up at me.

I bite the smirk at out height distance. She tries to look so intimidating but she's like a little kitten, absolutely adorable and unthreatening. "Nothing. I had a tickle in my throat."

She hummed, eyeing me suspiciously before turning back to our dogs, gasping and jumping up and down on the spot. "Yes! I won!"

"How the hell did Loki get that branch from Zeus?" I ask incredulously, staring at the little dog who's swaying from side to side while walking with a large, thick branch that's three times the length of him.

"I don't know." She grins. "But I told you Loki would win."

I roll my eyes, allowing the smile to break through. "Yea yea whatever Miss Know-it-all."

She merely grins wider, sticking her tongue out at me childishly.

God I love her.

Grinning, I put two fingers in my mouth, creating a high pitched whistle. As soon as the noise hits the air, Zeus' ears perk, his tongue rolls out of his mouth in a wolf grin and he bounces over to us at fall speed.

However, what I don't expect is for him to jump on Oaklee. She shrieks, stumbles and falls backwards. Instantly and instinctively, I wrap an arm around her waist, catching her in a dip with a stupid smile on my face.

"We have got to stop meeting like this." I grin, staring down at her. There's inches between us and the last time we were this close was before the accident. Before I screwed everything up. Before I hurt her.

"Zeus needs to stop jumping up at me like a kangaroo." She giggles, her eyes sparkling in the sunshine, her hair shining and a huge ass grin on her face. She's happy. That makes me grin even wider.

"I mean if you weren't so short then maybe this wouldn't keep happening." I shrug, trying to contain my grin.

She gasps, poking my chest. "I'm a normal height. Maybe if you didn't look like you were wearing stilts all the time then I would look normal."

"Oh so this is my fault?" I tease, my eyes flickering between her plump lips that are pulled upwards and her beautiful brown eyes.

She nods sternly. "Exactly. We're both on the same page."

A laugh escapes me and I stand her up on her own when the need to kiss her becomes almost too much. I can't do that to her, it wouldn't be right. "Whatever you say, Munchkin."

She slaps my chest making me bark out a laugh. "Tinky Winky from the Teletubbies is actually ten feet tall so I'm just going to call you that from now on."

"Please don't." I groan with a laugh.

Shaking her head, a gleam in her eye shines brighter than the rest and hope rises in me. Does she remember? Please remember me baby. "Come on Tinky Winky, Zeus and Loki want to go."

And just like that the hope gets squashed.

Please remember me baby.

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